http://jeckles.shittyblogsclub.com/

I hate my job. I know… who doesn’t? But here’s the rub, I like what I do. I like my job description, I like the projects I’ve been assigned. I even like many of my co-workers.

But my peers, the other Network Engineers, they are ruining it for me. Of course, I can’t go around blaming other people for my problems. (I mean, obviously, I could… but then I would be like all those other assholes.)

It’s my own fault. I found an opportunity to design a very large project for the department. No one cares about the details, but our core servers are all on an outmoded platform. There had been discussion of bringing in consultants to migrate us to a newer platform, but the cost was prohibitive.

I looked at the situation and decided that it was possible for us to do this migration in house. I started scoping and planning the migration. I presented my plan to my boss and got her approval. So I presented this plan to my peers.

I had this stupid idea. This belief that they would somehow step up and take ownership of this project. They always complain that management doesn’t trust them with large projects. They always complain about be saddled with of date servers. This was gonna be a chance for them to solve both of these problems. As a team we could totally kick this project’s ass.

What was I thinking? Needless to say, that’s not how it went at all. Instead of a team effort, what I got was an assload of petty bullshit, resentment from my so-called team mates, and a bunch of assholes who were more interested in throwing a roadblocks, than finding solutions.

I should have seen this coming. I should have known better. And maybe if I had seen it coming, it wouldn’t have weighed so heavily on me.

I’ve been working on this for a year. And as of today I now have 2 sites (of 42) running on the new system and the infrastructure in place allow for the rest of the migration. This should be a proud moment. This is a real major accomplishment.

Instead, I feel tired, useless and generally miserable. The whole thing did not go as smooth as I would have liked, of course that is no surprise. I would have liked to have had a a team of eight engineers working on this. Instead, I carried the load with only grudging support from my “team.”

I first saw Ratdog in 1996.

It wasn’t because I was a fan, hell I had no idea who they were.

My buddy told me that we just had to go to Further Festival and who was I to argue. I was 24 years old and an all day hippie festival at the Virginia Beach Amphitheatre in June sounded ideal to me. To be real honest, I wasn’t that interested in the music. The only names in the line up I recognized were Bruce Hornsby and Los Lobos. I only new Los Lobos for their cover of La Bamba and Bruce Hornsby was a little bit ‘Adult Contemporary’ for my taste. I’d never heard of the Headliners, billed as the Ratdog Revue. I was going for the party. A bunch of hippies, outcasts and potheads converging to take the concert experience “Further” in the tradition of Ken Kesey. You know, the guy with Electric Kool Aid Acid Tests.

A few days before the concert, some one tipped me off that Ratdog was the name of the band fronted by Bob Wier and Rob Wasserman. Now Bob Wier I had heard of, the great rhythm guitar player of the Grateful Dead.

Six years earlier, I was in college. My roommate freshman year, Matt, was a true Deadhead. He had concert tapes for dozens of shows. I was familiar with the Dead, of course, Truckin’, Casey Jones, and Sugar Magnolias. But Matt’s tapes contained another dimension of the band that I had never heard before. Extended improv jams in songs like Fire on the Mountain and Eyes of the World. Matt would tell me all kinds of things about the band, perhaps he was trying to convert me. And I heard a lot of Grateful Dead music that year.

I had several opportunities to go see the Dead in the early 90’s, but I never did. I guess I kind of assumed that I would catch them on the next go around of the tour that seemed to never end. But when Jerry Garcia died in 1995, the Grateful Dead dissolved and I would never be able to see them live. I still regret that.

But in 1996,I was going to have the chance to see Bob Wier. I was excited, if I would never see the Dead, this would be the next best thing.

The festival was great. I had a wonderful time. And considering the amount of drugs and alcohol flowing, the people were incredibly laid back. No pushing and shoving, no rudeness, everyone seemed to be happy to be there and happy to be with each other. The music was pretty good too, especially Ratdog.

We had no idea what to expect from them, would it just be the Dead minus Jerry, or would they avoid grateful Dead songs altogether?

They opened with three good old Mississippi Delta Blues songs; Good Morning Little Schoolgirl, Howling and Wang Dang Doodle. Then they played the Dylan classic, Maggie’s Farm. As the music played my mind wandered back to my freshman dorm of all of those songs on Matt’s tapes the one I liked the best was Looks Like Rain. I loved the way Bobby and Donna sang and forth to each other at the end of the song. After Maggie’s Farm, Bruce Hornsby came back on stage and sat at the piano. I can’t express in writing the surge of joy I felt when I heard the opening chords to Looks Like Rain. I got up and danced. And for the rest of the night and continued to just feel the music and dance with it.

The band continued into a smoking version of rhythm and blues classic, Juke. Next a Bob Wier tune, The Winners and then into a nice Easy to Slip/ Supplication jam. A bass solo, featuring the Star Spangled Banner, set up Turn on Your Lovelight to round out the set. For an encore Bob and Rob came back out with Hornsby and Mickey Hart (and probably some others, but I’m not sure) and played Wilson Pickett’s In the Midnight Hour, Dylan’s immortal All Along the Watchtower and Buddy Holly’s Not Fade Away.

A few weeks later, I went to a Smashing Pumpkins concert. The crowd was rude and there was plenty pushing and shoving. Billy Corgan stopped playing in the middle of one of their most popular songs and threw a temp tantrum cause some one from the audience had manged to throw a glow stick up on the stage. The whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth. I swore off concerts, figuring that perhaps I had simply got too old for them.

I didn’t even consider seeing a concert for over ten years.

Yes, one of those days.

You know the ones? The kind where nothing really goes right. Nothing goes very wrong, but nothing really goes right. I shouldn’t even complain, there are a lot of people in the world who have it so much worse than me. But I can’t help it… today everything just seemed to be conspiring against me.

Where to start…

Work? Oh yeah, work is great. Well, not great, but actually shitty. Why? It’s hard to put it in words really, its more of a feel than anything in particular. For example, today we had our one of twice weekly project meetings. We got through the agenda, my boss said that we were done. I packed up my shit and went to my desk, cause I had shit to take care of. After a while, it dawned on me that the other Network Engineers were still in the conference room. My boss had left, I had left but they were still in there. They remained in there for about 45 minutes.

I don’t know what they talked about. What I do know is that what ever it was, they didn’t feel the need to consult or ask me about it. Nor did they feel the need to update me on what ever it was.

Wow. Don’t I feel like an important and integral part of my ‘team?’ No I don’t. Not even a little bit.

My made up club, the shitty blogs club’s domain name seems to be parked at godaddy. The fact of the matter is The domain name and hosting were gifted to me. Same thing for shitty blog radio. I think the SBC domain name expired. The SBR one will be next. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I’m not 100% sure why it happened, but I’m fairly certain that there is more than a reasonable explanation for it. Hell, I can’t complain about that part at all.

The problem is, since it I didn’t register it, I can’t renew it. Whois shows it as expired, but none of the registration places will let me purchase it. Is this because of a bit of lag in the whole registration thing, or did some one else buy it? I don’t know. I am powerless to do much about it. I could register .net domains, but I’m not sure if it is worth it.

The bigger issue will be when shittyblogradio.com goes… I can register the domain, but I can’t afford to replace the level of hosting I’ve been enjoying. I’m not sure what I am going to do about that either.

At the gym, I was just stiff enough to stop me from running well.

My car was in for regular maintenance, so I couldn’t drive home for lunch. So I skipped it.

So on and so forth.

Just one of those days.

I hear people complain about the injustice and the difficulties caused by the beginning of daylight savings time. I, on the other hand, couldn’t be happier about it.

I mean I hate having an hour cruelly plucked away from me in the middle of the night as much as anyone. And I get irked by the whole ’spring forward, fall back’ thing.

“How am I supposed to change the time?”
“It’s spring so we SPRING forward!”
“That’s wonderful but it doesn’t help me. Sunday Morning at 2:00 AM what time will it become?”
“What do you mean?”
“Will it be One or Three?”
“Three.”
“Why couldn’t you just say so.”

I guess I’m just to literal, but it’s much easier for me to remember what exactly it is I’m supposed to do, instead of have to decipher some cutesy little phrase.

Still, it’s worth the minor inconveniences.

The Beginning of Daylight Savings Time marks the end of my annual battle with the cold dark days of winter. Sure there will still be some cold, maybe even some snow, but it won’t last. Today I walked out of the gym at seven o’clock and it was still light. It gives me hope that summer will be here soon.

And I’m not a big fan of the Congress, but moving it 3 weeks earlier was brilliant. Way to go guys! Now if you can just address this stupid war and the failing economy, you’d be on the right track.

From me longer days signal the coming of spring. And spring means being outdoors. Camping, hiking, boating and backpacking. A few of my favorite things.

And suddenly, I don’t feel so bad.

I had plans for this weekend. I really did. They revolved around watching Sci-Fi shows I’d DVR’ed and reading comic books.

There were a few productive things I meant to squeeze in there, but I was ready to do a whole lot of not very much.

Of course, I should have known that couldn’t happen. I’m not very good at doing nothing. Saturday morning I reached the final straw with my PC. One too many little quirky things had happened. I had no doubt what the was wrong.

The computer is almost four years old. The hardware is still very usable, I over-spec’ed it when I bought it for just that reason. But in the course of four years who know what the hell I’ve installed and uninstalled on this thing. I’m a geek, a tinkerer and a bit of a hacker. If there is something new and nifty I’ve probably checked it out. Installed it, tried a few things got bored and forgot about it. The cumulative effect from that alone would cause issues sooner or later.

But let’s be honest. Not everything I do on this computer is exactly on the up and up. Nothing terrible, but I sometimes have occasion to go to undesirable sites and sometimes even brave a download or two. And sometimes I get more than I bargain for.

Whatever the root cause was, I was done with it. I took an inventory of what was installed that I actually use. (Which was a pretty short list compared to what was installed.) I moved the data that was on the C: drive to the external drive. And then I formatted the damn thing.

I seriously considered loading Ubuntu. There are some real advantages to that, but in the end laziness won out. I know what I need in XP and how to set it up pretty quickly. I didn’t want to spend the time or energy configuring Linux to see my mixer and get shoutcast working; or make it see the RAW files from my camera so that I can manage my photo.

I installed XP, the drivers, SP2 and pulled down a shitload of patches. I joined the PC to my home domain and then started installing software.

That’s when things got ugly. I was trying to install a piece of software that I had… ahem… lost the key to. I proceeded to visit some shady sites that might be able to give a key I could use… since mine was… err… lost. I wasn’t having any luck, so I downloaded a key cracker. I know that this is risky business. It wasn’t a cracker but a trojan horse. Fuckers.

To make matters worse my Antivirus engine (but not the definitions) is a couple of years old. It was one that I had a license from my last job. It wasn’t picking this thing up. I went to antivirus.com and used Trend Micro’s House Call to do an online scan. It was seeing the buggers.

I wasted no time downloading Trend Micro’s Antivirus software and installing it. It was able to get a bunch of the bastards, but some of them couldn’t be deleted. I booted into recovery console and got rid of them, but when I rebooted there were new ones. It went back and forth like this until I was able to find where it had changed the registry and hack it out.

At least I think I have.

And I haven’t so much as read a comic book this weekend.

I really am pathetic. For the last 9 weeks or so, I’ve been walking around, more often than not, angry, depressed and just plain miserable.

Today the sun comes out, the temperature climbs close to 70 degrees and I feel great. Everything is looking up.

Am I that much not in control of myself? The weather dictates my mood and I have no say in the matter?

It doesn’t seem reasonable. I think it’s been this way all of my life, although I’ve only recognized recently.

And for the last several years, I’ve asked myself the same question. If the gloom, cold and sort days of winter make me so fucking miserable, why don’t I just move some place that stays warm and sunny all year? Like Florida or Arizona.

There is no good answer. Except that uprooting my whole family and quitting a perfectly good job to move hundreds of miles away on the hope that better weather will cheer me up, just doesn’t seem reasonable. Yet… I still think about it.

There is no doubt that I will end up some place where the sun shines more often than not. It just may take till I retire and that won’t be any time soon.

At least, for now, I know that winter is nearing the end. Around here winter doesn’t seem to just stop and then spring magically starts. It seems more complex than that.

It starts with a day like today. A day that seems like spring has finally arrived. But I know better. Winter will re-assert itself. Spring will continue to pop up. Here and there. And each time, it will last a little longer, and winter will be weaker each time it tries to make itself known. Till finally winter just never comes back.

I can’t wait.

… but I think my chi is all fucked up. Or maybe it’s karma. Or maybe it’s just shit.

Things aren’t right, but I know that the root of all of it is me. There are some external factors fucking with me, but mostly it’s just me.

Nothing seems right. And I can’t fix it. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite. Whatever attempt I make to fix things, seems to make it worse.

Some times, when shit is off like this, I rage a bit and then feel better. But we’re well beyond raging. I don’t know what to do when this happens. (Yes, it has happened many times before.) So I get manic. And obsessive.

So far this week, I’ve updated my long lost forum. Well, a little bit. I’ve imported a number of Ratdog and Dead shows into my iTunes. Edited, organized and tagged several hundred photos. Researched alternatives for streaming my stupid radio show. Cleaned the kitchen. And all of that in my free time. I’ve spent most of my time at work.

Don’t think that it stops when I’m at work either. I’ve organized my files. Updated my address book and calendar. Updated all kinds of documentation.

Even my dreams are fucked up.

It’s this same manic behavior that leaves me with 4 or 5 blogs, a radio show, a forum, a (defunct) club and I don’t even know what else.

I don’t enjoy any of this stuff, I just need to DO something. Anything.

It doesn’t work.

I tend to interrupt myself to jump from one obsession to another.

I suppose this will pass, but I don’t know when. Consider yourself warned.

All the TV Weather Persons agreed, freezing rain would continue all day; effectively turning the world into a dangerous sheet of ice. All the schools were canceled. Then the government offices were shut down. Hell, my office even closed for the day.

And then… nothing. Nothing happened at all. It didn’t even rain. Much less freeze.

Nothing like a 3 day work week to throw a wrench into everything. I have no doubt that I will pay for this dearly next week. I’m also very glad that I did not put off all this paperwork till today like I was thinking about.

So I had a productive day of ‘organizing’ my iTunes, watching Doctor Who (Doctors 2 and 10) and generally doing nothing.

We did go hiking last week, and it was a great trip. I may try to find the motivation to write about it.

There should be a rule that limits the amount hype that local news channels are allowed to have about weather. The more they warned me away from go out in this freezing mess, the more I knew it would be nothing.

It happens every year.

I take my last backpacking trip in late October or early November. I say to myself, last trip till Spring…

And I mean it, when I say it.

I go on with my life. The busy holidays in December. The short, but cold and dreary days of January. And then it gets to be February. The days begin to get longer. There will be a mild weekend. And I get the itch. And it won’t go away.

Next thing you know, I’m packing my pack; wearing layer over layer of clothing; getting ready to go out backpacking in sub-freezing weather. This invariably leads to huddling in a sleeping bag, shivering, hoping to make it through the night with out having my extremities fall off.

Well, maybe it’s not quite that bad. But it gets cold. In this day and age, most of us just ignore cold. Cold is something we endure between the house and the car. And again from the car to inside of an office building, or grocery store, or whatever. But when you are out in it, with no where to go in to, it is a different thing. A persistent force to be reckoned with.

As I type this, my pack is packed and I have several layers of clothes laid out. I’m going backpacking. Tomorrow will get up to about freezing. On Sunday it will be warmer, in the high 30s, of course it will probably rain. Guessing the weather is aways hard. The mountains, even small mountains (like the ones we’ll be hiking this weekend,) keep their own weather. But I don’t think it’s gonna be pretty.

I don’t care. I can’t wait till late March. I’ve the itch. I need to get out there and be away from everything else. Even the huddling and shivering is therapeutic. It’s not much fun while it happens, but when you get back to work and deal with the everyday annoyances, they don’t seem so bad.

At least that is what I’m telling myself tonight. Monday, when I get back, I may have a different story to tell.

I do hate January. I hate the short, cold gray days. I hate that everything is dead. It’s a stupid time of year. One of these years, I’m gonna say, fuck it and move somewhere that is warm and bright. Florida, Arizona, Somewhere.

I get depressed. I don’t want to, but it seems to be out of my control. I’m sure this has to do with the general deadness of everything. And the lack of sunlight. Every year, I struggle through it.

On the bright side. I have a new toy.

After two and a half years and 100 plus episodes of Shitty Blog Radio, it seemed like it was time for some better equipment. It took me a few hours to get it all working, but after a good test drive tonight, I think I’ve got it.

Of course, new mic or not, Shitty Blog Radio will still suck. You can increase the sound fidelity but it won’t fix the content. You can (of course) tune in Thursdays at 10 PM EST to decide for yourself.

Work has been a drag. Budget cuts and bullshit politics have ground my project to halt. I am beginning to wonder if I am working in the right place.

So, to amuse myself, I follow the Ravens hunt for head coach and watch as the Patriots march on to history. And the good news is… by the time they get there, this god forsaken month will be over.

That last post was relatively upbeat. Mostly this is how I feel, but there is another side to all this.

I’m reminded of this as I sit here at a party, by myself, blogging on my phone.

In spite of my various successes, I still seem to end up alone in the crowd. I’m sure you think that I separate myself, but its not true. I really make an effort to fit in and be a part of things. It just doesn’t work.

So I find myself ending 2007 the same way every year ends. Sitting alone in the crowd. I’m doing my best not to let it get me too down.

It is, however, a reminder that there is still more work to be done in ‘08.

2007 is on the way out. In reality, this doesn’t mean much, but we seem to need to break up time into these imaginary segments. Why should I be any different.

2007 was pretty good to me. I got promoted and put in charge of the project that I felt I was suited for. I got to do plenty of hiking, even a few of those trips didn’t go as planned. And I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been.

Of course, it wasn’t perfect. But the good more than outweighs the bad.

As for the New Year, things look good. Who knows, maybe I’ll even find time to tell you about it.

I’m a dork. I know it. I can’t help it.

I am sitting here in my big comfy chair, tapping this into my new phone.

I took a break to eat breakfast and I think that may be the point.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that blogging irritates me. It seems to me, that blogging should be a way to share your life with the world at large. Instead, it becomes a ritual of sharing your blog with other bloggers.

You end up, at least I did, spending your time connected to your computer doing blog things. You can’t share your life, because you don’t have one.

It may be dorky to update your blog from your phone, but at least you can do it while you are out living your life.

I was going to post something.

I guess technically that I am posting something.

I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but it devolved into yet another rant about how I don’t really like blogging. And that didn’t really seem worth posting at all.

So Fuck It.

I’m just not feeling it.

A tale of two hikers.

7:36 AM

We pull in to a gravel parking lot and begin to get our packs ready for a 3 day hike that would take us from Blue Mountain (just southeast of Palmerton, Pennsylvania) to the Delaware Water Gap; where the Delaware River cuts through Kittinany Mountain at the PA-NJ Line. After some last minute adjustments and finishing our coffees; we start walking north on the Appalachian Trail.

Northbound would actually be more accurate. The Appalachian Trail stretches from Springer Mountain in Georgia to Mount Katahdin in Maine. Maine is obviously north of Georgia, but it is also considerably east of Georgia. The stretch of trail we plan to walk on actually runs West to East.

7:57 AM

I sit down on a rock to catch my breath and wait for dad. We’d only walked a half mile or so, but we had climbed nearly 400 feet. Like much of the trail in Pennsylvania, the climb was extremely rocky, not so much a trail but stepping from boulder to boulder. The mountain was covered in a thick fog this morning and visibility was limited. After a few minutes, Dad caught up. He didn’t sit down.

“Are you good or do you need minute?”
“I’m ready.”

We start walking. To our left, the trees opened up and an exposed outcropping of rock jutted out over the side of the ridge. Beyond the rocks there was nothing to see but swirling white mist. “Beautiful view,” I note to Dad before moving on.

The next time I would see my dad, he will be standing on crutches.

8:07 AM

After a stretch of trail that was more rock than trail, the trail improves. I pick up my pace to take advantage of the improved terrain. The trail dips and then climbs and eventually levels out at 1500 feet or so. The weather is gloomy, but the walking is good.

8:09 AM

Dad walks across a rocky section of trail, ahead he can see a better stretch of trail. He comes to a large boulder, it had a flat surface but was angled relatively steeply. He considers going around briefly, but instead steps on the boulder.

The difference between tragedy and trivia is so small that sometimes its hard to find at all. It’s difficult to accept that what will occur hundreds of times without incident, will occur another time with serious repercussion.

As he steps on the boulder one foot slips, he slips two, maybe three feet. His other foot, however, remains firmly in place. His left foot ended up laying next to his hip. Although he had felt a stab of pain when he fell, he isn’t in any pain as he lays there. He tries to lift his left leg, but it simply doesn’t respond. He calls out for help, but no one answered.

He picks his left leg up with his hands and moves it to a more natural position. He tries to stand up, but the left leg still isn’t responding.

8:12 AM

The trail is level and in good condition. I can’t believe it. Pennsylvania has a reputation for being rocky and treacherous. I had walked, at one point another, every step of the AT in Pennsylvania except for this stretch and had experienced the what seemed like every kind of rocky trail possible. I had expected this section to be as bad or worse than any of the others, yet the walking is easy and I am making excellent time. It looks like luck is on our side.

8:14 AM

Dad sees that his knee is beginning to swell rapidly. He rearranges himself so that he can lean on his pack and elevate the knee.

8:19 AM

I stop for a drink of water. I estimate that I’ve walked about mile since I’d stopped at the top of the climb.

8:27 AM

The swelling has gone down, but it is becoming increasing clear that this isn’t a problem that is going to get better by itself. Dad pulls his cell phone out of his pack and dials my number. It goes to my voicemail.

“Jeckles, if you get this message you may want to turn around. I’m in need of some assistance.”

He hangs up the phone. He knows that my phone would be turned off to conserve battery and that I’d have no reason to check it. It is unlikely that anyone was going to find him and even if they did, they wouldn’t be able to move him anyway. He needs help. He dials 911 and explains his situation. The 911 dispatcher took the information and says that the search and rescue operation will start immediately.

8:36 AM

I stop to take a drink. The trail is good, the walking is easy and I feel great.

8:42 AM

Ed, a 12 month employee of nearby Blue Mountain Ski Lodge, finds my dad. He radioes the others searching for him and soon they are putting a make shift immobilizer, made of cardboard on his knee. They bring a gurney and proceed to put him in it. They then begin to discuss the best way to get him off the mountain.

“You guys are gonna have fun carrying this 220 pound body off the mountain.” jokes Dad.
“What? How much did you say?”
“220 pounds.”
“That’s a shame, our limit is 219. Let’s go fellows, nothing we can do here.” retorts one of the rescuers.

9:02 AM

Five good old boys carry Dad on the gurney on the AT till they reach a clear cut that allows power lines to run to the ski lodge. They tie a rope to the gurney and slowly lower it down the steep slope that is the side of the ridge.

9:34 AM

After being lowered, Dad is put in the bed of a pick truck. They drive down a gravel road to the waiting ambulance.

10:15 AM

Dad is admitted to the ER at Palmerton Hospital. He is one of two patients.

10:37 AM

I take off my pack to take a break. I’ve walked just over five miles and there is supposed to a spring near here. I eat trail mix and jerky, while looking at the map. I estimate that we will arrive at the shelter around 2:00 PM.

11:02 AM

I’ve snacked and I feel rested, yet dad hasn’t shown up yet. He should have been here by now. I decide that if he doesn’t show soon, I will backtrack and see if he isn’t stopped some where behind me.

11:04 AM

The Carbon County 911 dispatcher tries to contact me on my cell. Volunteers coordinted by the Fire Chief attempt to locate me on the trail. They don’t know my exact location, but Dad has helped them to narrow it down to a ten mile stretch of trail, between where he fell and the shelter we planned to camp at.

11:21 AM

I grab my trekking poles, but leave my pack, and start back tracking. I reason that maybe Dad has stopped for to take a break somewhere behind me. I walk a mile without any sign of me. There is no longer any doubt in my mind, something is wrong. Dad is hurt or lost.

I fight down the panic and the urge to sprint down the trail that comes with it. My backpack, which has my cell phone and my car keys in it is a mile in the other direction. I decide that I will need, in all likelihood my keys and phone, so I turn around and walk back to my pack.

11:56

I return to my pack and immediately get my phone and turn it on. I check my voicemail first and hear Dad’s message. I hang up and try to call him but there is no answer. I leave message to tell him that I am on my way.

That panicky feeling begins to rise again, his call was from 8:27 he’s been hurt and alone for over three hours. Leaving my phone powered on,I strap on my pack and begin to walk as fast as I can. Before I’ve gone a half mile, I misstep and painfully roll my ankle. I fight down the panic, telling myself that I can’t help anyone if I hurt myself.

12:02 PM

The ER doctor gets the X-rays back. Dad has separated the tendon that connects his patella to his femur.

12:09 PM

I’ve walked a mile and still see no sign of Dad. I fairly certain he must be near where I had last seen him, but I have no idea what his condition is. I stop and try to call again. Still no answer. I call my voicemail again hoping to pick up some detail I had missed in his message. I discover that there is a second message.

“Mr Jeckles, this is Carbon County 9 1 1. When you get this message please call 9 1 1!”

I feel a sense of relief that 911 is aware to the situation, while at the same time it confirms my fears that Dad is injured, perhaps severely.

After a few attempts I am able to connect to 911. The operator seems to be aware of our situation and transfers me to Carbon County 911. The dispatcher informs me that dad has “wrenched” his knee and is at Palmerton Hospital. He believes that they will release him soon. He wants me to get off the mountain so that they get me to my father.

I tell him that my truck is about four miles from my location and that I can get there in about 2 hours. The 911 dispatcher would like me to be off the mountain, sooner than later. After a brief discussion, I help him pinpoint my location. I’m near a clear cut for a large set of powerlines crossing the mountain. He asks me to follow the powerlines down the north side of the ridge. He’ll have the Fire chief meet me at the road at the bottom of the ridge.

I follow a rough ATV track down the slope. Before I’ve gone far, the Fire Chief calls my phone. He confirms that he will meet me at the bottom. He says that it will take him 30 minutes to get there and that he will lose signal as he drives down the mountain. He will call me when he arrives.

12:15 PM

The trail I had been following ends. I start bushwack down the side of the ridge. This section is extremely steep and very overgrown. I consider calling 911 and telling them that I can’t go down this way, but in a funny way, I don’t want t let them down. So I push on. I can see below where another ATV trail picks up, I just need to get past the steep descent.

The further I go, the mover overgrown it gets. I slip and fall several times. I now know I should not have proceeded this way, but I’m too far down to go back. I have no choice, I’m committed. As I near the end of this steep section, the Fire Chief calls. They’ve spotted me and they are sending a local up with a “four wheeler” to meet me. All I can pitcure is myself strapped to the back of an ATV, but I don’t argue, I’m exhausted.

12:39 PM

I reach the bottom of the steep descent and begin to walk down the ATV trail. My legs are shaking from the exertion of the climb down to this point. I am bloody from countless little cuts from the brambles I made my way through. And I am luck that I didn’t hurt myself worse going down that slope.

I don’t walk far before I see an old Ford Ranger spring from the tree line. I throw my pack in the bed and hop in for a hair raising ride down the side of the mountain.

12:46 PM

We reach the road and I get out. The Fire Chief is waiting for us. He shakes my hand and looks me over. He apparently decides I’m okay.

“So… you guys drove all the way from Maryland to walk on a trail on this mountain?”

I have no doubt that he has no idea what the extent of Appalachian Trail really is, even though he lives within a few miles of it.

He drives me to my truck, and then I follow him to the hospital.

1:05 PM

After a little re-arranging, we get my dad situated in the back seat of the truck and begin the four hour drive home.

He will need surgery to put his knee cap back where it belongs, but he’ll be fine.

So I sit and try to relax, but my mind spins with work and other shit.

I can’t seem to clear it out. And it is times like this, that I get overwhelmed with a feeling of great futility.

Maybe there isn’t anything more to life than this. Just working on shit that no one cares about.

I spend hours and hours of my life doing things that few people care about. That few people understand.

Setting up an Exchange Server isn’t the kind of accomplishment that makes a deep and lasting impression on people. In the long run it is utterly meaningless. The impact I make on the world through my work is null. The impact I make otherwise isn’t much more.

I write these words that impact less people than my work does.

Somewhere in there, I suspect that there is a Zen simplicity to all of this that I am just missing.

Maybe making an impact is just an illusion. Maybe it’s just a matter of going through the process, not for others but for ourselves. Which process doesn’t matter, just going through a process.

If that is true, even the I know it, I can’t seem to separate the stress and anxiety of trying to succeed from the process.

Maybe I need to go backpacking.

It hit me around 8:00 PM Thursday night. I’d been doing it wrong. And I’d been doing it wrong all week.

What it was that I was doing, doesn’t really matter. It’s a mindless but tedious task that I had been doing to help out. The mistake won’t make any difference, really.

But still I had been doing wrong all fucking week.

And it was 8 o’clock at night. I’d been at work for 13 hours. Again.

And I started to question things.

Why do I bother?
If I’ve been messing this up, is it even worth it?
Things are still not caught up, even for my all my effort. Again why Bother?

I packed up some shit and went home. And I was in a foul mood. The few who bothered to tune in to SBR can attest to that.

My mood was no better in the morning. I went to work early, to make sure I was there and ready when the help desk opened.

My mood got worse as the day went on.

The CIO was going to buy us pizza, to thank us for all of hard work. And while it was a nice thought, I found myself getting angry as the same people who have been coming in late and ducking out early are the ones who can’t wait for the pizza.

