… but I think my chi is all fucked up. Or maybe it’s karma. Or maybe it’s just shit.

Things aren’t right, but I know that the root of all of it is me. There are some external factors fucking with me, but mostly it’s just me.

Nothing seems right. And I can’t fix it. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite. Whatever attempt I make to fix things, seems to make it worse.

Some times, when shit is off like this, I rage a bit and then feel better. But we’re well beyond raging. I don’t know what to do when this happens. (Yes, it has happened many times before.) So I get manic. And obsessive.

So far this week, I’ve updated my long lost forum. Well, a little bit. I’ve imported a number of Ratdog and Dead shows into my iTunes. Edited, organized and tagged several hundred photos. Researched alternatives for streaming my stupid radio show. Cleaned the kitchen. And all of that in my free time. I’ve spent most of my time at work.

Don’t think that it stops when I’m at work either. I’ve organized my files. Updated my address book and calendar. Updated all kinds of documentation.

Even my dreams are fucked up.

It’s this same manic behavior that leaves me with 4 or 5 blogs, a radio show, a forum, a (defunct) club and I don’t even know what else.

I don’t enjoy any of this stuff, I just need to DO something. Anything.

It doesn’t work.

I tend to interrupt myself to jump from one obsession to another.

I suppose this will pass, but I don’t know when. Consider yourself warned.

I’m a dork. I know it. I can’t help it.

I am sitting here in my big comfy chair, tapping this into my new phone.

I took a break to eat breakfast and I think that may be the point.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that blogging irritates me. It seems to me, that blogging should be a way to share your life with the world at large. Instead, it becomes a ritual of sharing your blog with other bloggers.

You end up, at least I did, spending your time connected to your computer doing blog things. You can’t share your life, because you don’t have one.

It may be dorky to update your blog from your phone, but at least you can do it while you are out living your life.

I was going to post something.

I guess technically that I am posting something.

I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but it devolved into yet another rant about how I don’t really like blogging. And that didn’t really seem worth posting at all.

So Fuck It.

I’m just not feeling it.

The few of you that have paid attention for long time, know that I’ve had some bad luck with blogging services. I used to be at blogcafe.com. But they had some sort of catastrophic failure and everything vanished. Luckily, I was using the blogger.com interface to post my entries.

After that disaster I moved to here, and copied some of my posts over. Here and there, I’d move a post or two over but I’d usually put it off. There is no automated way, that I know of, to move these. Which meant logging in to blogger, copying the text of the post, coming here and creating a new post. Pasting the post, adjusting the date and hitting publish. It’s tedious and time consuming.

Over the last few days, I’ve finished copying the last of them over. In the process, I’ve re-read a whole lot of my older posts. Some of them were even good.

Some time last month, I passed three years doing this. I have had over 25000 visitors, and a few of those have even bothered to read this drivel. There are 505 posts, most of them suck. The rest of them are mostly about blogging or back packing.

There are a few that have been ‘lost’ for the last year and a half that are worth reading. Now is your chance to catch up. Allow me to recommend these:

What is it I like about my Job?
The Ups and Downs of Mountain Biking
The Rain King
Looking Back Across Burning Bridges
Being a real dad

For the record, I still don’t like blogging.

I have struggled with this blogging thing nearly as long as I have been doing it.

I like the idea of putting my ideas down in html and putting them out there to so if anyone gives a shit. On one level this has worked well for me. There have been a surprising amout of people who seem to want to hear what I have to say. On the other hand, it doesn’t work the way I thought it would.

Blogging has become (or maybe it always was) about communities. These are my blog friends. I have to read what they are writing. And we will be like a group. We will join the same traffic generating scams. We will play the same meme games.

I don’t like that. I came here to say something. I hope you’ll listen. But I dont want you to expect me to listen to you. If you have something interesting to say, I’ll listen or I’ll move on. It’s not personal. Or it shouldn’t be. Maybe it should be, I don’t know, but that’s not what I wanted out of this.

I’ve been more frustrated than usual with this recently. This is why I have posted so little.

I was going to shut it down.

Not quit. I still have the urge to express myself in this way. But I was extremely close to shutting it all down and starting somewhere else. And no, I wouldn’t have let you know. Not even you. It’s not personal. But if I let you know. Then I’d let him know. And before long, we’d be right back to here. Just ask Mango. He knows.

But I didn’t. I have some sort of pride in this meager collection of shit. And I don’t want to start over.

I have to refocus. Beside the community aspect, I didn’t fully think out the implications of publishing. It’s on a micro scale, but this must be what columnist deal with every day. The comments are a both wonderful and awful. I love the feedback. I love to know what you think about what I write. But I hate it. Sometimes I want to scream, who asked you? I can never decide if I should respond to the comments or not.

The reality is, this is publishing. On a small scale, but still it is. I’m putting it out there and for that I have to live with the consequences of that decision. I can’t pick and choose who reads this. I can’t do anything about it if you don’t understand what I mean, even though I’ve been as clear as I can be. I can’t censor any reaction, in the comments or else where, that results from what I’ve written. And I can’t worry about those things as I sit to write a new thing.

Like I said, I’m amazed that as many people have listened to me as have. Yet I look around and see that, all things considered I don’t get much traffic. Most blogs get 10 times what I do. I’m told that it’s quality over quantity. I’m told that it’s cause I don’t play the ‘game.’ This is probably true. But I can’t help wonder, why not me? Why shouldn’t people want to not only read this, but urge others to? But it doesn’t work that way. Not for me. And if I’m going to be true to me, then I need to accept that.

I’ll keep it up. At least I’ll try to. This blog and the stupid radio show. I think that for some reason, I’m more comfortable with the Radio thing than the blogging. I guess it’s a matter of expectation. The SBC, I’m not so sure of. I think it’s time has past. I look at the blogs who request membership. I don’t think they get it. Maybe I should let it fade away. And don’t worry, if I do I’ll run Shitty Blog Survivor from here. I do like that. It’s been fun this year.

Still, sometimes I hope that people will ‘get’ me. That I’ll have dozens of readers instead of 5. But I’m full of shit. I’m not cut out to be popular. I never was. And I never will be. There’s more to popularity than people liking you, you have to play the ‘game.’ And I quite simply can’t do that.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have 18 hours of Star Trek on my DVR.

First and foremost, thank you again to each and everyone of you that sponsored me. It really means a lot to me. In theory, the blogathon people will send you an email asking you to fulfill your pledge, but I’ll let you in on a secret. You can go to your profile at blogathon.org and click on edit next to this blog under “Your Pledges.” On that page you can simply push the button that says, “Fulfill this pledge directly with Freedom from Hunger now” and then fill out the Online Donation form at Freedom from Hunger.

I don’t really like to acknowledge it when I’m sick, I always want to think that I can just will it away, mind over matter style. But it doesn’t work that way. I have a sinus infection. And I don’t feel good at all. This made this blogathon much harder for me than it otherwise would have been. The headache that I had during the whole thing tested my patience and made me even grumpier than usual.

There are some aspects to the blogathon that really do irk me. I feel it could be better organized and designed to be much more inclusive to all participants. It also steams me that BE and Lewis get all kinds of plugs when they don’t even raise a cent for charity (at least not that I could see.) There were at least 2 stations involved with this blogathon were playing music and supporting charity.

In the waning moments of the blogathon, I had an epiphany. I am a lousy blogger. Occasionally, people try to swell my head by telling me that I am a good writer. Who knows, maybe I am, but that doesn’t making me a great blogger. I don’t need to be a great blogger, but I had never made that distinction before. The one thing I could do to be a better blogger is to post much more regularly. I’ll try. I’ve had some issues with this blog and I’ve been real tempted to scrap it. But I think I should keep it. I mean it’s over 3 year old, I’d hate to start over.

Who knows, after a good night sleep all this may seem very different to me.

If the power goes out… I guess I’m screwed. There isn’t a window in the geek cave, so I can’t tell how bad it is. But I can hear the thunder over the music.

I’m back on the air. Not that you care. I’m playing a power block of Pop Punk. You know Blink 182, Green Day, that kind of shit.

I keep catching typos. They are pretty bad. I’m very concerned about the ones I’m missing.

It is now tomorrow. Or at least it’s after midnight. It feel much later. I’m not sure why. Probably because almost none of the freaks I talk to online are online.

Rage upcoming on the Mango Radio.

More lame posting in 30 minutes on this blog.

I’m sitting here, with my shades on. I’m in the MPYR radio chatroom. I fucking hate chatrooms. They fill me with rage. Even more than normal.

Shutter is our most recent Super Hero.
Without babbling on like a little girl, this one means a lot to me. Thanks, dude.

I’m getting tired. I’ll blame this sinus infection. Staying up usually isn’t a problem for me. I guess I have no choice but to make some coffee.

I love coffee. I guess I wouldn’t be so bored if people were visiting. But as I’ve said before, I’m not one of the cool kids. Just my destiny, I suppose.

That’s ok, I’ll just keep posting. The 2 or 3 of you that are reading, will keep reading. And later, in the wee hours of the morning, I’ll rage to no one on SBR about how the rest of you suck.

Have a nice day.

It’s times like these that I wish I didn’t blog anonymously. I could raise so much more money if I approached my friends and family with this. But I can’t do that.

Most of them don’t even know that I blog. I don’t even want to think what it would be like if they knew about it at work.

It wouldn’t be pretty. I hear them make comments sometimes.

“God, she is such a freak. I bet she’ll go home and blog about this.” And then they’ll all laugh. And I laugh too. I don’t need them to know that I do this.

If they knew, they’d start reading into everything I write about work. I’d blog about using a sick day for a ‘metal health day,’ and I have my boss call me into her office.

It would be bad. I just know it. So I’m a closet blogger. It’s best this way.

I know that plenty of bloggers are very open about the fact that they blog, I don’t understand how that works for them.

Just one more thing to hate about blogging.

For the record, I think my monitor hates me.

Yes. You missed a block of Disco and Rage on Shitty Blogathon Radio. I know you don’t care. I don’t care that you don’t care. So there.

Mango was there. He eggs me on, you know. He tries to get me to do bad things. Very bad.

I think I have been in front of the PC too long. I mean I’m used to being in front of a computer, but this is relentless. At least I work, I get interrupted with meetings and phone calls and Shutter. All I have here is Geek Blog, Misfitopia, IM and Shitty Radio. It may be making me a bit crazy.

Mango informs me that CBS is broadcasting an XBox360 GuitarHero Championship. This is fucking retarded. Do I really need to elaborate.

Mango is going back to whatever it is that he is doing in Buffalo. So I’ll be back to being kind of alone. Again. He says he’ll be back in the middle of the night. I’ll play Enya and GnR to celebrate.

And maybe some ‘All Along the Watchtower.’

What was it that Tyler Durden said about ‘the Happy Place?’ You know… when he was giving the narrator a chemical burn?

Nevermind.

I suppose that this means we are over a quarter of the way through this. That’s something.

I have no idea what to write about.

I could tell about you about how I got banned from Blog Explosion.
Or how fucked up the Radio situation was last year.

But that stuff will only get me in more trouble than I already am.

I could tell you about Shitty Blog Survivor. Yes that’s what I should do.

I have this club. The Shitty Blogs Club. It’s kind of like a joke, except it’s a real club. It’s difficult to explain. Every year we play Survivor. Like the TV show.

Except that I have never seen the TV show, so maybe it is way different.

We start with say 10 or 12 bloggers. They are all given a stupid task to perform by a set deadline. Like ‘Carve a Watermelon like you would a Pumpkin’ or ‘Dress Up in 40 different Items of Clothes’ or ‘Compose and Sing a Song about Survivor Island.’ You get the idea.

Actually, you could help me. There are currently 3 Survivors left on Shitty Blog Isle and I owe them a task. I have no idea what to give them.

Any Suggestions?

Like most days…

It’s lunch time and I am filled with rage. Don’t ask. It just seems to work that way. Maybe it’s techno music I’m listening to. Wanna listen. Go to SBR and click on one of the links on the sidebar. To the best of knowledge, they work.

I’ve get left over hot dogs on the menu. Who wants to figure out the over/under on me spilling mustard on me. It’s pathetic. I know.

To expand on the point that i was failing to make earlier. All I’ve wanted to do was to be popular. In high school and college that would have never happened. It’s not likely to happen at work. But, You would think… at least I would, that on the Internet, I’d have a chance.

The playing field should leveled. Looks don’t matter. Background doesn’t matter. Yet, the blogosphere (and elsewhere on the ‘net) makes its own cliques. I hate it.

Wanna know what else sucks? I really though it would take long for me to be reduced to rambling, babbling.

I’ll babble some more after lunch.

I was so plucked that I didn’t even get the “Sponsor this Blog’ button up last time.

God, I suck.

And If I don’t figure out how to get some lunch soon, I’m screwed. I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point I started getting very regimented on when I eat. Which is good, I suppose… but when I get off schedule, it fucks wit me a lot. You know… like right now.

Did I mention I hate blogging.

I’m not sure why I don’t just write. For myself. On my computer and leave it there. It would eliminate a lot of my frustration. It’s my own… insecurity… need for affirmation… something that makes me blog. I could write and save it to the hard drive. But I would never know if you got it. I wouldn’t know if I had got my point across.

But by the same token, I have always felt like there is some huge blogging community out there. And I am some where outside of it.

I know. I know.

