The amount of candy on the table was truly staggering. Spread out to single depth, it covered the dining room table. It had sat there since Halloween. And to be honest, it didn’t even look like we had made a dent in it. Although, I know that we’ve had more candy this week than any family needs.

This is the beauty and the curse of living in a densely populated neighborhood. Even though, over half the houses did not even offer candy we were able to collect ridiculous amounts of candy. Obscene amounts.

We piled it up on the table. And left it there.

We are not great parents. Don’t patronize me, by telling me different. You don’t know. You just don’t, do you?

We had meals at the table, covered in candy. We pushed it into a mountain in the middle of the table and ate around it. We should have put it somewhere. But where does one put that much candy. So, it remained on the table. The elephant in the room, that no one is willing to mention. —Is that how that saying goes? I’m not sure.

And that is how it was this morning. Bacon and eggs in the shadow of scenic mount candy. As we finished our breakfast, we eyed the candy.

“What should we do with it?”
“Pack it up and I’ll take to work for the vultures.”
“All of it?”
“I guess we could leave a little bit for us for next week.”
“OK.”
“I’ll take all of the Reese’s cups.”

I began to pick through the pile picking out those delights wrapped in orange squares. But it seems I wasn’t the only one who coveted the peanut butter in my chocolate. My wife began grabbing them out until we had pulled out all of the peanut butter cups.

But why stop there. We began grabbing up the Snickers Bars.

And the Crunch Bars.

My son got in the act, pulling out the bubble gum.

Soon we were sorting the table in to piles of Sweet Tarts, lollipops, Baby Ruths, Hershey Bars, Starburst and Tootsie Rolls.

We sorted and categorized.

Now on our table instead of a mountain we have a collection of piles.

The Tootsie Roll pile is too big.

Next year, when you are buying Halloween candy, if you are thinking of buying Tootsie Rolls… STOP! Don’t do it. It’s not good candy. It’s not anyone’s favorite. Don’t do it. Buy Reese’s Cups or M&M’s or Sweet Tarts or Nerds. Buy candy someone actually likes. Helps us to lower the Tootsie Roll Ratio.

Now, if you’ll excuse me there are a few Reese’s Cups with my name on them.