I stayed and covered the phones while they ate pizza. I had no desire to be near them. The thought made me sick. Hell, the hour I was there by myself was the best one all day.

I could feel the overwork and lack of sleep catching up with me, and I knew that was really most of the problem. But my anger is real.

As a rule, I try very hard not to worry about how other people do their job, I do mine and I do it as well I can and leave it at that. But I’m finding hard to ignore that one of our Network Engineers, a peer of mine, has come in late and left early every single day last week. Our busiest support week. He worked, on average, six hours a day. To contrast that, I worked an average of 12 hours a day. I worked twice as much as he did.

It’s a fucking crime that our paychecks don’t reflect that. He makes significantly more than me. The joys of working in the public sector. Seniority trumps skill. I could complain to my boss, but she knows. She frustrated and doesn’t want to hear it from me. It’s not like she can fire him. It’s the public sector. Seniority trumps everything.

I don’t remember ever needing a three day weekend like I do right now.

Sometimes, I like my job. I really do. I get to do interesting work. The more that I do, the more my bosses come to trust and depend on me. I like that.

But of the engineers I work with, only one other works with the kind of dedication that I do. He support our WAN and works on his, mostly. The rest of us are a ‘team.’ One is working towards retirement and just wants to maintain the status quo. Troubleshoot the symptoms, ignore the cause. Another is not far behind him. One researches but never acts. Paralysis by analysis. One, as a mentioned works part time (or so it seems) and spends more energy figuring why a plan won’t work than look for the solution that would make it work. And the last hates my boss. He invests his energy into criticizing and undermining her.

Some team.

My plan remains unchanged. We are currently running a Novell Netware network. We need to migrate to Microsoft Active Directories. There are some budget and political issues, but it will happen. I can make it happen. These other assholes would sit around and wring their hands and figure out why it wouldn’t work. But I will make it happen.

And once I do, it will be my network, cause I will have set it up. More than that, putting a migration of an enterprise class network on my resume won’t hurt either.

Once it is done, I’ll take a look and see how I feel about my job.

It’s only Tuesday, but I’m exhausted. These long days at work add up.

I wish I had something interesting to add. but I don’t.

People keep asking me why I’m putting in so many hours. I don’t have to. It’s not required. But things need to be taken care of. This is our busiest time of year for support. So I stay and do what needs to be done.

But there is more to it than that. This time last year, my co-workers and I got overtime if we stayed extra. It was a nice perk, but really our jobs had no right to collect overtime. You won’t find many IT departments that offer it, especially to their higher level employees. The powers that be came to that conclusion, and made us exempt salaried employees. This means no over time. To make up for this, we got nice fat raises.

My coworkers, for the most part, have responded by leaving promptly at the end of the day and/ or showing up late for work.

This is not how it is supposed to be. When there is stuff that needs to be addressed, we should be there, taking care of it.

And I am. Think of it as a statement.

I’m not sure if anyone notices, but it is a statement nonetheless.

Last week was a long one. Not bad, but long. I can’t believe that it has been only seven days since I was at the concert.

Long hours and a hectic pace at work contributed to this. The fact that one of our ‘team members’ can’t seem to do his job, didn’t help.

I don’t know what’s up with this kid. He’s assigned to be the technician at some of the sites that I am assigned to as a Network Engineer. He won’t close calls. He seems to be paralyzed by the amount of calls out there right now. He works on calls that are more complex for days, with out elevating the call to an engineer or even asking any questions. When he does choose to ask, he sort of just tells me to do his job for him. Meanwhile, his calls keep piling up.

He doesn’t understand that there is more to his job than just knowing how to solve these issues. Unlike comparable positions at other companies, he isn’t assigned a list of calls. He pulls all the calls for his sites out of the Help Desk and addresses them as he sees fit. When things get this busy, being able to prioritize is paramount. He needs to let the complex calls sit (or elevate them) and take care of the simple calls. He should be able to close 15 to 20 calls a day. He is closing about 3 or 4 a day. Meanwhile 25 to 30 calls are coming in each day. This pace will slow down, but by the time it does, he will be in a very deep hole.

I’m not his boss, but I am ultimately responsible for these sites. If he doesn’t get caught up soon, I’ll have to go out there myself (and maybe pull resources from other sites) and bail him out. If that happens, I will have to explain to our boss why I’m out closing calls instead of working on my projects.

This just causes me stress I don’t want or need. I hate it when people don’t just do their jobs. I hate it more when it messes with my job.

One a more positive note, my niece is going to be a senior in high school this year. Her school requires that seniors arrange to have their senior portraits taken by a professional photographer on their own, instead of having one come to the school. I guess she didn’t take care of arranging this when she first found out that she was supposed to, and by the time she got around to it, the photographers were booked up.

My wife mentioned to my sister-in-law that I am capable of taking those photos. And they asked me if I could do it. Last weekend we went out to a few scenic spots and took some shots of her and a few with her boyfriend. I also shot a few traditional head and shoulder shots of her, but I don’t have access to a professional backdrop so I just shot her against a wall. I was able to use Photoshop to cut the wall away and put her in front of a background that looks very much like a pro backdrop.

I thought I did a pretty good job, but this isn’t the kind of photography I usually do, and I’m not really very good in Photoshop (I really need to take a class on it.) I began to become concerned that the photos would not be up to a professional level. I knew they looked good, but there is a reason people pay a pro.

I went to get some proofs printed so we could choose which pictures she wanted to use. When I came back to pick them up, the little girl at the store says, “I’m sorry Mr. Jeckles, we cannot print these pictures.”

I began to panic, I start to try to think of what I might have done that would have caused this problem. Did I do something wrong in Photoshop? Did I use the wrong format? I couldn’t imagine what I had done wrong.

“We can’t print pictures taken by a professional photographer without his permission.”

I smiled, thanked her and assured her that she had my permission.

I can’t think of a better compliment.

Today I had the pleasure of attending a mandatory presentation.

It was a motivational speaker. Even for motivational speakers, this guy was awful.

His dad didn’t love him when he young. That rejection stayed with him his whole life. He found that he pushed himself harder to try gain the approval of a distant and cold father. He became successful, rich and women loved him. But somehow it all seemed empty, useless like life had no meaning.

As I sat and listened, all I could think was my Dad was pretty good as far as dads go, but I’m not rich or powerful. Women tolerate me at best. And many days I feel like life has no meaning.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT?!?

Almost makes me wish my dad had been distant.

He recommends that I keep a list of affirmations and read them every morning and every night. So I created a list and we will give it shot, starting right now.

I am a great fake radio DJ.
I am a good blogger.
I rule at the help desk.
I can install an OS in no time flat.
I know more about comic book characters than many people know about their own families.

Somehow I don’t feel better.

It’s probably the weather. This cold rainy shit is making me wish I was dead. I really need to move somewhere that is always summer.

He also suggested having my own personal Mission Statement. I can’t believe we paid this asshat to come talk to us.

I don’t know if I’ll have time to play the Ratdog Set before SBR tomorrow or not. I’ll post something if I’m going to do it.

I’d love to tell you all about the concert, but I don’t have it in me right now. Maybe later. It was awesome though.

This week and next are the two busiest weeks for tech support at work. And, of course, management is always trying to find ways to maximize our resources to handle the onslaught of calls we get.

This year, the grand plan is too let the engineers handle the phones, so that the support guys can all be in the field closing calls.

On paper, it’s a good plan. The reality is the support guys will, to various degrees, slack and not keep up with the pace and that some of these engineers aren’t cut out for phone support.

The number one job in phone support, at my job any how, is to address small simple problems and to create calls for larger problems and then route them to the appropriate group. I had to cover the desk for an hour (or so) on Monday and all day today. The engineers I was working with did not get it. They would try trouble shoot complex calls over the phone. I looked over at one point and saw the other engineer logged into a server checking something.

Not me. I can reset your password. I can tell you to make sure there isn’t a floppy in the a: drive when you try to boot up. I can check to see if your user has the correct rights. Anything else: “I’ll create a call for you and forward it to the right people who will help you shortly!”

These guys will help one or two users in an hour. But others will ring through to the voicemail. Users hate the voicemail.

I guess a lot of these guys think that doing this is beneath them and they don’t want to do it. Not me. I think it’s a blast. It’s easy work. I get laugh at the users. And I have fun with it. We have a bunch of seasonal help coming back right now. Many of them already have accounts, but they forget the password.

“Tech Services, this is Jeckles.”
“Uh… yeah. I think there is problem with my computer.”
“Go ahead.”
“Well. I try to login and I get an error.”
“Does the error say ‘make sure you used the correct password’ or does it say ‘I can’t find the server?’”
“It was saying check your password, but now it’s saying my account is locked.”
“Sounds like you haven’t used the correct password.”
“I think I may have forgot it.”
“Forgot it? Do you know that you are the first call for a forgotten password that I’ve had this week?”
“Really?”
“No. I’ve unlocked your account and changed your password to ‘password.’ It will prompt you to change it to something else when you login. Have a nice day!”

I’ll be on the desk all day tomorrow and three days next week. And I’ve been staying late so that I can catch up on the rest of my work. So I’m tired, but it’s okay.

If I have time on Thursday, I may broadcast the Ratdog set before SBR. Perhaps around 7:30 PM EST. If you are interested, that’s awesome. If not, who cares.

Thanks for calling the Help Desk!

It seems odd to even to talk about it, but I’m going on a Road Trip. But just about any measure, I’m too old for this, but it is exactly what I am doing any how.

Shutter and I will hop in the truck Saturday morning and and drive for about 4 hours till we reach the Mountain Laurel Pavilion, located in Bum Fucked Pennsyltucky. It is there that we will watch Ratdog and the Allman Brothers, who are sharing the bill. I’m very excited about Ratdog, I saw them in 1996 and loved it. By all accounts, the band has done nothing but get better since then. I’m not really an Allman Brothers fan, but they are reputed to be one of the best live bands out there.

I’m excited and a bit nervous. I haven’t been to a concert in over a decade and, like I said, I’m a bit old for this kind of road trip. We don’t have any arrangements made other than the tickets. I don’t really want to try the four hour drive home at 1 or 2 A.M. This pavilion is located squarely in the middle of nowhere, as far as I can tell. I don’t know if we’ll stop at cheap motel and crash for the night or if we will just try to catch a catnap in the parking lot with the Deadheads.

No matter what happens, it will be very different from the road trips of my youth. If for no other reason than the fact that I’ll be sober. And I’ve gotten wiser over the years. The trip probably won’t be as wild as some of the ones from my misspent youth, but that’s necessarily a bad thing at all.

It should be a good time.

And I’m tired.

The weather was as good as you could have hoped for this weekend. But it was still hot. Yesterday was a long day, and I’m very tired. It was a great hike. Well for the most part. I may write about it later.

This tiredness seems to have made me crankier than usual. I know. That’s saying something, isn’t it?

I’d take a nap, but naps just don’t work for me. I doze off for a few minutes, wake up disoriented and grumpier than when I fell asleep.

I guess I’ll just watch Star Trek.

Man I suck.

We had two massive thunderstorms today. One around lunch time and the other was just a few minutes ago.

I love thunderstorms. All that power and fury shows up out of nowhere. It’s awesome.

With any luck, it will cool things down for this weekend.

Have you noticed the effort to blog daily? It won’t last. My streak will be broken by my backpacking trip tomorrow. Still, I’ll try to post on a very regular basis. Why? I don’t know. I don’t know where these compulsions ideas come from, I just try to run with them.

I should be preparing for SBR right now. Oh fucking well, it’s not like it’s a real radio show.

Okay. The show is over now, I guess I can finish this post. Like I was saying, the show isn’t very good. Listen for yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Also, there may be an tiny bit of profanity.

I really shouldn’t get so caffeinated during the show… It will be another sleepless night for me.

I’ll see you losers on Sunday.

My sinuses are still bothering me. I feel much better than I did the weekend of the blogathon, but I’m nowhere near %100. I can’t breathe. Which makes everything difficult. Especially the gym.

On the flipside, I’ve found a podcast that doesn’t suck. It’s called Podrunner and it’s an hour long mix of techo-ish music all set at a constant beat rate. It’s awesome for running or whatever.

I’ve been told that if I want Shitty Blog Radio to be successful, I have to promote it. It sounds like good advice, but I really suck at self promotion. It seems like bragging or something. Regardless, you should check out Shitty Blog Radio tomorrow night at 10 PM EST. It is the ‘Worst Show on the Internet’ or at least that’s what I’ve dubbed it. What is is mostly is some rage filled nonsense. Or something. Actually, it’s kind of hard to explain. You’d have to hear it.

Thanks to the magic of DVR I’ve seen 3 episode of Star Trek in the last 36 hours. I hadn’t watched good old original Star Trek in years. In my minds eye I had reduced it to not much more than Kirk… speaking in.. intervals that. Make. No. Sense. And paper mache sets, Red Shirted Ensigns and special two handed future punches. It, of course, has all those things, but in spite of that it’s pretty good show. It’s been fun to discover these episode all over again.

Right now I should be packing to go backpacking on Friday. I’m just throwing that out there.

This concept of a two year build up to the Presidential elections needs to be rethought. There is no reason for it. Of course, whenever I say that some asshat speaks out and says, ‘but I love this stuff.’ That’s the whole problem. I can’t help but believe that the only reason this process has spread out like this is to give CNN and FOXNews programming. That’s not a real good reason. There is no upside. It makes campaign insanely expensive driving the candidates into the waiting arms of the special interest groups. Meanwhile they all just dig up dirt about each other. This is a stupid system.

You would think that I would do something fun while I have all this time to myself. At least, you would think that if you didn’t know me. For fun, I’m broadcasting make believe radio on the internet. I suck. But I do take requests.

Other than that, I’ve just worked and watched Star Trek on DVR. I know, you’re jealous. You wanna be just like me. I’m sorry, but not everyone can handle this level of dork cool.

Oh… for the record, Expert Level on Guitar Hero II is fucking stupid hard.

I’m not a gamer. I never have been. I hear my friends talk about spending hours playing this game or another. I just can’t imagine doing that. My kid has an Xbox 360, so I get a chance to try out a game every now and then. I enjoy it for a bit, and then I’m over it. The only game that had come close to holding my interest was Madden Football.

We got Guitar Hero II yesterday. I’ve been hearing and reading about people getting all kinds of worked up about this game and it’s predecessor for some time now. And today, I can honestly say I understand what the fuss is all about. I play guitar. Not as much as when I was young. But still, I can hold my own. I can’t say that this game is just like playing, but it does capture the feel of playing. I couldn’t help but rock and bob with he rhythm as I powered out “Possum Kingdom” or “Heart Shaped Box.” I think I need to just not play it. Otherwise, you may never hear from me.

In other news, my wife took the kids and left me. I love telling people that. They look at me, think about it, decide it seems reasonable, look at me again, think that maybe I’m too calm about all of this and then ask me, Really? I tell them that they will be back in a few days.

They are going for a little more vacation at the lake. I have to work, but that’s no reason to stop them from having some fun. Besides, the kids have been restless, they need to get out and do something. I will do my best not to spend the entire time they are gone, playing Guitar Hero II.

Instead I’ll put my effort into designing an online store. It’s not for me, I have nothing to sell. My brother asked me to give him a hand, and I can’t turn down a challenge this geeky. I’ll tell you more about it, once it is set up.

Oh, and I’m sure this will shock many of you, I’m going backpacking this weekend.

The few of you that have paid attention for long time, know that I’ve had some bad luck with blogging services. I used to be at blogcafe.com. But they had some sort of catastrophic failure and everything vanished. Luckily, I was using the blogger.com interface to post my entries.

After that disaster I moved to here, and copied some of my posts over. Here and there, I’d move a post or two over but I’d usually put it off. There is no automated way, that I know of, to move these. Which meant logging in to blogger, copying the text of the post, coming here and creating a new post. Pasting the post, adjusting the date and hitting publish. It’s tedious and time consuming.

Over the last few days, I’ve finished copying the last of them over. In the process, I’ve re-read a whole lot of my older posts. Some of them were even good.

Some time last month, I passed three years doing this. I have had over 25000 visitors, and a few of those have even bothered to read this drivel. There are 505 posts, most of them suck. The rest of them are mostly about blogging or back packing.

There are a few that have been ‘lost’ for the last year and a half that are worth reading. Now is your chance to catch up. Allow me to recommend these:

What is it I like about my Job?
The Ups and Downs of Mountain Biking
The Rain King
Looking Back Across Burning Bridges
Being a real dad

For the record, I still don’t like blogging.

I have struggled with this blogging thing nearly as long as I have been doing it.

I like the idea of putting my ideas down in html and putting them out there to so if anyone gives a shit. On one level this has worked well for me. There have been a surprising amout of people who seem to want to hear what I have to say. On the other hand, it doesn’t work the way I thought it would.

Blogging has become (or maybe it always was) about communities. These are my blog friends. I have to read what they are writing. And we will be like a group. We will join the same traffic generating scams. We will play the same meme games.

I don’t like that. I came here to say something. I hope you’ll listen. But I dont want you to expect me to listen to you. If you have something interesting to say, I’ll listen or I’ll move on. It’s not personal. Or it shouldn’t be. Maybe it should be, I don’t know, but that’s not what I wanted out of this.

I’ve been more frustrated than usual with this recently. This is why I have posted so little.

I was going to shut it down.

Not quit. I still have the urge to express myself in this way. But I was extremely close to shutting it all down and starting somewhere else. And no, I wouldn’t have let you know. Not even you. It’s not personal. But if I let you know. Then I’d let him know. And before long, we’d be right back to here. Just ask Mango. He knows.

But I didn’t. I have some sort of pride in this meager collection of shit. And I don’t want to start over.

I have to refocus. Beside the community aspect, I didn’t fully think out the implications of publishing. It’s on a micro scale, but this must be what columnist deal with every day. The comments are a both wonderful and awful. I love the feedback. I love to know what you think about what I write. But I hate it. Sometimes I want to scream, who asked you? I can never decide if I should respond to the comments or not.

The reality is, this is publishing. On a small scale, but still it is. I’m putting it out there and for that I have to live with the consequences of that decision. I can’t pick and choose who reads this. I can’t do anything about it if you don’t understand what I mean, even though I’ve been as clear as I can be. I can’t censor any reaction, in the comments or else where, that results from what I’ve written. And I can’t worry about those things as I sit to write a new thing.

Like I said, I’m amazed that as many people have listened to me as have. Yet I look around and see that, all things considered I don’t get much traffic. Most blogs get 10 times what I do. I’m told that it’s quality over quantity. I’m told that it’s cause I don’t play the ‘game.’ This is probably true. But I can’t help wonder, why not me? Why shouldn’t people want to not only read this, but urge others to? But it doesn’t work that way. Not for me. And if I’m going to be true to me, then I need to accept that.

I’ll keep it up. At least I’ll try to. This blog and the stupid radio show. I think that for some reason, I’m more comfortable with the Radio thing than the blogging. I guess it’s a matter of expectation. The SBC, I’m not so sure of. I think it’s time has past. I look at the blogs who request membership. I don’t think they get it. Maybe I should let it fade away. And don’t worry, if I do I’ll run Shitty Blog Survivor from here. I do like that. It’s been fun this year.

Still, sometimes I hope that people will ‘get’ me. That I’ll have dozens of readers instead of 5. But I’m full of shit. I’m not cut out to be popular. I never was. And I never will be. There’s more to popularity than people liking you, you have to play the ‘game.’ And I quite simply can’t do that.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have 18 hours of Star Trek on my DVR.

6:04 AM Wake up to the sounds of the Grateful Dead coming from my iHome and the buzzing of my other alarm clock. Hit Snooze.
6:37 AM Sit in front of laptop with a breakfast consisting of a bowl of grits, a low fat key lime yogurt and coffee. Check my personal email, bloglines and Misftopia.
7:05 AM Get another cup of coffee and head to the bathroom for a long shower.
7:42 AM Shave and brush teeth.
7:55 AM Kiss the wife and go to work.
8:11 AM Arrive at work. Fashionably late.
8:23 AM Check Work email.
8:37 AM Get involved in an impromptu discussion about how we are distributing new PCs.
8:42 AM While still keeping an ear to that discussion, IM the UberBot and the WAN-Man about upcoming backpacking trip.
9:05 AM IM Shutter cause I’m bored. He’s too busy to talk to me.
9:17 AM Look at management console of New Update server that I upgraded yesterday.
9:22 AM While still checking out update server, fill out monthly mileage paperwork.
10:01 AM Check the status of the backups on the Netware servers at the 9 remote locations that I am responsible for.
10:12 AM Begin researching a plugin for Exchange to support smart phones.
11:19 AM After almost an hour, find an mobileadmin.msi thing and install it and still don’t know how to make it work.
11:24 AM Read Microsoft’s ” Step-by-Step Guide to Deploying Windows Mobile-based Devices with Microsoft Exchange Server 2003 SP2″ Still I don’t know how to make this work. Begin to think that this would be easier to figure out if I had a Smart Phone to test with.
11:25 AM Pack up my shit for lunch.
11:49 AM Eat a Quesidilla for lunch
12:22 PM Pace, check watch, look out the window and wonder why the Dish Network Tech hasn’t shown up.
12:32 PMDrive back to work.
12:48 PM Look at PDA to get some clue about mobile connectivity for Exchange.
1:03 PM Think I may have found something. Need to figure out how to install rootcert on PDA.
1:16 PM Install a copy of our Root Cert on my PDA.
1:37 PM Send an email from my PDA over wi-fi to my gmail account.
1:45 PM Send instructions to an engineer who has a smart phone to try it.
2:17 PM Create new Exchange account for one of the Developers.
3:02 PM Send email to CIO on how to set up his smart phone.
3:19 PM Start documenting the changes I’ve made to Exchange.
4:24 PM Pack up my laptop and go home.
4:42 PM Watch new shiny HD Channels.
4:44 PM Tell the DVR to record anything that looks like Star Trek.
5:12 PM Eat dinner.
6:04 PM Run to convenience store for Red Bull.
6:11 PM Drink Red Bull.
6:34 PM Go to side job.
7:26 PM Realize that PC is infected with a virus.
7:57 PM Realize that virus scanner can’t find it.
8:23 PM C:\Format
10:36 PM Collect less money than I should because I feel bad I that I had to restore the system.
11:18 PM Post blog entry that no one will find half as clever as I do.
11:48 PM Go to sleep listening to the Grateful Dead.

This sinus thing continues to kick my ass. I’m not happy about this at all. I go to work and deal with everything as though it were normal to have a headache 24 hours a day. I hate it. And I think I’m dangerously close to whining. I hate that too.

I had a heart to heart conversation with the Dish Network People. We decided that I didn’t really watch Showtime and HBO so we would cancel those. We also decided that I deserved a better HD package. Of course, I’d need a new receiver box, for $100.

No deal, says I.
You can get a get a $100 rebate if you commit to 18 months, they counter.
Sold, say I.
Or you could get the really nifty dual tuner box that will let you get true picture in a picture…
Mmmm…
And DVR….
DVR?
For $150…
I’m not so sure.
And you still get $100 back.
Sold.

Sometimes I love being upsold. Isn’t that odd?

To replace the HBO, we’re gonna get Netflix. The only bummer is that they do not have HD for my local channels. But I’m set up for it. If it becomes available… I’ll get it.

And let’s not think about how much money, I’m spending here. This is about the Football. Mostly.

Ravens Camp started this week. Which fills us with thoughts of FOOTBALL. The only good thing about the end of summer is the beginning of football season. I can’t wait.

Super Bowl predictions anyone? (Just off the cuff, I have the Patriots beating the Saints… but I think the Ravens have a good shot at going deep in to the playoffs)

First and foremost, thank you again to each and everyone of you that sponsored me. It really means a lot to me. In theory, the blogathon people will send you an email asking you to fulfill your pledge, but I’ll let you in on a secret. You can go to your profile at blogathon.org and click on edit next to this blog under “Your Pledges.” On that page you can simply push the button that says, “Fulfill this pledge directly with Freedom from Hunger now” and then fill out the Online Donation form at Freedom from Hunger.

I don’t really like to acknowledge it when I’m sick, I always want to think that I can just will it away, mind over matter style. But it doesn’t work that way. I have a sinus infection. And I don’t feel good at all. This made this blogathon much harder for me than it otherwise would have been. The headache that I had during the whole thing tested my patience and made me even grumpier than usual.

There are some aspects to the blogathon that really do irk me. I feel it could be better organized and designed to be much more inclusive to all participants. It also steams me that BE and Lewis get all kinds of plugs when they don’t even raise a cent for charity (at least not that I could see.) There were at least 2 stations involved with this blogathon were playing music and supporting charity.

In the waning moments of the blogathon, I had an epiphany. I am a lousy blogger. Occasionally, people try to swell my head by telling me that I am a good writer. Who knows, maybe I am, but that doesn’t making me a great blogger. I don’t need to be a great blogger, but I had never made that distinction before. The one thing I could do to be a better blogger is to post much more regularly. I’ll try. I’ve had some issues with this blog and I’ve been real tempted to scrap it. But I think I should keep it. I mean it’s over 3 year old, I’d hate to start over.

Who knows, after a good night sleep all this may seem very different to me.

Thank you:

WK
Anonymous (even though I know who you are)
Wickedgal
Debi
Utopia
Sparky
Shutter
imagined-community

I’d like to give special thanks to Mango for thinking of me, when he had every reason to forget.

And finally I’d like to thank Monty for tolerating my neurosis, keeping me company and being a great friend.

Overall this was a pretty good blogathon. I raised money for Freedom from Hunger. I have a bunch of great sponsors. And I had a few friends who kept company and kept me out of trouble.

I can’t say this was a great experience. There were things that could have been better. But I suppose this still isn’t the time or place to get into that.

The big question is will I do it again. I don’t know. Obviously the concept appeals to me. This is my second successful blogathon. But I have reservations.

Fortunately, I have plenty of time to think about it.

And let’s face it, I’m in no condition to make a rational decision right now.

And keeping up my end of the bargain, I just made a pledge for %10 of the total… $30 dollars.

We are just about done.

I’m listening to Tears for Fears.

Just thought I’d share.

Also, beware the Snaeking. I’d like to tell you more… but I can’t.

Don’t worry about it, I stopped making sense an hour ago.

I feel sorry for the people in the real world that will have to deal with me. They will have their hands full.

I think that perhaps I have had one Red Bull too many.

I am listening to Guns an Roses and I keep forgetting what it is I was going to do. This is so 1991 all over again, except I’m so much older.

This thing is winding down and it’s a good thing. I’m sure I could stay awake a few more hours, but my ability to form a coherent sentence, much less type it is getting extremely challenged.

I may have to drink one more Red Bull to get me through.

Thanks to all of those who sponsored my charity, Freedom from Hunger. Kirsten L. Forsyth, from Freedom from Hunger asked me to tell you guys about ‘Freedom from Hunger Day, which will be held on September 28, 2007. This is an online event. You can participate at www.freedomfromhunger.org

Mark it on your calendar.

Mango has donated $60 in honor of his Grandmother, Meta Conway. She passed away this past week.

I know that this has been a difficult week for Mango and I am touched that he has decided to honor her memory is this way.

Hell, I’m as close to speechless as I get.

Thanks, dude. Be well.

Yes I see daylight.

I have the temptation to say cheesy about the light at the end of the tunnel, but I think I should let it go.

I might go for a walk out side.

Hopefully, I’ll remember to put on pants. Ahh, who cares, it’s not like the neighbors like me.

Come on dudes, how about one more sponsor (or two smaller ones) to put me over 300?

It would make my morning.

Those last 2 post were pretty good… all things considered.

Unfortunately, I don’t know if I have anything left.

In retrospect, I should have paced myself. But I got excited and well… the whole thing is kind of embarrassing.

See you in 30.

Back when Mango Radio was the only station that I dealt with, Mango some how found this guy. He had a station of his own. And he wanted some advice from Mango.

Of course, Mango tells me that I have to check this guy out. This guy is rocking out to classic Pink Floyd and proud of it. He asks us if we have any requests. We make a few, but he doesn’t have the songs, until we request some Zepplin and some Floyd. When he played the song, we realized we could hear him breathing. His mic was still on.

He asked us if we wanted to see his dog dance.

Next thing you know, we’re watching some ankle biting dog hopping around on its hind legs on a webcam.

Just when we thought it couldn’t get funnier, his wife walks in to the room. He turns to her, unaware that his mic is on and says, “Honey look, I’ve got professional DJ’s listening to me. They are going to give us some advice. This great. They are professionals from a REAL radio station.”

I had to turn it off…

I remember when I was younger. In college. We’d stay up all night. Me and a girlfriend. We’d talk until the wee hours of the night.

Then we’d go to Denny’s. It was always an odd experience. We seemed to hit the transition from night to day every time.

When we showed up there would be a few drunks and other night owls. We’d get a big breakfast and then chill with some coffee. The tired and bitter night shift waitresses would leave and the young and pretty day shift waitresses would come in.

Before the sun even though of coming up, the business men would come in. One or two of them. Wearing suits and reading the paper.

Everything about them felt different. They had places to be. They were awake. Rested.

We were tired, out of it.

The contrast always seemed very staring to me. I always wondered what those guys in the suits thought of us. A couple of dumb kids with out the sense to go to sleep.

Of course, that is what is going to happen here shortly. The wife and kid will wake up. Fresh and rested. I’ll be here almost functional and spaced out.

I don’t even want to know what they’ll think of me… but I hope they bring breakfast.

Yep… That’s just what I need. A nice healthy snack.

Some people, like my wife, are freaked out by the fact the Yogurt is made up of an active bacteria culture. It doesn’t bother me at all. I eat it all the time. It’s good low calorie snack with protein. What could be better?