It’s my own fault. I don’t play the GAME. Hell, I don’t even understand the game, nor do I want to. Most of the time this shit doesn’t bother me at all. I just do my thing. I have my few, but extremely loyal groupies readers. But sometimes, like when those stupid awards come out or during this blogathon, it begins to get to me.

I read other blogs and it sounds like they are all blogging this thing together. I feel like I’m sitting here at my computer, alone, blogging. Do the rest of them have a better imagination than I do? Are they IMing back and forth between posts. Calling each other on the phone?

I don’t know. This is probably my tendency to be extremely literal giving me a hard time again.

Yes. It is hard to be me. No. I do not expect you to feel the slightest bit sorry from me. Yes. I do expect some of you to mock me derisively.

Did you ever feel like you were trying to make point, but had no idea what the hell it was? No? Must just be me and my aneurysm .

Thank you. You’re too kind. I’ll be here all fucking day, don’t forget to tip.

Am I bit plucked….

Yes I am.

Of course, I’ll just be told that I’m not a good sport. Not a team player. You would think that I would be used to that by now.

I apologize that this isn’t a very good post. I don’t have a lot of time to put this together.

Instead of writing during the last 30 minutes, I’ve been fucking with my template. My template that has been perfectly good for over a year now (including last year’s blogathon.) I’ve added a time stamp.

That, in and of itself, wouldn’t be so bad. But then I discovered that blogsome doesn’t change for daylight savings time automatically. So the first six posts were an hour early. I had to change my time to reflect DST and then I had to update the time stamps on each of those posts.

Fucking great.

I certainly hope it helps a lot. A whole lot.

And now my head ache has gone into overdrive. Excuse me while I go find some coffee… and Advil.

I am always amazed when I read about people’s plans for the Blogathon. Some of them throw parties or watch movies. Some of them set a theme for their posts or have contests.

Not surprisingly, I’m not doing any that shit. It’s not that I don’t approve. (OK maybe I don’t, but that’s not why.) It’s that typically when I blog it takes me almost 30 minutes, sometimes longer, to put my posts together. I guess my posts are longer than average and it doesn’t help that I can’t really type. But the real problem is that I simply think too much about it. It’s just the way I am.

The really sad part is that for all the time and effort, this is the end result.

So my plan is simple. I will sit here and write 49 posts over 24 hours. I will try to give each post the attention that I would to any ‘regular’ post. (In other words, I will do my best not to give you the “Wow I still 12 hours to go.” post.)

Honestly, I’m not criticizing anyone else’s effort here. It is just my goal, again, to remain consistent to my style of blogging. It seems like the least I can do for my Charity.

In addition to blogging, I’ll do the radio thing, but that won’t take much effort. And I’ll drink coffee. And Sugar-Free Red Bull.

Man I suck at this.

I went backpacking. Again. I know, it’s almost boring. It was a great weekend.

I’m sure its just me being paranoid, but as the end of Dubya’s term gets closer, I keep waiting for some one to announce that they are extending his term indefinitely, citing terrorist threats and what not.

Thanks Monty, Mango and WK for sponsoring me in the blogathon. You can sponsor me too. Dammit.

Two weeks till training camp starts. I can’t wait.

I got a promotion at work. I am now, officially, a Network Engineer. But you can still call me Jeckles.

I’ve changed my gym routine around a bit. I’ve added more emphasis to muscle training. I’ve also added protein shakes to my diet. I’m seeing good results.

Shitty Blog Radio is stupid. My mother has never listened to it. (And this is a good thing.) But for some reason she keeps telling everyone in my extended family about it. I spent an uncomfortable 15 minutes yesterday, trying to explain to my nice Christian cousins what is I do on the internet radio. Maybe my mom should listen. I bet she’d stop telling family about it.

Shitty Blog Survivor is even dumber.

And now my lunch break is over.

Who knew?

So when I noticed that I hadn’t blogged for a month… well I had to do something.

I probably should have chose to delete the fucking thing, but I chose to write a post.

When I was in college, I would skip class for whatever reason, and then I would miss it again. If it was a Tuesday/Thursday class that would mean that I had missed a solid week of class. This would send me into a state of anxiety. The idea of walking in there after missing a whole week was unthinkable. So I wouldn’t go. Needless to say, I don’t have a diploma.

I guess this blog is kind of the same way. I don’t update for a bit, and then I don’t know where to pick it back up, so I skip it.

If all you knew about me was through the blog, I guess you wouldn’t think I’d done anything but backpacking in the last few months.

But I think most of you listen to the stupid radio show, or worse yet know me in person, so you know better.

If not… well, what can I say.

The blogathon is coming up, and I plan to participate again. So I have no choice but to get back in the blogging habit. Which is a shame, cause of blogging sucks.

I have been seriously questioning why I still doing this.

I think that most of the people who used to read this have moved on.
And writing it feels like a chore.

I go through cycles on this shit. Hot and cold.

Right now, I feeling cold.

I sit down to post something, but don’t. I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like reading the well meaning comment from people who don’t understand what I’m trying to say.

Like this post. I’m not look for someone to talk me into keep blogging. Shit. That’s the last thing I want.

When I started doing this, I wanted a place to put my thoughts out there and that was it. But it’s changed. Once people started reading, that changed everything. Then I started thinking about what the readers thought.

The problem, I suppose, is that I really don’t like people.

I really don’t. As I am sitting here trying to type this, this buffoon I work with is trying to give me his malformed opinion of a presentation/meeting we had at work. It’s taking all of the strength I have not to say, “I don’t give a shit what you think. Shut up and leave alone, can’t you see me typing here.”

I guess that makes me not a nice person. I kind of wish I were a nice person, but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me. I am who I am. I am a product of the events that have shaped me and there isn’t much to be done about it.

Back to the point, Blogging seems to be an interactive/community kind of thing. My general dislike for people doesn’t work well with that.

So I ask myself, should I keep doing this and just say fuck ‘em, when the other bloggers rub me the wrong way? Or should I pack it up and try something else?

I don’t know. Not right now anyway.

I’m not here to make friends. I’m not here to get your approval. I’m not here to fit in to some sort of community. And I’m not here to be judged.

I’m here to say what I think. And recently, that seems more trouble than it’s worth.

Once upon a time, I started a blog. I did it because I had read a few blogs and it seemed interesting. But mostly I did it, because I had heard a rumor that Blogger was giving Gmail accounts to its members. I didn’t get a Gmail account from Blogger. I did eventually get one from some other blogger, because of my whining about it on my blog.

I liked blogging. I put my thoughts up on the internet, but no one read them. I signed up with a bunch of things to draw traffic to my blog. If only people could see his blog then they would read it. But for the most part they did not. For the most part, they still don’t.

Once upon a time, I joined a blogging club. It was kind of a joke. Before long I found myself in charge of it. People like silliness on the internet, I’ll have contests and polls and shit. People will come and hang out and it will be fun. People did come, but mostly just to get another link. Everyone wants a link. Fun? Not so much. People told me that I had to do this and I had to do that. I held make believe contests and people got mad.

Once upon time, I believed I could be a writer. I wrote stories. Carefully choosing every word. People came and told me how great my writing was. I read their sites and told them how great they were. I decided to get serious. Maybe write a novel. Maybe not. Maybe I should just stick to let people compliment me on the internet.

Once upon a time, I had a radio show. It was dumb. It was a joke. I didn’t try to make anything serious, just a diversion for fun. Well, yeah, that didn’t work out either.

People ask me why I hate the Internet so much. No reason.

I think I’ve mentioned that before.
That was Sarcasm. We both know I’ve said it again and again.

Blogging frustrates the shit out of me.

I started reading blogs four or five years ago. I had a few that I enjoyed. Of course, with the exception of WWdN, they are all gone.

I don’t read blogs to make friends. I rarely comment. I’m not really looking to interact with the blogger. What I enjoy is a glimpse into a stranger’s life. It is voyeurism of a sort. But it is different than peeping through window and trying to catch a glimpse of someone’s life. When you read a blog, you a peeping into a person’s life, not through the window, but through their own eyes.

That is one of the oddest things about this whole blog as community concept. When you interact with people out there in the real world, you derive a perception of that person. You see their body language, you observe how they interact with different people, you hear other people comment on that person, and most of all, you have your own direct interaction with them. The sum of these experiences (and more) is your mental sketch of this person.

But here in the blogoshere, it is whole different ball of wax. Your first impression of any blogger is based on a combination of how they see themselves and how they want to be seen. By the nature of the medium, bloggers give a false picture of themselves. No matter how honest they may be in their blogging, the way that they see themselves is going to be radically different than how we perceive them.

But that’s not the part that frustrates me. That was just a tangent. Sorry about that.

I don’t want to try to read hundreds of blogs. What I want to do is find a few that resonate with me and read them. And that’s what I do. But… and this is the part that frustrates me… I find a dozen blogs or so I enjoy and go read them. And after a while some of them will stop posting. Some of will them will become less interesting to me as the blogger begins to focus on different things. Of course, I understand that they can blog about whatever they want and they should. I am not reading because I am friends with that person but because I want something interesting to read. If what you write doesn’t interest me, well you’ve got nothing for me to read. And before you know it, I have nothing to read. Then I have to go find more to read.

I am subscribed to 44 blogs in Bloglines. Yet most of those update very infrequently. And when I sit down at my computer and want to read a blog there is nothing there for me.

So I will go find more, but that is a painful process. I can’t stand most blogs. I’ll parse through the shit looking for something worth reading.

And when I find it, that blog I want to read, I’ll just have to hope that I have a little time before it one fades away.

The ironic thing is that I have so much to say.

And yet, many of you would look at this blog and have no idea.

I have so much I want to say, but it is more than just typing out a bunch of words. It’s not words that I am trying to get out here.

It’s ideas.

And that is harder. At least for a no talent hack like me.

I could just sit down at the keyboard and start typing what’s in my head, but that would not give me what I’m looking for.

I’ve learned a lot over the last two years about writing and expressing myself. It’s a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be.

But still, I have to.

It’s why I do this. I’m not looking friends or a sense of community.

I’m try to get these ideas out of my head and out to some one. Anyone.

And let’s be honest, I’m looking for a little feedback.

Sometimes I think that if I could just get my thoughts across, clearly… If I could do that just once, I could stop. I could stop writing all together.

Maybe that’s the thing. Maybe I’m just trying to get a piece of me out there for you. And I keep failing.

Or maybe all of this is just pretentious bullshit.

An inaccurate and incomplete history of Mango Radio according to me.

I’m going to start my own Radio Station. It’s going to be great!

That was the announcement that Marc made. It’s been two years now, I guess. I don’t even know this guy. Just some dude on the Internet. He does start it. Mango Radio, he calls it. That’s his nickname, Mango. It’s a play on his last name. It’s long story. I’m beginning to learn this about Marc. It’s usually a long story.

The station is up. It plays music 24 hours a day. But that alone wouldn’t make it worth writing about.

“Hey man.” Marc IM’s me. “I’m live on the air. Come check it out.”

And I do. I listen as he talks about other people on the Internet. And his job. And growing up in Buffalo. It’s captivating. Listening to this dude just talk about shit. While I listen. Not just me. There is a couple from Ohio. And a chick from Vegas. And Karl.

“Hey Jeck. I’d like to dedicate this song to Finslippy.” He says. And he plays “Somebody Hates Me” by Reel Big Fish. I find myself laughing out loud. It’s funny. An inside joke. I love it.

But after a few months of this it gets stale. I mean, how many times can I tune in and listen to the same songs. Maybe he’s running out of stories. Hell, I could be watching TV. Okay, I couldn’t do that. But you get my point.

“I’m making Big Changes at Mango Radio.” Marc announces. “I’m bringing in other DJ’s to do their own shows. To mix it up.”

A good idea. He announces the DJs. Monogodo. Will Thrasher. Joe. Crash. And Webkittyn. Will Thrasher and WebKittyn have real radio experience and Monogodo has thousands of songs in his library. Crash is Karl in disguise and Joe… Well I don’t know. They will pre-record their shows and Marc will play them at pre-designated times.

“You can do a show if you want, Jeck.”
“No thanks.”

I mean… hell. I’m out classed here. But…

But I want to do a show. I know I can do it. But I don’t want to be laughed off the Internet. I read discussions on the Mango Radio Forum board. The DJ’s are having Technical trouble. Trouble Organizing their music just right. Trouble finding free time. Trouble making their shows just right.

The thought nags in my head. I can do this. But what to do for a show. I don’t know what the fuck to talk about.

An audio companion to the Shitty Blogs Club. That’s it. I recorded 30-some minutes of me babbling. I edited the worst of it out and threw in some music. I mixed it into an mp3 and sent it to Marc.

Ironically, it was the First show to get submitted. And the First to get played. I cringe as I hear my voice on the Internet. Marc says he loves it.

“I had no idea what to expect.” He keeps telling me.

Other Shows follow. Webkittyn Wednesdays, an 80’s music Show. Monogodo’s show. Will Thrasher. They all have some degree of popularity. Some more than others. Some lasted. Some did not. New names were added to the line up. Doom, Utopia, Riss, Chaos Radio. Some lasted. Some didn’t.

The ironic thing, to me, was that almost all of this shows had that same format, talk about this or that and play some music. Sure we each put own stamp on it, but it was variations on a theme.

The thing is Mango still wasn’t happy. He was hoping for the big time. Maybe even get picked up by XM or something. Oh, I’m sure that deep down he knew that was a pipe dream, but still he hoped.

He quit doing a show. And the station kept trucking with out him. He started his show again and nothing much changed.

