I’m not on the trail. I’m sitting in my dining room reading blogs at midnight. I had imagined that at this time i would be tossing and turning in that way that I do when laying on the hard floor of a shelter. It is always worse when you don’t walk very far and it would’ve been only about two mile to get there. Instead, I’m not sleeping at all. I’m sitting here pursuing interesting but useless activities like trading blogshares. It doesn’t help that I don’t seem to be any good at it.

Work today seemed like getting kicked in the teeth. Maybe that’s just cause I knew I wasn’t hiking and that threw my day in to a bit of a funk. Or maybe its cause one of my users managed to screw up his laptop so that it was completely FUBAR. This was made worse due to the fact I couldn’t apply Microsoft’s fix to this because the laptop was created from an image and I couldn’t log in to the Recovery Console. I ended running a Repair Install and then re-applying SP2, it fixed it but it also chewed up my whole morning.

I find that I think about work differently than I use to. I used to have every intention of being one of those guys who dedicated all of their efforts towards their career. I just don’t feel like that anymore. I still care about my job and take pride in my work. It just doesn’t seem as important to me as it once did. I used to think that mark as a person would be through my career. If people said look at that guy, he sure is a great (insert career path here.) I thought that would be my finest moment. Not so anymore. Some of that change comes from having kids now. But mostly its because I don’t want to be a slave not only to my job but to the “next step” on the career ladder. I still get form my boss, “You’ll have to know these thing if you want to grow you career here.” I know that he is trying to be helpful, but it sounds to much like an implied threat. The unspoken, “and if you’re not interested in growing your career, we’ll move on with out you.”

I hear lots of talk about succession planning. I need to have the skills to replace my boss. I don’t want those skills. I’m a geek. He’s a manager. I don’t want to worry about headcount, budget, and burdened labor rates. I’m content to concern myself with one and zeros, domains, packets, viruses and Group Policy Objects. Besides I’m good at that. I’d be an ok manager at best and I wouldn’t like my job. I’m not a malcontent at work. If they want me to understand the business side, I’ll listen. But I’m no longer the guy volunteering to take on new responsibilities to show I’m ready for that leap to management. I’m just busy being the best geek that I can.

These are some of the pieces of stress I carry around with me that make wish I was snuggled up in my zero degree sleeping bag. Listening to wind blow through the trees and feel the cool air on my nose. Trying to sleep, but having a hard time cause I’m so excited about the walk the next day. Not this weekend. But it won’t be too long before I get myself out there.