Monty played Gwar followed by ‘Rock around the Clock.’ Don’t you think that there should be laws about this kind of thing?

I guess I’ll end up in the chatroom. Not cause I want to, but ought of sheer boredom.

I remember being tired last year, but I don’t remember being bored. I have no idea what this means.

This is lame I’m blogging about my snack. And the worst part is this may be the best post I’ve had in hours.

I did not take a walk.

My eyes are still… tired.

And I thought of nothing to write.

I suck. I’m loser and no one likes me.

Of course, we already knew that. A walk and a snack. That’s what I need.

And a few more sponsors. I know it’s late, but I’d really like to hit $300 in pledges.

I know I’m a loser, but my cause is good.

I will probably stop broadcasting soon. And listen to Monty again. Unless she plays more country music. Then all bets are off.

Can some one remind me how staying up all night helps charity… I’m a little lost on that point right now. Of course, I’m a bit confused and distracted in general.

My posts might be longer if I didn’t have to spend so much time backspacing out typos.

We’ll try again in 30.

This is such a weird time of night.

I feel like I should explain that statement… but I have no explanation.

I guess my mind is just sort of free-associating here, but am I the only guy who feels uncomfortable when another guy uses emoticons when IMing? It’s just me, isn’t it?

I’m a freak, I guess.

I might be hungry. Maybe I should find a small snack.

My eyes are exhausted. I had to lose the shades. I’m back to my regular specs now. I may have to take a walk away from this PC and give my eyes a break.

And think of something to post. Cause I don’t know if I’ve ever been this boring before.

The good news is that my headache is getting better.

Unfortunately, I still can’t think straight. I get easily distracted.

So we can expect that the shit that I’m writing here will make less and less sense as this goes on.

I’ll drink another Red Bull and see what that gets me.

I really wish I had a thought in my head that I could put down here. And I wish I had the concentration to actually type it if I did.

We have a new super hero and not a moment too soon. imagined-community came through with a donation at just the right time. I was beginning to feel like I wasn’t getting to through anyone new.

This is good. Cause I needed some good news.

I’d write more, but somehow my thirty minutes is up… again.

Still grooving with the Dead.

Yeah.

It’s me. That’s not a real surprise.

I’m plucked. About a number of things, But I guess this isn’t the appropriate time or place.

I think that Red Bull was good. But I may need another one.

I’d be happier if more people were coming around.

Or maybe I wouldn’t. Who fucking knows. It is very unfortunate that this sinus infection lined up with the blogathon. I am quite simply no where near my best.

For that I apologize.

We are chilling with The Dead. Let your inner hippie come out and play.

Which is odd, because I didn’t think yo could smell me over the internet.

I guess the idea is that it will wake me up. But I’m not much for quick showers. I think that I’ll just skip it… although it has some appeal.

I think this sinus infection is making this harder than it should be, but that doesn’t really matter.

It’s really hard to bother with these posts, when I know that no one is reading them. Yes, Monty, I know that you are reading… but I could just IM you.

I’m fucking freezing for some reason. And I don’t like it. I’m all bundled up and it’s July.

Would you believe that i haven’t got around to raging yet, I think I keep putting it off cause, I have no idea what I’ll do after that. For now, we’re just chillin’ with some Cat Stevens.

I haven’t got around to the raging yet… don’t worry I have all night.

And I think the coffee isn’t cutting it. I need Red Bull and I need it … well soon.

This 30 minutes has been a waste.

I blame Monty.

Maybe the next post will be better. But I doubt it.

If the power goes out… I guess I’m screwed. There isn’t a window in the geek cave, so I can’t tell how bad it is. But I can hear the thunder over the music.

I’m back on the air. Not that you care. I’m playing a power block of Pop Punk. You know Blink 182, Green Day, that kind of shit.

I keep catching typos. They are pretty bad. I’m very concerned about the ones I’m missing.

It is now tomorrow. Or at least it’s after midnight. It feel much later. I’m not sure why. Probably because almost none of the freaks I talk to online are online.

Rage upcoming on the Mango Radio.

More lame posting in 30 minutes on this blog.

You haven’t seen shit.

As predicted the wife and kid came home and went straight to bed. Which pretty much sucks. I thought we would have an ice cream snack or something. And you know what… I don’t even feeling like fucking with the ice cream by myself.

I’m not having a lot of fun right now. Which also sucks.

As a matter of fact I may have nothing nice to say at all. So I suppose that I shouldn’t say anything at all.

I’m planning to have a full fledged rant on Mango Radio in about a half hour. But you won’t be there. Cause you suck too!

Let’s see if some more coffee improves my mood or intensifies my rage.

I’ve heard rumors…

But I’m not buying it.

My wife claims that her and the kids (at least one of them) are returning. Of course, they probably just go to bed. Losers!

Sleep is for pussies.

Monty is torturing me with country music and Adam Sandler songs. There is no accounting for taste I guess. At least she’s good in bed. (Not that I’d know, but that’s what it said in the men’s room.)

Is then when I’m supposed to post whining comments about how tired I am and how hard this is? Or does that come later. I can’t remember. I’ll just drink more coffee. It won’t be pretty, but it will work.

I’d feel bad about the lameness of these posts, but it’s not ike anyone is reading… so what the hell.

Be proud. Be Shitty!

The coffee taste good… but I don’t now if that will be enough.

I didn’t do a single fucking thing since the last post. I’ve pretty much just sat here and stared at my computer. This isn’t healthy. And it’s a bit dumb.

I’ll have to come up with something to entertain myself. I have some comic books to catch up on. Given the lack of anything else going on, I may just read them. That seems kind of anti social, but I need to do something.

In an hour or two… I’ll do an all out rant on the radio. That will get my blood moving.

See you in thirty.

Yes. I’m brewing pot number 2. I drank most of pot this morning and I think that it is hight time that I drink some more.

At this point in my life, I have abandoned most of my vices. All I have left is Coffee and Swearing. And I do plenty of both.

I’m stilling hanging out in this chatroom. It’s odd. Somehow all chatrooms seem the same. The people are saying the same stupid shit.

I don’t think that I’m cut out for chat rooms. Besides, there are so 1997.

So since the chatroom isn’t entertaining me, I’ll need to find something else to entertain me. Soon I’ll have to resort to the porn. Or something.

I’m sitting here, with my shades on. I’m in the MPYR radio chatroom. I fucking hate chatrooms. They fill me with rage. Even more than normal.

Shutter is our most recent Super Hero.
Without babbling on like a little girl, this one means a lot to me. Thanks, dude.

I’m getting tired. I’ll blame this sinus infection. Staying up usually isn’t a problem for me. I guess I have no choice but to make some coffee.

I love coffee. I guess I wouldn’t be so bored if people were visiting. But as I’ve said before, I’m not one of the cool kids. Just my destiny, I suppose.

That’s ok, I’ll just keep posting. The 2 or 3 of you that are reading, will keep reading. And later, in the wee hours of the morning, I’ll rage to no one on SBR about how the rest of you suck.

Have a nice day.

Instead of taking a break and walking round, going outside, doing anything… I’ve been sitting here IMing with Shutter about what I missed at work on Friday. Does this mean I have a problem?

At least Monty is Playing Duran Duran. I Like Duran Duran. And Rocky Horror Picture Show songs!

Soon, I’ll have to put my shades on. I don’t know why, but I do that every Thursday Night, when I do Shitty Blog Radio. It’s just a geek thing, I guess.

I think I need to find some thing to keep me occupied. I’m bored to tears.

I feel like now would be an appropriate time to wow you into sponsoring me. But I don’t know how much ‘wow’ I have in me. And I’m not just saying that because my ass has been planted in front of this PC for 12 hours.

I’m just not a ‘ wow’ kind of guy.

Here are the facts:

I’m blogging for Freedom from Hunger.
They are great Charity Dedicated to end hunger worldwide.
I will match 10% of the total pledge amount.
I am, by nature, an angry bitter son of a bitch. Yet I am doing this thing.
If you want to pledge, click the shiny blue button.

At 9:00 PM, I’m turning off my stream for a bit. I’m gonna listen to my friend Monty. But don’t worry I’ll broadcast some more later.

So I decided on a block of Floyd. Since my only listener doesn’t get the difference between real Floyd and new Floyd. We consider this to be educational programming. Besides the Floyd makes me happy.

I’ve got this Red Bull in front of me still, but I’m trying to hold off on drinking it…

Never mind. I drank it.

I have no idea what the fuck I am going to post about now. So this could get ugly. Or boring. Or just plain lame.

I can hear what you are thinking… (Lame… How can I will the difference?)

Very funny.

Don’t look now… I think I got a second listener.

I may have to resort to watching TV and telling you about. Or should I read comic books to you?

As I was saying, I found myself in charge (if not officially) of setting up an Exchange Server and getting my department using Exchange/Outlook without fucking up the existing Groupwise environment.

This is exactly the kind of thing I got into this industry to do. And I’m good at it. Not just the technical parts either. There is another side to these things. I had to get this group of engineers to do what I, a lowly tech, wanted them to do.

I did what I do well, I listened to them, heard there concerns and wants. I put together a plan that took those things into consideration. That part went perfect.

I’d love to tell you that the technical part was flawless, but it wasn’t. There were snafus and things that I hadn’t anticipated. But nothing that set the project back. I was able to make all work.

While this was happening, other things were changing. Our CIO shook up our pay scale and our Org Chart. He made it so he could promote people with out waiting for people to die. One of the people he promoted with this change was me. It went into effect with FY08 (July 1,) but I knew it was coming almost 2 months ahead of that. There was also an extremely healthy raise that went with that.

The only thing I can complain about is I never got to confront my boss. And I had planned the whole thing out.

And now you are all caught up.

So should I play a block of Floyd or a block of Green Day?

I’m still picking at my dinner here. I’ll get back to my narrative about the job. We’ve got all night.

In the mean time, if any of you are in Oklahoma, please call 911. Monty has just eaten something called a Chocolate Fried Pie. It makes my freezer Burrito sound like health food. I’m guessing it will give her a heart attack. It’s probably wise to have the paramedics on hand just in case.

I have sitting in front of me SF Red Bull #2. I’ll drink it soon.

In other news, my feet are cold. Have no fear, I got some wools socks to warm them up.

I think I’m bored. I think I need to play a block of Ska soon.

We are going to wait a bit to pick up the very interesting story of my job. Ok, it’s not that interesting. I can’t help it. I’m boring.

I’m having dinner now. Freezer burritos and taquito, with salsa and sour cream. Total bachelor dinner.

While I’m eating, let’s thank Sparky for becoming the latest super hero to sponsor me during this blogathon.

What super hero would you be?

As I was saying, I was ready to demand a promotion (or at least an increase in the level of my responsibilities) or find a new job.

Before I got a chance to confront my boss, things started to change. The changes were gradual, and I didn’t recognize them at first. I became more involved with the AD migration. You have to understand that there isn’t an actual migration at this point. It’s more of a discussion of a migration. Most of the time it is bogged down with management and how its going to happen and how much it will cost.

But I was more involved in the Administration of the backbone AD infrastructure that exists. In April, opportunity knocked and leaped to answer the door. Our CIO, my boss’s boss, decided migration or not, he wanted to use Outlook for his email instead of Groupwise. And he wanted it right now.

My boss dropped this bomb on the engineers and they reacted predictably. They started listing reasons why it wouldn’t work and pointing out problems with the idea. I said, I don’t think that this is going to be that difficult.

A couple informal meetings later, I was unofficially in charge of this project. This was exactly the kind of opportunity that I had been looking for

To be continued…

I haven’t blogged about anything but blogathon or backpacking for a long time it seems.

So I’ll update you on the other shit that’s been going on. Or at least some of it.

A number of months ago, in November or December, it occurred to me that my job was falling into a rut. I was hired as a Network Technician. Meaning that I provided second tier onsite support. (That didn’t really clear it up, did it?) If you worked in the same company as me, and you put in help desk call, and the monkeys at the help desk couldn’t fix it remotely, the call would get routed to me. It’s not a bad job. I got to drive around and fix stuff. The users loved me cause they knew I would take care of them.

But I was overqualified for this. The engineers meanwhile, were planning a migration to Active Directories. This happens to be my area of expertise. They would hit me up for ideas and shit, but since I had to be out onsite, it left me out of the loop.

I decided that something needed to give. I understood that politics of our bureaucracy didn’t really give much of a chance to get promoted. For that to happen, one of the existing engineers would have to quit or die. I planned to demand of boss, during my review in the spring, that she, if not promote me, let me take on Network Engineering duties. If there wasn’t more money for me, I could live with that, but I needed to have my skills put to use.

And if that didn’t work out, I was prepared to start looking for a new job.

To be continued…

I can’t even begin to describe to you what just happened to me.

It just wouldn’t make sense.

Here’s what you need to know.

It sucked. It’s a good thing that there is no one else home. I’ll survive, but it’s not going to improve my mood.

On the positive side, I’m enjoying a power block of Three Dog Night right now. And yes, I do take requests. IM me (jeckles1@Y!.) Email me (jeckles@gmail.com) or even call me (206-339-9147) and leave a message.

What the fuck am I going to do about dinner.

… having a blog no one reads.

Okay, okay. A few people read the blog. Fewer yet listen to the radio show. Which begs the question, why bother?

I’m being serious here. Why should I even bother. I bet that the half dozen people who have sponsored me would donate the money, if I just asked.

Which makes me wonder what the point of being part of this whole thing is.

I’ll be adding a button to link to listen to this radio nonsense to the rest of my posts. I’m sure you’ll ignore it.

I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself, a bit, but it bugs me.

Also I don’t know what the fuck to write about right now.
It’s too early to be this lame.

It’s times like these that I wish I didn’t blog anonymously. I could raise so much more money if I approached my friends and family with this. But I can’t do that.

Most of them don’t even know that I blog. I don’t even want to think what it would be like if they knew about it at work.

It wouldn’t be pretty. I hear them make comments sometimes.

“God, she is such a freak. I bet she’ll go home and blog about this.” And then they’ll all laugh. And I laugh too. I don’t need them to know that I do this.

If they knew, they’d start reading into everything I write about work. I’d blog about using a sick day for a ‘metal health day,’ and I have my boss call me into her office.

It would be bad. I just know it. So I’m a closet blogger. It’s best this way.

I know that plenty of bloggers are very open about the fact that they blog, I don’t understand how that works for them.

Just one more thing to hate about blogging.

For the record, I think my monitor hates me.

Yes. You missed a block of Disco and Rage on Shitty Blogathon Radio. I know you don’t care. I don’t care that you don’t care. So there.

Mango was there. He eggs me on, you know. He tries to get me to do bad things. Very bad.

I think I have been in front of the PC too long. I mean I’m used to being in front of a computer, but this is relentless. At least I work, I get interrupted with meetings and phone calls and Shutter. All I have here is Geek Blog, Misfitopia, IM and Shitty Radio. It may be making me a bit crazy.

Mango informs me that CBS is broadcasting an XBox360 GuitarHero Championship. This is fucking retarded. Do I really need to elaborate.

Mango is going back to whatever it is that he is doing in Buffalo. So I’ll be back to being kind of alone. Again. He says he’ll be back in the middle of the night. I’ll play Enya and GnR to celebrate.

And maybe some ‘All Along the Watchtower.’

What was it that Tyler Durden said about ‘the Happy Place?’ You know… when he was giving the narrator a chemical burn?

Nevermind.

I lost a post. Temporarily. I found it again. (It was the time stamp thing. It’s fucking with me.) For the brief time it was gone, I though I had lost what was left of my fragile mind.

Also, Thank you Utopia!

Thanks, for not killing me. Cause we all have a healthy fear respect of your mad scientist skills. Also thanks for the pledge. YOU ARE A WINNER!

I saw that one of Mike Vick’s co-defendants is going to cop a plea. This doesn’t look good for Vick. To add insult to injury it looks like Nike is going to severe their ties with him. They didn’t do that to Kobe. This is going to get ugly. Which is good, cause I was out of Paris Hilton news.

The Ravens report to training camp in just over 24 hours. I can’t wait.

I can’t believe it is after 3:00 PM. I seem to be unable to keep track of what’s going on. I’ll blame Mango for no discernible reason.

This just in… this post sucks. Hell, this blog sucks.

And that’s OK, I didn’t really want suggestions for Shitty Blog Survivor tasks… (Yes I did. That was sarcasm.)

At least the Red Bull was tasty.

I think I need to find my happy place.

I suppose that this means we are over a quarter of the way through this. That’s something.

I have no idea what to write about.

I could tell about you about how I got banned from Blog Explosion.
Or how fucked up the Radio situation was last year.

But that stuff will only get me in more trouble than I already am.

I could tell you about Shitty Blog Survivor. Yes that’s what I should do.

I have this club. The Shitty Blogs Club. It’s kind of like a joke, except it’s a real club. It’s difficult to explain. Every year we play Survivor. Like the TV show.

Except that I have never seen the TV show, so maybe it is way different.

We start with say 10 or 12 bloggers. They are all given a stupid task to perform by a set deadline. Like ‘Carve a Watermelon like you would a Pumpkin’ or ‘Dress Up in 40 different Items of Clothes’ or ‘Compose and Sing a Song about Survivor Island.’ You get the idea.

Actually, you could help me. There are currently 3 Survivors left on Shitty Blog Isle and I owe them a task. I have no idea what to give them.

Any Suggestions?

Did I tell you that I’m going to a concert?

I’m too old to go to concerts really. And I’m not willing to spend the $500 that it costs to see U2 or the Stones these days. But I heard that Ratdog is touring again. A quick search on the web told me that they would have a show in driving distance of where I live.

A long drive, but still.

They will be playing in some amphitheater in the Poconos. Capt. Shutter and I will be making a road trip of it. We’ll drive, get a camping site, and then head to the concert…

What’s that? You don’t know who Ratdog is? That’s ok, most people don’t. It Bob Weir’s band. You know, Bob Weir the rhythm guitarist from the Grateful dead. After Jerry Garcia died and the Dead were no more, one Weir’s side projects evolved into Ratdog.

I saw them in 1996 at the Further Festival in Va Beach. It was awesome.

It will be great. We’ll go hang out with the Dead Heads and watch a great show. The Allman Brothers will be playing too. It should be a great show. And then we’ll head back to the camp ground and chill.

You must be jealous. You should be. This will be the first concert I’ve been to in ten years. And at least I won’t have to worry about feeling old. I’m guessing the median age there will be north of 50.

It’s for a good cause…
It’s for a good cause…
It’s for a good cause…

I might cry if no one else sponsors me during this thing. I realize that this would make me a big pussy, but it is what it is.

In my refrigerator, there are four Sugar Free Red Bulls. I think it will soon be time to help my self to one of those.

I also think that my plan to write quality posts is getting shot to hell.

Look at this post for example. It sucks.

If I were a daddy blogger, then I could just post cutesy pictures of my kids. Which they would find when they were older and resent me forever. Well… resent me more.

So this is all about charity, right? And that’s more than jsut money, am I right? It’s about action and practicing what you preach.

You want to do some good today? Really good? Go over to Mango’s blog. And say something nice. He deserves it. No one should have to go through what he has the past few days (even though most of have or will.) I’m serious, I’m talking about a guy who is dealing with loss and all that comes with it, and he sends me an email apologizing that he can’t be around for the blogathon. Please.

So go do that. It won’t cost you a cent. And it might make you feel good.

So if you hate this… it’s only going to get worse.

For lunch: 3 hot dogs, with Yellow Mustard and Dill relish; some tortilla chips and a Diet Mountain Dew.

Excuse me a moment while I chew.

OK. Yellow Mustard and Dill Relish. It’s the only way to go. I’ll never understand why everyone wants to use sweet relish. Almost everyone likes Dill Pickles. Why not dill relish? I go to the store and there is like an entire section dedicated to relish, but only like 3 jars of dill relish. The Fuck?

I know. You don’t care. But I’m eating the hot dogs and that is what is on my mind.

To think I promised to fill you in on the boring fucking details of my life, and all you get is me babbling about lunch. I can’t help it, lunch is important to me. And just think later when I get around to talking about my boring life, it will actually seem interesting in comparison.

While, I’m babbling about lunch, I’ll get this off my chest. People make fun of me for drinking a diet soda with a less that healthy meal. Why? Cause it would make more sense to pile 140 empty calories on top of my 3 hot dogs. I always drink diet soda. although I don’t drink much soda in general. I’m a coffee and water kind of guys, with a nasty Red Bull habit. Sugar Free Red Bull that is.

I hope you enjoyed lunch as much as I did. And no mustard stains, thank you very much.

Like most days…

It’s lunch time and I am filled with rage. Don’t ask. It just seems to work that way. Maybe it’s techno music I’m listening to. Wanna listen. Go to SBR and click on one of the links on the sidebar. To the best of knowledge, they work.

I’ve get left over hot dogs on the menu. Who wants to figure out the over/under on me spilling mustard on me. It’s pathetic. I know.

To expand on the point that i was failing to make earlier. All I’ve wanted to do was to be popular. In high school and college that would have never happened. It’s not likely to happen at work. But, You would think… at least I would, that on the Internet, I’d have a chance.

The playing field should leveled. Looks don’t matter. Background doesn’t matter. Yet, the blogosphere (and elsewhere on the ‘net) makes its own cliques. I hate it.

Wanna know what else sucks? I really though it would take long for me to be reduced to rambling, babbling.

I’ll babble some more after lunch.

I was so plucked that I didn’t even get the “Sponsor this Blog’ button up last time.

God, I suck.

And If I don’t figure out how to get some lunch soon, I’m screwed. I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point I started getting very regimented on when I eat. Which is good, I suppose… but when I get off schedule, it fucks wit me a lot. You know… like right now.

Did I mention I hate blogging.

I’m not sure why I don’t just write. For myself. On my computer and leave it there. It would eliminate a lot of my frustration. It’s my own… insecurity… need for affirmation… something that makes me blog. I could write and save it to the hard drive. But I would never know if you got it. I wouldn’t know if I had got my point across.

But by the same token, I have always felt like there is some huge blogging community out there. And I am some where outside of it.

I know. I know.

It’s my own fault. I don’t play the GAME. Hell, I don’t even understand the game, nor do I want to. Most of the time this shit doesn’t bother me at all. I just do my thing. I have my few, but extremely loyal groupies readers. But sometimes, like when those stupid awards come out or during this blogathon, it begins to get to me.

I read other blogs and it sounds like they are all blogging this thing together. I feel like I’m sitting here at my computer, alone, blogging. Do the rest of them have a better imagination than I do? Are they IMing back and forth between posts. Calling each other on the phone?

I don’t know. This is probably my tendency to be extremely literal giving me a hard time again.

Yes. It is hard to be me. No. I do not expect you to feel the slightest bit sorry from me. Yes. I do expect some of you to mock me derisively.

Did you ever feel like you were trying to make point, but had no idea what the hell it was? No? Must just be me and my aneurysm .

Thank you. You’re too kind. I’ll be here all fucking day, don’t forget to tip.

Am I bit plucked….

Yes I am.

Of course, I’ll just be told that I’m not a good sport. Not a team player. You would think that I would be used to that by now.

I apologize that this isn’t a very good post. I don’t have a lot of time to put this together.

Instead of writing during the last 30 minutes, I’ve been fucking with my template. My template that has been perfectly good for over a year now (including last year’s blogathon.) I’ve added a time stamp.

That, in and of itself, wouldn’t be so bad. But then I discovered that blogsome doesn’t change for daylight savings time automatically. So the first six posts were an hour early. I had to change my time to reflect DST and then I had to update the time stamps on each of those posts.

Fucking great.

I certainly hope it helps a lot. A whole lot.

And now my head ache has gone into overdrive. Excuse me while I go find some coffee… and Advil.

That would be the flaw with not having a plan for the day.

Just two hours in and I have no idea what the fuck I am going to write about. Go me!

The wife and kids are going to pack up soon and leave me here chained to my computer. It’s probably for the best.

It’s not like I’m any kind of company right now.

I’m not a good writer by any stretch of the imagination, but I for whatever reason, I keep doing it. I don’t think I could ever do it on a deadline. This makes me a little bit nuts.

Ironically, or maybe it’s not as ironic as I think it is, I work better on a deadline. Go figure.

I’ve been a really shitty blogger the last few months, not a Shitty Blogger, but just plain shitty.

I suppose, I could spend the next few hours writing about what has been going on with me, since I’ve neglected to blog about it. Of course, those who listen to SBR already know most of this shit.

My head hurts again. I hope it’s lunch time soon.

As I was saying…

There is plenty of food, more than enough.

I truly believe that there is enough food out there to prevent chronic hunger forever. It’s just not all in the right place.

We can fix this. (No smartass, I don’t want you to mail that left over piece of pizza to Africa.) A relatively small amount of money can help not only feed people who are starving, but help to education them on how to manage finance and improve infrastructure.

And if it is possible to fix this, and I believe it is, then we must do this. How can it be that there are people starving, when it can be fixed?

So I picked Freedom from Hunger for my charity. They believe, as I do, that hunger can be eliminated.

Hey, you can help too! Five dollars can make a difference. $25 is huge! And $100 would be AWESOME! You want to be awesome, don’t you?

And I’m putting my money where my mouth is. I’m matching 10% of the total pledges. I want to get up to $500 in pledges before this is done. I know it is unlikely, but I would love nothing more than to have to shell out $100 to match a $1000 in pledges.

I’ll be back in 30 minutes. Hell… I’ll be here all day.

Do you ever wonder how people come to choose a charity to get behind? I mean not just blogathon either. How do celebrities end up sponsoring this charity or that charity? I guess they have people for that. People who go find charities that match their interests (and will best serve their PR people.)

I, believe it or not, don’t have people. Yet I still had to pick a charity. For me, this wasn’t easy. I am passionate about many things and there are dozens of charities that address these things. How to narrow it down to one that I am willing to give up a day of my life for. How to pick one that I am willing to ask friends and strangers to support?

It wasn’t easy. But I think that one of the things that upsets me the most is this: I live in a country that thrives on excess. Super-sized fast food, big-fucking-sodas at the convenience store. And Junk Food. Everywhere I look, there is food and too much of it. More than we really need. And that’s fine I guess.

But here’s the rub, if we have so much extra, how is it that anyone, anywhere is starving?

I think this thought is bigger than the time I have… I’ll finish it in the next post!

I am always amazed when I read about people’s plans for the Blogathon. Some of them throw parties or watch movies. Some of them set a theme for their posts or have contests.

Not surprisingly, I’m not doing any that shit. It’s not that I don’t approve. (OK maybe I don’t, but that’s not why.) It’s that typically when I blog it takes me almost 30 minutes, sometimes longer, to put my posts together. I guess my posts are longer than average and it doesn’t help that I can’t really type. But the real problem is that I simply think too much about it. It’s just the way I am.

The really sad part is that for all the time and effort, this is the end result.

So my plan is simple. I will sit here and write 49 posts over 24 hours. I will try to give each post the attention that I would to any ‘regular’ post. (In other words, I will do my best not to give you the “Wow I still 12 hours to go.” post.)

Honestly, I’m not criticizing anyone else’s effort here. It is just my goal, again, to remain consistent to my style of blogging. It seems like the least I can do for my Charity.

In addition to blogging, I’ll do the radio thing, but that won’t take much effort. And I’ll drink coffee. And Sugar-Free Red Bull.

Man I suck at this.

I might as well get this out of the way early.

I feel like shit. I’ve got a sinus infection and a brutal headache to go with it. And that would be quite enough, but it’s not all. My stomach seems to be upset too. And I guess this ventures into that TMI place that bloggers love to go. But it’s not making it easy to planted in front of this computer for 24 hours.

But I will. Because I’m more stubborn than I am grumpy.

And while I’m complaining, I should probably mention now that I hate blogging. Yes, I do realize that is a contradiction. And no I can’t explain it. I’ve been trying, unsuccessfully, to explain this contradiction over the course of three years of blogging. I don’t expect that I’ll have any better luck in the next 24 hours.

Also. Why is it always a beautiful day when we do blogathon. Maybe we should consider doing this in January.

Did I mention that I have a headache…

On a completely different note, if anyone does listen to “radio” thing, you should that I take requests and have over 20,000 songs to choose from. Let me know if you want to hear something. The best way to reach is me is jeckles1 @ Y! Messenger. If you don’t IM I still do email: jeckles at gmail dot com.

Most of the readers that will cross this space today, don’t know me. (I’m not one of the popular kids.) So I guess maybe I should start by telling you a little about me.

I’m a 35 year old Network Engineer by trade. I’m into Sci Fi, Comic Books and music.

And I’m a bit grumpy. (Okay more than a bit, but I don’t want to scare any one off.)

Once again, I’m blogging for Freedom from Hunger in this blogathon. Sponsor me. It will make you feel good. On every post I’ll have a convenient button to make it easy sponsor me. IN addition, at the end of this thing, I will pledge 10% of the total amount of pledges that I have.

During the duration of the blogathon, I will be broadcasting on Mango Radio. Nothing special, just sharing the music that I’m listening to to keep me going. If you want to listen use one of these links: Winamp, WMP, RealPlayer Quicktime.

I guess that will do for now. There is no rush, we have all day and all night together.

I did two things today that I rarely do.

I called out of work. And I went to the doctor.

This headache hasn’t really gone away since Tuesday night. It would get less bad. I mean it would still hurt, but I could go about my business. Every once in a while it would become so intense that I wasn’t able to do anything but close my eyes and hope it got better.

It was like that when I went to bed last night. It wasn’t much better when I woke up. I called out of work and had Mrs. Jeckles make a doctor’s appointment.