But in the end, when it came time to renew the contract on the station and to renew the domains, he decided it wasn’t worth the money. And, of course he’s right.

So it’s over. As of Thursday.

But I think that someday, that format will catch on. That psuedo-audioblogging combined with music. I hope when it does, they call it Mango Radio.

In case you don’t know… I have been doing this dumbass ‘Internet Radio Show’ for the last year or so. The imaginary Internet Radio Station that it aired on is going off the ‘air.’ If you want more information go here.

I guess all of this has me thinking about the nature the Internet, as I know it, and the nature of blogging. Which has been an ongoing theme for me. Who knows, maybe I’ll write something about this soon.

The Family and I went on road trip to the Lehigh Gap in Pennsylvania. We climbed the mountain and I took a couple hundred pictures. Maybe someday, I’ll find the time to organize and do something with all of these pictures I keep taking.

I still like my truck. It isn’t very fuel efficient and I guess that makes me a bad person, but I don’t drive far on any given day and I’ll gladly pay more to drive the vehicle I want to drive.

On a related note, I passed an SUV with a bumper sticker that said “High Gas Prices Stink!” I hate them.

I think I will carve a few pumpkins this year. I’m not half bad at it. I was going to link to the photos of last year’s attempts. But it looks like they were lost when BlogCafe went down. I’m sure I have them on this computer somewhere, but… Anyhow. I’ll find ‘em and include them.

I had no idea I liked the Grateful Dead so much. I’ve recently got a bunch of Dead to listen to. I like it. I wish I would have realized that while Jerry Garcia was still alive.

I have a headache.

I used to think that maybe I could be a writer. I got over it.

I am still struggling to figure out how I am supposed to do all the things I want to to do, in the time that I have to do them.

I think that North Korea possessing Nuclear technology may be the single greatest threat to the stability of our world.

I am glad I discovered the Sleuth Channel. Miami Vice is better than anything that the networks are offering these days. Between that, M*A*S*H on Hallmark, and Star Trek on G4; I have all the TV I need.

And as they say on M*A*S*H…

That is all.

It’s that time of year again.

It is the time of year that I spend crazy hours at work and do little else.

I’m not complaining. I honestly don’t mind.

Most of the time my department is pretty laid back. Almost too laid back. It’s fun to work in an environment with a little intensity. At least for a little bit.

And besides, they pay me overtime. So bring it on. I can take it. Work me as hard as you want. I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

The down side is I won’t have as much time to play on the internet. I’m already pretty much an absentee landlord of my stupid little club. Now I’ll be practically invisible. Who cares, it’s a shitty little club any way.

My stupid Internet Radio Show will suffer also. I mean who wants to tune in to hear some freak bitching about how stupid people are? Come to think of it, maybe the show won’t change that much.

I went backpacking weekend before last and I went to lake with my neices and nephew last weekend. So I’m pretty relaxed. I’m ready to be busy. Today I’m setting 20-some-odd High Powered CAD workstations. Woo-Hoo. In case you can’t read the Sarcasm, it’s not very exciting. But at least I brought my iPod with me.

I’m boring.

You don’t have to say anything.

I know it’s true.
I’ve seen what I’ve written.
It’s not exactly riveting.

That would explain why literially 100s of people have come to this site today and very few have commented.
Even less have sponsored me.

grrr.

But it’s isn’t today anymore.
It’s tomorrow. At least it will be when you read this.
Except that then it will be today.
And now will have become yesterday.

(See what I mean about he boring.)

I need to find something to do to entertain myself.
I still have 3 hours before I go on Mango Radio.

Maybe I’ll fight with Shutter.

The First Rule of Fight Club is…

Or maybe I’ll just make some popcorn.

I don’t seem like the type to do something like the blogathon, do I?

I don’t think so either.

It’s cause things like this are always turned into an ‘event.’ I suck at events. (See last post.)
So excuse me while I ignore the rest of it and just blog.

Because I’m OK with blogging. I’m actually working very hard to make each of those posts like any post I would on this blog.
I hate filler. I don’t want that here. No one will appreciate it, but I’m not doing it for them. I’m doing ti for me.

Doing it for you? What about the charity?

I haven’t forgot the charity. But the Blogathon people would be fine if it put up a bunch “Wow. It’s time to post again!” posts.
And I’m sure later, in the middle of night. We’ll get there.

But I’m putting it off as long as possible.

I realize that these posts aren’t any good. I know that. I merely am pointing out that they are “jeckles-style” posts.

At least I have Mango to Entertain me. I don’t know what I’ll do when he goes off the air.

How bad do I suck? It only took like 4 posts for my “Monitor” to get bored with me.
Yeah. I suck.

Yes, I’m writing about lunch.

Deal with it.

It’s a Gorton’s Shrimp Bowl. You remember the Friendly Gorton Fisherman. It’s not as bad as it sounded.
Of course, I chose it only because it was the only quick microwavable meal I had on hand.

It didn’t take long. I knew it wouldn’t. What am I talking about? It doesn’t really matter.

Hate my blog yet?
No.
Bored with it?
Yeah?
I get that a lot.

But I am what I am.

And I don’t fit in.

And I’m rambling. That didn’t take long either.

Well with lunch done, it’s time for more coffee.
At least coffee still loves me.

(Hey Mango… Tell us how you really feel!)

Here we are.

This is the big Blogathon.

48 posts posts for your amusement. All to show support for a good charity.

Sit back relax. We have all day and all night together.

I hope you enjoy it.

If 48 doses of Jeckles isn’t enough for you, I’ll be making some guest appearances here or there. I’ll tell you about those later.

I suspect I’ll get some new visitors through here today.
Poor guys, they won’t know what hit them.

This is an acquired taste.

So excuse me, I’m going to go get some coffee, find some music to listen to, and attempt to make the most of this.

I’m still reeling about Syd.
It’s not like the news was shocking or upsetting exactly. But the end to this tragic story has kept my mind in motion. I may have more to say about Syd, but it hasn’t quite solidified in my mind. Also, I expect that this week’s Radio Show will have a lot of Syd in it.

Hey!

The Blogathon is coming. And I’m in it. Several of you have sponsored me. You guys rock. But I want more. Sponsor me.

NO. I mean it. Sponsor me. I did some homework and picked a good charity. I’ll stay up 24 hours and post for your amusement. (Well at least for my amusement.) What more do I need to do? What can I offer you to entice you to Sponsor Me? I don’t know what to offer you. But who knows, maybe I’ll think of something.

I’d like to break $500! It’s a goal. If we make that goal… we’ll do something. I just don’t know what yet. I can tell you this. It will make you feel good if you do it. Hell it will make me smile. Sponsor me!
And if you hate my charity or me or whatever…. Sponsor one of my friends. aka_Monty, Webkittyn, Rose, Utopia or Mango Radio.

It’s for a good cause and you get to make me stop being so grumpy for a minute. DO IT NOW.

I mentioned earlier (way earlier) that I had been assigned a huge Identity Integration project. Well funding was slow, and the project has slipped. But we are underway now. It is kind of exciting.

At the same time, I have been drafted to replace the network infrastructure at one of our sites. We are combining the project into a training excercise. So our WAN Admin is having me and another configure the Switch, VLANs and whatnot from the ground up. Way cool.

Is it ironic that I like work betterer, when I am busy. Especially busy with interesting things.

Isreal attacked Lebanon. I’m so glad that the US was able to bring stability to that region.

The AL won the All Star game. Whoop D Doo. I am so over baseball. Only a few short weeks till training camp. Go football!

That is it for today. Sponsor me!

Two Years Ago I started the Jeckles Geek Blog on Blogspot. Since then I’ve moved to Blogcafe and then here to Blogsome.

I’ve managed to retain every post I ever put up.

I’ve spent a lot of time the last few months migrating the old posts over. I wanted to have them all here by today. They are not. But many of them are. I’ll keep working on migrating them.

I’ve written over 300 posts.
Some of them have been interesting.
A few of them have been good.
Most of them have just been another blog post.

When I started writing this, I thought I would use the blog medium to put my opinions about Sports, Technology, and Politics out there for the world to see.

But in time, I found that my opinions and thoughts on those issues were not as unique as I had perceived them to be. To my surprise, I found that my thoughts and feeling on people and the way they interact were on the other hand more unique.

When I started doing this, I had never written anything that I wasn’t obligated to write. Writing was not something I did.

Now I am beginning to consider myself a writer.

But for the most part, things are remarkably the same. The world is like that. It stays mostly the same. Most change is just in our perception.

I still don’t know why I am doing this.
But I’d like to thank you for reading. And to the one or two of you who have read this thing from the beginning… thanks (but I think you may want to check to see if your meds are adjusted properly.)

I was going to try to do something interesting for this milestone, but I think we will save that for the blogathon.

Of course, it’s ok to sponsor me if you want. I don’t mind.
As a matter of fact, I have a confession.
You guys make my day when you sponsor me. I didn’t know I had it in me.
(Did you see this coming?)
So go ahead punk, make my day! Sponsor me!

I am amazed.
You guys have chipped away some of my cynicism. Hard to believe, but it’s true.
You have contributed far more than I had dared to hope.
Thank You.

But I’m not done. I want more. Sponsor me! Please. And Thank you.
(If you want more information on why I chose this charity… I wrote about it earlier.)

I’m going to finish up the trail story… and add pictures. I promise.

But not right now. I have a party to prepare for. I’ll try to save some cake and ice cream for you.

I signed up for this blogathon.

I know. No one is more shocked than me.

I guess there are a couple of factors at work here.

I tend to drone on and on about making a difference in a meaningful way. I don’t have Billions of dollars to invest in charity like the esteemed Mr Gates. Hell, I don’t have 10s of dollars to invest in it. But I have time. Time to pitch in. Time to go out and do things. And certainly time to sit around in front of my computer. I pretty much do that anyway. So why not sign up?

I like a challenge. Last year, I watched as a bunch of these blogathoners acted as though this was wild challenge. I can do that, I told myself. So it is time to put my money where my mouth is… sort of.

And I do care.

I am blogging for (admit it, that just sounds silly) for Freedom From Hunger.

Some of the bloggers are going to harass you for money. They will beg. They will threaten.
I will not do that.

If you want to let those kids starve…

Feel free.

Or you could make a donation.

I’m not expecting much. I know you have expenses. I know you may be sponsoring another blog.
Give 5 bucks. Give One. Or at least… spread the word.

Go ahead. Sponsor me. You know you want to.

How long has it been since I posted an introspective post about the nature of blogging? Too long, I think.

The other day, some one said to me, “I’m glad you blog.”

What an odd compliment. I knew what she meant and I appreciated it but still that isn’t the kind of compliment you hear every day.

I’m glad you blog. Not I’m glad you write. Not I’m glad I know you.

This distinction is important.
Because blogging is not either of those things.

Blogging is not writing. Go read some of the Shitty Blogs and you’ll see what I mean. Not that writing doesn’t occasionally appear on a blog. But blogging is not the same as writing. Stephen King writes. Frank McCourt writes. They don’t blog. And really it’s a good thing.

Can you picture SK’s blog?

4/23
I can’t think of anything scary. I’m so full of doubt and angst. I’m still mad a the MoFo how ran my ass over.
4/26
I had really good idea for a book. What if cell phones made every crazy. This is going to be great.
4/27
Thanks for all of your comments. I see your point. Forget the cell phone book, I’ll think of something else.

Or McCourt’s?

10/22
These kids are driving me nuts. This teaching is harder than I thought.
10/30
Jay-sus Christ! These kids are a handful… but I think i have an idea.
11/02
To hell with teaching, I give up. I’m not quitting my job, but I am not going to try to teach these kids how to diagram sentences. I’ll just keeping telling them stories about how it was in Ireland when I was a kid. What does that have to do with teaching? I have no idea, but it shuts them up.

I guess I’m just being silly, but there is a point in here somewhere. Blogging is not writing. And reading a blog doesn’t equate to knowing someone. Blogs are so filtered. Sure we may share very personal details, but we also somethings back. Can you really know me by reading my blog? I don’t think so. You will know things about me, but there is much you will probably never know.

Which brings us back to why. Why do it? Why do I do it? Am I trying to write a great novel? Umm. No. Am I trying to talk to you? No. Pay attention, because this part is important. I am thrilled that people read this shit. Hell I wish even more did. But I am not writing this for you readers. I am writing it because I have things on my mind. And I want to get it out.

There have been moments, in the history of this blog, that I have become distracted by the fact that so and so or thus and such were reading it. The blog suffered for it. And really isn’t it bad enough without any help? I began to think that so and so would like to hear about this, and that might offend thus and such. And I was no longer doing what I had set out to do.

So I do my best to forget about you while I’m writing this tripe. I just take the shit in my head and put out here. If you like it… wonderful. And if not… then that isn’t really the end of the world either, is it?

In some ways, I’m embarrassed to be a blogger. There are so many negative connotations. But I am what I am. And I don’t see me stopping. Even if all of you went away, I’d still have thoughts in my head, that need to come out. And I’d still blog about them.

A four day weekend. That means that we went to the Lake.
When you have a house on the lake available to you… you take advantage of it.

Today has kind of sucked.
But nothing terrible, little annoyances.
Mostly people disappointed me. Several times. Several people.
I suppose my standards might be too high.

For the record, misguided readers (you must be misguided if you keep reading this,) I’m not as miserable as you think I am.

I guess I am just more likely write about things that bother me. Writing about ‘the nice dinner I had with my wife the other night’ is boring. It just is.

