I spend a lot of time thinking about Christmas, this time of year. Not so much the what am I going to get nor what I plan to give. I think more about how does Christmas fit into my life and that of my family.

I guess for most people, that kind of thing is just a given. For me it’s harder. I’m an atheist.

Before we go any further, let’s talk about that statement.

I’m an atheist. By that I mean I don’t believe in god. I do NOT mean that I am sick of religion, that I am immoral, that I hate Christians, that I am trying to make some sort of statement, that deep down inside I really do believe. I have people try to assign those things to me, but they do not apply. I just don’t believe. Sorry. I’ve thought a lot about it during the course of my life. I’ve read huge chunks of the Bible as well as parts of the Koran, some Hindu and Buddhist works, the Book of Mormon and even several issues of the Watchtower. I’ve read and I’ve examined my thoughts and beliefs. But at the end of the day, I just don’t believe.

Having said that, part of me feels like I have no right to celebrate Christmas. It’s a Christian Holiday, why would I celebrate? To be honest, at first the only reason I did celebrate it was for the kids. Actually, that’s not even true. I did it for my mother. She would have been ruined if I didn’t give my kids Christmas.

So we had Christmas. At least most of it. Christmas Tree, presents in the morning, lights on the house. No church. No Jesus. I do mention to my kids that a lot of people are celebrating the birth of Christ. They should be aware of that. But you’ll find no Nativity Scenes at the Jeckles household.

The funny thing is this, I found that I enjoyed it. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed it a lot. I guess a lot of my objections to Christmas as a teenager and a young adult came from the obligatory Church Services. They made me feel so uncomfortable and so unwelcome. But as I started my Christmas traditions with my own family I was able to really enjoy them.

At first, I felt guilty for celebrating. Like I was an impostor or something. But as I look around, it occurs to me that there are really two holidays that happen at the same time. The Christian Christmas with it’s Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. Shepherds, wisemen and angels. But there is another Christmas. The secular Christmas. A holiday of Santa Claus and Rudolph. Of Lights and food. Of gift giving.

I choose to celebrate the latter.

There are aspects of this time of year that bother me. And if I have nothing else to be thankful for on Thanksgiving, I am thankful that I do not work retail any more. No one should have to suffer through that. I have many reasons to dislike Christmas. But I choose not to let it get the best of me. I think I need Christmas, and not for the reason you might guess.

I suffer in the winter. I need the sunlight. The short days and the gray skies fill me with despair. But these last few years, the years I have celebrated Christmas my way with my family, I have found that when it seems that the darkness will overwhelm me, there is light.

There is light everywhere. Christmas Trees. Lamp post with lighted wreaths. And miles and miles of lights strung out through the neighborhoods.

Christmas is not perfect for me. I guess nothing is. But it brings light to the darkest days of the year. And for me, that is reason enough to celebrate.