I hate going to the doctor. I absolutely hate it. I’ve been known to say things like, “I think it’s just a mild case of strep throat, I think I’ll be fine.” Or, “It’s just a sprained ankle, I’ll have to keep my weight of it, but I’ll take it easy for a few weeks and see a doctor if it gets worse.”

But this headache was bad. The pain was bad enough. I have an extremely high threshold for pain, but this was too much for me. Advil didn’t have much of an effect. Like I said, the pain would vary in intensity, but it never really went away.

So I headed to the doctor, fully prepared to get bad news.

“Mr. Jeckles, it’s an aneurysm in your brain. You have 6 months to live.”

Or even worse:

“Mr Jeckles, it looks like you are having chronic headaches brought on by excessive caffeine use. You’ll be fine as long as you never have caffeine again.”

Needless to say, I was apprehensive.

Have no fear. It seems that I have a sinus infection. I’ve got antibiotics and hopefully as this improves, the headache will subside. Of course, if it doesn’t… we’ll do a CAT scan.

Staying up for 24 hours of blogathon with a pounding headache isn’t my idea of a good time. But it is my destiny, I fear.

Thanks to everyone who has sponsored me. And if you have not…

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

You can sponsor me up until the end of the blogathon (and if I remember correctly perhaps a little later.)

And remember I’ll match 10% of the total pledge amount.

See you tomorrow. All day and all night. Stop and say hi.

In just a few days, I will be participating in the Blogathon.

Please help sponsor me to help fight Hunger.

Why?

Because it’s a good cause.
Because you want to make grumpy old me smile.
Because you live in a part of the world where people throw away more food in a day than some families get a week.
Because you didn’t know what to do with that 5, 10, 20 dollar bill folded up in your pocket.
Because you want to be a super hero too.
Because all the cool kids are doing it.
Because you want to help.

Seriously. Freedom from Hunger provides resources to 3.5 million people world wide. They focus their efforts on areas where the people suffer from chronic hunger. Can you imagine? Chronic Hunger? They help families in places like Ghana, India, Bolivia, Senegal, and Haiti. They provide Education, Assist families in obtaining Healthcare and help them learn how to sustain themselves.

Now really, don’t you have a few bucks to spare to help them out?

I’ll even pitch in. I’ll match 10% of the total pledges received.

Think about it. You can pledge any time between now and the end of the blogathon.

Thanks.

The wife and I… Well OK, just the wife.. but the first way sounded better. This doesn’t make any sense. Let’s start over.

My wife was going over the bills and stuff. She discovered that our Citibank Card had like a gazillion ‘Thank You’ points on it. With our points we ‘purchased’ a waffle iron, a quesadilla maker, a toaster oven/toaster combo, a movie and an iPod shuffle. Not too shabby.

Even though I already have the 30 gig iPod, I am psyched about the Shuffle. It is perfect for the gym. The best part of all… we ordered this stuff on Thursday and the Waffle Iron and the Shuffle showed up today.

I had been considering skipping the gym today, I feel run down. I mean really run down. But I decided that I wanted the Shuffle for the gym, so I owed it to myself to give it a real test drive.

After synching the Shuffle, I headed over to the ole gym and stepped up on the treadmill. I turned on the Shuffle and it worked like a champ. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for me. Not surprisingly, I wasn’t able to run for shit. I was winded, tired and my knee was swollen. I was off the treadmill after walking just five minutes and running less than three.

I figured the whole thing didn’t need to be a loss, so I headed over to the machines to lift. I sat down at the chest press machine. When I lift (no free weights for me… just the machines…) I lift till failure. In other words, I try to lift 3 set of 15 reps at a given weight, but I full expect to fail at some point. If I actually complete all 3 sets, I know that I need to increase my weight for next week. Last week, I had nearly completed all three sets, so this week I increased my weight. I knocked out the first fifteen with out any real trouble. I drank some water and after a short rest started the second set. Normally, the first week I am at a new weight, I don’t get far on my second and third sets, but this week I was doing great.

10, 11, 12, 13. Just one more. I pushed. It didn’t want to go. I closed my eyes and exhaled all the air from lungs as I pushed hard. It started to budge and then slowly I was able to extend my arms for that full 14th rep. As I let the hand grips fall back into the rest position, I realized that I was holding breath. I inhaled deeply.

The back of my skull erupted into pain. I drank some of my water, but the pain was unrelenting. The hell with the third set, I thought. I went to the water fountain and refilled my water. I went to try a few sets of flies on the ‘pec-deck,’ but my head was screaming and I felt weak as shit.

I decided to cut my losses and head home. After I ate, the headache started to fade and I began to get some strength back. But honestly, that scared the fuck out of me.

The Blogathon is on Saturday.

I’ll be up for 24 hours, posting a new original blog post every 30 minutes during that time. I’m doing this to raise money for Freedom from Hunger. They are a great charity and I’ll be telling you more about them as the blogathon gets closer.

You can help. You can sponsor me. No donation is too small. And to encourage you a bit, I’m not only investing my time into this, I’ll put my money where my mouth is. I’ll match 10% of the total pledges. In other words, If I raise $500 dollars, I’ll add $50 of my own cash to the total. If the total would get to $1000 (if only we could do so well…) I’d contribute $100.

But wait… there’s more!

To entertain myself during this blogathon, I’ll be listening to music the whole time. I’ll share what I’m listening to (and perhaps even entertain requests) on Mango Radio during the most (if not all) of the blogathon. Maybe I’ll even rant a little. Jeckles on no sleep and loaded with caffeine… I’ll probably rant a lot.

Do your part! Sponsor me.

Or I may do something drastic!

To the best of my knowledge, today is Tuesday. Which is wierd, cause I could’ve sworn that yesterday was Tuesday.

This isn’t going to get any better. I’m taking a four day weekend starting Friday. It will be August before I know what day of the week it is again.

I can’t keep a coherent thought in my head, so you are stuck with more of these stupid Random Thoughts.

Microsoft is revamping their Certifications. For Windows Server 2008 they will not be offering a MCSE Cert. Instead, it will be some Combination of Tech Specialist Certs. I do not feeling like laerning a whole new Certification path. Yet, I do want to have a current cert. A lot of people are unimpressed with MCSEs. I guess there have been too many asshats who have read enough books and memorized enough Cheat Sheets Practice Tests, that there is a population of MSCE that wouldn’t know DNS from DHCP. (Trust me, I just made a funny.) I’d like to upgrade, but it is unlikely that my job will pay for it. And I’m not sure if I want to drop a grand or so on a course to get me up to date. I guess I don’t even have to worry about it yet, Server 2008 isn’t even out yet.

I have a memory card full of photos. Some them good. At least one of them great. But I still haven’t bothered to get them inside of my computer.

I have, however, managed to grow my music collection to over 21000 songs. That’s almost 68 days worth of music, according to iTunes.

I may be set up a web page soon. And not another stupid blog either. And e-commerce thing for my brother. Could be cool.

I think I am going to see 1408 tonight. I’ve heard mixed things about it. Maybe we’ll just stick with Harry Potter.

Did I mention that my Brother-in-law want to do a stupid radio show of his own. I’ll have to make sure he keeps it a secret from my mom.

I got an anonymous pledge of $5 yesterday. This rocks. Every dollar counts. You too could pledge $5 or $50. I’ll tell you what I’ll do (and this will get me in trouble with the wife for sure,) I’ll match 10% of the pledges I receive. Right now, I have $150 pledged. So I’ll be in for $15. If it gets up to $500, I’ll pledge $50. You get the picture.

Sponsor me. You know you want to. It’s for a good cause.

And now I go back to work, to finish my Wednesday Tuesday.

I went backpacking. Again. I know, it’s almost boring. It was a great weekend.

I’m sure its just me being paranoid, but as the end of Dubya’s term gets closer, I keep waiting for some one to announce that they are extending his term indefinitely, citing terrorist threats and what not.

Thanks Monty, Mango and WK for sponsoring me in the blogathon. You can sponsor me too. Dammit.

Two weeks till training camp starts. I can’t wait.

I got a promotion at work. I am now, officially, a Network Engineer. But you can still call me Jeckles.

I’ve changed my gym routine around a bit. I’ve added more emphasis to muscle training. I’ve also added protein shakes to my diet. I’m seeing good results.

Shitty Blog Radio is stupid. My mother has never listened to it. (And this is a good thing.) But for some reason she keeps telling everyone in my extended family about it. I spent an uncomfortable 15 minutes yesterday, trying to explain to my nice Christian cousins what is I do on the internet radio. Maybe my mom should listen. I bet she’d stop telling family about it.

Shitty Blog Survivor is even dumber.

And now my lunch break is over.

Today is the day that all the Blogathon participants are supposed to post about the Blogathon.

I suppose the idea is that it’s supposed to generate traffic and interest to the blogathon. I guess that they just don’t understand about my blog.

NO ONE READS IT.

Okay… I know that you do, but you have to admit it’s lonely around here. It’s my fault. I know.

It always is.

I shouldn’t have gone for so long with out blogging. I just didn’t seem to have anything to blog about. Funny that, cause I always have plenty to say.

But, back to the topic at hand. Go check out the blogathon.

And sponsor me. Dammit. I mean it.

Give me your fucking money. No. Wait. That’s not right. Let me try again.

Pledge your fucking money to help end hunger.

It’s not perfect, but it’s better. I’ll keep working on it.

I know you feel you can’t afford it. I’ll tell you what, just pledge five bucks. You can do that. I know you can. And when your done, ask some one else to do the same.

Hmm.

Still nothing.

I’m asking here, I mean I really want to know. What do I have to do get your pledge? Let me know.

Blogathon.

Yes, I’m doing the blogathon. I’m sure some of you think that is out of character for me, and I guess in some ways it is. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m doing it. And I need your help. I want to make this worth while and to do that I need to raise some money.

Whenever some one asks me for money for some good cause, my first reaction is “I don’t have extra money for that.” I’m not saying that I don’t want to help, but if I gave money to every good cause that came my way, I’d end up in debtor’s prison. So I try to pick and choose and donate to things I feel strongly about.

Keeping that in mind, I feel a little bad asking you guys for money for this. So I’ve given it some thought, and have decided how I want to do this.

I’m not going to make a game of this, or offer ‘prizes.’ Let’s face it, that’s not me. What I want to do is this: If you read this, I just want you to ask yourself if you’ve ever been truly hungry. Has your life ever been in danger because there was no food to be had? Probably not. If you’re like me you probably suffer from too much food, not too little. So how about do your self a favor and don’t eat lunch out one day next week, or skip that triple caramel latte. Take the money you would have spent on that and pledge it fight hunger through Freedom from Hunger.

Sponsor me.

Thanks.

In other, more stupid, news… Shitty Blog Survivor is in full swing.

And yes, I am sitting in here blogging on my vacation. I know. I’m an asshole.

Be Proud… and all that jazz.

As it turns out the fireworks weren’t that great either. To put it more precisely, there were no fireworks.

We usually spend the Fourth at my parents second home. It’s in a nice private lakefront community. We go boating, fishing and swimming. It’s a good time. And every year, a few of the locals, armed with thousands of dollars worth of pyrotechnics, put on an ‘amateur’ fireworks show. It’s always very good.

This year we headed down to the beach, I brought my camera to try to get some fireworks pictures. But there was almost no one there. One of the other guys that had just got there was asking what the deal was. Apparently the management of the community had decided that having fireworks was a bad idea.

On one hand, I see their point, I’m sure there is some sort of liability issue. But on the other hand, you’ve got a lake front community whose busiest day on the lake is always July 4th. If your don’t want to be worried about some redneck blowing his hand off, I’m fine with that, but hire some one to do it. I’m sure you could easily raise the money.

We drove off towards the nearest town, in hopes that we would find a fireworks display, but we never did. At least not exactly. We did manage to see fireworks. It seems that the residents of Northwestern Virginia to blow shit up.

In other news, the Blogathon is scheduled for July 28th. Be there. I will.

Once again, I’ll be blogging for Freedom from Hunger. YOU can help.

Sponsor Me.

I hate asking your for money. It makes me feel bad. So we’ll look at this way. If you live in America and are reading this, you probably have never had to deal with Hunger. Do this, next week sometime, pack a lunch and take the 10 or 20 dollars you would spent on it and use it to help me help Freedom From Hunger.

We’ll talk more about this later.

It’s emabarrassing to me, that Americans don’t realize that this holiday is Independence Day, not “The Fourth Of July.” The fourth of July, just happens to be the date of the holiday. Perhaps I should start calling Christmas, the 25th of December.

Besides that, it’s pretty good holiday.

Well besides that, and the fact the right wing nut jobs try to confuse any celebration of this country with some sort of endorsement of their screwy version of the way things should be.

Other than that is all good. Although I am trapped here with crazy people. It’s okay, they related to me. I’m mostly used to it.

At least the food is good. And the fireworks.

Blogging sucks. Why do you read this shit?

Who knew?

So when I noticed that I hadn’t blogged for a month… well I had to do something.

I probably should have chose to delete the fucking thing, but I chose to write a post.

When I was in college, I would skip class for whatever reason, and then I would miss it again. If it was a Tuesday/Thursday class that would mean that I had missed a solid week of class. This would send me into a state of anxiety. The idea of walking in there after missing a whole week was unthinkable. So I wouldn’t go. Needless to say, I don’t have a diploma.

I guess this blog is kind of the same way. I don’t update for a bit, and then I don’t know where to pick it back up, so I skip it.

If all you knew about me was through the blog, I guess you wouldn’t think I’d done anything but backpacking in the last few months.

But I think most of you listen to the stupid radio show, or worse yet know me in person, so you know better.

If not… well, what can I say.

The blogathon is coming up, and I plan to participate again. So I have no choice but to get back in the blogging habit. Which is a shame, cause of blogging sucks.

When planning a backpacking a trip, I always look at a detailed map of where I will be hiking. I look for places that we camp, taking into account the distance between camping spots, and the amount of climbs in any given stretch of trail. But sometimes, the map just doesn’t have enough information.

The map indicated that after Marble Springs, we would have a 500 foot ascent up High Cock Knob. It showed that the climb would be steep in a few spots, but really it didn’t look bad. The map doesn’t, however, show trail condition or take into account the heat and sun.

The trail up High Cock Knob started out okay. I was able to ascend 300 feet, to an altitude of 2500 feet according to the altimeter in my watch, without any problems. The trail became rockier and much steeper. At the same time the sun was now directly over head and the temperature was above 80 degrees Fahrenheit. The canopy was getting much thinner, and it was obvious that I was getting sunburned on my arms and face. I kept going, but my pace slowed to a crawl as the trail got much steeper. Slowly, using my willpower to force one foot to step in front of the other, I proceed up over rocks until I finally reached the summit. Over an hour had passed since I had left Marble Springs. This climb had taken much longer than it should have.

I found a rock to sit on and drank the bottle of water I had carried up with me. The water bladder in pack was now empty too. The summit was beautiful, but I felt too hot and exhausted to care. I put on my wide brimmed hat to keep the sun off my face, and started walking again.

The descent was as bad as the climb had been, slow going over rocky trail. The day was only getting hotter, and I was getting tired. I was beginning to get concerned, I still had over 5 miles to walk. The descent ended at Petites Gap, and now I was faced with a 1200 foot ascent up Thunder Ridge

The trail up this ridge was better and the walking went easier, but I was hot. There was no shade, my arms were turning a brilliant shade of red and there wasn’t any relief in sight, as the sun was still nearly directly overhead. Eventually, I reached a spring on the side of the ridge. I took of my pack and filled a bottle with water, I sat on a rock that almost let my arms be in the shade. When I had finished with the water, I refilled the bottle and drank it’s contents again. The temperature was now close to 90 degrees, and it was nearly 4 o’clock. Instead of being at the shelter, as I had believed, I was till over 3 miles away with a lot of climbing left to do.

I have to assume, that I had the beginnings of heat exhaustion at this point. As I write this, I know that I should have taken the bladder out of my pack and filled it. I know that I should have changed in to the long sleeved camp shirt that was in my pack. But sitting there on the side of the mountain, in the heat, I thought about these things and decided against them. The idea of digging through my pack seemed to hard. I didn’t want to lose anymore time than I already had, yet I still sat at the spring for nearly 30 minutes. I also didn’t want to add the weight to my pack that a full bladder would have added. These things which make so much sense now, I could not think clearly about at that time.

After finishing a 3rd bottle of water and clipping a fourth bottle to my pack, I started walking again. Instead of feeling refreshed, I still felt beat. My muscles were tired of climbing. I tried to walk at an even pace, but I found myself stopping after just a few steps. I’d have to make myself start walking again, just to find that after a few steps, I had stopped again. It went on like this till I had reached the top of the ridge.

The trail leveled out a bit and I was able to walk at a slow but steady pace. I pushed on till I came to a road crossing, the Blue Ridge Parkway. I checked my map, and saw that I had about a mile to go. I wondered about Shutter, who I hadn’t seen since I had left Marble Springs six hours ago. I considered waiting for him at this point, but I decided if he was feeling even worse than me, I wouldn’t be able to help him much sitting here exhausted. I decided to push on, get to the end and if he didn’t show up I would go looking for him.

Between me and the shelter at this point, was one last climb, about 500 feet to put us over 4000 feet of elevation. On the map, it appeared that 300 of those feet had to be climbed in less than a quarter of a mile. As we had looked at the map, we had dubbed that last unnamed ridge, the Fuck You. As in, “you are almost to the end, but Fuck You, you have to climb this.” It lived up to its appellation.

As soon as the trail started to ascended, I again slowed to nearly a crawl, taking a few steps and stopping. I finally got to the top of the Fuck You, and sat on a log and caught my breath. After a few minutes, I pushed on. When I arrived at the shelter it was after 7 o’clock.

I ate a big snack and drank a liter of Gatorade. I set up my tent, and tossed my gear inside of it. There was still no sign of Shutter. When he hadn’t shown up by 8 o’clock, I grabbed my trekking poles and headed back the way I had come on the trail. I felt better for having rested, the snack and drink had helped and the temperature had gone down. I didn’t have to walk far to find him. I saw him at the base of the Fuck You.

“Dude!”
“Dude. I’m off the trail.”
“What do you mean?”
“My legs are cramped, I can hardly walk. I feel like shit.”
“Let me take your pack.”

I carried his pack up the Fuck You, and to the shelter. He followed at a very slow pace. By the time we got to the shelter it was nearly 9 o’clock. Thirteen hours had passed since he had set out that morning.

I made myself some dinner and drank some tea. Earl Grey, hot. The wind had picked up and was gusting across the ridge, there wasn’t much point in staying up, so I crawled into my tent and fell asleep quickly.

We both slept in the next morning. I felt much better, but Shutter still felt awful, his legs were still cramping. He was dehydrated. After a bit of discussion, we decided we had to get him off the trail. We walked back to the Blue Ridge Parkway, and made a few calls.

Our trip was done. I could have gone on by myself, but two things stopped me. First, 9 days is a long time to be alone. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to endure that. Secondly, even though I didn’t feel as bad as my friend, I still had a pretty bad sunburn and had pushed myself very hard. I didn’t want to find myself alone and exhausted and wanting to get off the trail in a day or two. If I was going home, this was the time.

The trip may have ended early, but that climb will stick with me.

I was so excited about being started on my big hike, that I climbed the first stretch using nothing but adrenaline, I think. But the climbing continued. I soon set into a good stride and was making great time. I took in views of the James River Gorge and was amazed at the thought of a river slowly cutting it’s was through a mountain range. I also took note at the changes that came with increased elevation.

Many of the changes are subtle, but they are there if you look. The Rhododendrons that had been in bloom at the beginning of my hike were only showing buds by 2000 feet. The vegetation was thinner in general, especially the leaves on the old hard woods that cover these mountains. Over the course of the day, I went from walking under a lush green canopy at 700 feet to bare limbs with only the hint that a leaf would someday be there at 4000 feet.

The day was going to be a challenging one and we knew that going in. We would be gaining over 300 feet of elevation over the course of the day, but actually climbing much more that that. The day broke into 5 climbs; a 1000 foot climb out of Matt’s Creek Hollow to Big Cove Branch, another 800 foot climb that would bring us up on a ridge and then to Marble Spring, a 600 foot climb up High Cock Knob and the 600 feet back down to Petites Gap, an 1100 foot climb up Thunder Ridge, and finally a 700 foot ascent to the shelter.

I reached Big Cove Branch and took off my pack and grabbed my water pump and two 32 ounce Nalgene bottles. I pumped water from the stream into the bottles. The pump is actually a filter against microorganisms and other nastiness, a necessity when all of your water comes from unprotected sources. I took the bottles and sat in the shade and proceeded to ‘camel up.’

There is a school of thought that believes that the best defense against dehydration is to get more water than you need in you before you actually need it, not unlike a camel storing water in its hump. Then as your body needs the water it can absorb it from your stomach to the cells that need it. Also this means that you aren’t carrying the weight of the water on your pack, only to drink it after your body already needs it. They say that by the time you feel thirsty, you are already beginning to dehydrate.

I sat in the shade and drank the contents of both 32 ounce bottles. I clipped the bottles and the pump to my pack and started walking again. In addition to ‘cameling up,’ I also had a water bladder in my pack that I was able to sip water from a tube as I walked. I sipped sparingly knowing that the hottest part of the day was still ahead of me.

Again I climbed. Finally I reached the ridgeline at an elevation of over 2500 feet. As the trail leveled out, I picked up my pace to take advantage of the easier walking. After a mile or so of walking I saw Capt. Shutter for the first time since early that morning. It was now about noon, the sun was nearly directly overhead and shade was scarce. We stopped and reviewed the map. We weren’t quite halfway, but we did seem to be on pace to make it to the shelter at a reasonable time. We decided to walk another mile or so to Marble Spring and have lunch there.

It didn’t take long to get to Marble Spring. I sat on a fallen tree to make my lunch, while Shutter wandered down to the spring to get water. I mixed tuna from a foil pack with mayo and relish from single serving packs and put it on a tortilla. It was delicious, but messy. I made a mental note to just eat the tuna in the foil pack and have the tortilla on the side on the next day. I went down to the spring and filled 2 bottle and drank them.

Haven eaten and ‘cameled up,’ I felt ready to to tackle the rest of the hike. I left Shutter to preparing his lunch and headed out, guessing that I would be at the shelter in three or four hours.

A huge trip is what I planned. What I got was a long climb. And that’s okay.

We drove hundreds of miles and for hours. We left Shutter’s car in small parking lot by the side of the road outside of some small Virginia town. He threw his gear in my truck and we continued to head southwest.

We drove up a mountain on winding back roads. We reached the top, there waiting for us was our ’shuttle.’ We had arranged, via email, for him to meet us here and take to the beginning of our hike. We put our packs in the trunk of his car and headed out, leaving my truck on top of the mountain.

We drove for miles, over a hundred. We finally reached the James River Foot Bridge. We retrieved our packs and paid him for his trouble. He drove off, leaving us ready to hit the trail. Or you could say, he took all of our money and left us in the middle of nowhere.
I guess it all depends how you look at it. Watching that distance pass had made me start to doubt whether I could really go that far. I was really questioning if I could walk the last 5 days by myself, it seemed to be just too much.

We hit the trail and headed south. It was hotter than we expected, in 90’s, but we only had 2 miles to walk. Before very long we had reached the Matt’s Creek Shelter.

We set up our tents, but left the rain flies packed. We cooked dinner and relaxed, enjoying the beautiful weather and the quiet of the woods. After a while we retreated to our tents and slept, knowing that we had a very big climb the next day.

A big climb isn’t really accurate. We had to climb from an elevation of 700 feet above sea level to over 4000 feet over the course of 12.5 miles. It is not a simple ascent up a single mountain, but a series of climbs of several mountains resulting in a total of more than 6000 feet of climbing.

Shutter was up early and already eating his breakfast before I crawled out of my tent. I felt good. It was a beautiful morning and I was on the trail! I cooked myself a breakfast of scrambled eggs and grits with a large cup of coffee. By the time I was done eating Shutter was packed up and ready to go. He headed off up the side of the mountain.

My feelings of apprehension from the day before had evaporated. I felt great and it felt good being in the woods again, and I was looking forward to the trip.

I packed up my gear, finished my coffee and headed out on the Trail.

11 days. An ambitious plan. I knew that it was extremely possible that I would not complete the whole trip. And I was at peace with that.

I did, however, think that I would make it further than this.

Details to follow.

For now, I am home a week earlier than I expected to be. I still have next week off, but I am seriously considering going to work. I mean what’s the point of taking Vacation Days just to sit around the house?

Still, I feel refreshed. I got some time off work and spent some time in the woods. These things are important to me.

The backpacking is something I need to think hard about. Be able to walk the Appalachian Trail from beginning to end is a goal I have had for a long time now. And I’ve been working towards being able to complete that goal. Every time I turn down a donut or cookie; every step on the treadmill and stair-stepper is towards that goal. And I’ve done well, but it has left me in a situation that I hadn’t considered before.

While I have prepared myself for this, most of my hiking/camping buddies are not physically or mentally prepared for this. I think that, realistically, if I want to be able to do a long section hike, I will have to do it alone.

I don’t like alone. I don’t care for it one bit. I’ve had times in my life of terrible loneliness. I never feel teh need or desire for long stretches of solitude. I enjoy leaving the world behind when I go backpacking, but I like a companion or two to enjoy it with.

This is a contradiction that I will have to deal with.

I feel that, on some level, maybe it would be healthy for me to come to terms with the solitude. To find a way live quietly with myself, to help me to appreciate the company of others more. But being alone in the woods for several days is a hard thing for to do. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not talking about being a hermit or anything. This time of year, there are several hikers on the AT. I would not be completely isolated, but I would be alone.

This is something I will have to think on for a while. I may sneak out and take a weekend trip by myself and see how it feels, see if this is something I can do.

To be able to do this alone will take a new level of mental toughness, and quite honestly, I don’t know if I am ready for that.

I’m off for an eleven day 115 mile backpacking trip.

Not that you’d even notice I was gone, with the lack of posting at this pathetic site.

But now you know. I’ll be in the wilderness of Southwestern Virginia. The weather looks to be awesome and I am more than ready to get out there and go.

Maybe a few days in the woods will re-ignite my desire to write. Maybe it won’t. We’ll see. That doesn’t matter anyhow, I’m not doing this for inspiration.

Think of as re-boot of the mind and soul. I go out there for a bit, let the stress and clutter of the everyday world sweat out of me as I’m walking. I’ll enjoy the cool mountain nights and bright Virginia sun. The old woods of this part of the world are awesome. And while I’m out there, it is a magical feeling.

When I come back, the real world will infect me again, but at least I’ll be starting fresh.

Peace.

Backpacking.

Need I say more? We went backpacking. Me and three guys from work: Shutter, our Sr. Network Analyst, and a Jr. Technician. On the trail I call Shutter ‘Dead Weight.’ The firewall admin is the WAN-Man. Grayson, the tech didn’t have a trail name, but one usually presents itself.

He’d gone with us once before. He carried almost no supplies, just a very small tent, a lightweight sleeping bag, and an old school backcountry stove. We razzed the shit out of him for carrying so little, but it was August— You can get away with that in August. This trip was something different. The forecast called for a Nor’easter. Rain and wind would sweep in from the west, and if that wasn’t enough when the storm hit the ocean it would pick up energy and draw cold air from the north. High winds, rain and snow would come back across the mountains from the east.

We discussed canceling the trip. Grayson said no way… he was fearless! We decided to give it it a go, but with the understanding that we wouldn’t walk far on Saturday. If the weather was bad Saturday night in to Sunday, we would go back to the car, otherwise we would walk 14 miles or so to the next campsite.

Saturday morning we met at my house, it was overcast, but not too windy or cold. It actually was decent weather for hiking. We packed up and headed north. We left my truck at the ‘end’ and piled into the WAN-Man’s little Subaru. we drive 30 miles south to the ‘beginning.’

We started out on a blue-blazed trail that would take us up the mountain to join the Appalachian Trail. We climbed the mountain for a mile and found the AT. We set out looking for a good place to camp. Before we’d walked another mile, we found one.

We set up our tents and sat on the fallen trees that some hiker from years past had arranged around a small fire circle.

“Weather’s not too bad.”
“Just wait…”
“Yeah, look over there.”
“Shit, those clouds look ugly.”
“No worries, I’ve got my fleece pants and jacket to wear if it gets too cold, plus my waterproofs.”
“Me too.”
“I brought my snow pants, I won’t be cold.”
“I’ve got what I’m wearing.”

We all turned and looked at Grayson. He was wearing UnderArmour ColdGear pants and shirt, camp pants, a shirt and a fleece jacket.

“What are you going to do when it gets colder?”
“You do know it is going to cold…”
“and windy!”
“I’m fine. I don’t get cold.”
“Come on man, it’s not like you can go ‘inside’ and warm up.”
“I’ll just to my tent and get in my sleeping bag.”
“What is it rated?”
“45 degrees.”
“Shit. It’s 45 degrees now…”
“You are clueless.”

I looked at my friends and I looked at Grayson.

“Fucking Bear Bait,” I said. The other two burst out laughing. He just looked at me. I explained that we didn’t have to fear bears, with his lack of preparation the bears would undoubtedly go for him first.

We cooked dinner and talked trash about people at work. We had a good time.

The sky grew darker as the clouds moved in from the southwest and the temperature dropped. Each of us added layers, except Bear Bait, of course. We started cleaning up and getting our gear ready for the night, trying to be sure everything would stay dry. We hung our food from a tree. (First we had to get Bear Bait to take the midnight snacks out of his backpack and put them in his food bag.)

“See. Bear Bait.”
“Come on man. I’m not even cold either!”
“Polar Bear Bait!”