So just trust me. I have fun. I know happiness. I really do. I just don’t feel compelled to write about most of it.
It’s not a matter of choice. Did you know that? I don’t choose to write about this or that. I am compelled to.

Sometimes I am compelled to write about things that do not belong here. So I put them elsewhere. To that end, I just started a private blog. How dumb is that? What is the point of a blog that no one else can read? A notebook would perhaps be more appropriate, but I am always near the Internet it seems, so the Private Blog is more accessible that the notebook. Don’t worry, there is nothing good in there.

I tried to run this morning, but I had to settle for walking. I wanted to go 3 miles, I knew I couldn’t run that far without my knee screaming at me. I planned to run the first mile and walk from there. I made it (charitably) a quarter mile before the pain put me back to a walk. I did walk the 3 miles and at a good pace, but I was pretty upset that I couldn’t manage to run further. I hate not being able to do something. We’ll see how far I make it tomorrow.

The rest of my day was like that. Small aggravations and disappointments.

Tomorrow will be better. That is a choice.

Two days till vacation. Twos days till vacation. Two days till vacation.

It’s not helping.

Why does everything have to be so frustrating. I guess its me. It must be.

I went to re-image a bunch of old computers. The image failed. The fucking hard drives were too small. So…
First thing tomorrow I’ll be re-imaging the same computers. Which is great, cause it was so much fun the first time.

< Broken record>

I hate people. And unfortunately that extends to Internet people too. Cause they are just real people. Except for teh ones in the chat rooms that want to show you theit webcams. They are not real. Sometiems it harder for me gage to tehinternet people. But in the long run the break donw is always the same: msot people suck, a few are pretty good.

Lousy odds if you aske me.

</beating a dead horse>

I’m busy as hell, with all my little projects. But it seems like I make remarkably little progress. I hate this.

And so You know. I’m not joking when I say I’m paranoid. I really am. It is so crippling some days.
You can go ahead and make fun of me now. (and no, I’m not trying to be ironic.)

I’ve been reading my old blog entries. And I’ve come to a number of conclusions.

I am a boring dude.
I whine alot.
I don’t really do anything.
I am boring dude.

My blog (This blog) will turn 2 years old soon. I’m thinking of putting decorations and baking a cake. Then no one will show up and I’ll eat my cake. It will be a very fitting way to celebrate this blog.

Two More Days. Just Two More.

Did I mention that I hate people.
Why yes I did.

It’s not their fault however, I’m just incompatible with most of them.
I know the problem lies with me. I see the shit that is popular on TV and the Internet, and I hate it too.
Most of the time it doesn’t matter. But sometimes I can’t avoid it.

I hate the Internet, too.

I know. I know. You’re shocked and appalled.

How could you hate the Internet? You spend so much time on the Internet. You love it, you know you do.

Nope. I hate it. It’s not as confusing as it seems.

I hate the Internet because it falls so short of its potential. The Internet could great. Hell, it should be great. But is is not.

Take, for example, political blogs. You just cringed, didn’t you. (Hold that thought it’s going to help me prove my point.) Political Blogs should be awesome. Blogging on the Internet is something that is unregulated, uncensored, and unpressured by the influences of large corporations, lobbies or the government. You can say what ever you want on your blog. If you want to talk about politics, you can tell us what you really think about this issue or that one.

You could, but you don’t.

The political blogs I’ve read, with only a few exceptions, don’t offer up any unique insights or thoughtful discourse. They simply parrot whatever talking points are being distributed that week. Thousands of blogs, all saying the same thing.

I could rail about this for hours but the point is this.

I hate the Internet because it doesn’t even come close to living up to its promise.

I’m a dork.

I admit this freely. My hobby is the Internet (and backpacking.) I read blogs. I play on stupid forums. I listen to podcasts and Internet radio. I even do a stupid radio show myself.

It’s a stupid hobby. I know this. But I figure that it is no worse than getting all wrapped up in Lost or Desperate Housewives or, kill-me-first, American Idol. I could be writing the great American novel… but then again, maybe I have nothing to write anyway.

None of that matters. Hell none of this matters either.

The point.

There is no point, there never is.

The Internet should be better than the real world. People of like thoughts should be able to find each other and communicate. People should be able to express themselves freely. Information should be exchanged… freely.

But that’s not how it works a lot of the time.

It becomes just like the real world. Full of petty bickering. And stupid politics. Not like Red State/Blue State politics, but like office politics… only as it relates to … blogs, forums, chatrooms, whatever.

Fuck That.

Says a lot about human nature… doesn’t it? And I don’t like what I’m hearing.

I guess I’ll just pack up my shit and leave…

Or something like that.

Blogcafe was down again this weekend. What a huge pain. So I moved. To here. (This is home #3, to those of you keeping score.)

I hope you didn’t have too much trouble finding the place.

I’ll work on moving the archives over during the course of the week. I’ll also working on moving the Shitty Blogs Club to its new home.

At least this gives me a chance to clean up the look of my blog and since no one knows where it is now… we can talk about them.

I won’t even bother you with how bad my week has been.

I think getting kicked out Blog Explosion might have been one of the high points.

For a lot of the week I was unable to update any of my blogs, due to some technical problems over at blogcafe.

If had been able to update, I might have insisted that you de-lurk. (Or maybe I wouldn’t have.)

My silly little podcast has made it as a finalist over at the Best of Blogs Awards. Go vote for it, you’ll have to scroll down the page a bit. (And do me a favor; listen to it before you vote. I’d rather gain listeners, than votes.)

At least I have a three day weekend to try to get myself together. And playoff football to drown my sorrows on.

It seems that I need to comment on my last post.

A few weeks ago I wrote that I would try to some different things here.  That I was going to try to write what popped into head. That’s what happened.

A few people read that and decided that there must be some sort of problem.

Let me explain the process.

The other night I was supposed to have a few people come over and play poker.  A few of them no showed on me, and this is typical of the people in question.  A few others could not make for various other reasons.  The result, however, was that even though I had tried vary hard to set something up, no one was going to show up.

I sat at my computer and stewed about this.  My phone rang and I jumped up to get to it before it went to voicemail.  In the process, I knocked my microphone/headphones off the desk and stepped on them.  They were completely broken.  I answered the phone and it was some telemarketer begging for my money.  I gave them a few choice words and hung up on them.

I was angry.  Angry as hell.  I felt emotions in me that reminded me of some the deepest and darkest depressions I had known.

When I calmed down, 10 or 15 minutes later, I started to think about how easily those emotions came back.  I sat down and wrote about it.  

The point is this:  The last post seemed very dark, but really there was nothing more than a hint of an emotion from a decade ago.

I enjoy writing, but I grow bored with the format of this blog.  I want to be able to write a little more creatively.  Do me a favor; don’t read into what I write.  If you think that this site is a good barometer for how I’m doing, you couldn’t be more wrong.  I choose to write what I write and it may or may not reflect how I am feeling.

I don’t really know what else to say about but…

At least I’m not A Daddy Blogger.

So you must be talking to me…

And you called me…

A Daddy Blogger…

I should ignore it.  It’s my own fault anyhow.  I typed those very words in my own blog.  I guess I invited this…

You may be asking yourselves what I am talking about.  

It seems that there is this award thing… It’s called BoB (Best of Blogs… isn’t that clever.)

They have about a Dozen and A Half Categories.  I looked over them when the first announced the Awards for this year.   None of the categories really summed this space up.  Best Weight Loss Blog?  Or perhaps Best LGBT Blog? Maybe Snarkiest Blog?  I don’t even know what snarky means.  Furthermore I don’t Care.  But I am fairly certain that snarky is not me.  

So If I am going to compete in a stupid contest… Why Not as a Daddy Blogger?  I have kids.  I Blog.  I think those Awards guys will be disappointed.  Luckily, I don’t care what they think.  I might’ve ignored the whole thing… but then someone floated the notion that it might be fun to play along. And I had to agree.

So if you think that Blog Awards are Stupid… You should go here and leave a comment to nominate me.

Yes you read that correctly…  

Come on…  What better way to screw up the stupid awards than to have me be in serious contention.

And if you think awards are great…  well I guess you can nominate me too.

Oh and maybe I should talk about my kids… That always riveting.

Hmmm…

Well… Maybe Next Time.

It is not polite to ask people to help you move.

I mean it is one thing if you are young and moving into your first apartment. Or your first apartment without roaches. Or even if you are moving into your first house.
But if you are moving into a bigger house, because you outgrew you other house.. again.
Hire movers.
And if there is a piano…

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe it’s just my aching back speaking.

—–

Five days off from work was good. Of course, I had plans to get a bunch of stuff done. I did not. My free time mostly just slipped away from me while I diddled on the computer.

I did play with the Mango Radio.
I can now go ‘live’ at will.
I know that you don’t care. But I think it’s cool.

—–

Having gone back to work after essentially a week off, I have decided that I don’t like work. It’s not my job. It’s not bad as far as jobs go, but I don’t like it. I’d rather being doing something else. Making something. Creating something. Not just supporting systems that in turn make a larger system work. What the hell is that?

This blogging thing is hard.  

I know that some of you would be thinking… no it’s not.

OK the interface for publishing is very simple.  Tweaking your template doesn’t have to be hard.  But blogging.  Week after week.  That is hard.

For me.  Anyhow.  I am the kind of person that can make anything difficult.  I tend to over-analyze things.  Everything.  And it easy to analyze this blogging thing.  

I think when I started I decided I would just do this and didn’t matter what anyone thought.  Of course that kind of decision is easy to make when no one reads your blog.

Honestly, I thought I would give commentary on the news and give my take on different technology issues.  It did not take long to figure out that I don’t want to do that.  

I am very sensitive to my readers.  I don’t have many, but there are a few how are very regular.  You wouldn’t want to scare them off.  So as a result, the blog becomes stale.  It sits in a rut.

Finding something to say, something that is worth reading about.  That is hard.  I don’t care what any of you say.  I am convinced that this is the reason that most blogs seem to have trouble lasting more than six months.  I think this is why people close their blogs and opens new ones.  The container becomes restricting.  Even Wil Wheaton who has been doing this well, for a long time, has noted how nice it is to write at his exile site that he has been using while WWdN has been broken.

There are invisible rules that write themselves as you publish a blog.  I don’t want to talk about this, because I know that so and so who is a good reader wouldn’t like it.  That is what makes the blog different than other types of media.  I have the potential to know a great deal about my readers.  There are some I do not know anything about, but others I know well.  I like that.  But I can’t let it limit me.

That’s hard.  There are people from the real world who read this.  There are regular readers who may have expectations.  They might not, but it feels like it.  I can’t allow myself to limited by that.  I think it makes the blog not as good.  And it makes it no fun.

I’m not making any money off of this.  And I never will.  If it isn’t fun, then what is the point?  

So let this be a warning.  I’m going to talk about shit here that I might not say in the real world.  I might talk about things you don’t like.  Oh well.  Sorry about that.  But I am going to do my best not to think about the fact that you are reading this.  I need to focus on the fact that I am writing this.  I may try some different stuff.  Talk about things that I haven’t before.  I may try some short fiction.  Or I might keep doing the same thing I always have.  If you find it offensive or boring or stupid or wrong or bad… well sorry about that.  I don’t know what to tell you.  But this thing is about me.  Not you.  So consider yourself warned.

And now I have written another post about how I blog.  I excel at that.  What can I say?  I am what I am.

So maybe it’s been a while since I updated this space.

It’s a little uncomfortable.  Like seeing an ex-girlfriend.  You don’t really know what to say.  This is so ironic, because you knew each other so well and now it seems like there is nothing to talk about.  Or perhaps it is nothing like that.

I could give you all of the usual excuses: work, sick with the never ending cold, busy with the Radio Show.  But it doesn’t really matter.

I yelled at an intern at work this week.  I guess I should feel bad about that, but actually I feel good about it.  Great even.  The little brat deserved it and I guess I had some pent up angry in me.  The whole thing was very refreshing for me.  The intern won’t look my in the eye yet.  But he’ll be ok.  I guess every one needs to learn at some point that there is a pecking order.  And when people at the bottom of the pecking order try to tell people who are a wrung on two up what to do, it doesn’t work well.  Do it too many times and you might get yelled at.  Or maybe I’m just a jerk.

The good news is that I get to go backpacking this weekend.  If the weather holds it should be incredible.  And I really need a good camping fix.  

Wow.  That wasn’t so hard.  I should do this blogging thing more often.

I haven’t really written about it.  It seems so trivial.  But it has been what I’ve been spending most of my free time on.  (Keep in mind that I don’t have too much free time.)

What am I talking about?  —and how many times do I hear that question in one day.

But what am I talking about.

Mango Radio.

Specifically, my little shitty show on Mango Radio.

If there was any question, and I don’t think that there was, I’m a geek.  What spells geek more than saying, “Yea… I have a radio show on the internet.”

I’m such a dork.

But I like my little show.  It’s not for everyone.  I mean you mom.  (I might, accidentally, use a few words that have four letters and start with F, S or D.) But it’s not too bad.  I talk about a bunch of nonsense and play some music I like.  It reminds me of college.  My Friends and I would sit around and talk about this and that and everything.  And play music.  We would each try to add some music to the mix that was uniquely ours.

This is a little like that.

SBR is one of the only places you’re like to hear Syd Barret or the Bee Gees.  It’s gotta be the only place you’ll hear both.  In the same show.  Not everything is obscure.  Not everything is good either.  But I like it all.  The most recent show featured music from Wheatus, Sneaker Pimps, Kate Bush, Enigma and 3 Doors Down (amongst others.)

In between songs I ramble about this and that.  Some of it makes sense.  Some of it only makes sense to people who are members of this shitty little club.  Some of it only makes sense to me.  And some of it, I don’t even know what I’m talking about.

I did the first show, mostly to see if I could figure out the software I use to record it.  I figured I would record it, give it to Mango and be done with it.  It would give me something to play with and it would give Mango something to launch his station with.

But I kind of enjoyed recording it, and more importantly I knew I could do better.  So I did another.  And Another.  Now it’s gathered it own popularity.  I don’t think that too many people listen… but more listen to that than read this blog.  (Of course if I spent more time updating this blog and less time recording my show maybe I would have more readers.)

I wasn’t going to mention it here.  I like to think of this as a relatively serious site.  Not that all the content is serious, but I don’t clutter it with memes, surveys and other nonsense.  And this seems a bit like nonsense.  But this site is also mostly about me.  And this nonsense has taken up a lot of my time and energy, so it seems worth writing about.

Shitty Blog Radio isn’t for everyone but if you’re curious, check it out.  You can hear it live on Internet Radio on Thursdays.  Go hear for more info.  Or you can subscribe to it as a podcast.

Or you can ignore it. Either way is good.

Yes. I am taking a vacation. I deserve it too. I will be backpacking about 45 miles on the Appalachian Trail next week with my father. My brother and the dog can’t make it this time. (OK, my brother said I could bring the dog if I wanted to, but let’s face it the dog is a lot more fun when some one else has to sleep with him.) We’ll miss them, but I’m sure we’ll manage to have some fun anyway.

As many of you know there aren’t internet cafes set up along the Trail, so I will be incommunicado for a week or so. Don’t panic. I’ll be back. You know, like, better than ever. Hmmm. Scratch that. I’ll be back beat up and bruised with blisters and aching feet, sore legs and a stiff back. Hopefully, I’ll feel recharged mentally, too. Getting away from home, from work, from (although I love them dearly) the wife and kids, from computers, hell even from blogging. For a week, my only concerns will be keeping dry, surviving the trudging, and avoiding the mice in the shelters. Pretty simple really. And simple is nice for a little bit. Helps me to handle the complexity of the real world when I get back.

If you feel left out, while I’m gone, you can read about some of my other backpacking trips here:

On the Trail
The Long Walk
but next time… I’ll have snowshoes
The Rain King
Almost Soaked

If backpacking isn’t your thing, but you are still missing me try one of these Each one oozing with geeky goodness, kind of a best of:

About my Summer Vacation …
The week that was
Cat Stevens where have you gone
You’d be Lucky to Get Fired Like This
I need to get this off my chest
The Ups and Downs of Mountain Biking
A Requiem (of sorts) for WHFS
The Elvis Bar
Reflection, Or the best car accident I ever had
I’m not a writer, just a blogger
Of Bullwinkle and Baseball
Looking Back Across Burning Bridges
Rare Mental Silence
Just Me Against the White Space

I am impressed. With me. Those of you who have read much of what I’ve written , know that I am one of my biggest critics. Imagine how surprised I was to compile a list of posts I like that was this long. When I started writing this, I figured I’d find 3 or 4.

Have a nice weekend and a good week next week. I’ll be back with more geeky goodness when I return.

Blogging milestones that is.

Not too long ago I passed the 10,000 hits milestone. The ole statcounter sits at 10470 at this very moment. I cant get too excited about this however. Most of my daily traffic comes from folks search for information on the “illuminanti.” These people probably think that they have uncovered a very very secret society since even google returns only a few hits on this word. The truth is quite different, the word they should be searching is “Illuminati,” that will give them all kinds of information. So why are they coming to my site? Am I a secret overseer in some worldwide conspiracy? Wouldn’t you like to know. Or maybe I wrote about the Illuminati and consistently misspelled the word in that post. I’ve been tempted to edit it, since I figured out my error, but I figure I’m helping others with the same spelling challenges as myself. So I leave it as written.

A fair percentage of my hits came through the Blog Explosion. I gave that up. It was kind of nice to watch the hit counter move, but I prefer to have people actually read this thing. I have a few regular readers, you know who you are, and you should be ashamed. (For the uninitiated, that was my feeble attempt at humor, there’s a lot of that here.) So the 10,000 hit mark is meaningless, but it’s human nature to eye up a nice round number like that call it meaningful.

The Milestone that has much more significance for me is the fact that as of right now, I have been blogging for over a year. When I started this, I didn’t really know anything about it. I’d read WWdN and a few other blogs. I didn’t have any “blogging friends” I had no one really interested in reading my site. I had some notions about what I would write about. Most of them were wrong. I found that writing was different than I thought it would be. i also found that it was very important to me. So I write and I write, sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s not.

When I started I did not know if I would have it in me to stick with it. I think that will not be a problem. And to those of you who happen by… Thanks. It somehow means more to know that someone is reading what I am writing.

Why do you blog? Why do I blog? These are questions, for me at least, are not as simple as they seem. I would like to say I blog because it gives me an opportunity to express myself and it helps me to organize my thoughts.

But that’s not quite right. A notebook would satisfy that. Blogging has the added bonus of readers and feedback. And we’re all desperate for the feedback. We want people to comment. We want people to read what are writing.

But here’s the part that makes the whole thing a little odd. Most people don’t read blogs. Most of the people who do read blogs are people who keep blogs. It becomes a bit of a mutual admiration society. You read my blog and I’ll read yours.

One day, I stumble on to this blog. And this guy is trashing some other blog. And I think to myself, how juvenile. But I kept reading. It was really funny. And kept going back. He made fun of all kinds of stuff. But mostly he made fun of himself. As I kept reading, I saw that this Mango wasn’t just a class clown. He had another side to him. He saw things around him, at work, on the news, on the street; and he found himself outraged. So he vented about it on the blog. With his usual humor.

Mango quit blogging today. And I’m a bit sad about it. But the truth is this. I’m sad and you may be sad too, but “trust me the next day you (and everyone else) would be fine. Trust me, blogs are not all that. We all have bigger things to blog about than to read about.” The quote, of course, is from Mango (from an interview Mango did on one HG’s sites.)

And he’s right. I’ve looked forward to his new posts for a while now, but my life won’t change in any real way. I’ll find something else to read. I always do. Some of favorite bloggers are gone or very inactive. Cleo Love, Surly Snobby, Reaz, and Robyn have all moved on. But I have found Ruksak and Hermes to read.

I do consider Mango a friend of sorts. Which is odd, because I wouldn’t know him if he walked past me on the street. But I’d recognize his humor and intelligence in a heartbeat. Our relationship has grown beyond simple reading each other’s blogs. (One of the biggest compliments I ever got in this blogging business was to learn that not only had I been reading Mango’s blog, he was reading mine.) I’ve listened to Mango Radio, there are a group of songs that I will always consider Mango songs. He’s contributed to the SBC. I’ve contributed to The Mangozine. And I imagine we’ll stay in touch, with or with out a Mango blog.

As a matter of fact. I’ll make a standing invitation right now. Mango next time you are in the greater Baltimore area, look me up.

Thanks for the stories, Mango! (That Minnie Mouse one maybe the single funniest thing I’ve ever read.)

Well, I thought it was clever post about the flag burning and all. Shows what I know.

No comments. No comments on my other projects either. Maybe I’ll make myself feel better by assuming that something is wrong with haloscan. Yea, that’s the ticket.

Am I having a bad day? Yes I am, thanks for asking.

I met my wife for coffee at my favorite coffee house during my lunch break. That was nice. When I went to leave, I saw that a large SUV had forced itself into this small parking lot. Effective trapping me. I’m not that easily deterred. If I back this way, and wiggle that way. No wait I’m getting to close. Back up. Cut the wheel this way. Cut it that way. My car will not get away from the SUV! There is not enough room to maneuver. If I can just push forward a little. Then I’ll have some room to back up. Oh No! The bumper is pushing into my car. Backing up is making worse. Going forward is making it worse.

I finally got out. With some nice dents in my car and less paint than I started with. ‘If I could only get my hands on the owner of that SUV,’ you might imagine me saying. Well, it belongs to a friend of my wife. Nice. Perfect. I was just thinking the other day, I have too much money. I should sink some money into this car that I don’t even like.

I’m not sure if it possible to articulate how frustrated I am about that. And between you and me, the worst part is; that is mostly my fault. I mean that SUV had no business squeezing in there. But it was me who did the driving, me who got myself wedged in. At times like this, I’d really like to have some one else to blame. Anyone else.

At least I’ve got a three day weekend coming up. A little fun in the sun will do me good.

Jeckles Geek Blog. Why did I start this again. A place to spew my opinions about politics and sports. A place to babble about whatever geeky thing I am interested in at the moment. A place to write about my backpacking. That’s what I thought it would about when I decided to do this.

As it turns out my opinions on sports and politics aren’t as unique as I once thought. And there are many blogs that record technical geek things much better than I do. The backpacking stories are ok, I guess. (Although, I don’t think anyone really reads them.) So what is it I am doing here. A dairy? Not really. I’m hardly insightful enough to inspire people. I’ve never really understood it.

Sometimes, I feel trapped. Like now, for example. I could tell you about my weekend, but let’s face it, that’s not good reading. You really don’t care about my deck and how hard I worked at powerwashing and staining it. I could rail about how the Orioles are first place and all anyone wants to talk about is Yankees and Red Sox. But half of you couldn’t care less about baseball, and the rest of you have no desire to hear about how Baltimore gets slighted by the media. (But they really do!)

Of course there’s always politics. I could tell you about how we almost took a big step towards fascism during the last couple of weeks. Who knows I still might.

The problem is, and always has been, this: When some one says, what is your blog about? I honestly don’t know how to answer. I know what it is not about. It is not about my personal life. Not about my kids or my wife. It is not about my job. What’s left? Just the rubbish swirling between my ears.

This blog needs a theme. But I cannot figure out what it is.

I try to make time to blog. To write. I sit at the computer and look at that white space. I go read another blog. I check sports headlines. I come back and see that white space staring at me. I write, also, for a completely different project. It is easier for me because the subject matter has been predefined. I just need to write about it.

But here, it’s just me against the white space. I can write about anything I want. Well, except for wife and kids. And a lot of things actually. I guess that is the price you pay for thinking about who is reading the blog.

Where am I going with all this? Is this leading up to me announcing that I am done blogging?

No!

But I am thinking hard about what it is that I am trying to do here. I’ll keep thinking. And I’ll keep battling the White Space.

As a matter of fact I’m feeling better.

I did have a cold. And I spent a fair amount of time trying to get Slackware Linux running to my satisfaction. I saw my brother last weekend. I’ve mulched all of my garden beds and planted new flowers. I weeded and feeded. Had a few cook outs.

I may have forgotten to blog.

I thought about it. I sat down and read a few. I’d log in to blogger. I’d start to write about my hiking trip. And then something would distract me. Like a baseball game on the radio or a cook out.

I’d apologize, but I’m not really sorry. I like blogging and I’m glad to have you folks reading what I’m writing. But this time of year goes by to quick. It gets hotter and more humid. Summer lets the bugs in on the fun. We get busy with all of summer plans. But right now. It is beautiful outside and I’m enjoying it.

Just thought I’d touch base. While I’m sitting here. I will finish my post about the backpacking trip. I’ve been working on it. Have a nice day.

I still don’t get this whole writing thing.

One day I come up with something great to write about, while I’m supposed to be working. I think it through all day. Try to figure out how I want to set it up. Compose in my mind how to best convey to you what is in my head . I finally get home, rush through dinner and go downstairs to tap out my great post that I have been thinking about all day.

The next day I come home and sit in front of my computer. I think to myself, you should really write something. I don’t know what to write about. Maybe I’ll just write about this thing. I tap it out in 15 minutes or so.

Guess which one gets all the attention. This just goes to show, that I am no judge of what is good. It also tells me that I need to be careful not to overthink this whole blogging thing. It’s fine to try to write great things, but I can’t take it too seriously. You nice people started reading this just cause I was being me, I guess. And oddly enough I get the most favorable attention when I’m just being me.

On a related note, I would like to thank Shane for the nice words he said about my writing on his blog. He is a great writer and I enjoy his blog very much. The fact that he noted something I’ve written has made my week.

Of course, if I was any good at this blogging thing I would have had a great post over here for people to see, when they stopped by to see what the fuss was about. But I’m not good at this blogging thing. And that’s cool. If I was in this to get people to come to my site, I’d play Michele Sent Me.

I ran into to an old English teacher today. And it got me to thinking. Yes, everything gets me thinking, but let’s stay on topic, shall we. A lot of bloggers insist on call themselves writers. Many of them have aspirations to publish a book. Some of them succeed. That’s fine with me. Many of them are good writers. But I’ve always shied away from describing myself as a writer. Occasionally some misguided soul will compliment my writing and I just shuffle my feet and look at something else. This becomes even more awkward when the compliments come through email. Feet shuffling just doesn’t send well.

So why is it I have such an aversion to being call a writer? I mean I don’t think my writing is very good, but I’ve seen a few of these blogger “writers” that weren’t good either. I think it goes back to high school. I had a miserable time in English class. I never really grasped grammar for what ever reason. (It shows doesn’t it.) I was never able to write for pleasure, so to speak. I was always afraid about my sentence structure. I mean my strategy of creatively inserting comma when a sentence looks to long, really ticks off English teachers. So do fragments. I never tried to say anything, because I felt I didn’t have the tools to say it with. (that’s right I just ended my sentence with a preposition, take that English teachers! Give me a minute and I’ll split an infinitive!)