We waited for the rain. It started around sunset. We went to our respective tents. I changed out of my clothes and into my fleece pants and jacket. I climbed into my ‘15 degree’ bag. After a while I fell asleep, nice and warm, to the sound of rain gently falling on my tent.

I awoke in the middle of the night to hear the raining falling in sheets and the wind roaring in gusts out of the valley and up on the ridge we were on. I did a quick check and saw that my tent and gear were dry and went back to sleep.

I woke up sometime right before dawn. I’m not used to going to sleep that early. The wind was still gusting and the rain still falling. I got out of my bag and changed back into my layers for waking. I took my camp pants and put them in a ziplock bag to keep them dry for later. I started packing up my stuff. Once everything, but then tent I was sitting in, was packed, I put on my boots and ventured out.

It was cold and rainy. The wind was still gusting. But it wasn’t really worse than other weather I had hiked in. The real concern was what would happen through the day and that night.

As the others woke up, we discussed our options: go on or bail. Shutter’s tent had let some water in and he was concerned about not being able to get it dry enough. Bear Bait was ready to go on, but he was shivering. The WAN-Man did fine through the night, but he had concerns about walking in the cold and rain all day. He said let’s not be stupid. Let’s bail.

So it was decided. I packed up my tent and put my pack together. When everyone was packed we started on the trail, back the way we came. As I was walking, I found my stride and was walking very comfortably. As I walked, I realized that this was no worse than many other days that I had spent on the trail. I stopped and waited for the others to catch up.

I proposed that we go on. We’d all, except Bear Bait, walked in worse. Shutter considered it and decided that since we had a shelter dry out in, he’d be okay. Grayson, Bear Bait, was all for it. He felt warmer now that he was walking. All eyes were on the WAN-Man.

“There are a few things to consider. First of all, what he is wearing is all he has…” he said, nodding towards Grayson.

I looked at Grayson. He fleece wasn’t going to keep water out much longer, he camp pants were already soaked. If he couldn’t change into dry clothes at the shelter, he risked Hypothermia. And his sleeping bag wasn’t rated anywhere near warmer enough for him to be able to just sleep in that, with out his clothes.

“You’re right. He’ll fucking die. Sorry Bear Bait, we need to bail so you don’t die!”
“Fine use me as a scapegoat, if that helps.”
“Ask me about hypothermia some day.”

We headed back to the Subaru, and drove back to my truck. We stopped for a big breakfast, and headed home in the rain.

That’s what the tell me.

Snow, hurricane force winds, rain and other fearful stuff.

This, of course should have tipped you off that we had planned our fisrt backpacking trip of the season for this weekend.

No. We did not cancel it. Because… well… Capt. Shutter is insane. And our young hiking buddy, who I’ll call Bear Bait for now, is too young and dumb to know better. Actually, he pronounced himself as ‘fearless.’ And that leaves the WAN-Man and me. And I guess we weren’t going to be shone up by these younger guys.

So I’m packed. My new ‘light-weight’ pack has so much shit lashed to it, that it kind of defeats the purpose.

Wet, cold, windy.

This is dumb.

I’ll take pictures.

Stay tuned.

And if this does mange to turn into a blizzard. And you turn on the news and hear about 4 foolish backpackers stranded in Central Pennsylvania. That’s not us. It’s four other guys.

Have a great weekend, slackers.

I’m back.

I went camping. Not backpacking, but car camping.

Car camping is so different. We had so much stuff. A big old stove, a propane lantern, a cooler, camp chairs! The funny thing is, compared to the other car campers we were roughing it. We hardly had any stuff compared to most of them. But when you compare it to backpacking, we were living like kings.

Shutter and I took his kid and my younger child out for an overnight camping trip. We had fun, but I have to admit I prefer camping with out the kids. I’m a jerk like that I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good time and I’ll do it again.

Chasing kids around saying, “keep your hat on, keep your gloves on, don’t touch that” isn’t exactly a vacation for me. But I didn’t take my kid camping so I could get a vacation. My parents took us camping every year. I must ahve been about six months old on my first camping trip. Looking back on it, I suppose that economics had a lot to do with it. It is a hell of lot cheaper to go camping than go to Disneyland.

The result was that I (and my brothers too, I think) grew up with an appreciation for the outdoors. Many of my fondest childhood memories revolve around being out in the woods in the Adirondacks or the Blue Ridge Mountains. We would explore the woods near the campsite. I imagined that I was an explorer walking through woods that no one had ever set foot in before. There is something primal and satisfying about sitting around campfire at night.

The point, I suppose, is that I learned these things while camping with my parents. I feel a deep responsibility to take my kids out so that they can have the same opportunity.

To put it more simply, while backpacking is more enjoyable for me, I need to take my kids out to the woods so that they have the chance to learn to love it like I do. And I think they will.

As for this trip, it was a pretty typical camping trip ( except maybe colder than you would have expected in April.) We went for a walk. The kids “discovered” an amphitheater in the woods, a creek an d a pond complete with frog eggs.

We had hot dogs for dinner and S’mores for dessert. Only after feeding them the gooey combination of marshmallow and chocolate did it occur to me that the tradition of giving kids S’mores and then expecting them to be able to lay down and go to sleep is a bit stupid. But we must have worn them out enough, cause they went to sleep with out incident. We buried them in sleeping bags and blankets to keep them warm.

Having put the kids down, Shutter and I finally got a chance to sit down and relax. The temperature continued to drop, be we we dressed warmly and we built the fire up to a nice warm blaze. We sat and talked and laughed till midnight or so.

We woke up and ate a hearty camping breakfast of eggs, pancakes and bacon. And then set ourselves to the task of breaking camp. It is so much easier to break camp when you are backpacking.

We rounded out the morning by taking a fairly long walk up the Appalachian Trail. We walked to the point that is the “official” half way point on the trail. And then we headed home.

I think that it was a successful trip by any measure.

And better yet, I get to go backpacking next weekend.

I’m out of here.

You’ll be relieved to know that my decades long streak of bad luck is still in tact.

Today sucked. Like most days, I left work filled with and a dull throb in my head. I came home. My wife had already left for some sort of meeting, so I checked in and made sure the kids weren’t dead. The TV had indeed done a great job of babysitting them, although they did seem slightly zombified.

I went upstairs and got myself a drink and took some more cough medicine. I listened as the toilet ran in the bathroom, and couldn’t help but think that there was just one my thing that I’ll need to fix.

We nuked something for dinner and then ran out for comic books. (I don’t have a problem. I can stop anytime I want.) We came back and I went to check my computer.

Yes. I check my computer several times a day. To see if I got an email. Or if some one had posted something interesting in one the forums I go to. Or to see if one of my blogs has got a comment. I realize that for teh frequency that any of things happen, I could get away with checking my computer once a week, but I’m always hopeful, in a pessimistic kind of way.

As I was getting into my chair, a drop of water fell on my head.

For a moment, I was completely confounded. My mind ran through countless improbable reasons why water might be falling on my head. Then I remembered the running toilet. Located conveniently above my desk.

I ran upstairs and looked in the bathroom. There was water all over the floor. An overflowed toilet, I thought to myself as I grabbed a mop, I’m gonna kill some one.

I mopped and mopped, but the water seemed to seep out from under the toilet itself. A little investigation revealed that the bolts that attach the tank to the commode were loose. And water was seeping out at that joint. I turned off the water to john and flushed it to empty the tank. I grabbed some towel and threw them around the base of the toilet to soak up some of this water.

It was at this moment that I realized that almost all of my tools are sitting in my rental property nearly 20 miles away. I managed to scrounge a pair of pliers and tightened the nut that the bolt fastened into. The water stopped seeping. The crisi was solved.

Or at least I hope it is. There is still a lot of water in this ceiling. I have two trash cans catching drips and there are a few ugly stains that have spread. I could drill a hole in the ceiling and let some of that water out. Or I can wait and see if it manages to dry up with out making the situation worse.

Did I mention that all of this right over all of my computers and my comic book collection (which will be temporarily relocated until this situation has passed.)

How the bolts got loose, I don’t have a clue.

I’m not sure I even want to know.

I woke up mad this morning.

Not irked, not annoyed, but pissed.

I was lying in bed feeling too angry to get out of bed. The alarm clock buzzed (after what must have been 8 or 9 snoozes) and interrupted my rage. I responded by punching the fucking thing. As the pain seared in my hand i picked up the clock and threw it as far as its cord would allow.

I looked at my hand, it was already swelling and had a nice purlpish color to it, this only fueled my rage. I marched downstairs grabbed a piece of ice and wrapped it an a paper towel. I put the ice on my hand, announced that I would not be going to work and returned to my bed.

I assumed that I had broken a knuckle. For it to bruise that fast and swell that much, it had to be broken. I took the ice off and started poking. Swollen, yes. Sore, yes. Broken, no. I must have crushed the blood vessel that goes right next to that knuckle.

I laid there, even angrier for the stupidity of my new injury, and pictured myself laying there all day, getting more and more pissed.

So I got out of bed and got dressed. And went to work.

I’m too tired. I’m so tired. I worked for hours and hours this weekend on this apartment. Hammering in quarter-round. Patching holes in the walls and ceiling. Painting. Nothing hard. I did the hard work last weekend. But still, a lot of work.

And now I’m tired. I can’t seem to get untired.

The good news is that the first apartment is done, and has tenants.

The bad news is the second apartment still needs to be painted and some small repairs made. And that tenant will move in April 1.

I’m not just a blogger, I’m the leader of a group of elite bloggers. Elite might be too strong of a word. Shitty might be more accurate. It’s a joke really. A big self-deprecating inside joke for people who write blogs, but don’t take themselves too seriously.

Amazingly, there are over hundred semi-active members. It’s amazing that my brand of pissed off humor appreals to that many people.

Apparently, not everyone appreciates my sense of humor. There are these other shitty bloggers out there. I don’t know where they came from. I don’t care. We made a big stink about them having the same name as us. Well, not even the same name but close. We pretended to be all offended and a good time was had by all.

Wait. Not by all. Like I said, not everyone appreciates my humor or lack thereof. Someone complained to blogsome and they deleted the Shitty Blogs Club outright. Harsh. It’s okay. I moved to the back up plan. The blog is now located at shittyblogsclub.com. I was going to move it some day anyhow… it just seemed like a lot of work. I have all of the posts kind of backed up. Some of the images are lost and the template is gone.

I guess I should be flattered that my humor was so offensive that it had to be suppressed. I don’t get it. I really don’t.

Of course, I don’t have time for this shit.

I just bought a house. I am now a slum lord.

We spent like 3 hours and nearly a thousand dollars in Lowes tonight. I’ve got a busy weekend ahead of me.

On the list: Replacing a window, replacing some dry wall, boarding up the broken windows in the basement, cleaning (and I mean really cleaning) and painting.

I feel like I belong on one of those shows on HGTV. Of course, buying a bunch of shit is the easy part. Tomorrow I need to start making it fixed.

Hopefully, I’ll remember to take before and after pictures.

The replacing the window is going to be the most challenging task. The existing window is 28 inches by 60 inches. Replacement windows come in 28 by 54. I’ll need to make the hole smaller. I know what I need to do and I’m pretty sure of how I want to do it. But often times these things end up getting harder once you start.

If you’re not doing anything tomorrow, come on over. We’ll be happy to let you paint.

Captain America is dead.
Shot down in cold blood.

If that doesn’t make you a bit sad, then there must be something wrong with you.

And Marvel, if you think Short-Shipping Captain America #25 will create more ‘buzz,’ you are probably right. But Dammit, why? I just want to be a dutiful little comic book geek and run out collect it. But no. It’s already sold out.

Like he’ll stay dead. I remember back when Superman was dead. That didn’t last either.

I think that it is possible that I’m not really good at this blogging thing. I wonder why it took me two and half years to figure this out.

I’ve been invited to a party in Las Vegas. But I can’t afford to go. It’s just too expensive to fly out there for one weekend.

Doesn’t that just suck?

Don’t answer. That was one of those rhetorical questions.

Today alone, no less than six people reinforced my notion that most people are simply to stupid to be allowed to be left to their own devices.

Remind me to tell you what is wrong with Public Education today, but make sure you have plenty of time when you do.

Also remind me to tell you about my hiking trip from a month ago.

And it snowed. I was really ready for spring. All the signs are here. Daylight Savings is coming. The Orioles are looking good in Spring Training (they do this to more thoroughly crush our hopes in July.) And my narcissus have peaked up thruogh the mulch. Okay, they did that back in January, but you get the point.

I set up MAME on PC. All the better to enjoy Pacman and Burger Time. All I need now is a good, old-school joystick.

Do you ever wish that the Internet was harder to use, just to keep the morons out?

And lastly, I used Puppy Linux to rescue files off of a corrupted Windows Laptop. I’m like a superhero.

My head hurts. I’m tired. I’m grumpy.

And no one cares.

I think it the last part that bothers me the most.

How has it been nearly two decades since high school and I find myself facing the same problems. I don’t fit in.

I don’t make friends well. I’m no good at it.

I could make some dramatic statement about how hard it is for me trust people, because of the way my life has gone. But that doesn’t ring true. I couldn’t make friends in high school either. Or before them.

I’m just not wired correctly.

I guess most of teh time I’m at peace with it. I just sit around and do my thing. But some days I look around and se people hanging out outside of work. Doing shit together and I feel left out.

Maybe this head ache has impaired my ability to function like a rational human being.

I just want to yell at people. Be a real dick. Somehow that seems like it would make things better. It probably wouldn’t and I doubt it would make me feel better. But if I could make a few people as miserable as I am, that would be a small consolation.

I know.

Small.
Petty.

But it sounds good. It really does.

I won’t do it. I’ll just stalk around and grumble to myself.

Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

My job is making me nuts. I’ve been there for two years. I had expected that I would move up in the pecking order during that time.

It’s not going to happen. Too much bureaucracy. To move up, a new job needs to be created or someone need to leave. I don’t see either of those things happening.

Which means the ball is in my court.

Excuse my while I walk around and grumble some more.

It’s snowing. Right now. And honestly, it’s beautiful, but I can’t enjoy it when I know that in a few hours it will change to freezing rain and sleet. I am so sick of winter.

This morning I moved my old stove and fridge to the house I am preparing to rent out. It is so nice to have a truck. It just is. Almost everyday something happens that makes me glad I bought this truck.

Friday night we went out. The kids were at my sister-in-law’s house and we could do anything we wanted. But we are not very exciting people. We opted for dinner and a movie. Dinner was good. We went to a Chili’s. The chicken and shrimp fajitas are awesome.

We got to theater a little early for the show so I killed a little time playing Pac Man on the original arcade console. Very little time. It’s much harder than the internet version, I’ve been playing.

We saw Ghost Rider. IT was pretty much what expected. The ghost rider comic book has always been… well… for the lack of batter word, stupid. Johnny Blaze is possessed by the devil, so he turns into a flaming skeleton at night, but somehow he used his demonic possession for good. Huh? But no one read that book for the depth of it’s plot. The appeal was always fire, skeletons, motorcycles and demons.

The movie was OK. Nicholas Cage had some funny moments, But the CGI Ghost Rider was very unconnected from Cage’s Johnny Blaze. The movie tried to work a struggle within aspect of this whole possession thing, but it was tedious. They would have been better served to forget explanation and had more fire, skeletons, demons and motorcycles.

Since we were without kids, we capped off the night by getting hopped up on Diet Red Bull and watching Mixed-Martial Arts fighting on HDNet.

Like I said, we aren’t very exciting people.

You would have thought that with a three day weekend, that I would have found the time and energy to update this site.

Shows what you know.

The sun came out today and the temperature rose about 50 glorious degrees Fahrenheit. It’s about time. Sometimes I lie to myself about the cold. It’s not that bad, I tell myself. But then it warms up and I remember how much I truly dislike the cold.

I’m buying a house. Did I tell you that? I didn’t think so.

Don’t worry, I won’t be asking you to help me move. I’m not going anywhere.

We, the wife and I and my parents, are going to buy a house as an investment property. Who am I kidding, we’re going to be slumlords. It’s nice little 2 unit house, that only needs a bit of cosmetic work. We’ll try this out and see how it goes. If it works out well, we will start building our slum empire.

As an added plus for me, this will give a chance to practice on some home improvement stuff, with out having to risk screwing up my house. One of the first things I’ll have to do is replace one of the windows. This is cool, because the windows in my house really need to be replaced also. And this will give me a very good idea of whether I want to try to do that myself.

The one apartment is lacking a refrigerator the other is short both a stove and refrigerator. As we discussed whether to buy new or used appliances to address this, I couldn’t help but think about my 15 year old, builder grade stove and refrigerator. Why would I buy new, if cheap, appliances for this property, when I really could use some new appliances myself.

Of course, this logic led my to Lowe’s and to know ones surprise we picked out a new stove and refrigerator for ourselves. And now we have a decent used stove and fridge for the one apartment.

The fancy new fridge came with a automatic ice maker. This requires a line to be tapped into my plumbing and run to the refrigerator. A simple do it your self kind of job. Except of course, when it comes to me and plumbing nothing is simple.

We got a saddle valve to ‘vampire’ into the cold water line under the sink. I drilled a hole in the cabinet, and ran the copper tube in. I fastened the copper to the valve on one end and the fridge on the other. I closed the valve, which pierced the the cold water line. I opened it back up and water flowed in to the copper line. Water was also slowly beading up where the copper line joined valve and where it was connected to fridge. I tightened the shit out of them and figured I was good to go.

I pushed the fridge back in to the wall. At this point, I should mention that I live in a townhouse and even though I bought the smallest Side by Side refrigerator they had to offer, it is very big in my kitchen. It just fits between the wall and the cabinet. When I pushed it back, it crimped the copper line. I didn’t drill the hole far enough back. I tried to pull the line out, but it was crimped to hard. It snapped.

I closed the valve and pulled it out. I drilled a new hole. But the tube had been flattened where it was crimped. I couldn’t fit the tubing into the fittings to fasten it. I won’t tell you how much time I spent trying to bend that copper tube back into shape, but I will tell you I didn’t get enough sleep last night.

Today on my lunch break, I picked the tool that is designed to cut copper tubes and went home. I trimmed the tube and fastened it. And now we have ice.

It never fails to amaze me how much easier it is to do this kind of thing, when you have the right tools.

I got a snow day today. Three or four inches of snow topped with a layer of ice have effectively shut down this town.

My wife did, however, have to go to work. I drove her in.

It’s ugly out there. The sleet has changed to rain. The rain combined with the snow melt results in lots of standing water that has nowhere to drain. And its still pretty cold so it’s trying to freeze as it sits. Tonight as the temperatures drop a lot of it will probably freeze up.

Some parts of the world seem to get these winter wonderland kinds of storms.

Here, we get mixed precipitation. Sleet, freezing rain. Slop. It’s ugly. The kids can’t go out and play in it.

And the roads are far more treacherous than the would ever be with just snow. Deep water, unexpected patches of ice, snow. And Mid-Atlantic drivers. Any thing that resembles weather puts these people in a panic. They brake going down icy hills. The don’t get enough speed to make it up slippery slopes. The can’t drive in this stuff. (This shouldn’t be surprising, it’s not like they drive great in good conditions.)

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy having an excuse to drive today. The truck did great. The Four wheel drive on it, is automatic. I don’t have to turn it on. It is front wheel drive anyway. So it drives with just the front wheels engaged, if it senses that either of those wheels is spinning or slipping, it will kick in the four wheel drive. It works like a champ. Besides that, it was nice just to have that extra height to the vehicle as I had to drive over spots where they had plowed side roads closed or through twelve to eighteen inches of running water.

I like my truck.

And I should, it cost me enough. (I would put a picture of it up, but would you believe I haven’t gotten around to shooting one.)

I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that all of this slop is probably appropriate for Valentines Day. It’s a stupid holiday. Just an excuse for the Chocolate, Flower and Greeting Card industries to get more of our money.

The last few years I have helped the boys make a Valentine’s Cake for their mom. But that may not happen this year. Unless I decide to make a trip to the store. Besides It makes one huge cake. That would be a diet buster for sure.

Since at least one person cares about the back packing, I will see if I have it in me to write about it.

Oh! I did something nice again today, I may need to go see a doctor or something about this.

To the disappointment of many, I did not freeze to death in the woods.

I might write about the trip, but who knows, I may not. I don’t actually think anyone cares about the details.

While I was out there, I did lot a of thinking. It’s easy to think when you have nothing to do but walk.

I remember thinking to myself; these are good thoughts, I should write about them in the blog. Would you believe that I can’t remember any of it?

It’s true. I suck like that.

I’ve been back two days and already I feel as stressed and miserable as I did before I left, or worse.

I think that there is something wrong with me.

And I have no idea what to do about it.

I feel like I need a new job, or a second one. I suddenly feel like I need to be making more money.

I was going to write about the nice thing that I did today, but I no longer feel like it.
Nice went out the window a few hours ago.

Yes. I’m going backpacking this weekend.
Yes. I realize that I’ll be lucky if it gets much over freezing while we are out there.
Yes. I remember that I said that I wouldn’t go backpacking in February again.

No. I don’t care about any of that.

I need this.

You won’t understand that, but trust me. It’s true.

So excuse me while I go get my fix.

now nimble fingers that dance on numbers
will eat your children and steal your thunder,
while heavy torsos that heave and hurl
who crunch like nuts in the mouths of squirrels.

I have a head ache.

I don’t know if it is lack of coffee or that extra peice of pizza I ate last night. Maybe I didn’t sleep well. It doesn’t matter, but it is killing me.

I don’t know if my current lack of motivation is caused by the headache or if they are both symptoms of the same problem.

Six days till backpacking…
Six days till backpacking…
Six days till backpacking…

So to avoid to the real world, I’ve spent my energy on the Internet. I’ve added an anti-spam mod to my stupid forum and made some tweaks to the SBC and SBR domains. I’ve uploaded the radio show from Thursday.

And I’m listening to the show. It’s funny, a year and a half ago I cringed every time I heard a recording of my voice. Now, I’m very used to hearing it. Isn’t it sad that I enjoy listening to my own podcast. I’m such a dork.

I keep thinking that I will update you guys, both of you, on my progress with the ole home network. Then I remember that no one cares about that but me.

I bought a new cook kit for camping trip. It’s small, titanium and very light. Less than half a pound light. I also purchased a Buff. What’s a buff you are asking yourself. Check it here. Click on the link on that page to watch the demo movie. It’s cool as shit. It makes me happy.

I guess I need to get off the computer and do something… get dressed, take a shower… something.
But first, I think I’ll play one more game of Pac Man.

I come home for lunch each day. I only live a few miles from work and I find it to be the easiest way to go.

I am counting my calories these days. With great success, I might add. I have lost 15 or so pounds in the last month. I have twenty some odd to go to reach my goal. I have a ham and turkey on rye with cheese, every day. Heated the toaster oven. I prefer hot meals, for some reason. It is about a 400 calorie meal and it is quite filling.

It must be annoying to people around me when I start talking about calorie this and gym that, but when you are focused on that stuff you think about it a lot. You have to. It is too easy for me to start rationalizing why I can eat this or that. So I stay focused. I eat (give or take) 1000 calories a day. They tell me that I need to eat more. They tell me that my metabolism will slow down to much. I think that they are full of shit and more interested in selling me stuff than they are in me just losing the weight.

My metabolism is fine, thank you very much. I go to the gym nearly every weekday. I get on the treadmill, walk for five minutes to warm up, run for thirty minutes and then walk for five more to cool down. Then I go work some of the weigh machines. I doubt I’ll ever build any muscle worth noting, but I’m told that building muscle burns fat. So I do what I can.

I think about this stuff at lunchtime, because it is the best defense I know against just breaking down and eating out. I have a goal, and I am focused.

Next weekend will be the first big payoff for my efforts. By bringing my weight down, I should have a lot my more energy and stamina when hiking. And since my robot like friend will be coming, I’ll need all the energy I can get.

Other thoughts:

I don’t hate my job today, nearly as much as I did yesterday. But I still don’t like it. If anyone knows of a company hiring Network Engineers in Florida, let me know. Thanks.

I truly hate blogging. Why I do keep doing it? I can’t find a better system for expressing myself. I used to think that blogging would be a truly free and open way to express yourself. It isn’t. People react to what you post. Those reactions influence how you post in the future, whether or not you want them to. And don’t think it’s just me. We wouldn’t get this infighting among bloggers (I’m sure you’ve seen it somewhere) if people weren’t sensitive to how people react.

If you want to get a real feel for the news, turn the volume off and the closed captioning on. You’ll be able to see how they repeat certain concepts over and over again. I never watch the news if I can avoid it, but when I’m on the treadmill I watch whatever is in front of me, often it is Fox News. Last night I saw them report on one guys theory about Sandy Berger destroying National Archive documents. I know nothing about this and I really don’t care, but in read the closed captioning it became clear that what was on the TV wasn’t exactly news.

To paraphrase, the segement went a little like this:

FoxNews: Did Sandy Berger steal documents from the National Archives to hide handwritten notes written by Bill Clinton and high level cabinet members? That’s what one expert believes. Tell us, did Berger steal and destroy these notes?
Expert: I believe he did. If there were handwritten notes and he destroyed them, there may be a cover up.
FN: So Berger could have been destroying handwritten notes, written in the margins.
Expert: Yes, the copies at the national archinves have no notes so he must have destroyed the originals to cover them up.
FN: Has the National Archives seen these notes.
Expert: They are unaware of any notes

Meanwhile, there is a graphic that says “Sandy Burglar” in the background the entire time. I don’t know or care about this, maybe the dude stole and covered up a loads of stuff. But that interview provided no proof of it. What it did do is repeat the accusation over and over again.

I used to worry about the government lying to us. Now they don’t have to. The cable news networks are there to confuse the issues for them.

Lunchtime is over. Maybe we’ll do this again sometime.

I don’t blog as much as I used to.

I don’t blog as much as I want to.

I sit down with every intention to write something, but I don’t. Mostly, this is due to the fact that all of my post would sound the same.

My job frustrates me.
People are dumb.
I hate dumb people.
I hate dumb people on the internet.
I hate dumb people at work toady.
I went to the gym, there were dumb people there.
I hate that.

Do you want to read that? I don’t want to write it. It get’s stale after a while. My life is a bit stale, to tell the truth.

I’m a in a rut. Work does frustrate me. I could tell you all about it, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I don’t need to. Maybe work is simply a frustrating thing. I fear that my work frustration is far from unique. And that is depressing in and of itself. I mean, if I have to suffer like this, you would hope that at least it would make for an interesting story. But it doesn’t. It just makes for another guy bitching about his job.

I try not to dwell on work. I go to the gym nearly every night and run for 40 minutes. You’d think that this is the kind of activity that would make my life better. Help me feel healthier and happier. Who knows, maybe it does. But I’m still in a rut.

I know I mentioned it before, but it is so true. I want to pack my shit and go some where warm. Get a new job. How bad could it be? Even if the job sucked, when you were done work, you’d be in Florida anyways.

If I were single, I’d probably do it. But it’s a lot harder to figure how to afford to transplant a family. And let’s be honest here, there is nothing so unique or special in my skill set to make some one want to relocate me.

I try to amuse myself, to keep myself from dwelling on this shit.

And to that end, I’m gonna run Shitty Blog Survivor again and Shitty Blog Radio seems to have resurfaced. Of course, that nature of diversion has limited appeal.

For now I just look forward to my next backpacking trip. Currently, the forecast is for rain and snow. This will not do.

I hate this time of year.

I hate January.
It is a dark, cold and generally useless month.
I won’t be sad to see it go.
~~~
Less than two weeks till I go backpacking again.
I must have some sort of brain damage.
~~~
You made me smile today, even though you are having rough time. Thanks.
~~~
I wish I were a better writer. I enjoy it, but I don’t have stories to tell. Not really. What I write seems more like sketches. I’d love to write a novel, but I can’t even come up with a bad idea for a novel. I just hope that if I write enough of the sketches, I will find a story to weave around them.
~~~
I have been pretty good about going to the gym. I have been very god about sticking to my low calorie diet. I have lost about 15 pounds this month. I want to lose 10 more before I go backpacking.
~~~
I think I have finally grown bored of the Internet. I have spent a large part of the last ten years invested in the Internet. Overall, I’ve been disappointed.

I was watching Star Trek yesterday.

I watch Star Trek nearly everyday.

Yesterday, it was The Next Generation variety.

The episode was Tapestry.

Any episode with Q is worth watching, but this episode is probably one of the best they ever did.

The basic idea of the episode is this:

Captain Picard finds himself dead after a phaser blast (or some such thing) makes his artificial heart fail. In the afterlife he is greeted by the apparently omnipotent Q.

Q explains that the reason Picard is a dead is because of the artificial heart, had he still had his human heart he would be alive and well.

Q gives Picard the chance to go back and do it all over again, a chance to avoid the fight with an ugly alien that resulted in him getting a new heart.

Picard suddenly finds himself back in his 20-something self. He’s a Ensign just out of the Academy, out with his best friends from the Academy for one last weekend out, before they go to their first assignments as Star Fleet Officers.

Picard relives the weekend, this time with the perspective of a middle aged, successful Star Fleet Captain. He manages to prevent the fight with the Aliens from happening, and he never gets stabbed in the heart. As a result, he never gets an artificial heart.

Q returns him to the present, and Picard finds that he isn’t Captain of the Enterprise, he is a Lieutenant in Astrophysics who spends his days running reports and analyzing data. He is relieable, but unspectacular. He will never advance beyond this post in this new present.

Q visits Picard one last time. He explains that by avoiding that fight, the young Picard never found his life in danger, never decided to live for the now, never learned to take chances.

Or more simply put, his past, especailly the parts of it that he wasn’t proud of, were intregral to making him into the man that he became.

Q sends him back to his younger self again, this time Picard allows himself to be drawn into the fight, knowing full well that is could cost him his life in the present. Death, he decides, would be preferable to surviving as a man that is a pale imitation of his self.

This episode is great.

I have so many regrets about my past, and watching this episode always reminds me, that what I’ve experienced— good and bad— has made me who I am.

I still have room for improvement. (Lots of room.) But the place for improvement is right here and now, not in wishing that this or that had gone differently.

I have been thinking recently.

The above sentence is ridiculous on many levels.

I am always thinking.

“You think too much.”

You wouldn’t believe how often I’ve heard that.

But, as usual, I have been thinking. And what I have been thinking about is choices and risks.

I am risk adverse. I mean, I’m okay with Roller Coasters and Rock Climbing. Those kinds of things don’t scare me. But when it comes to ‘life decision’ things, I’m as conservative as Newt Gingrich.

I look around and I’m not happy with what I see. There is nothing special about where I live or the job that I have. I have family here, but we don’t see each other very often.

I think that I should pack my shit and move my family to somewhere new. Somewhere sunny. There are IT jobs everywhere and most of them probably pay better than the one I have.

I should do it. I should but I don’t.

The what if’s eat at me.

So I keep doing the same thing.

I don’t even know that this is a bad thing. I am what I am. I have a tremendous amount of respect for anyone who can just pack up and move to go get what they want.

Maybe the problem is that I don’t know what I want.

Maybe the problem is that I think too much.

Where have I been you ask?

That’s a funny kind of question, isn’t it? I’m right here where I’ve always been. But I know what you mean.

I haven’t felt like blogging. I’m not talking about the disgust or frustration that I usually find myself feeling about blogging. I just haven’t felt like it.

I sit down with this notion that I will blog, but instead I end up playing Pac Man for an hour.

Some times I think that I have something to say, but when I sit here in front of the ole super computer I don’t say it.

Go figure.

I guess it is part of an apathy that has been threatening to overwhelm me.

Or maybe its that my life is too boring to be put into words.

Or maybe, just maybe, I can’t remember why I blog.

I know why I started. At that time, I thought that I had something unique to say. But I’ve learned that I don’t. If the Internet teaches nothing, it should teach us that there is nothing new under the sun.

Let’s blame the short days and the unnaturally warm weather. (It’s true, I prefer warmer weather, but this has just seemed wrong.)

I’ve lost my center. I seem to be drifting. This happens from time to time. But I really need to get it back. Luckily, I have just remedy. I have a trip scheduled — yes a backpacking trip, is there any other kind — in early February. And I seem to recall that I swore to myself that I wouldn’t go backpacking in the cold of winter anymore. (It also occurs to me that I had made and broke that oath before.) But it is necessary. To attempt to limit the amount of freezing and shivering that will happen, I’ve rented two Cabins that we will hike to. The are equipped with fireplaces, wood stoves and four walls. It will be great.

And with any luck, I’ll be able to re-center myself.

At least, I hope I will.

Yes. I am going to say Brian Billick should be coach of the year. He won’t be. But he should be.

You should understand that I don’t say this simply because I’m a Ravens fan. Honestly, I was one of the ones who last year was calling for Billick to be fired. The team was a disaster. Ray Lewis was injured and not speaking to anyone. Jamal Lewis was mad at the terms of his new deal. The Defense was openly criticizing the Offense for not be able to stay in games. There was no discipline. And Billick instead of addressing it, made excuses for it.

By the end of the season, most people felt that he would (and should) be fired. But Biscotti did something rarely seen in pro sports. He held a press conference, with Billick in attendance, and announced to the media that Billick would not be fired, but he expected changes. He went on to list them. Billick would stop being so arrogant. He would stop condescending to the media. He would be more connected to the team. He would listen to players. He would stop being soft in practices and at training camp.

I think all of us have probably had, at some point or another, a conversation with a boss where that boss outlined how we could be a better employee. It’s not fun, especially, the points that we know are right. I cannot image how it would feel to have that conversation happen in front of the entire world, should they be inclined to watch.

By the time you read this, Sean Payton of the Saints will have won the Coach of the Year honors. And what he has done as a rookie coach has been impressive. But he’s had some help. The other new arrivals in the Big Easy (Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Marques Colston and Mark Simoneau) had a lot to do with the turn around season for the Saints.

The Ravens on the other hand haven’t changed much in the way of personnel. As a matter of fact the most significant change has been the addition of Steve McNair. But you have to understand that before signing McNair, Billick had to first admit he was wrong about Boller. Something he had been unwilling to do in the past.

Billick has done something most of could not have. He decided that he wanted to stay and he wanted to win, so he swallowed his pride (and in Billick’s case that is no small task) and made the changes demanded by Biscotti.

And the changes have paid off. The Ravens are the number two seed in the AFC and on top of the tough AFC North. They have an impressive 13-3 record, the best in team history. They swept the arch-rival Steelers and are favorites to make it to the AFC Championship Game.

Billick took a 6-10 team full of locker room divisions and sloppy play and turned them into a team that has every right to believe that they belong in the Super Bowl. He did it by putting his ego aside and doing what needed to be done. And for that he deserves Coach of the Year.

I thought that juggling wasn’t a skill I’d need. I mean, really, who cares about some twit throwing balls and bowling pins in teh air and catching them. Oh sure, it’s amusing. But nothing I’d ever want to do.

As it turns out, juggling is what my life is all about. Not so much balls and pins, but work, family and gym. Computer Geekery and writing. Photography and home improvement.

It seems that i spend a lot of time working on these things, but never accomplishing what I want to. At least not to the degree I want to.

Hell the only reason I am even getting around to writing this is because I took a mental health day from work.

I want to do it all, but realistically , I know that to I’d be better off to just focus my energy on one thing and work hard at it.

I can’t do that. So I guess that makes jack of many trades, master of none.

I hate that expression. It sounds a lot like an insult.

It is my intention to master many of these things.

I have a plan.

I’ve had a ‘home network’ for a while now. But it isn’t much of a network. Mostly a few PC’s and a couple of wireless laptops connected the internet. Throw in a few network printers for good measure and you get the picture.

This doesn’t really cut it for the geek in me. And to tell you the truth, it’s not really working as well as it should for the rest of us either. What we need here is a real network. Luckily, I know I network engineer. (It’s me. Really. I don’t need to find any one else.)

What I have is one P4 Desktop, 3 P3 Desktops, 2 laptops and one 200GB external drive . The plan is this. Take one P3 and make it a w2k3 Server and attach the external drive to it. One of the other P3s is already set up to be a VM Server. I will add a Ubuntu LAMP Server VM and a Windows XP VM. THe final P3 will be set up with EDUbuntu for the kids. My P4 desktop will be formated and I’ll install Kubuntu on it. The laptops are already good to go.

I’ll share out some folders from the external drive. The Printers too.

And then I’ll be set. I’ll be able to work from either my desktop or my laptop equally, my wife will be able to access my MP3’s and I’ll have the XP VM to fall back on if I find something that just needs windows (or the kids do.) I’ll use the LAMP server to work on some PHP/MySQL databases. You know for all that important data I have. Seriously, I see full relational databases in the future for my comic book collection and my movie library.

Why? Cause I’m a geek that’s why.

I’ll bore you with updates as they are available.

Sometimes blogging seems like such a chore.

(I can hear you, you know. You just said, ‘Then why do you do it?’ I’ve answered that question before, and I suppose I will again. But not today.)

Anyhow.

It does.

I figured out what is going on with my foot. If you’ll recall I my right foot was causing me pain when I ran. I took the week before Christmas off from running to give it chance to recover. I also bought a new pair of sneakers. My foot hadn’t been bothering me at all, so I went to the gym to give myself my ritual torture on the treadmill.

As soon as I started the pain started up. What’s worse, it throws of my stride. Instead of running evenly, I extend my left leg correctly, but take a short step with my right. I guess it hurts less that way. I tried to concentrate on running evenly, but I found that I kept favoring the left foot. This means that I was pulling at all kinds of muscles and tendons that don’t usually get used this way. By the time I had run for 30 minutes, I was no good. I stepped off the treadmill and was barely able to walk.

When I got home, I examined my foot closely. I poked all the bones and everything felt okay, nothing fractured. I knew something was going on, this has been bothering me for weeks. I poked and prodded some more until I found the exact spot that the pain radiated from. It was the joint between the middle toe and the main bone in my foot.

Suddenly I realized exactly when I had injured it. I was switching from a brisk walk to a jog on the treadmill and stepped awkwardly, as I had anticipated the run a moment before the treadmill was up to speed. Turf Toe. That’s what I have. The good news is now I know how to treat it. The bad news is I may be a week or more with out running.

It’s funny in a way. Being the football fan that I am, I’ve seen players suffer through turf toe. It can keep them out for weeks. Fans always question it, how bad could it be, it just a toe. Now I understand. Luckily, I suppose, it’s not my big toe.

I’ll be taking Advil and the rest of the Celebrex that I have and combining that with keeping my foot elevated for an hour or two each night. With any luck, I’ll be able to run soon. In the mean time, I need to find a way to burn some calories.

I may have to resort to something like the dreaded yoga.

Dear Santa,

My name is G and I would like to tell you a little about myself before I tell you what I want for christmas. I am 5 years old and I am in kindergarten. I go to Elementary School. I have a Mom and a Dad and a brother named S who is helping me write this letter. I also have some ? for you. How is the weather at the north pole? Are you feeling happy? Are you decorated for christmas yet? How is Mrs. Claus? Am I on the good list?

Now I want to tell you what I want for christmas. I want a Superman toy and a Fantastic 4 toy, I would like a coloring book, RoboRaptor, math cards Superman InflatoSuit, Green Day Music, Rescue Pet toy, Backyardigans toy, Shake and Go cars, Kids Pop Microphone, Cars Videogame, SpeedStacks, Science Book, Green Day Poster for christmas.

From G

Enjoy your Holiday.

I’m in a shitty mood this morning. Of course, it is almost afternoon. This isn’t helping my mood out at all. But none of that matters.

From inside my skull:

I’ve been looking a bit at the new Vista OS. It’s pretty good, of course it ought to be after 5 years or so of development. I have been planning to make some changes to my ’supercomputer.’ Initially, I was thinking of putting some flavor of Ubuntu on it, but now I’m considering Vista. Linux or Vista? There are good reasons for both. I love the whole Open Source thing and the implied geekiness that goes with Linux, but Vista is new and shiny. Plus, sooner or later I’ll be supporting Vista at work, the more familiar I am with the better off I’ll be. At the moment, I’m totally undecided.

I can’t help thinking that we haven’t seen the worst of this Iraqi sitiuation yet.

There are all kinds of playoff implications in todays games. Not only in the NFL but in my Fantasy Football League. So in addition to the Ravens, I’ll be rooting for LT, Jerricho Cotchery and Eli Manning.

Monday Night Football presents me with a unique dilemma Assuming the Ravens win today. If Indy wins, the Ravens clinch the AFC North. If Cincy wins we clinch the Playoffs but not the AFCN. However we will move into Second Place in the overall standings in the AFC. I think I’ll just go with my gut here and root against Cincinattica.

I really need to go backpacking. This mild weather has only made this fact more obvious to me. Spring cannot get here fast enough.

The middle of next week will mark the shortest day of the year. I look forward to it, only so I can start seeing the days get longer again. All this darkness puts a hurting on my psyche.

I hurt my foot while running the other week. Nothing serious, but it does hurt when i put my weight on it. I kept running each day, hoping that it would work itself out. It did not. I believe that my sneakers were the culprit. So I switched shoes, but the pain is still there. And there is nothing more pathetic than seeing a middle aged guy hobbling along in a half run-half limp on the treadmill. I bought some new running shoes this weekend, which in the long run should help. My problem is what to do about the short term. I don’t run on the weekends, so it has had a chance to heal some, but if it still hurts tomorrow, I’ll have to make some choices. Either I just take a week off, I use the Elliptical Machines for a week (which will put less strain on my foot, but causes my knees problems,) or I just keep running. None of those are great options.

Every time I hear about Hilary Clinton getting ready to run for President, it makes me happy. Not for any particular reason, it just feels like a good thing.

I am sick of work. Luckily I’ll get the last week of the year off. Hopefully, I can come back re-charged.

Work. Gym. Sleep.

Sometime it feels like that’s all there is.

I hate the short days and long nights. I hate the gray skies. Even this recent wave of warm weather can’t fix that.

The answer, for me anyhow, is to escape, just a little, every now or then. I have a few avenues for escape. Music is one. My comic books are another.

Of course, any time I try to talk to any one about comic books they roll their eyes at me. I guess grown ups aren’t supposed to read comic books.

But they are a perfect little escape for me. I have a stack of comic books I haven’t read yet. Every day on my lunch break, I read one or two and I read a couple before I go to sleep.

These books let me wonder if Iron Man or Captain America will come out on top in their War. You didn’t even know that there was a war, did you? Will Charles Xavier ever regain his powers? Who is X-23?

Better to think about those things, than to be bogged down by a job that honestly isn’t going anywhere.

Besides Batman, Wolverine, Marvel Girl and the rest are badass.

As you may know, I go to the gym. At least I try to.

Sometimes I let life and work and stuff become excuses and then I don ‘t go.

This fall was particularly bad for that. I didn’t go, to speak of, during September, October or November. And I suffered for it. Soon I was slipping back into bad eating habits. Going out for lunch, instead of packing a sandwich; late night snacks; feasting during football. And I packed on a few pounds, fifteen or so.

That was bad enough, but there was more. My energy levels slipped away. I felt tired all the time. Hell, I felt like shit. So two weeks ago I decided that it was time to do something about it. I went back to the gym and I ran. By the time I’d gone a mile I thought my heart would explode. After two miles I was sure I couldn’t go on. But I forced myself. I ran for 40 minutes and covered over three miles. Not good enough to get me on the track team, but it would do.

It’s gotten a little easier since that first day, but I’m still not to where I was in the summer. I haven’t lost but a pound or two, but I do feel better.

Aging is such a bitch. Once upon a time I could eat like a pig and not gain a pound. I was so skinny you count my ribs from a distance. (I wasn’t in good shape, but I was skinny.) Those days are gone. If I want to be in shape, I am going to have to work for it.

I know, you’re thinking, Duh, of course you have to work for it. It didn’t used to be that way for me. I am so unused to have to work at this. The thing that kills me is after I lose the weight i want to lose, I will still need to do this.

So I keep going back. I am determined. (And this time, even when I’ve lost the weight, I’ll keep going.)

Is privacy important?

The nature of this question keeps changing. Should we sacrifice a little privacy to make the world safer? To make it more convenient?

It seems that this question is no longer academic for me.

At work we got a new piece of equipment. A network analyzer to go with our firewall. Our Network Analyst, who is responsible for the firewall has been testing it out.

It seems that there is very little information that is hidden from him.

Oh. I know the information has always been there, for anyone with the right tools and enough time. But this has raised the stakes. He can read in near real time what you are saying on IM or what web page your are reading. Who you are logged in as.

If he were inclined, he could know just about anything I did on line, with no more effort than you are expending to read this blog.

He let our Network Engineers know about the capabilities of this device by reading verbatim an IM conversation between to of them.

The reaction in the room was unanimous: Fuck this.

Like I said, we know that nothing is safe or secret in the electronic world. We know that better than most people. We also know the pure volume of stuff happening on the network at any given moment should mean that whatever we do is just part of the noise.

Not anymore.

Of course, the argument always goes— if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.

Like most old arguments, it’s dead wrong.

Typical Chat conversation:

jeckles:dude
shutter:what’s up!
jeckles:that meeting was lame!
shutter:oh yeah?
jeckles:fuck yeah. you should have heard the dumbass shit that so and so was saying.
shutter:hahahhaha. I know so and so is such a tool… why do they invite him to those meetings
jeckles:to make me nuts, I think

Harmless. Just a little venting between co-workers. I’m sure it happens all the time. But what if ’so and so’ got access to the logs of the analyzer? Yeah. That would be bad.

And even if I refrained from criticizing or insulting anyone on IM, would it still be OK?

No.

Imagine if your boss offered you overtime to work on a project. You declined because you had plans for the weekend. You don’t tell your boss that your plans are to watch all 12 hours of LotR, its none of her business. But when you tell your buddy about your plans and she sees the logs…

What if some one was planning to quit? That’s not illegal or immoral, yet you wouldn’t want anyone at work to no about it before you told them.

The scenarios are endless. The fact remains that recording personal conversations is wrong. It’s probably legal, but what’s legal and what’s right often don’t line up.

There is a need to monitor what happens on a network and to control the kinds of traffic that is on the network. But there has to be a way to do it without spying on your own employees. I’d rather have IM blocked than monitored.

So what happened at work?

We downloaded and install a tool to encrypt our IM. Our Network Analysts blocked our IM. Our CIO said, “You guys can encrypt it? Send me the link.” Our Analyst backed off.

But this isn’t going to go away.

What should you take out of this? Two things.

Protect your privacy. If you think you have nothing to hide, you underestimate the ill will people can possess.

And if you IM me while I’m at work, assume what ever you type is being read. Cause it probably is.

Actually, no one asked.

But I don’t care. I’ll tell you anyway.

Remember that Laptop I was working with? Dell was kind enough to send me a new (or at least new to me) CD/DVD drive as well as a hard drive. And to my surprise, they worked great. Before long I had Kubuntu 6.10 Edgy Eft installed and everything is looking peachy.

I was pleased to see that the wireless adapter was recognized by the OS. I started trying to connect to my wireless network, but there were no options for WPA security. This was no good. I did a little research and found that WPA security isn’t available in the base install of Kubuntu.

I installed and configured Knetworkmanger and tried that. And it looked like it would work. But as it attempted to connect to my network, it hung at 28% and got no further. I tried a number of other things, but the results remained the same until I manage to change enough settings and the networking completely. I got frustrated and walked away.

But I don’t give up that easy. I reinstalled Kubuntu and and began looking around again. It occurred to me that I never actually connected to any network with the wireless card. I turned the security off and tried to connect to the wireless network. Still no dice.

More research. Perhaps the firmware to the wireless wasn’t installed correctly. I found some steps to correct that and followed them. I tried to connect. Success.

I reconfigured the security and tried again.

No dice. It took me a few minutes to consider it, but it came to me that I keep my SSID hidden. I enabled SSID broadcast and tried again. It connected like a champ.

As a matter of fact, I sit here now in front of the TV (Watching The Search for Spock) connected in just that fashion.

I’m sure no one is as impressed with me as I am, but then again, I don’t care about that either.

I spend a lot of time thinking about Christmas, this time of year. Not so much the what am I going to get nor what I plan to give. I think more about how does Christmas fit into my life and that of my family.

I guess for most people, that kind of thing is just a given. For me it’s harder. I’m an atheist.

Before we go any further, let’s talk about that statement.

I’m an atheist. By that I mean I don’t believe in god. I do NOT mean that I am sick of religion, that I am immoral, that I hate Christians, that I am trying to make some sort of statement, that deep down inside I really do believe. I have people try to assign those things to me, but they do not apply. I just don’t believe. Sorry. I’ve thought a lot about it during the course of my life. I’ve read huge chunks of the Bible as well as parts of the Koran, some Hindu and Buddhist works, the Book of Mormon and even several issues of the Watchtower. I’ve read and I’ve examined my thoughts and beliefs. But at the end of the day, I just don’t believe.

Having said that, part of me feels like I have no right to celebrate Christmas. It’s a Christian Holiday, why would I celebrate? To be honest, at first the only reason I did celebrate it was for the kids. Actually, that’s not even true. I did it for my mother. She would have been ruined if I didn’t give my kids Christmas.

So we had Christmas. At least most of it. Christmas Tree, presents in the morning, lights on the house. No church. No Jesus. I do mention to my kids that a lot of people are celebrating the birth of Christ. They should be aware of that. But you’ll find no Nativity Scenes at the Jeckles household.

The funny thing is this, I found that I enjoyed it. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed it a lot. I guess a lot of my objections to Christmas as a teenager and a young adult came from the obligatory Church Services. They made me feel so uncomfortable and so unwelcome. But as I started my Christmas traditions with my own family I was able to really enjoy them.

At first, I felt guilty for celebrating. Like I was an impostor or something. But as I look around, it occurs to me that there are really two holidays that happen at the same time. The Christian Christmas with it’s Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. Shepherds, wisemen and angels. But there is another Christmas. The secular Christmas. A holiday of Santa Claus and Rudolph. Of Lights and food. Of gift giving.

I choose to celebrate the latter.

There are aspects of this time of year that bother me. And if I have nothing else to be thankful for on Thanksgiving, I am thankful that I do not work retail any more. No one should have to suffer through that. I have many reasons to dislike Christmas. But I choose not to let it get the best of me. I think I need Christmas, and not for the reason you might guess.

I suffer in the winter. I need the sunlight. The short days and the gray skies fill me with despair. But these last few years, the years I have celebrated Christmas my way with my family, I have found that when it seems that the darkness will overwhelm me, there is light.

There is light everywhere. Christmas Trees. Lamp post with lighted wreaths. And miles and miles of lights strung out through the neighborhoods.

Christmas is not perfect for me. I guess nothing is. But it brings light to the darkest days of the year. And for me, that is reason enough to celebrate.

I have been seriously questioning why I still doing this.

I think that most of the people who used to read this have moved on.
And writing it feels like a chore.

I go through cycles on this shit. Hot and cold.

Right now, I feeling cold.

I sit down to post something, but don’t. I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like reading the well meaning comment from people who don’t understand what I’m trying to say.

Like this post. I’m not look for someone to talk me into keep blogging. Shit. That’s the last thing I want.

When I started doing this, I wanted a place to put my thoughts out there and that was it. But it’s changed. Once people started reading, that changed everything. Then I started thinking about what the readers thought.

The problem, I suppose, is that I really don’t like people.

I really don’t. As I am sitting here trying to type this, this buffoon I work with is trying to give me his malformed opinion of a presentation/meeting we had at work. It’s taking all of the strength I have not to say, “I don’t give a shit what you think. Shut up and leave alone, can’t you see me typing here.”

I guess that makes me not a nice person. I kind of wish I were a nice person, but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me. I am who I am. I am a product of the events that have shaped me and there isn’t much to be done about it.

Back to the point, Blogging seems to be an interactive/community kind of thing. My general dislike for people doesn’t work well with that.

So I ask myself, should I keep doing this and just say fuck ‘em, when the other bloggers rub me the wrong way? Or should I pack it up and try something else?

I don’t know. Not right now anyway.

I’m not here to make friends. I’m not here to get your approval. I’m not here to fit in to some sort of community. And I’m not here to be judged.

I’m here to say what I think. And recently, that seems more trouble than it’s worth.

Did I tell you about my wife’s laptop? I bet I haven’t.

The spot in which you plug the power supply into became loose and as a result, the battery could not get charged.

I get online and chatted with Dell Support, I find that chatting in less frustrating than speaking on the phone with them. e established that she probably needed a new system board, that the laptop was out of warranty and that a new system board would cost 800 bucks.

My wife needs a laptop to do her job. It didn’t take much to justify buying a new one instead of shelling out that kind of money on parts.

This left this laptop in my house, that had nothing wrong with it except that it couldn’t draw power. I decided that I could fix it. And since no one was counting on using it now, there was no problem if I screwed it all up. It looked like I could just re-solder the power jack. And I was ready to do just that until we got a letter in the mail.

The letter said that we members of a class that had secured a victory from Dell for this very problem. In light of this law suit, Dell was very willing to replace the system board at no cost to us. We sent the laptop off and in a week or so it came back.

It sat for a few weeks while I was busy with other things. This week I decided that I was ready to mess with it. I wanted to install Kubuntu on it. I put the install CD in and turned the laptop on and… nothing happened. It seems that the CD Drive no longer worked.

Once again I chatted with Dell. He had me run Dell Diagnostics on the laptop. The diagnostics said the Hard Drive was failing, but the CD Drive was fine. Go figure. He said he would send me a new CD/DVD drive and a new hard drive. The sad thing part is that I don’t think there is anything wrong with the CD/DVD drive. I think it’s the system board. But there is no arguing. I’ll get the new parts, install them and if when the new CD/DVD drive also doesn’t work, I’ll chat with them again.

I can’t complain, I’m getting a lot of service for free on a laptop that was out of warranty.

It’s Thanksgiving, which for me means food, football and family. Usually too much of the first and third and not enough of the second. But that’s how it is supposed to be.

As far as holidays go, this is one of my favorites. Although I get tired of it marking the beginning of teh Christmas ‘Season.’ Christmas is one day. It bugs me that we, as a culture, can’t seem to enjoy something on it’s own merits. We seem to need to tie it in to something else.

But it is a small irritation, it sits on the periphery and will not interfere with my day.

Sometimes it seems like I should enumerate the things I am thankful for. But I don’t work that way. The Pilgrims were thankful to their god for providing for them. My belief structure doesn’t work that way. What I have and what I do not is a combination of hard work and luck. And I’m not sure who I am supposed to be thanking. Besides, I don’t need a special occasion to tell me what I have to be happy about.

I’m to cynical for my own good, I know. But that too is on the periphery.

Today I am focused on turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy. Pumpkin pie and apple too. Parents, grandparents and kids. Brothers and sisters. Nieces and nephews. Joey Harrington’s return to Detroit and Tony Romo’s bid for greatness. Conversation and laughter.

I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving in the way that is special to your family. And if you are one of those readers from outside of the United States, you have my condolences, you are missing out. Have an extra big dinner and try to enjoy it.

Peace.

Once upon a time, I started a blog. I did it because I had read a few blogs and it seemed interesting. But mostly I did it, because I had heard a rumor that Blogger was giving Gmail accounts to its members. I didn’t get a Gmail account from Blogger. I did eventually get one from some other blogger, because of my whining about it on my blog.

I liked blogging. I put my thoughts up on the internet, but no one read them. I signed up with a bunch of things to draw traffic to my blog. If only people could see his blog then they would read it. But for the most part they did not. For the most part, they still don’t.

Once upon a time, I joined a blogging club. It was kind of a joke. Before long I found myself in charge of it. People like silliness on the internet, I’ll have contests and polls and shit. People will come and hang out and it will be fun. People did come, but mostly just to get another link. Everyone wants a link. Fun? Not so much. People told me that I had to do this and I had to do that. I held make believe contests and people got mad.

Once upon time, I believed I could be a writer. I wrote stories. Carefully choosing every word. People came and told me how great my writing was. I read their sites and told them how great they were. I decided to get serious. Maybe write a novel. Maybe not. Maybe I should just stick to let people compliment me on the internet.

Once upon a time, I had a radio show. It was dumb. It was a joke. I didn’t try to make anything serious, just a diversion for fun. Well, yeah, that didn’t work out either.

People ask me why I hate the Internet so much. No reason.

You’d think I’d learn. I made the same mistake last year.

We get Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off this week. Yea for me! But this leaves a 2-day work week.

Nothing good can come from this.

People that I need, to take care of what I’m doing are invariably taking these 2 days off. And since staffing is thin, I’m more likely to get saddle with some stupid task.

My kids get the week off. If I were smart, I’d burn 2 vacation days. I have plenty.

But we all know better than to think I would do the smart thing.

So here I am with two days to get through.

I just need to do my best to keep a low profile. I can do that. I think.

I hope.

It’s true, I am a big dork.