That is what blogging has done for me. It let’s me write (for the lack of a better word) without worrying about rules. What do I have to worry about. Practically nobody reads this. And If some one would happen to stumble upon my page and find my grammar offensive (perhaps they would think I use parentheses too much) they can leave. Go on get out of here. And here’s the ironic part. I’m starting to pay more attention to my grammar, all things being relative. I’m becoming a better writer. Practice makes perfect after all. It’s a shame I didn’t realize this a long time ago.

I’ve had five days off. I made the most of it by doing nothing. I mean really… nothing. I sat here in front the computer most of the time. Writing. Well… blogging anyway. I still can’t think of what I do as writing. And Reading. Other Blogs mostly. Shitty Blogs. But that ’s OK, they know they are shitty. They are in the club.

Today I was back to work. All and all it was ok. I had to entertain an intern. We bring in high school kids from the Local Tech Center and let them “intern” for us. I guess the probably get school credit for it. Personally, I think they don’t really contribute anything and I prefer not have a kid tagging along with me as i go to support users. I hope he got something out of it.

Yesterday, I saw something that made me … well let’s just say it made me very happy. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is going to be a movie! It looks great. I loved those books.

I read them when I was in the 8th and 9th grades. I was completely taken by the originally and creativity of those books. And, of course, the humor. I had a teacher in the 10th grade. Ms. Sopher, I think. She 22 or so. She taught Composition. (She wouldn’t believe you if you told her that I write every day now.) She was always using these Anne Tyler books, like an Accidental Tourist, as example of good descriptive writing. She made us hear some passage about how the cat was curled up like a comma. I guess it was an ok example but it didn’t do much for me. I gave her my Hitchhiker’s Trilogy to borrow for the summer. I told her that there was some good descriptive passages in there. Of a different kind, but still good. She thanked me and told me she would return them to me the next fall.

She got married that summer and quit teaching. I never saw her again. And she still has my damn books. I was 16 and broke. I bought those books with my own money. But I digress. I have bought new ones since then. I am pumped for this movie. These thing were written to be put on the silver screen. Well the small screen anyway. They were written as a BBC Program, I’ve seen it. Pretty good, but low budget. I hope this one doesn’t disappoint.

What is it with this blogging thing? This is a question I ask myself all the time. I’m not even sure why I do it. I read other blogs. Most of them seem to have some sense of purpose. I have none. I’d like to say I’m just doing it for me. But if that was true, wouldn’t I just jot my thoughts down in Word and save them to the hard drive. Or, Hell, I could by a journal and write (with a pen!) my thoughts in there. OK, maybe not that. But I don’t do that. I put it out here. For you to read. That seems to be an important part of it. I don’t whore, as some you some ineloquently put it, my blog out. I have given up on tricks to gain more readership. They don’t give me more readership, they give me more hits. Yet, I have gained a tiny little following.

That blows my mind. The fact that there are a handful of you out there who are interested in what I have to say is awesome. I used to be sad that I didn’t get more comments, but I realize now that people are much more likely to comment if I post silly shit, than on the kinds of stuff I post here. Recently, I have been experiencing, for lack of a better word, some writers block. This strikes me as very funny. Unlike a lot of my fellow bloggers I do not consider myself a writer. Just sitting here getting these words out of my head and into the computer is very hard for me. Before I started blogging, I hadn’t written much of anything that wasn’t mandatory for some class. My freshmen English class had us type our work in to some computer. The computer evaluated our writing level. It told me I had a fifth grade writing level. My professor told not to sweat it because the computer would give Hemingway a third grade level. That made me feel better until I read The Old Man and Sea.

The problem is I’m still not sure why I am doing this. I think it irks my wife some. I probably spend a bit too much of my free time working on this and reading other blogs. Yet, I’m at a loss to explain it. Some of it come from the fact that you are reading this. It doesn’t matter who you are. It just matters that you are reading. Why? Because, it keeps me honest. It keeps me on my toes. If I went off on some bullshit tangent or made some absurd assertion you might leave a comment and call me on it. It doesn’t even matter whether or not you would really leave that comment, the fact that you could keeps me from kidding myself. I don’t write to attract traffic, nor do I allow whether you will like what I’m going to post about influence whether I post about it. That’s a good thing, because every time I write about backpacking the tumbleweeds roll on by.

The other part of it is the community. And that weird because I hate that kind of stuff. But it works here, in the blogoshpere. I read your blog because I like it. If I don’t like I won’t read it. If it stops being interesting, I’ll stop reading. Occasionally, things get a little clique-ish, but it passes. There is no central forum, no home. It is distributed and democratic. This is good.

Yet, I do not have any idea why I do this. I can tell you in detail why I like to backpack, why I like football, why I am a Democrat, why I think Lord of the Rings is awesome. But I cannot even begin to articulate why I blog.

Mango is making a magazine, well a Mangozine. Its all very silly, actually. The whole thing is a satirical response to blogging! magazine which is a stupid idea. Why people would want to pay for a magazine filled with content that is freely available on the web is beyond me. Anyhow, Mango asked my to contribute to his Mangozine and I did. So go on over and check it out. It’s OK this one is free!

Today and tomorrow, I am unemployed. Yea! I am also sick. Boo! There is nothing worse than being sick on a day off. OK there is plenty that is worse, but it still sucks.

As I was working on updating the SBC Blog, I realized that I suck. I have put more time and effort in that project recently than I have here, on my real blog. The reason, it occurs to me, is that the SBC, is easier. I can say whatever I want there. It doesn’t matter if it worth saying or not. Here I trying to represent my thoughts and whatever else, so I tend to be more selective about what kind of thing I write about here. The worst part is that the SBC pulls in way more traffic than this pathetic little blog. The whole thing is a little twisted if you ask me.

Last night, Hunter S. Thompson put a bullet in his head. Wow. Thompson was a genius. He was also very, very fucked up. If you are not familiar with Thompson, the easy way to get a feel for his work is to watch the movie, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Happy Trails, Hunter. I hope its Happy Hour wherever you are now.

It is my opinion that many aspects of the Bush Administration are fascist in nature. Apparently, I’m not alone. (via fellow shitty blogger, prisoner of gravity)

The Iraqi election has resulted in a big win for the ultra-conservative Iranian influenced Fundamentalist Shia parties, Da’awa and SCIRI (Supreme Council for Islamic Revolution in Iraq.) What are we thinking. We push the Iraqis to vote in a government, and shocker, they vote for a government that is opposed to the U.S. occupation and the U.S. in general. Furthermore, they will likely ally with a country that we have labeled one the Axis of Evil, Iran. We didn’t see this coming? OK, Saddam was a jerk, but how has turning Iraq into another Iran helped anything? Is it possible that we have gone into this with such lack of preparation we did not see this coming?

Yeah, I changed the template. The other one was getting crowded and I was, increasingly, having trouble getting it to play nice in IE. Since, half of you that swing by here still use that browser, I feel I have to design for it. (Please note: I use the word design loosely.)

I think I like it. It will take some getting used to. I stole it from Blogger Templates and then messed with it till I had it the way I wanted it. I want to put haloscan comments on here too. But there is no way for me to import the old comments in. I don’t want to lose the old comments. So until I decide to copy and past the old comments into haloscan, I’m kinda stuck.

Meanwhile, my job has gone from stressful to boring overnight. No responsibilities, no projects, just waiting for the phone to ring so I can troubleshoot whatever “helpdesk” issues come up. That’s OK. I can live with this.

The Shitty Blogs Club page has moved. You can find it here.

Apparently a-[e] has grown weary of all that shit and he has turned over the reigns to a new Shitmaster. I hear he is a real loser. If you are member you should update your links. If you want to be a member go check it out.

An Award Winning Blog? Where? Here!

What award? A Best of Blog? A Bloggie? You haven’t read much of this blog have you? I am the winner of Best Rant About Something That Few People Care About category of the Mango Awards. I even have this nifty button to put on the blog:

I’d like to thank the 5 people (4 if you don’t count me) who voted (repeatedly) for me to win this award. Special thanks to Mango for inventing Awards for me to win and to HippyChix for promoting my misguided desire to win these awards on her blog.

Let’s see I’ve won Awards for being Boring and Having the Least Interesting Rants, I’m a member of the Shitty Blogs Club. I wonder why no one reads this thing.

What can I say, I am what I am. Just a boring geek, but I’m guessing there is even a market for that on the Internet. Besides, it’s not like this costs me anything, I’m not forced to try to please an audience to justify this site’s existence. It exists simply because I desire it to. And that is pretty cool.

Look for another un-interesting rant soon!

Early tonight I was listening to Lucy (on the XM Radio) and Howard Jones came on. You remember … Things can only get better and What is Love. I was sort of humming along when it occurred to me how truly simple these New Wave songs were. At the time they seemed very fancy with the synthesizers and what not (it may also have something to do with the fact that I was 13 when those songs came out,) but by today’s standards they are really kinda quaint. I really love hearing music from the early eighties. I even seem to enjoy song that I didn’t care for when they came out the first time. That may have something to do with the fact I didn’t have some of the music that is out now to compare those songs to. Madonna sounds pretty good compared to Britney Spears. Or maybe its just me.

In more Tragic news, the NFL’s Regular Season is over and my Ravens have missed the playoffs. We fired our Offensinve Coordinator, which was long overdue and Phil Savage (director of player personnel) is headed to rival Cleveland Browns. Now I get another month of Football while I watch Playoffs. I guess I’ll be rooting for Peyton Manning and the Colts. If that doesn’t work out, I’ll have to resort to root against the Eagles and the Arch-Rival Steelers. Now I just have to remember what it is I do on Sundays for those other 6 months of the year.

Lastly, I could tell you to vote me again, but I’m beginning to sound too whiney even for me. Instead, I’ll help out a fellow SBC Member: Fat Eye For The Skinny Guy!. He’s up for one of those swanky BoB awards (Most Humorous Blog) and his blog is much better than the compitition. Head on over and vote for him.

Did I really get a whole week off? It sure doesn’t feel like it. Only two days back and I’m already back to gritting my teeth and forcing myself to smile when other employees are around. It actually started Sunday night. I was so stressed that I barely slept. This isn’t healthy. But enough about that, talking (or writing) about it just gets me more upset.

For fun tonight, I let a friend of mine who is a Real Estate agent, showed a house to me. I’m not looking to move, but this was one cool house. It consisted of 2 geodesic domes connected by a foyer. Each Dome had a garage coming of the front of it make the floor plan of it in a kind of U shape. It’s pretty much impossible to describe how cool this house was. Each Dome was its own self sufficient house each had a living room a couple of bathrooms and a kitchen. This you might think would make the whole thing kind of redundant, but it wasn’t. Each dome was designed and decorated in a completely different fashion. I would love to live in this house.

Of course that particular house is out of our league by a couple hundred thousand, so I will not be moving in anytime soon. My interest in a geodesic dome home has been piqued. The wife and I have done a little surfing on the matter and have found that there are a few companies that sell kits for building your own Dome Home. I’ll have to think on that for a while. I still can’t afford to do that right now, but it’s an option down the road a bit.

Now go over to Mango’s blog and vote for me. Why? Perhaps you should read this. (And remember you can vote every day)

Question: What the heck is a Mango Award?
Answer: Who cares. I won one.

Mango from Mango:Work Sucks Vegas Doesn’t decided to start some awards of his own. Awards people like me actually might have a chance to win, unlike some other awards out there. As a matter of fact I did win.

I won in the category: Self Proclaimed Most Boring Blog Ever, Even Though It’s Not OK. It’s not a Pulitzer or anything. Still, it’s nice to get recognition for this little blog o’mine.

Better yet, I’m up for Voting in Best Rant About Something Few People Care About. I think that I really deserve to win this one too. Don’t believe me. Read this or this or this. Did you read them? I didn’t think so. It’s because you didn’t care about what I was ranting about. It’s OK, I am comfortable with that. Now, go to Mango’s Blog and vote for me for Best Rant About Something Few People Care About. Thanks.

2004 is coming to a close. I thought I would write a bit about the year, but I decided against it. I could’ve prattled on about how bad a year it was in terms of the War in Iraq and the re-election of George “Dubya” Bush. I could have praised the year for being a great year in sports. Exciting Championships in Baseball and Basketball. And let’s not forget about football. The New England Patriots are nearly Perfect and Peyton Manning is playing quarterback better than it’s ever been played.

Or worse, I could have done a “It was the Best of Times. It was the Worst of Times.” kind of thing. Or I could have recounted my personal triumphs and defeats for the year, but who wants to hear that.

The Truth is that nothing will have changed on Saturday. It’s just a basic human need to categorized and label things. So we will take the events, memories and actions of the last 12 months and call them “2004.” And we store them away for a decade or two until VH1 runs I love the 00’s. Then we look at back and say how great it was in the first decade of the millennium.

There is one thing about this year that is worth mentioning in this space. 2004 is the year I starting blogging. And I discovered that blogging is not just an “online journal” it is more than that. It is a community. It is a very interesting form of media (for lack of a better word.) If I published a newsletter or a ‘Zine ( do they still do that?) I would not know my readers in the same way as I do here. In some ways the relationship is very intimate. I reveal some very personal thoughts. In other ways, it very anonymous, many of us do not even reveal our names.