Yesterday I set up a VM Server. That is to say, a server that holds a number of Virtual Machines. Wait, you probably don’t know what a virtual machine is. For starters, the cool geek acronym is VM. A VM is a fully functional computer that installed, well, virtually. The entire computer is contained within a single file on another computer. It is very cool technology and it getting too be very popular in industry.

The coolest thing about my VM Server is that it is completely free technology.

I installed a base install of Ubuntu Server on P4 2.8 GHz with 512 MB RAM . And then I installed the new free VMServer product from VMware. Once that was installed , I installed the VMware Server Console on my regular PC. This allowed me to create a few VMs on the VM Server. I started with a Windows 2003 Server install. It works well, if a bit slow. I was hoping to attach my external hard drive to the VMServer and have the W2k3 Server operate it as a Shared Drive, or actually a few different shared drives. But I had some issues with the VM consistently seeing the USB Drive. Having shared drives that aren’t always there is no good, so I put the external drive back on my main PC.

I also installed a LAMP Server in a second VM. This is a Linux, Apache, MySQL and PHP Server. Basically, your standard open source web server. Next up will be a Vista VM. Although I expect that to be terribly slow.

I guess this whole project is kind of a proof of concept thing for me. To really do this right, I would need to max out the RAM and put a 300 GB Hard Drive in.

Like I said, I’m a dork. Nice way to spend most of a Saturday.

At least, later I went out and bought a few comic books.

I think that what is wrong with me… and don’t doubt for a minute that something is wrong with me. What is wrong with me may be that I don’t know what I want.

Or perhaps as my wife says, “You think to much about stuff.”

It’s true. But that doesn’t matter. I can’t help it.

Warning. This post is long, boring and probably filled with self pity. If that is a problem for you go read something else.

Work is making me nuts. Not the job itself, but my co-workers. To explain…

It’s complicated. Of course it is, probably because I’ve thought about too much.

I don’t think I’ve blogged too much about this, mostly because I have no desire to whine about things here. But to understand, you have to understand the back story.

At my job, and you probably have some one like this at your job too, there is this guy. He’s an idiot. Truly. Let’s call him Buddy. To add insult to injury, unlike many of us he a College Diploma, though I can’t imagine how. He knows less about computers than most of our users. He doesn’t understand the network. He can’t multi-task. He’s a hold over from a different time. Before there was IT. He was the ‘tech.’ A hardware monkey that could set up dot matrix printers and Apple IIe’s and whatever else. No real technical skill need.

But bureaucracy works in funny ways. You promote people for working somewhere a long time, you bounce him from department to department. Until somehow, he’s a “Network Engineer.” Of course no one thinks that he could do anything remotely like what a Network Engineer needs to do. So they put him in charge of ordering parts and processing repairs. They stick him in a warehouse and forget about him.

I don’t care about any of that. Not really. It burns me a little bit that this monkey gets paid more than me. A lot more than me. But his paycheck is his business and I know that.

Our department is growing rapidly and our office is over crowded as a result. Another tech and myself get relocated out to the warehouse. Since we are onsite technicians it shouldn’t matter to much.

And it doesn’t.

So when I am at my ‘desk,’ I get to see Buddy in action. It’s a site to behold. He talks to himself, get frustrated the first time doesn’t go the way he thinks it should, and he cannot trouble shoot anything. First roadblock and he’s on the phone with a real engineer. He cusses and yells and throws temper tantrums. But we accept this, for no reason other than this is just how he is.

Life goes on. I even take a vacation. On my first day back, I come in to catch up on email and what not. Buddy is all worked up. It’s early and he’s already cussing and yelling and freaking out about something or another.

“How do you assign admin rights to a new account? This doesn’t make any sense.”

Admin rights? I ask him needs admin rights. Chris does. I find out that his son, Chris has been hired to be the Help Desk guy. There are 3 other techs in the warehouse this morning. I look to my buddy and he gives me the same puzzled look.

“Helpdesk doesn’t get admin rights.” We both say.

Buddy loses it. His face gets all red, the chords in his neck jump out.

“YOU”RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, JECKLES! A FUCKING ASSHOLE!”

Nice. Wow. As it turns out he was trying t figure out he get Chris Rights to the Help Desk, not Admin rights. But he flipped on me. What did I do?

I walked away. I got a cup of coffee. And when I came back, I simply asked him to please interact with me in professional manner. He proceeded to explain to me what a jerk I am, and I just tuned it out.

And life goes on. Interrupted occasionally by outburst from Buddy.

Until last month.

I was sick, and had been for a while. I was running a fever. I had my laptop set up on the work bench, since some other tech had hijacked ‘my desk.’ But since I don’t really have a desk, I can’t complain. I have my headphones in and I’m trying tto work while tuning out the idiocy around me. In other words, a pretty typical day.

Buddy keeps reaching right over my head for something. I ignore once, twice, but three time is too much. Three times of having his meaty arm in front of my face. Three time of having his disgusting gut right up next to me. It’s too much.

“Do you want me to move?” I ask, making no attempt to hide my displeasure.
“I’m just trying to do my fucking job!” He screams at me.

Too much. Too much Buddy. Too much working while sick. Too much not having a desk to work at.

“What do you think I trying to do. I don’t have anywhere else to fucking sit? Do you think I Sat to fucking inconvenience you? Jesus Fucking Christ. Don’t fucking worry about it. I’ll move out of your fucking way!”

I picked up my laptop and stomped off.

Not my most shining moment, I know. But given the environment and the history I didn’t think much of it… until my boss called me in her office.

I got warned. I was told that we don’t act like that. I was told the F-Bomb was inappropriate. Somehow, I managed to not point out that she had no problem dropping the ole F-Bomb.

She asked if this was an isolated incident, I told no it wasn’t and I gave her the history.

I didn’t get in trouble beyond that. And they managed to find me a desk back in the office.

Problem solved.

Except that it is not. This is where the problem begins. Word gets around. People joke about me losing my cool. Suddenly I have a reputation as a hot head. As some one who will lose his temper at the drop of a hat.

My boss doesn’t chat with me anymore. People are careful around me.

I can’t stand it. And I think my career path here will be affected by this. My boss doesn’t think of me as reliable tech with loads of knowledge about Active Directories and everything else. She sees me as a potential liability.

And every time I hear some one say something like, “Hey Jeckles, I know that user is a total idiot, try not to yell at him.” It knocks the wind out of me. And there are comments. Some obvious. Some subtle. It makes each and every work day hell.

I am so tired. Tired of the shit. Tired of shooting myself in the foot again and again. Tired of not being able to succeed.

And I don’t see any rest in sight.

Backpacking. Again, it’s what I do. Like a junkie, I need my fix. I’ll be alright, just let me get a fix.

This weekend would be my last fix, till next spring.

But making it happen was proving difficult. The Uber-Bot, my most reliable hiking buddy, had said she would go this weekend. But had to back out due to a previous engagement, which she had forgotten about. Okay. No problem.

But I wasn’t going to let that stop me. Re-think. The trip to hike to the Delaware Water Gap, and in the process complete the AT in Pennsylvania, was out. But there are other options. The Tuscarora Trail for example. Not as well known as the AT, this 250-some-odd-mile trail running through Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania provides plenty of opportunities for hiking. There was a stretch that my Dad and I had been looking at for a potential trip.

I called him up and asked him if he was interested in an overnight trip. He was. I decided to make it a family affair. My boy is 13. Old enough to come along on a trip like this. Time to break him in. Why not.

Would you believe that they were calling for rain? Of course you would.

Saturday morning we drove over mountains, back roads and one streambed until we reached the place where we planned to end the hike. We left my truck there and headed for the beginning.

We started our hike at the Silar Country Store. I picked up two blaze orange vests for my son and I, we tied them on to our packs, on account of it was the first day of Black Powder Hunting Season. The Tuscarora Trail is not as established as the AT and this stretch of trail actually started out on a public road. VA 689, as a matter of fact. Rain was forecast for the afternoon, but at the moment the sky was clear and blue. We actually worked a good sweat walking along the road. After a mile or so, the trail made a left on to VA 671, which was a smaller gravel road. We made our way up a fair sized hill and then down again.

Finally we made it to the point where the trail left the roads completely. As we stood there, taking a small snack and water break, a service van driving by slowed to a stop. The lady in the passenger seat rolled down her window and said:

“Y’all be careful in the woods with all those hunters.”

We smiled at her and assured her that we’d be alert and it would be fine. And with that we headed up the trail, the path was well marked as we made our way up another fair sized hill. As we got close to the top, I could see the mountain we would be climbing in a mile or so. It looked pretty steep, and according to the map would be just over a thousand foot climb.

I looked back to see how far behind my companions were. I saw that they were about 100 feet behind and I turned to start walking again. It was at this point that I heard a sound that I imagine that I will remember for the rest of my life.

It was the sound of a small object whistling through the air, above my head and to the left. Although it was certainly moving very fast, time seemed to slow down for me. I heard the sound of it cutting through air, spinning as it went. I could not see it, but I knew where it was as I heard it cut through leaves and small twigs as it went by.

As time went back to its normal speed and I remembered to start breathing again, I looked down to my Dad and my son. They were looking back at me with expressions of shock on their faces. I turned and looked to see if I could see where the bullet had come from. I couldn’t tell.

“Oh SHIT!” I yelled. I yelled it extra loud so that hopefully whoever was shooting would stop.

After a moment or two passed and no more shots were fired, my hiking partners walked up to where I was.

“You heard that?
“Yeah.”
“Where did it come from?”
“Up there.”
“Over there?”
“No, had to be closer. Up there.” My dad pointed to clear area at the top of the hill, right where the trail was heading.
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know.”

We walked the 50 yards or so to the top of the hill. Carefully. As we got close to the top we heard the sound of a small engine receding from us. A four wheeler, most likely.

“Good, maybe he’s gone.”
“Probably. This area is posted. He probably heard us and drove off.”
“I didn’t see any deer.”
“I doubt he was shooting at one. You know. They come out here into the woods with a gun… they’re going to want to fire it.”
“Fucking idiot.” I shot a guilty look at my son as the words left my mouth.
“What should we do?”
“That’s the question. Was this a fluke, and now we have nothing to worry about? Or are we in danger?”
“One idiot doesn’t represent all hunters.”
“True. And we’ve hiked in hunting season before without any trouble.”
“Yeah… but that was the AT.”
“I say we go on.”
“Sure.”

We started walking again, but before we had taken a dozen steps we heard the report of a black powder rifle, and not far from us. The three of us hunched down, ready to hit the deck. We exchanged looks. Another shot fired.

That settled it. We dug out a cell phone and called for a ride. We backtracked down the trail and headed back up the gravel road, until we saw our ride coming up the road to meet us.

And the worst part of all, worse than some asshole shooting in my general direction, is that I didn’t get my fix. And in all likelihood, I won’t get it till some time in March.

This is not a good thing.

I think I’ve mentioned that before.
That was Sarcasm. We both know I’ve said it again and again.

Blogging frustrates the shit out of me.

I started reading blogs four or five years ago. I had a few that I enjoyed. Of course, with the exception of WWdN, they are all gone.

I don’t read blogs to make friends. I rarely comment. I’m not really looking to interact with the blogger. What I enjoy is a glimpse into a stranger’s life. It is voyeurism of a sort. But it is different than peeping through window and trying to catch a glimpse of someone’s life. When you read a blog, you a peeping into a person’s life, not through the window, but through their own eyes.

That is one of the oddest things about this whole blog as community concept. When you interact with people out there in the real world, you derive a perception of that person. You see their body language, you observe how they interact with different people, you hear other people comment on that person, and most of all, you have your own direct interaction with them. The sum of these experiences (and more) is your mental sketch of this person.

But here in the blogoshere, it is whole different ball of wax. Your first impression of any blogger is based on a combination of how they see themselves and how they want to be seen. By the nature of the medium, bloggers give a false picture of themselves. No matter how honest they may be in their blogging, the way that they see themselves is going to be radically different than how we perceive them.

But that’s not the part that frustrates me. That was just a tangent. Sorry about that.

I don’t want to try to read hundreds of blogs. What I want to do is find a few that resonate with me and read them. And that’s what I do. But… and this is the part that frustrates me… I find a dozen blogs or so I enjoy and go read them. And after a while some of them will stop posting. Some of will them will become less interesting to me as the blogger begins to focus on different things. Of course, I understand that they can blog about whatever they want and they should. I am not reading because I am friends with that person but because I want something interesting to read. If what you write doesn’t interest me, well you’ve got nothing for me to read. And before you know it, I have nothing to read. Then I have to go find more to read.

I am subscribed to 44 blogs in Bloglines. Yet most of those update very infrequently. And when I sit down at my computer and want to read a blog there is nothing there for me.

So I will go find more, but that is a painful process. I can’t stand most blogs. I’ll parse through the shit looking for something worth reading.

And when I find it, that blog I want to read, I’ll just have to hope that I have a little time before it one fades away.

My day didn’t start bad.

I got up, showered, enjoyed a cup of coffee. Went off to one of my sites and took care of a detail that was left over from the day before. I stopped and filled up the tank before heading back to the main office.

Parking is tight at the office. Our lot only holds a fraction of the cars that bring us there. So I parked in teh lot accroos the street as I usually do. And that was fine with me. The sunny was shining, it was practically warm. I grabbed my laptop and headed towards the office building.

I should pause here to explain something. I have two bad knees. I’ve had arthritis of some sort in one knee or the other (or Fun! Fun! sometimes both of them) since I was four years old. I guess backpacking is a funny hobby for a guy with bad knees, but that is not by accident. I sort of refuse to accept that my knees are shit. I hike, jog, do whatever I want. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn’t. I don’t know, but I spent to much of my childhood being gimped up, I refuse to do that now. Sooner or later, I’ll probably be forced to slow down, but until then… I’ll keep trucking.

Why am I telling you about my knees, in the middle of a narration about my morning? Well you need to understand that my knees (and sometimes by extension my hips) sometimes rebel against me. And that is what happened this morning.

I stepped on to the curb, to look for traffic, before crossing, but I stepped a little forward throwing my balance ever so slightly off. I should have re-adjusted and not even noticed, but this was just enough to throw off my often useless knees. They gave way underneath of me, throwing me to the street. I put my hands out to break my fall and slammed into the asphalt.

My first reaction was embarrassment. I looked around and luckily there was only one witness and he was a stranger to me. I picked myself and headed towards the building. I inspected my hands as I walked, they were both scraped pretty good and beginning to bleed. My left knee felt as though it had been scraped. And even before I made to the door my left hand was beginning to throb.

I went to my desk and docked my laptop. I went to the bathroom and washed of my hands. Scraped, but not cut deep anywhere. Back to my desk and back to work.

But my left hand was killing me. A bruise was building deep in there somewhere and I was having trouble gripping things. Lifting anything with my left hand was painful enough to make me catch my breath.

I took a half dozen Advil and after a half hour or so the pain faded to a point I could work around it.

I smashed the shit out of the bone in heel of my hand, down near the thumb. I suppose there could be a hairline fracture. More likely, I just bruised the bone.

The only good news is that I have tomorrow off. And with any luck it will be feeling much better by Saturday. Cause I’m going backpacking.

Want to guess at the forecast?

It is, as I sit here waiting for a computer to re-image, that I question what I am doing with my life?

With my career in this case. I guess I’m tied to IT for better or worse, but this? This end user support?

I’m over-qualified for this. Is it cocky to say that? Perhaps, but it is true. I have the knowledge and intelligence to be designing enterprise scale networks. I should be a network engineer. But instead, I’m an onsite support technician. A computer re-imager and part-swapper.

You may be wondering why I don’t just leave and get another job. Honestly, I’m considering it. But, as is often the case, it is that simple. There is room for advancement here, in time. And the pay is decent. It’s close to home and I get a lot of vacation and sick time. A whole lot. And most importantly, it’s low pressure, low stress.

Do I really want to give up benefits for a more challenging job?

I don’t know. But I’m thinking it over real hard.

I was supposed to go back packing next weekend, but it looks like that fell through. I will still try to get something to together, but it isn’t looking hopeful. I only have a few more opportunities to go backpacking before I have to wait until spring. And I really wanted to get to Delaware Water Gap on the AT this year.

I got a new set of headphones for my iPod. They are Shure E2c Sound Isolating Earbuds. Basically the Earbuds are like earplugs, blocking out the sounds of the outside world and allowing you to hear just the music. They were pricey, but worth it. How good are they? To test them, I played Pink Floyd’s Great Gig in the Sky. I had known that it is rumored to have a woman’s voice saying quietly, “If you can hear this you are dying.” I had heard faintly before, but never could hear her clearly. To my surprise there was a man’s voice at the beginning saying something like, “I not afraid of Dying, why would I be afraid of dying.” In the middle of the song, near the 3:30 mark I heard her. Clearly. She said, “I never said I was afraid of dying.”

Tomorrow is election day. I couldn’t be less excited. I am really beginning to believe that Congress is broken. I don’t know that it matters who we send. And the Gubernatorial race in my great state. It’s Dumb and Dumber. I can’t stand it. I’m not even sure why I’m still planning to vote.

The Ravens are 6-2. There is much I have to say about it, but I won’t. Not yet. I don’t want to jinx them. (I’m only superstitions when it comes to Sports.)

Dork that I am, I organized my comic book collection, made a quick Access Database to keep inventory of them with, and made sure that they all had bags and boards. This proved to me a few things, other than the fact that I am a total nerd. I have weird taste. The titles I have the most of are from Marvel’s 2099 universe and the Marvel Razorline, which was the line of comic Marvel had Clive Barker create. Ever heard of them? No? You’re not alone.

Look! The computer is re-imaged and it is time for me to move on.

The amount of candy on the table was truly staggering. Spread out to single depth, it covered the dining room table. It had sat there since Halloween. And to be honest, it didn’t even look like we had made a dent in it. Although, I know that we’ve had more candy this week than any family needs.

This is the beauty and the curse of living in a densely populated neighborhood. Even though, over half the houses did not even offer candy we were able to collect ridiculous amounts of candy. Obscene amounts.

We piled it up on the table. And left it there.

We are not great parents. Don’t patronize me, by telling me different. You don’t know. You just don’t, do you?

We had meals at the table, covered in candy. We pushed it into a mountain in the middle of the table and ate around it. We should have put it somewhere. But where does one put that much candy. So, it remained on the table. The elephant in the room, that no one is willing to mention. —Is that how that saying goes? I’m not sure.

And that is how it was this morning. Bacon and eggs in the shadow of scenic mount candy. As we finished our breakfast, we eyed the candy.

“What should we do with it?”
“Pack it up and I’ll take to work for the vultures.”
“All of it?”
“I guess we could leave a little bit for us for next week.”
“OK.”
“I’ll take all of the Reese’s cups.”

I began to pick through the pile picking out those delights wrapped in orange squares. But it seems I wasn’t the only one who coveted the peanut butter in my chocolate. My wife began grabbing them out until we had pulled out all of the peanut butter cups.

But why stop there. We began grabbing up the Snickers Bars.

And the Crunch Bars.

My son got in the act, pulling out the bubble gum.

Soon we were sorting the table in to piles of Sweet Tarts, lollipops, Baby Ruths, Hershey Bars, Starburst and Tootsie Rolls.

We sorted and categorized.

Now on our table instead of a mountain we have a collection of piles.

The Tootsie Roll pile is too big.

Next year, when you are buying Halloween candy, if you are thinking of buying Tootsie Rolls… STOP! Don’t do it. It’s not good candy. It’s not anyone’s favorite. Don’t do it. Buy Reese’s Cups or M&M’s or Sweet Tarts or Nerds. Buy candy someone actually likes. Helps us to lower the Tootsie Roll Ratio.

Now, if you’ll excuse me there are a few Reese’s Cups with my name on them.

Bare with me, I’ve been feeling introspective today.

I think I have spent my life preparing to be disappointed by the rest of it.

Did that make any sense? Probably not.

I didn’t like being a kid. Really. I mean, sure I had some fun. But I spent a lot of time waiting.

Waiting till I’d be old enough to stay up and watch Saturday Night Live.
Waiting till I’d be old enough to watch R rated flicks.
Waiting to drive.
Waiting till I’d be old enough that girls my age thought I was cool. You know what I mean.
Waiting to be old enough to buy my own smokes.
Waiting to be old enough to drink in the bar.
Waiting to be old enough that other adults took me seriously,
Waiting to make enough money.
Waiting.

I’ve wanted to be 40 most of my life, I think.
I was too serious to be a kid.

And now I’ve almost grown in to me.

It’s not all I hoped it would be.

Am I depressed? No.

But I realize that I have no idea what I want from life. I mean no clue.

And this leaves me…

well, off balance.

And after years of practice, the conclusion that want to leap to the front of my mind, is that maybe when I’m older it will make more sense.

I can’t help but feel that this day to day bullshit that I endure is meaningless. That I should pack up the wife and kids and just go. Screw having a job. Screw worrying about money, mortgages and bills.

Just go live.

But I can’t. The “what if’s” rush in anytime my mind wanders down that path.

So here I am. Waiting for something more.

Yes.

I did carve them.

Click the picture for a detailed view.

The ironic thing is that I have so much to say.

And yet, many of you would look at this blog and have no idea.

I have so much I want to say, but it is more than just typing out a bunch of words. It’s not words that I am trying to get out here.

It’s ideas.

And that is harder. At least for a no talent hack like me.

I could just sit down at the keyboard and start typing what’s in my head, but that would not give me what I’m looking for.

I’ve learned a lot over the last two years about writing and expressing myself. It’s a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be.

But still, I have to.

It’s why I do this. I’m not looking friends or a sense of community.

I’m try to get these ideas out of my head and out to some one. Anyone.

And let’s be honest, I’m looking for a little feedback.

Sometimes I think that if I could just get my thoughts across, clearly… If I could do that just once, I could stop. I could stop writing all together.

Maybe that’s the thing. Maybe I’m just trying to get a piece of me out there for you. And I keep failing.

Or maybe all of this is just pretentious bullshit.

An inaccurate and incomplete history of Mango Radio according to me.

I’m going to start my own Radio Station. It’s going to be great!

That was the announcement that Marc made. It’s been two years now, I guess. I don’t even know this guy. Just some dude on the Internet. He does start it. Mango Radio, he calls it. That’s his nickname, Mango. It’s a play on his last name. It’s long story. I’m beginning to learn this about Marc. It’s usually a long story.

The station is up. It plays music 24 hours a day. But that alone wouldn’t make it worth writing about.

“Hey man.” Marc IM’s me. “I’m live on the air. Come check it out.”

And I do. I listen as he talks about other people on the Internet. And his job. And growing up in Buffalo. It’s captivating. Listening to this dude just talk about shit. While I listen. Not just me. There is a couple from Ohio. And a chick from Vegas. And Karl.

“Hey Jeck. I’d like to dedicate this song to Finslippy.” He says. And he plays “Somebody Hates Me” by Reel Big Fish. I find myself laughing out loud. It’s funny. An inside joke. I love it.

But after a few months of this it gets stale. I mean, how many times can I tune in and listen to the same songs. Maybe he’s running out of stories. Hell, I could be watching TV. Okay, I couldn’t do that. But you get my point.

“I’m making Big Changes at Mango Radio.” Marc announces. “I’m bringing in other DJ’s to do their own shows. To mix it up.”

A good idea. He announces the DJs. Monogodo. Will Thrasher. Joe. Crash. And Webkittyn. Will Thrasher and WebKittyn have real radio experience and Monogodo has thousands of songs in his library. Crash is Karl in disguise and Joe… Well I don’t know. They will pre-record their shows and Marc will play them at pre-designated times.

“You can do a show if you want, Jeck.”
“No thanks.”

I mean… hell. I’m out classed here. But…

But I want to do a show. I know I can do it. But I don’t want to be laughed off the Internet. I read discussions on the Mango Radio Forum board. The DJ’s are having Technical trouble. Trouble Organizing their music just right. Trouble finding free time. Trouble making their shows just right.

The thought nags in my head. I can do this. But what to do for a show. I don’t know what the fuck to talk about.

An audio companion to the Shitty Blogs Club. That’s it. I recorded 30-some minutes of me babbling. I edited the worst of it out and threw in some music. I mixed it into an mp3 and sent it to Marc.

Ironically, it was the First show to get submitted. And the First to get played. I cringe as I hear my voice on the Internet. Marc says he loves it.

“I had no idea what to expect.” He keeps telling me.

Other Shows follow. Webkittyn Wednesdays, an 80’s music Show. Monogodo’s show. Will Thrasher. They all have some degree of popularity. Some more than others. Some lasted. Some did not. New names were added to the line up. Doom, Utopia, Riss, Chaos Radio. Some lasted. Some didn’t.

The ironic thing, to me, was that almost all of this shows had that same format, talk about this or that and play some music. Sure we each put own stamp on it, but it was variations on a theme.

The thing is Mango still wasn’t happy. He was hoping for the big time. Maybe even get picked up by XM or something. Oh, I’m sure that deep down he knew that was a pipe dream, but still he hoped.

He quit doing a show. And the station kept trucking with out him. He started his show again and nothing much changed.

But in the end, when it came time to renew the contract on the station and to renew the domains, he decided it wasn’t worth the money. And, of course he’s right.

So it’s over. As of Thursday.

But I think that someday, that format will catch on. That psuedo-audioblogging combined with music. I hope when it does, they call it Mango Radio.

Some Pictures from Saturday. Click on the thumbnail to embiggen.

The Mountain.

Looking Back from the Mountain.

The Trail to the Top.

The View From the Top

The Foliage

In case you don’t know… I have been doing this dumbass ‘Internet Radio Show’ for the last year or so. The imaginary Internet Radio Station that it aired on is going off the ‘air.’ If you want more information go here.

I guess all of this has me thinking about the nature the Internet, as I know it, and the nature of blogging. Which has been an ongoing theme for me. Who knows, maybe I’ll write something about this soon.

The Family and I went on road trip to the Lehigh Gap in Pennsylvania. We climbed the mountain and I took a couple hundred pictures. Maybe someday, I’ll find the time to organize and do something with all of these pictures I keep taking.

I still like my truck. It isn’t very fuel efficient and I guess that makes me a bad person, but I don’t drive far on any given day and I’ll gladly pay more to drive the vehicle I want to drive.

On a related note, I passed an SUV with a bumper sticker that said “High Gas Prices Stink!” I hate them.

I think I will carve a few pumpkins this year. I’m not half bad at it. I was going to link to the photos of last year’s attempts. But it looks like they were lost when BlogCafe went down. I’m sure I have them on this computer somewhere, but… Anyhow. I’ll find ‘em and include them.

I had no idea I liked the Grateful Dead so much. I’ve recently got a bunch of Dead to listen to. I like it. I wish I would have realized that while Jerry Garcia was still alive.

I have a headache.

I used to think that maybe I could be a writer. I got over it.

I am still struggling to figure out how I am supposed to do all the things I want to to do, in the time that I have to do them.

I think that North Korea possessing Nuclear technology may be the single greatest threat to the stability of our world.

I am glad I discovered the Sleuth Channel. Miami Vice is better than anything that the networks are offering these days. Between that, M*A*S*H on Hallmark, and Star Trek on G4; I have all the TV I need.

And as they say on M*A*S*H…

That is all.

Sunday was the big day.

Sometimes, when planning a hike, you just look at the map and say, whoa! You see a climb or mountain or something that grabs your attention. You look forward to it (or dread it) as the hike gets closer. On this hike, we would cross the Lehigh Gap. A 1000 foot descent, followed by a 1200 foot climb. That in itself isn’t that extraordinary. But 700 feet of that ascent are climbed in less than a quarter of a mile. I was looking forward to this challenge. The Uber-Bot was dreading it. She hates steep climbs.

I made myself a quick breakfast, and packed up my gear. We headed back up to the shelter and filled our bottles at the spring. And then we hit the trail. We descended through the trees. The sunlight shining through the leaves was quite a contrast to the overcast skies of the day previous. The temperature was comfortable and the trail was easy enough to walk. It was a good start to the day.

We descended until we came to a break in the tree line. Ahead of us we could see the Blue Mountain slope down to Lehigh River. Mist still rose off of the river, where shade had prevent the morning sun from burning it away. On the far shore, a mountain jutted up from the river. The top third of the mountain was completely bare of trees. There was nothing but rocks and cliff. I challenge to be sure.

We descended to the river and crossed the bridge, along side the Sunday morning traffic. We started up the other side, which quickly became a series of steep switchbacks. I pushed ahead, although I had stop to catch my breath a number of times. Finally, I came out of the trees and stepped on to a rock field that led to the base of, for lack of a better word, a cliff. As I looked up I saw those familiar white blazes painted up the side of the rock wall.

A closer look did show a place to step here and a hand hold there, and soon a was standing on a narrow ledge 10 feet above where I began. We continued like this, climbing to the next ledge, soaking in the view, continuing. Eventually we gave up on our trekking poles and strapped them to our packs, to free up our hands.

We climbed till we reached the crest of the ridge. We stopped and surveyed the view. We could see clearly the mountain we descended early that morning, the Lehigh river snaking between the mountains from Palmerton down to the south and then around a bend and out of sight. I took out my camera and snapped a few shots, even though I knew that would not, could not, do justice to what was before my eyes. After a while, we moved on. Because that is what you do when you go backpacking. You move on.

We made our way up the ridge, until it leveled out. I sat down. My legs were screaming from the exertion of the climb. Once again the gnats were on us. The Uber-Bot pushed on to keep the gnats off of her. I mixed up some Gatorade in my water bottle, dug some Jerky out of my bag, and then headed down the trail myself.

The ridge was wide and flat across it’s crest. The trail followed what might have been an access road. On either side of the trail there was nothing but rocks and the occasional skeletal remains of a long dead tree. The landscape was completely desolate. As I walked I speculated on what could have caused this. As I walked more sign of life began to appear. Small shrubs and grass mostly. I caught up with the Uber-Bot after a mile or two. We compared notes and decided that it must have been a forest fire. But one that happened long ago.

We walked down the road until the trail went away from it to the left. We wandered down the mountainside into Little Gap. We sat our packs down and waited by the side of the road. We were early, but we knew Captain Shutter would be there soon to pick us up.

I’ll finish the Perfect Walk story in a day or two.

I’m sure both of you on the edge of your seats with anticipation.

Meanwhile… a bit about me.

I’ve been sick.
It started as your typical viral cold/flu kind of thing, but it never got better. Eventually that infection allowed a bacterial infection (Sinusitis) to take up residence in my head. The good news is that I’m on antibiotics and seem to be getting better.

The bad news is, I’ve been sick for a month.

A month of going to work, feeling like shit, dragging all day, trying to think straight while running a fever.
A month of coming home from work eating dinner and then passing out in front of the TV.

A quick aside here…

If you work with a help desk/network tech/whatever and it seems he is very busy, please be informed that telling him that all of those call are job security will not make him feel better. Just in case you were wondering.

Anyhow…

Not only have I lost a month of my life to this, I’ve not been at my best during that time frame. Of course, I have good reasons for it. Of course it is understandable. But this is the real world, and no one gives a shit.

The events of the last week or so at work have put me in a very foul mood. I won’t detail them here, but let’s just say that my distaste for people in general (and a few in particular) has been re-enforced

As usual, there is no point.

Just take away this, I’ve been sick and that is why I haven’t been updating.

I woke up to the sound of the Uber-Bot packing up her tent. I’ve never been a morning person. I hurried to get myself packed up before she was pacing around ready to go. I fired up my campstove to have a quick breakfast and some coffee. The coffee was great and the clearing we were camped in was beautiful. I think I would have been content to just sit there all day. But we had 10 miles to cover, so i tossed the dregs of my coffee into the underbrush and packed up the rest of my gear as my partner filled her bottles from the spring.

Soon we walk along the AT again. The trail was a little rockier than the night before, I was grateful that I hadn’t had to walk on this trail the night before. The air was cool, but the walking kept us warm. The gray skies were uninspiring, but at least it didn’t look like rain.

Each State has it’s own ‘personality’ on the trail. The personality of Pennsylvania can summed in one word. Rocks. Thousands of them. Large boulders that must be climb over. Stretches of trail that run over boulder fields, where you have to step from boulder to boulder. And miles of trail with sharp pointy rocks coming out the dirt with such frequency that you cannot avoid them. I’ve kicked, tripped over, slipped on, fell on, scraped against and banged into more rocks than I can enumerate.

We hadn’t walked long when the trail turn up on to a pile of boulders that led to the crest of the ridge known as the ‘Knife’s Edge.’ The ridge literally narrows to a point only a few feet wide, and the trail ran right along it. We stopped at the highest point and looked out over the patchwork fields that spread out below us under the cold gray sky.

The day went by easily, we came to the view at Bake Oven Knob we took it in for a few moments, but the wind blowing on us forced the break short. We scrambled down a rock descent and before long arrived at a shelter. We stopped and had lunch. After cleaning up from lunch, we went to the spring and refilled our bottles. Then we were back on the trail.

The afternoon continued smoothly. The ridge broadened and the trail was level and easy to walk on. Eventually the trail began to descend marking the end of the day’s walk. We came to the shelter after a short descent. There was a lone hiker already camped out there. I scanned the area, but saw no where to pitch a tent. I approached the hiker.

“Good afternoon.”
“It is, isn’t it?”
“Is there a tenting area around here any where?”
“Well… there is one a little bit back the way you came…”
“We saw that one.”
“… or you could go down that trail, ” he pointed to an unblazed trail to the right, “and there is a nice little field down there. at least there was. I haven’t been down there in a while. I guess some one could have trashed it.”
“Cool, we’ll check it out. It’s not to far down, I hope…”
“No about Five Minutes form here.”

Five Minutes?

We walked down the trail, no more than a quarter of a mile, an came to a nice little clearing with a fire ring. We started pitching the tents and getting our equipment set up. We were hassled the entire time by nasty little biting gnats. I would have thought that there wouldn’t have been any insects to speak of this time of year. Once my tent was pitched, I headed back up the trail to the shelter to locate the spring. The Uber-Bot retreated to her tent to escape the gnats.

As I approached the shelter I was greeted by the hiker.

“Find what you needed?”
“Yeah…”
“Nobody’s trashed it?”
“No, it’s good. Perfect actually.”
“Good.”
“Is there a spring?”
“Yep. Just down the trail. About Three Minutes from here.”

Three Minutes?

I headed down the trail assuming that the spring couldn’t be far off, if this hiker’s standard of measurement was consistent. And it was. I filled my bottles, drank one of them and filled it again. And then headed back to our campsite again.

We built a campfire to drive of the gnats. It worked like a charm. We spent the evening lounging by the fire. Relaxing. Sometimes in silence. Sometimes we talked. We watched the moon make it’s way over the trees. So bright that the trees cast shadows under its glow.

Something rustled in the brush not to far off from the campfire. We peered into shadows trying to make it what it could be.

“What do you think?”
“Probably a deer.”
“Yeah.”
“They’re nocturnal…”
“Or a raccoon.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad our food is already hung.”
“Yeah…”
“Besides, there aren’t any bears around here.”
“Should we shine our lights over there?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Cause, I could be wrong about the bears.”

After a while, we hadn’t heard any more noises so we shone our lights at the brambles, but we couldn’t see anything.

The fire had died down, so we to our respective tents, and laid down for the night. And with no concern for what was crawling around out there, I went right sleep.

Are you sure you want to do this?
Of course.
But you’ve been sick. You should rest.
I’ve rested, and I’m still sick. I’m well enough to go work.
You have to go work.
I have to go backpacking.
Be careful.
I will.

Another trip. I’m not even sure as I plan this one that it is even for fun anymore. I’m on a mission. I’ve walked 170 some odd miles of the Appalachian Trail in Pennsylvania. I have just over 50 miles to go to reach New Jersey. Pennsylvania has been a mess of ankle twisting boulders and toe bashing rocks. I don’t know that I believe in a bad backpacking trip, but I’ve had it with Pennsylvania. I just want to make to New Jersey. New State. New Trail.

This trip will have us walking about 20 miles. My companion on this trip is the hiker we call the Uber-Bot. She’s unstoppable. She walks for hours with out need a rest or a drink or anything. She never seems to get tired or hungry or frustrated. She is just like a robot.

Friday night we hope to go four miles to the New Tripoli Camping Area. Construction on the interstate delayed our arrival at the trail head. By the time we walked away from the truck and in to the woods it was after seven. And quite dark.

Night hiking is, as you can imagine, quite different than hiking in the day. As we started out the moon was low in the sky and a mist hung in the air. The haziness gave you the impression that is you’d just squint maybe you’d be able see better. We used lightweight head lamps to light the way. The head lamps were good for lighting the trail and exposing rocks and roots that hid waiting to trip the unsuspecting hiker. At the same time, they mad the surrounding woods even darker. The effect was very much like walking in a tunnel.

I was tired. It had been a long day at work, hell a long week. The drive was long and it was late. We hadn’t walked far when we came to a tent site off the trail. I wanted to just stop there and make camp. The Uber-Bot pointed out that the trail was in good condition and we should take advantage of it. And she was right. Every step that we did not take that night, would have to be walked the next day.

So we walked, in the dark and the mist. The trail stayed well defined and easy to walk on, and I let her talk me out of a few more tent sites. To our surprise we passed a few campers who set up camp alongside the trail. As we walked I mentally tallied the distance. I knew we had to be close. But close is a relative term. A half mile is a long way to walk we you are exhausted.

I smelled the smoke of a campfire first. Then heard voices. Finally we could see them. A dozen or so bodies milling around half as many tents. Boy Scouts. As we neared them, one of the adults came over to see what we were about.

“Hi there.”
“How’s it going? Is this New Tripoli Camp Area?”
“We’re not sure. There is a Blue Blaze just beyond that may go down to the camping area. But we didn’t go down, this was nice and level so we just made camp here.”

We thanked then and went on our away. As promised we found the blue blazed trail just a few hundred yards down the trail. My friend may be untiring, but she doesn’t not care for climbs. She looked in the darkness at the descent to the campground and said, “It’s nice and level where those scouts are.”
“the last the ting those scouts need is a women around.”
“I’ll be good.”
“Let’s go see what is down there.”

We headed down after a quick check of the map (just to be sure that the trailed did not go all the way to the bottom of the mountain.) The blue blaze led to a level clearing next to a spring. Even in the darkness, it was very beautiful.

We went to work setting up our tents. Once our tents were struck. I set up my camp stove and heated some water for coffee. I was tired, but my throat was a bit sore and something hot to drink sounded good. We relaxed for a while and enjoyed the quite of the woods. I especially enjoyed it, because I knew that had we set up camp near those scouts we would not have had this kind of tranquility.

With our beverage consumed and the temperature dropping we retired to our respective tents. And reviewed the map for a few moments and then turned out my head lamp and fell asleep almost instantly.

Five years ago…

A lifetime ago in some ways.
A different world in many ways.

Five years ago the greatest single tragedy of my lifetime occurred.
I am sure that many will speak of politics, of terror, and patriotism.

I will speak of none of those things.

Five years ago in a very short time frame 2996 voices were silenced.

One of those voices belonged to Luke Rambousek.
He was 27 years old.
He had a passion for Techno Music. Every year he invited friends to his parent’s vacation home in Pennsylvania. They would camp out and indulge in mountains of junk food all day. They would party all night, with Luke manning the turntables himself.

He came from a family with loving parents.
A family with proud Czech heritage.

I have never met Luke.
Never spoke to his parents.

But on September 11, I will mourn his passing.

You are not forgotten Luke.

The victims of 9-11 are not statistics, but fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives who one tragic day, never came home.

Visit the 2996 page to see more tributes.
2,996 (Technorati Tag)

I spilled coffee on my shirt.

It happens more than I care to admit.

I spent 30 minutes doing my mileage paperwork this morning. It’s tedious, but I get paid for my mileage so its not terrible. I decided that I would start this month out right and start my paperwork this week with the promise I would stay on top of it instead of waiting till the end of the month. I filled out my mileage for Friday and today.

And then I saved it over August’s Mileage.

So I spent another 3o minutes doing my mileage.

I was inspired to write this, started, got distracted and shut down my laptop. With out saving.

I’m not sure that three-day weekends make it worth the hell of a compressed 4 day week.

I’m sure it’s just me.

I know it’s just me.

I feel as though I have no time.

But I’m no busier than anyone else.
Hell, I see these parents who run their kids from sports to scouts to who-knows-what. I don’t know how they do it.

I feel so crunched for time.
What ever I’m doing seems to be at the expense of something else.

If I want to work on building a web page, it’s at the expense of getting anything done around the house. If I work overtime, it is at the expense of going to the gym. If I need to run the kids here or there, it means I can’t do anything else.

How do people watch TV? I understand that most people seem to find it entertaining, but how do they find time?

I must be be doing something wrong. Maybe I’m just slow. Maybe it takes me longer to do stuff than other people.

It’s making me a little nuts, I’m sick of feeling behind all the time.

Part of the problem, is that I don’t give myself the weekends. The last 4 weekends, for example, have been visiting family, a back packing trip and 2 trips to the lake. (And I’m going backpacking next weekend too!)

It’s good that I get to relax and do these things, but I keep slipping behind on everything else.

If only I had more time.
If only I had more energy.

At least I found time to write this.

It’s that time of year again.

It is the time of year that I spend crazy hours at work and do little else.

I’m not complaining. I honestly don’t mind.

Most of the time my department is pretty laid back. Almost too laid back. It’s fun to work in an environment with a little intensity. At least for a little bit.

And besides, they pay me overtime. So bring it on. I can take it. Work me as hard as you want. I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

The down side is I won’t have as much time to play on the internet. I’m already pretty much an absentee landlord of my stupid little club. Now I’ll be practically invisible. Who cares, it’s a shitty little club any way.

My stupid Internet Radio Show will suffer also. I mean who wants to tune in to hear some freak bitching about how stupid people are? Come to think of it, maybe the show won’t change that much.

I went backpacking weekend before last and I went to lake with my neices and nephew last weekend. So I’m pretty relaxed. I’m ready to be busy. Today I’m setting 20-some-odd High Powered CAD workstations. Woo-Hoo. In case you can’t read the Sarcasm, it’s not very exciting. But at least I brought my iPod with me.

It’s quarter till eight in the moring.

I’m at work.
I’m not leaving.
I hope you bet a lot on this.

I’m packing up and I’m heading out.

And not a moment too soon.

Some weeks at work just aren’t worth the head ache.

This has been one of those weeks.
Nothing serious. Just a lot of stupid, useless shit.

I’ll go to work tomorrow. I’ll some how make it through the day, and then I’ll go home grab my backpack and head for the trail.
I just need to get away from all of it.

Usually when I go, it’s me and my dad or me and Shutter. This time there will be 6 of us. We’ll be like a field trip or a scout troop or something.

It doesn’t matter. I just need to be out there, exhausted from walking, relaxing in the woods.

I can’t out there soon enough.

Tuesday?

How did it get to be Tuesday?

My weekend was over before I knew it.

Friday, I went to M&T Bank Stadium to see the Ravens First Preseason Game. Shutter’s sister has Season Tickets and she let us have them for this Game. I know that these games mean nothing and all that, but I was looking forward to get a preview of Steve McNair.

I wasn’t disappointed either. The first team offense looked great. And not just because the Giants were without three starters on D. Jamal Lewis ran well. McNair’s passes were sharp. He was patient in the pocket. And in the Red Zone when all of his receivers were covered, he stepped up to avoid the rush saw an opening and ran the ball in. Dragging two defenders behind him.

On the second series, Boller took over at quarterback. On his first snap, he tripped over his feet. I am so glad we have McNair now.

The rest of the game was still entertaining, but I spent a fair amount of time watching the people in the stadium. I hate people, but I find them extremely interesting to observe.

Saturday was an odd day. I worked all morning on this web app that I’m working on. Went to a cook out in the afternoon. Came home and worked to the wee hours of the night on the app. I’ve got the Data Model for the databased designed. And I think I’ve done a very good job of setting it all up and making all normalized and stuff.

Sunday, I got up and started trying to code the code the app. It would be easier if I actually knew how to write PHP. I know sort of how it works, but I don’t know how to make it do anything except connect to the database. So every time I want to make it do something, it’s off to google and reading dozens of pages until I find one that answer my question. Then I get to spend an hour or so coding it till it works correctly. Then I try something new and the process starts all over. It is very frustrating. By six o’clock or so, I was so burnt out I couldn’t think straight. I was sure that I will not able to complete this.

We had dinner in front of a movie, the Incredibles and popcorn too. I was able to unwind a bit, but I must of still been stressed.

Sunday night (or actually Monday morning) I had a very vivid dream. I was sitting in a classroom. My 10th grade homeroom, I think. All of the people from my Department were there. My boss was trying to run a department meeting. But people were goofing off and not paying attention. It was odd. I woke up unrested and with bags under my eyes, even though I went to bed at a reasonable hour for once.

I had wanted to see Monday Night Football last night, but I missed it. I don’t care about the Vikings’ and Raiders’ scrubs battling it out in the preseason, but I did want to see the new crew of MNF. Especially Tony Kornheiser, I loved his Radio Show and I hope his humor will translate to the show. But it’s hard to tell, just ask Dennis Miller.

I seem to be engaged in a turf war at work.

I hate that my life is as stupid as this.

My ‘office’ is located in a warehouse. The IT dept has a corner of the warehouse. It’s where we keep all the spare hard drives and computers that need work. The parts aren’t my problem. I’m here cause our main office is overcrowded. Most of the time this works out for me. It keeps me away from office politics and besides, mostly I’m a field tech. I just need to come back here to do paperwork and do repair work.

Of course, most of the building is occuppied by the Facilities People. That’s fine too. But, for some reason yesterday the Facilities Supervisor decided to pick a fight with me.

They keep at least one pot of coffee brewed up in their break room. Instead of brewing coffee back here, we just go up and drink theirs. And of course, every month or so, I give the lady who buys the coffee ten bucks to pitch in towards coffee.

Yesterday, Shutter and I brewed a pot of coffee, up in the break room. I must have made it a wee bit too full, because it spilled a little while I pouring my cup. Shutter grabbed a sponged, I grabbed a paper towel and we cleaned it up.

I went back to my desk and back to work. Five minutes later the Supervisor of Facilities strolls back. He laikes to come and visit us and pretend that he is in charge of us, since we are in ‘his building.’ Whatever. Usually it is benign.

He comes and starts shouting, no biggy, he always yells. I don’t know why.

“Hey Fellas! What’s this Music? Sounds Like someone being killed!”
Well, it was Rage against the Machine. But, what od you say to that, so we just kept doing what we doing. He looks right at me and says, “Hey Coffee Guy!”
I looked up at him.
“There’s plenty of Coffee Up There!.”
“I know. I just brewed it.”
“I Can Tell! I See Where You Spilled Coffee All Over the Floor!”
I look at Shutter and he looks at me. Before I can I ask if I missed something, he goes on.”
“Marcie Just Cleaned that Floor! Jay-Sus! This Music is Terrible! It Makes Me Want To Kill Myself.”
He walks over starts looking at my computer screen. I minimize the email I’m writing. He walks over and looks at Shutter’s monitor.
He says to Shutter, “Is This Music Coming From Your Computer? What’s Wrong with You? What Don’t you Play Some Sinatra? This Fucking Shit is Terrible.”

I could tell Shutter was getting pissed. Any one could tell. His back was getting stiff and his face was gettign a little red. Even this assclown could tell.
“You Know I’m Just Kidding With You! Right? I would Kid You If I Didn’t Like You! You Know I Like You. If I Didn’t I wouldn’t let you drink MY COFFEE!”

I almost lost it. His coffee? His Coffee! I gave ole what’s her face ten bucks not 3 day ago, but it’s his coffee? To hell with that. I paid for it. It’s my coffee. I couldn’t stand anymore.

I finished my coffee and started to pack my shit up. Shutter asked where I was headed and I told him. He offered to lend me a hand. I stood up and started to out my coffee cup away. Mr. Facilities Supervisor sees me walking with the empty cup.

“GOING FOR MORE COFFEE?”
“no. i’ve had enough. thanks.”
“OK. SON. Did You Hear That? He’s Actually Had ENOUGH Coffee!”

Shutter and I walked out of the Office.

I will not drink anymore of His Coffee. I don’t know what that was about. And I don’t care. I’ll either brew it in my office or I’ll bring it in with me. But I will not drink His Coffee anymore.

I hate this shit.

I spent last weekend installing Linux, Xubuntu to be precise, on my test box. I got it running and have been using it since then. I like it.

But I guess that wasn’t enough.

Tonight I Installed the Windows Vista Beta on a Virtual Machine on my Regular Computer.

So now at my finger tips I can work with Xubuntu, XP or Vista.
I’m such a dork.

Vista is going to take some getting used to.
It is different. Very different.

I’d like to be relatively fluent with it long before it is released.

Maybe I am doing all this geekery because I am avoiding making this database I am supposed to be designing.

Writing and designing the web app excites me and I can’t wait to do it. But first I need to design the data model. And that is as exciting as… well it isn’t exciting at all.

Just a week and a half till I go back packing. I think I’m ready. Very ready.

I went to REI.

That’s the store that I buy my backpacking gear at. It’s a sort of “candy” store for the outdoor crowd.

I picked up some new boots. My old boots aren’t really worn out, but they have never been quite right. And unfortunately, I didn’t buy the old ones at REI. They a have a lifetime guarantee on everything they sell. If the boots don’t work out well, trade them in for new ones. If the tent didn’t seem as great out in the rain as it did in the store, bring it back. It is a great store. They understand that you have to use your equipment to know if it is right for you.

After the last two trips, the tendons in my ankles have been rubbed raw. I decided not to make matter worse with another trip upcoming. I picked up a pair of Merrrils. They seem pretty good. And they have some extra padding around the ankle. And if they are not the ones, I’ll take them back and try again with new ones.

I also picked up a camp shirt and some waterproof stuff bags. With me, it is best to be waterproof.

I don’t remember if I’ve explained about how I cook on backpacking trips. I like to eat. The idea of wandering off into the woods and walking all day just to eat some ramen noodles holds no appeal to me. I cook actual meals. Using dehydrated veggies, pasta or rice, and canned chicken or shrimp crab meat. It works out pretty well. I have it down to a pretty good science.

For fun, I’m going to try to dehydrate my own veggies, instead of getting them through mail order. Right now, I have peas, corn, potatoes, banana peppers, and some apple slices drying. I’ll also see about some Green peppers, jalapeños, onions and whatever else crosses my mind.

I’ve been hearing that the blogathon folks have been real inconsistent with sending out emails to let you know how to fulfill you pledge. You can go to Freedom from Hunger to donate online (whether or not you sponsored me.) Thanks again for all of your support.

I went to the gym today.

This is significant mostly because I didn’t go last week. I was too tired on Monday from the blogathon, and everything went down hill from there.

And as is my tendency, I added insult to injury by over eating all week.

The treadmill kicked my ass. I was useless. I had to stop after 20 minutes. This doesn’t make sense at all, I’ve taken more time off and been able to run for 30 minutes.

I don’t know what combination of factors were at work, but it sucked.

I got into a discussion at work about Israel, Lebanon and Hezbollah. I didn’t mean to. Nothing good ever comes from these kinds of conversations. It just sort of happened.

The what of the conversation doesn’t really matter. What surprised was not that he disagreed with me on this, I’m used to that my views are less than popular. What I found shocking that this man, who is by far one of the smartest people I know, was giving me the same stupid arguments I’ve heard on FoxNews and the like. I would have expected a more original line of reasoning.

I was a bit disappointed.

And too many people overheard the conversation. I guess I’ll get the evil eye for thinking unpopular thoughts around the office for a while.

Good thing I don’t spend much time in the office.

I’m not sure what the correct term to describe it is…

Maybe Anal-retentive, maybe OCD, maybe just plain old uptight.

I like things neat.
It makes my life easier. I like to to know where things are. If they are put away correctly, then I can find them later.

Yes.
I am one of those people who walks around saying:

A place for everything, and everything in its place.

Annoying isn’t it?
The people I live with certainly think so.
It’s a war.

I ignore it most of the time. I ignore the shit scattered about my house. I step over the crap left on the floor. Hell, I might even even pick up after them, but most of this stuff doesn’t even have a place, its just shares time sitting here and later it gets moved to sit over there. So I benignly ignore it. I don’t have much choice, I’m outnumbered.

But once in a while, like today, the war bubbles to the surface.

It goes like this. It’s time to clean the house. My idea of cleaning is dusting, vacuuming, and that knid of thing. But I can’t do that, because I have to pick up a bunch of stuff before I can started. Other peoples stuff.

Not that you care, but it makes me crazy. Well, crazier.

I can’t beleive that the Blogathon was only a week ago.
It seems much longer ago.

I’m a dork.
But you knew that.

I took my ‘extra’ computer and installed Linux on it.
The PC is a 500 MHz Dell with 384 MB RAM. It isn’t exactly a speed demon but it is stable, with decent hardware.

I’ve been monkeying around with Ubuntu/Kubuntu. Well, mostly Kubuntu because Gnome plucks me for some reason. But KDE is a resource pig. I stumbled on to Xubuntu. It is another flavor of Ubuntu but it comes packaged with XFCE as its Windows Manger. So far so good. But then again, I haven’t done anything but set up my IM and start typing this. Of course, that is most of what I do.

As if that wasn’t enough, I installed VMware Server on my main computer. I set up a VM with Kubuntu but I over tweaked it and had to punt. I’ll try again later.

I’d also like to set up a Windows Vista VM. But its seems that I missed my chance to download the Beta. I’ll see if I can’t find some other source to get the Beta from, but don’t tell Big Bill.

My goal here, I guess, is to use Linux for all of my Internet-ing. I have some apps that require Windows, but most of what I do is … well it’s this. We’ll try it for one month. If I am still liking it when the month is up, I’ll investigate Migrating everything I do (at home) to Linux.

This is the first time I’ve made that threat. Something has always come up to piss me off and make switch back. But its been a year or so since I tried, so I’ll give it a shot again.

Maybe I need one of those jobs where I don’t have to deal with people.

Like a developer.
Just let me sit in a cube and write code all day.
I could live with that.
Except that I don’t know much in the way coding.

I could be a writer.
I could sit at a desk and write for hours at a time each day.
Write until a novel happened.
Think I can get an advance on that plan?

Maybe I should be a hermit.
Go live in some shack in Montana.
Line the walls with foil and hide from the world.

The funny thing is, despite what you guys think, I’m very good at dealing with people.

I smile. I say the right things to the right people.
Usually I can get things accomplished.
That’s the trick. I’m in no position to demand anything of anyone.
So I talk. And talk. And talk.
I talk to all kinds of people. And I listen to what they say, I hear their concerns and explain to them why and how it should be.
And they listen. Usually.

But it is frustrating. Very.
Especially when I get to those who will not listen.

Don’t you know who I am?

So what do I do about it.
I blow off steam.
I shout and yell and cuss.
(Speaking of venting, listen to SBR tonight at 9 PM EST to hear what I’m talking about.)
Later when they cannot hear me.

So that later, when I have to deal with them again, I can smile and talk. And Talk.

Just skip this post.
It is boring and unnecessary.

It is never good to brag, to toot your own horn, but this is my blog and I can’t think of a better place for it.
I’ve been biting my tongue and being humble at work.

No one will care or understand.
Geek nerd talk follows, with little explanation or clarification:

We are going to Migrate from Netware E-dir to Active Directories. Since I am supposed to be an expert with the MCSE and all I’ve been working in the planning meeting with the consultants. It’s been fun.

I was discussing a naming convention for security groups with a colleague, when it occurred to me that we could assign permissions to Domain Local Groups and then be able to ‘effectively assign rights’ to Domain Global Groups by adding them to the Domain Local Groups.

We went back to the consultants and floated the idea to them. At first they were like you don’t need Local Domain Groups, this is a Single Forest Single Domain Model. But as I explained that we could use it to ease administration, they understood where I was going, and totally endorsed the idea.

</ geek nerd talk>

The point being, I had an original and smart thought today that will become the way we do our jobs someday.

That doesn’t happen every day. At least not to me.

It’s Monday.

I still have to be at work. I still have to deal with … well everything I had to before.

This blogathon may have made a difference. But life still goes on, pretty much as it did before.

I did get some sleep, but I’m still a bit out of it.

I find my self feeling bogged down.
I have so many projects I’m working on.
Not at work, but my projects.

My home has some Home Improvement needs.

I’m in the process of setting up a few Web Sites.
Two of them are for me.
One of them is for a Business.
I’m not really qualified to call my self a Web Designer, and I’m certainly not a DBA, but that is what I seem to be getting my self into.
I won’t get paid for any of it. I’m looking at like this… If I can get this up and running with no major incidents, I’ll have the clout (and the code snippets) to sell a similar Web App to some one else.

My Blog To Do list keeps growing.

I’ve set up a Linux box (again.) Already I’m plucked with it. For some reason the cursor/mouse never feels like its moving correctly for me in Linux. It makes me nuts.

I want to record a few more Techno things for the Show.

In addition to this blog I have 3 writing projects that I am not working on.

I have a few thousand photographs that need to cleaned up and organized ans something done with them.

You know plus life.
I feel like I don’t have enough time for any of it.

So it’s all done.
It wasn’t as bad as I expected.

Some things plucked, but that is to be expected with this kind of nonsense.

I think I almost just dozed off.

Wouldn’t that be dumb…. to doze of at 20 till nine.

I know that most of the people that came by here will never come back.
Good. We don’t want you anyway.

But the few of you who have demonstrated a more refined taste and will be back…
You rock. But you knew that .

We raised $534.01!

We rock!

Have a good Sunday Bloggers!

I don’t think much of people.
I assume the worst.

This is your last chance to prove me wrong about you.

Sponsor me.

It is a safe bet that I finish.
It is for a good charity.

Give me a reason to say something nice about you.
I double dog dare you.

You can back down from a double dog dare.

I signed up for the blogathon for 2 reasons.

One was a good reason.
One was a petty reason.

I signed up to raise money for a good charity.
That was a good reason.
I have been successful in that regard, I think.

I also signed up because it seemed like last year I read so many blogathon blogs that were reduced to one line (or near one line) posts, that where all, this is so hard. That made such drama about doing what it was they promised to do.

It irked me.

I said to my self, I can do this and give complete posts. I can maintain some dignity at least until it gets late.
I can do better, I told myself.
That is a petty reason.

But I think I did pretty good on that front.
I didn’t anticipate the Radio thing… but even so, it worked out.

My point?

Yeah right.
There’s no point.

What I will not be doing as soon as this is over is go to sleep.

I’m tired enough.
But my sleep schedule is messed up enough as it is. It can’t take that.

If I were to go sleep at 930 or 10, I would wake up at like 7 in the evening and then I would be up till almost time to get up.

No. I need to stay up.
I may take a little nap or something.
I certainly may not be doing much.

But I need to keep myself mostly awake till 9 or 10 tonight then sleep through.
That’s my plan, any how.

Anyone have any idea how many blogathoners did not make it this far?
Just being nosey.

at least monty is still talking dirty to me.

Shit.

I still haven’t got that coffee.

Excuse me.

It was an egg sandwich.
And it was good.

And I’m drinking a soda.
A Diet Berries & Cream Dr. Pepper, to be precise.

Why?
I don’t know. She brought it to me.
I drink it.

Typing has never been my strong point, but this is ridiculous.

My wife is laughing at me right now.

Apparently me typing is humorous or something.
I’m afraid it is ‘or something.’

Hey all you blogathonners that are coming through here…

I have a question for you.
Was it worth it?
Will you do it again?
What will you do differently?

Hmm. That was more than one question.

Now about that coffee…

I woke her up.
Nicely.

I think I hear noises in the kitchen.
I’m hopeful that this will result in an egg sandwich.
And coffee.

I need coffee, but not before I get something solid in my stomach.

I’m not going to get in to things that I don’t know the details of…
but I can safely say, once again, people suck.

Given a chance to be small, narrow minded and short sighted, they will.
Stupid people.

Wow. This is much easier when I’m not trying to do a Radio Show.

Those of you who listened…
You rock!

The rest of you…
well do I need to spell it out?

I’ll keep you posted about breakfast. I know that you are on the edge of your seat about this.

And that makes this the home stretch.
Let me make some coffee. and regroup from my DJing thing.

I put a lot of myself in to that.
It wears me out. I need to re-focus. Again.

Do you think I can convince my wife took me breakfast?

Yeah. Me either.

But I can dream.

But I can’t sleep.
(I bet that’s not as funny if you haven’t been up all night.)

I have a lot of reading to catch up on.
I’ll be back.

It’s because it isn’t very good.

Yet I keep it doing it.
I’m stubborn like that.

I guess you could say that I have the same issue with this blog.

Why not see if you can surprise me and sponsor me.
Hell, I might even say something nice about it.
You know you want to.

Don’t you?

DJing on MAngo Radio…
Posting there too.

And of course I’m still here.

Rumor has it that I’ve offended at least a few people. (on the Internet Radio)
Good.

At least I’m getting a response.

Anything is better than silence.
But you guys know that.

Anyone who blogs knows about that.
Nothing is worse (in blogging) than posting something and getting…

nothing but tumbleweeds.

Shutter has gone home to get some sleep.

Lucky bastard.

My brand of radio… check that

Internet Radio…

Any way… my style bugs some people.
Not surprising.

I have that effect on people.

I am so not doing a good job at juggling all of this.