So to the handful of you that read this space, Happy New Year. Not that anything will be different on Saturday, but I wish you well in 2005. And I hope you will continue to read, as I plan to continue writing.

I went on a 23 mile backpacking trip this weekend, and I’d really like to write about it, but I’m swamped with a Project due and a test tonight in my class. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to catch up this week.

When I decided to start a weblog of my own, my reasons were about me. I would be able to air out my thoughts. I would be able to publish my opinions. A blog about me. All of those things are still true, of course, yet I find myself thinking about others when I blog. I picture an audience. I feel a relationship with other bloggers. Not all other bloggers, but with some of them. Especially, those who read my blog. I find that I look forward to their comments, and I look forward to reading new posts on their blogs.

That is why I was shocked when I went to The Fine Line 3.0 last night. It was gone. Vanished. When I checked again this morning, I found a note saying that cleolove is moving on, no more blog. I am surprised how much this effects me. I’ve never met this person. My direct communication with this person has been minimal. But, I’ve read her personal thoughts and she has read mine. And now my only link to her is gone. Why do I care? I really don’t know. But, I will miss reading her blog. I hope that she finds happiness in whatever she it is that she is doing.

Because I am liking the whole SBC thing and because apparently a full time job, part time school and fatherhood still leaves me with too much spare time, I made another button. Help yourself if you are so inclined. If you don’t know what a Shitty Blogs Club is go here.

And make sure you read a shitty blog today.

While, blog surfing I saw that ReaZ was mirroring anti’s list of the members of the SBC. This seemed like a good idea, so I have added the list of shitty bloggers to the left column.

Today’s is Veterans Day, let’s not forget those who have fought to protect us or those who are fighting now. I may disagree with the reasons for war, but I respect those who are willing to put their lives on the line for my country.

ABC is playing Saving Private Ryan tonight, although you may not be able to see it. Several affiliates, including those owned by the right-wing Sinclair Group, are refusing to air it. They feel that the violence and profanity in the movie may be too much for family viewers. It is ironic to me that Sinclair endorsed a candidate for President who has led the country into a very violent conflict in Iraq and whose running mate told a Senator to “Go Fuck Yourself!” I can only imagine that they feel that make-believe violence and language is much more upsetting than the real thing.

Next week at work, we are launching a new software package. It’s a Maintenance Management system and it will require us to train all of our maintenance techs, tooling techs and stock room people. It will be a very big deal. I’ll be working long hours and spending more time climbing around machinery with techs than I prefer, but it should be interesting. I also have a project to work on for my class, so I apologize in advance if I slack off on the blogging. After that kind of fun in the beginning of the week, I am rewarding myself with a day off on Friday and a backpacking trip that weekend.

Yasser Arafat is dead. I will not demonize nor glorify the man. I will say that I hope, now that he is gone, that the Israelis and the Palestinians can work toward a peaceful co-existence. I think the two state solution is a good one. It has flaws, but all compromises do. These people, the Palestinians and the Israelis deserve peace. There has been to much killing. Can it be done? I was hopeful during the Camp David talks, but things have gone so poorly since then that I just don’t know.

I really enjoy playing blogshares, but I don’t really know what I’m doing. It’s all good, cause I’m making lots of blog money.

That is all.

Jeckles, why are you obsessed with your rating in Blog Explosion?
I’m not obsessed.
Oh Yeah, why do you check it so often?
I just want to see how people rate my site.
So you want a high rating?
No, I don’t care about that.
Why all this checking?
It’s the 1’s. People leave ratings of 1 on my blog. I don’t even know why. No explanation. No comment. Nothing.
And you’re not obsessed?
No!
You send emails to the people who give you the 1’s.
I just want to know why they left it.
No you don’t, you want to make them feel guilty about it.
You’re saying that like it is wrong.
Stop being such a sissy.
But I’ve worked really hard at this. I learned some CSS. I put a lot of time and energy in it.
Good for you. You should be proud. Now stop being such a baby and suck it up. Not everyone will like your blog. Some will disagree with you, some will think it looks bad, and some people will give you a 1 just because they are like that.
And there is nothing I can do about it?
Nope.
I’m sad.
Don’t be. Watch this.
Ahhh Star Wars.

I’ve joined the Shitty Blog Club. You can too. Click here if you want more info. anti-[everything] made a nice button for the club that looked like this:

But being the malcontent that I am, that just wasn’t good enough for me. I made a couple of buttons that would match the other 80x15 buttons i have here.

If you want to join the club snag one of these buttons and display it somewhere on your site, then let anti-[everything] know and you’ll get added to the list.

If you think this is dumb, then go join some other club we didn’t want you anyway!

I can’t believe this. This worst president in modern history was re-elected with more votes cast for him than any other president in history. Let’s keep it in perspective, he also had more votes cast against him than any other President in history. The pundits say that the W in Chief’s strategy was simple. (Pro) Gun,(Anti) Abortion,(Anti) Gay (marriage), and (a whole lot of) God. The GAGG strategy. And it worked. I’m too tired to think straight right now so I won’t attempt to even get a good rant going. Several bloggers have summed this up nicely. I invite you to read what they had to say about it:

Wil Wheaton
Alan
Julius
OneGoodMove
NickerBlog
Shelley
TBogg

I will keep pointing out the error of W’s ways. I will not relent. Do not worry. This isn’t going to turn into a “Political Blog,” But I have always felt strongly about politics and if when this administration does something that raises my ire, I will post about it. I invite comments. Maybe between us we can figure out how to get this country back on track. Pretty ambitious, I know, but a worthy goal nonetheless.

On a related note. I found on Blog Explosion, that I could see the blogs of all the people who have rated my site. I’ve been feeling a little blue about my ratings. I haven’t lost sleep over it or anything, but I would like it if folks like my little blog. So I went to the blogs of the folks who have rated my site. 5 of the 16 were right wing type blogs. Another 5 were folks that I’m pretty sure like my little Blog. You know who you are. It really bothers me to think that people are rating my blog poorly because they disagree with me. None of them ever even bothered to leave me a comment. I know the ratings aren’t a big deal, but just because you don’t agree with me, doesn’t me my site is bad. You might think it’s bad cause I’m boring, or cause my layout is lame, or for any number of reasons, but my opinions? *Growl* If you disagree with something I have to say, And you feel strongly enough about it to give me a bad rating, then leave a comment saying what your beef is. Not that I’ll change anything, but at least we’ll know where each other stand.

Since perhaps I’m doomed to have a poorly rated site, I had no choice but to Join the Shitty Blogger Club.

So there.

That’s all for now. I’ll be back with more boring and irrelevant posts tomorrow or the next day.

Well this is just great. I was all ready to write a post about how great the Curse of the Bambino was. How the best part of the whole World Series was when the inevitable happened and the Sox lost. It would have been brilliant. But no! The Curse is over. Boston, it would seem, is TitleTown. 2 Super Bowls, 1 World Series, some jinx. I blame Shelly. She declared herself the anti-Curse and look at what’s happened.

I was looking around on Blog Explosion and found that my site had been rated 4 times. Yea! With an average rating of 4. I suck! My first instinct was to whine and ask everyone who came through on BE to rate my site. As I thought about that, I decided it would be much worse if 100 people had rated my site and I still had a 4. Blog Explosion has been cool. When I first started this, this summer, I did not know anyone else who blogged. It was very difficult to get noticed or networked. I feel BE has really helped with that. Later tonight I’m going to add some links, mostly folks I’ve found through BE. The extra traffic has been cool too, I’m very glad so many of you have taken the time leave comments. I know that takes more than 30 seconds.

At work, I’ve been tasked with creating an Intranet site. I started putting together a prototype last week and showed it to the boss. The scope creep began immediately. Could we have files uploaded that the associates could then access, e.g. new employee hand book. Could this be down with editing the site? Could we attach it to a database and use to collect data? Exciting, but close to being out of my league. The good news is that I’m not supposed to be web designer or a developer so the expectations are low. The bad news is I still have all of my other responsibilities.

I was prepared to download Slackware and build my Linux box, but Jon posted a message and suggested that I give Gentoo a look. I checked out their site. And I was impressed. This weekend, if time allows I will start setting the Linux Box with Gentoo.

Last night, I thought I would switch my commenting over to HaloScan. When I saw that they had a tool to automatically install on Blogger powered Blogs I ASSumed that they would migrate my existing comments as well. It didn’t . It also put trackback on. I decided that is was unlikely I would ever get trackbacked and it looked cluttered, so I ran the tool again this time with track back unchecked. It installed the code again but did not remove the old code. It also put extra spaces between all the lines of code. So by the time I ran it again, you know to see if it would work better this time. I couldn’t even look at my code because there was only about 2 lines visible on the page at a time. I went through and deleted the empty spaces and removed the HaloScan code, all of it, and republished. To my horror, my template was broken. It wasn’t picking up the blog data. It looked something like this:

[meta blog]
[blog title]
[blog post]

Not cool. A few hours later, I had it back to exactly how it was before I started messing with it.
Hey, I’m not too bright sometimes.

So, I’m not impressed with HaloScan for comments, but I want something besides blogger comments. I can’t stand it that you have comment anonymously if you don’t have a blogger account. If anyone has a suggestion let me know.

On the Linux front, I’ve pretty much decided on slackware but I’m going to have to look at gentoo before I make a final decision.

I didn’t go hiking last weekend, because my brother-in-law backed out on me. He backed out on me because he didn’t want to walk in the mud. This weekend was his birthday, so I got for him a jar full of …. Mud. I told him that he could take it out and play with it any time he wanted; to help prepare himself for the next time we go hiking. It was all in fun and that’s he took it. I also got him a subscription to Sports Illustrated.

I’m still pondering which Linux distro would be best for the extra box. I’m intrigued by slackware but no decision has been made yet.

I heard on the radio yesterday that our fearless leader, Dubya, is working to focus his messages, war on terror, yadda, yadda, and values. Values? I hate this values thing. Whose values? Mine? I somehow doubt it. What kind of arrogance is that? To believe that your own personal values are so correct that they should molded into policy for everyone. Can’t wait till this election is over.

As I’ve clicked through many blogs, I see all these cute surveys that people have taken. I’m Anteater in the blog Environment. If I were food I’d be Cheetos. I’m a combination of the Girl Next Door and a Five Dollar Ho. So, I figure maybe I should take one of these. I tried one that held some interest for me, the one that says which candidate you should vote for if you were voting based only on issues. The questions were terrible and the results were bad. It said I agreed with Kerry 56% of the time. Implying that I agree with Bush 44% of the time. No! Dubya and I both refrain from imbibing alcohol and we both like baseball and … Ok that’s it. The other survey I took told me that if I were an Operating System I would be Windows 95. At least I wasn’t MAC OS9 or worse yet Windows me. I think I’ll stay away from the polls. It must be that they miss some of the nuances of my personality. That must be it. I’m not Windows 95, really I’m not.

Game 1 of the World Series tonight. BoSox and Cards. Go Curse Go!

I signed up for Blog Explosion and odds are if you are reading this so did you. So I thought I’d say hi to all of you Blog Explosion Surfers. I’ve been to most of your blogs, I’m pretty sure I have. Today, while surfing, I got this Message, “You have visited all the active sites in rotation.” Some I loved, some not so much. But it has been interesting to see all of the different things people blog about, and I have really enjoyed seeing all of the different designs out there.

If you’re cruising through, building up your credits, feel free to leave a comment. I get a kick out of hearing what you think of whatever inane idea I’m spouting off about at the time. If you feel strongly about it, you can contact me directly by any of the methods over there in the sidebar. And if you don’t like my blog, consider going to one of the blogs I’m linked to. I assure you that they are much better than this one.

As posted previously, I want to set up a Linux box and I am looking for some input on what distro to use. If you have an opinion, please leave a comment and help me decide.

I will not be hiking this weekend. I’m truly disappointed. I look forward to the trips in the same way a child looks forward to his birthday. My brother-in-law is worried that I’m mad at him, but I’m not. There have been so many reasons for me not to go that it seems to have been inevitable. I considered going by myself. I certainly would have no trouble walking by myself. The issue is the camping, when the walking is done. I enjoy hanging out with the guys at the shelter. This time of year, I fully expect to see no one at that shelter. Which would leave me with a lot of time to sit there in the woods all alone. That sounds lonely to me. I don’t really seek solitude. I got plenty of that when I was in my 20’s. No hiking for me. Blahh

On an unrelated note. I’m a dumbass. Yep. The cats out the bag. I’ve been curious about why my site ranks so high on google for a search on “Illuminanti.” I finally figured it out. Illuminanti must be like Italian for well lit. Illuminati on the other hand are super secret creepy rulers of the world. Oh well. I hope my misspelling of the word helps those seekers of truth out there find
what they are looking for.

Lunch is over. Back to work.

I’ve been a bad blogger. It’s been a week since I’ve had a meaningful
post. I apologize for that. I’ve been hard at work on a project for
my ASP.Net class. It is finished now so I get some of my time back,
for now anyway. There will be two more projects in this class, but i
will do my best to manage my time better.

I’ve been looking forward to doing some backpacking this month. Then,
as I may have mentioned, my hiking buddy (and dad) had a little
health issue. Good news: He’ fine. Bad News: He’s not hiking. But
it all seem to be working out anyhow. My brother-in-law was still
willing to go. We switched weekends to accommodate my sister. I
bought food, packed my bag and was prepared to get everything ready
for my brother-in-law; he doesn’t have any backpacking gear, but I’m
happy to gather up what’s available from my buddies that are not using
their gear right now for him.

He called me today. He’d been watching the weather. He said he was
concerned that it would be muddy. I assured him it would be very
muddy. He said he’d be happy to walk, but he couldn’t bring himself
to slog 25 miles in the mud. I told him that I understand, and I do.
He’s a city person and backpacking is a stretch for him on a good day.
On a muddy day, it is simply too much.

Now I am left with a decision. Do I go it alone or do I postpone the
trip till I can find a companion or two? I’ll have stew on it for a
bit before I decide.

Remember when you were a teenager? That feeling that you knew exactly where you were going? You knew exactly how it was gonna work out. And it was gonna be easy. Sure, grown-ups tried to tell you that nothing is ever easy and that you need to work hard, but you did not listen. You knew better. You knew it was gonna be different for you. Those rules did not apply to you.

How did that work out? Are you where you thought you would be? Is life anything like what you expected it to be? I do not think so. It is so hard to understand how all this works when you are young. Sometimes, I still struggle with it. Can you imagine how hard it would have been if you were an actor. You had starred in a critically acclaimed motion picture. You were part of the cast of a huge syndicated series on TV. Would those stubborn teenage moments still cause problems?

They would if you were Wil Wheaton. Yes, Wil Wheaton from Stand by Me. Yes, Wil Wheaton who played Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Why am I writing about Wil Wheaton? Because I just finished reading his book — Just a Geek.

You have to understand, Wil and I go way back. It started back in 1986, when my parents would not let me watch Stand by Me just because it was rated R. I knew it had to be the coolest movie. All the others kids were talking about it. And when I finally got to see it (over at some other kid’s house) it did not disappoint. Gordy was my favorite character. I am sure everyone has seen the movie, so I will not go in to it. But that was just the beginning.

Wil and I ran into each other again in 1987, when Star Trek:TNG went on the air. Wesley Crusher, boy wonder, was allowed to roam all over the Enterprise. I hated him. First of all, I was quite the Star Trek expert and at the time I was not too sure about this Next Generation thing, but I was real sure about one thing. Star Fleet would not tolerate some kid sitting on the bridge, tinkering in engineering hanging out with officers. It made me mad, it was not realistic at all. Yes, I was actually mad because a show about People Flying Around in Space portrayed a child on the ship in an unrealistic way. Hey, I was 15 what did I know. I hated Wesley for another reason, although I was not aware of it at the time, I was very jealous of Wesley. He got to be on the Enterprise! Not only that, but he had every opportunity. He got to learn engineering with the brightest engineers in Star Fleet. He got to see Command from Picard and Riker. He got advice from Guinan. If I had had those opportunities, I would have looked like a boy genius too! Anyhow, after Wesley went off with the Traveler, I did not see Wil again for a long time. And, actually I did not really know Wil, I had never met him, but it seemed like I knew those guys, Picard, Worf, Data, Riker, and even Wesley.

The next time I ran into Wil Wheaton was a couple of years ago. And in the strangest the place— the Internet. I had read an article about Aggregate News Readers and thought they sounded cool. I downloaded a free one off the internet and used it to collect headlines from CNET and such. In the process, I discovered blogs and I discovered one authored by (you guessed it) Wil Wheaton. I started reading it and was blown away. This guy was … well … just a guy. I kept reading, I could not help it. I found that I was getting to Wil more than I could have thought possible, considering I have still never met him. It is partly because of his blog that I started this one. When ST:TNG came out on TNN (now Spike,) I found I looked at Wesley very differently. Maybe because, I was no longer a teenager or maybe, because I felt like I knew the guy played Wesley. Maybe, because my son was sitting there watching with me. And suddenly Wesley was not a punk he was a Role Model.

This brings us back to Wil Wheaton’s book: Just a Geek. I loved it. The book is difficult to categorize. It is not really a biography. It is not fiction. It is sort of the story of Wil Wheaton dot Net. It is also the story of Wil Wheaton coming to terms with his decision to leave Star Trek, and his discovery of himself as an adult. This does not sound that compelling, I guess, but it is. I found that I could relate. This is odd, because I’ve never been a famous actor. But I have done things I regret very much and I have had to learn to live with that. I, also, have had to adjust to the fact that I am just a geek and learn that that is ok.

The book is delightful to read. Wil has a talent for bringing a story to life. And he is funny. I got several odd looks from the kids as I laughed out loud while reading it. Wil opens himself up in an almost painful way. The honesty of some the stories he relates made me want yell, “No Wil, don’t do it!” But, I was powerless to help him, and I could feel the hurt that he experienced. To be honest it was a little uncomfortable to see him so vulnerable. It always is uncomfortable to see someone’s vulnerabilities like that. What is remarkable, is that he chose to share those moments with everyone. This has just reinforced this notion that Wil is an old friend, even though he is only marginally aware of my existence.

Should you read the book? Yes! If that was not persuasive enough, then here is my recommendation. Go to WWdN, read some entries. If you find that you enjoy that site, I am certain you will enjoy his book.

I had originally named this post: alt.wesley.crusher die.die.die, referring to a newsgroup from the Usenet, back when that was cool. It just cracks me up that people bothered to hate Wesley that much. Like I said I hated Wesley, but I never felt the need to organize a group about it. I think it can only be viewed as flattering that the Wesley character attracted enough attention to find its way into the history of the internet. I changed because it seemed so negative, and if wanted negative I would talk about Bush :)

I have made several changes to the blog recently. The most noticeable is that I got a new template. I had outgrown the old template. Too much stuff shoved into the sidebar. I had thought I would try to make my own. Writing CSS didn’t seem too hard. And it isn’t that hard really, but getting it to work at multiple resolutions in different browsers and with blogger, that is a little more challenging. Luckily, I found a template out there that was almost exactly what I had been trying to make. With just a few tweaks I had just what I wanted.

I also had moved from blogspot to blogcafe back in August. I’m very happy with their hosting. I get more control over the site and its still free.
I’ve also added some ads. I hope they don’t offend too much. Go ahead and click on one for fun;) or not.

I am looking for some feedback on the site (appearance or otherwise) feel free to leave comments. I may or may not act on them. Since I am still my own best audience my opinions are going get much more weight.

I got some new hiking boots yesterday. They are pretty fancy but still need some breaking in. I’ll be wearing them around for a while to break them in. The real test will be in about month. I have a 25 mile backpacking trip planned. I can’t wait.

My parting thought to you is an article about Cyberextortion. Can you imagine, “That’s a nice web site you’ve got there. It would be a shame if anything happened to it.”

That’s just plain creepy!

Once more, I’ve been gifted 6 invites. In order to get them to people who want them I’ve posted an offer at gmailswap.com offering an invite just for reading my blog. I really do want people to read this blog so increased traffic is probably the best bet. It just seems simple enough to me. You really want a gmail account, I really want traffic to my blog … it doesn’t cost anybody anything. What could be better? If you like what you read or are intrigued or you hate it but you want to come back for me … then that’s even better. Post a comment and you get the invite as long as they are available to me.

Sorry folks. I’m all out of invites. When and if Google (in their infinite wisdom) grants me more invites I’ll post it.

Blogging is great. It should be no surprise that I think so. I put a fair amount of time and energy in to it. Of all the people I know, the person that I think would enjoy have a blog of their own is my 80 something year old grandmother. I am aware that she is a bit outside of the normal demographic for this kind of thing, but I think she would be great. Why? Well, because she has for many years worked very hard to send emails to all of her family; her children, grandchildren, cousins, 1st, 2nd and many times removed. In these emails she goes to great length to update everyone on not only on what she and my grandfather are up to, but on what everyone has been up to. No small task. I have 2nd cousins once removed that I have never met and likely never will, but they know about my accomplishments and I know about theirs. All because my grandmother efforts. It seems to me that blog would be the perfect forum for this communication. Not only would it give her a centralized location to work from, no more worrying about keeping an up to date list of email addresses but all of the readers would now be able to leave comments that the others could read.

I tried to explain this to my mother. It didn’t go well. I think she believes that only geeks like me can keep a blog. She was also worried she would get out of the loop because she is not one to surf the internet. I attempted to show her an RSS Reader so that she could see how easy it could be to keep up with reading a blog. Just subscribe and check for updates. As easy as checking for email. She wasn’t impressed. Well, at least I tried. Boy, if you can’t get your own mother interested in your blog you are probably in trouble.

I think I will send an email to my grandmother tonight and try to explain the basic idea to her. Who knows maybe she’ll be successful and will link to me! ;)

Once more, I’ve been gifted 6 invites. In order to get them to people who want them I’ve posted an offer at gmailswap.com offering an invite for a link back to my blog. I really do want people to read this blog so increased traffic is probably the best bet. I’m not trying to be coy with my invites, I wanted one too much for that. It just seems simple enough to me. You really want a gmail account, I really want traffic to my blog … it doesn’t cost anybody anything. What could be better?

So last night I lamented in this blog that I just wasn’t going to be able to get a gmail account. After that I cruised off to read some blogs. I stopped by buzzwords, a blog by a law student named Monica, and read the latest post there. The post was about many things including a mention of the song Girl from Ipanema and this groovy link. I love that song and felt compelled to leave a comment to that effect.
Well Todd, who keeps a blog on the same server, read my comment and followed my link back to this blog he read my entry about giving up on gmail. He commented to that and offer me an invite. And now I have gmail. Amazing, I should have given up weeks ago.
Astute readers will note that I have added links to Monica’s and Todd’s Blogs on the side bar over there. So go ahead and check them out.
I can’t help but be amazed by the way things like this come together. A funny little chain of events that led up to me getting the invite I desired. I couldn’t have planned for that to work if I wanted to. I must have built up some good karma somewhere along the way.

Next week, I’ll be on vacation with family. A nice week of fishing, swimming, and relaxing. Which is exactly what I need right now. I’ll also be away from a PC for the week so I will not be able to post as much as I have been. I will however try to post some short updates if anything of note happens via email using my wife’s nifty Blackberry email machine. I’ve wanted to try the gadget out. Or I may just push some short posts out through the SMS on my phone. We’ll see how it works out.

Last night I explained what it was about blogging that appeals to me. But what I did not tell is what sparked me into actually doing it. gMail. Yep Google brand mail. I had heard a rumor that gMail invites were available to members of Blogger So I went to the site to see what the fuss was about. Well, obviously I signed up and started this blog. And no I didn’t get an invite. Which is OK. I’m really glad that actually started doing this even if it was for a silly reason.

Not that I’m over my obsession with a gMail account. Today I’ve been offering to write nice things in this blog about the person who extends me that coveted invite. The flaw in that plan is that they will read my entries and possibly conclude that I am unworthy of their invite. So be it. Cause maybe, just maybe, some one will read this and say “hey this guy is a dork! I better give the invite before he does something desperate” ;)

And if not. Well, at least maybe a couple more people will have seen my blog. And I’ll know that my ramblings are being heard … if not appreciated!

Blogging

Well, I’ve been doing this blog for two whole weeks now. And of course in true geek fashion I’m all over it. I spent way too much time this weekend working on the layout and I even snuck in a post from work today. But it is a good thing. I’ve done a little writing here and there but I’ve not stuck with it. I’ve thought for years that I should keep a journal, but never had the discipline. So what’s different about the blogging? Two things.

First, you can tweak it. Its a toy. Change the layout, change the template, monkey with the code. Now that’s more fun than a dusty old journal any day.

The other reason Blogging is better: Instant Publishing. I mean when I write I always imagine that some one will read it. I picture some sort of audience. When you keep a journal, who are you going to show it to? Your Family? You Coworkers? No. They already know much of what your writing. They may have been part of some of the incidents you are relaying. Its no good. Ahhh… but this. This anyone might read. I’m not advertising this to my coworkers or my family. My wife has the address but no real interest in reading my thoughts, bad enough she has to hear me rant in person, why would she want to read them.

I’m not doing this so people will read it that’s not really the goal here. I’m doing this because it good for me. My mind is full of ideas that swirl around and it feels good to try straighten them out and put down on this virtual paper here. But it helps to know that some one might read what I’m writing. There’s some validation in that.

Which brings to me an interesting point. It would appear that some one has actually visited this site. Kind of exciting. According to StatCounter around 5:00 pm yesterday someone came to my site. Cool.

Site Design

I’m getting rid of the expand/hide buttons. I like the idea, but I don’t like the fact that they default to everything hidden. So until I can bother t figure out how to change it they’re out of here.

Linux
Sometime I get a complex of sorts that I’m not a very good geek since I work primarily with Windows. Its not that I don’t like Linux. I think it is very cool. But right now, its a Microsoft environment that pay the bills. And then I say to myself: “I’ll use Linux at so that I can get better at it” But the reality is I work hard, and sometimes I just don’t feel like working a using a computer. There are plenty of Linux users who take an attitude that makes me feel like they think I don’t know much about computers because I work on Windows. But come on guys. Its not like I’m configuring ini files in Windows 95. I’m rolling out Group Policies to an Active Directories Domain. I’m managing IP messaging that sends our shipping and billing info directly to customers. Very high tech stuff. No knock on Linux. Not at all. There are lots of places for it. And I have no doubt that its usage will grow. But the modern Windows Operating Systems are very capable and very useful in many environments.

See I feel better for saying that. If anyone is actually read this, please feel free to comment and give me you opinion. I don’t mind people disagreeing with me, as long as they don’t tell me what I’m supposed to think.

Ok, I’m not so bright. After logging off and then get back on the computer, I see that the buttons still are not showing. I guess I will have to live with just text links until I can figure out how to resolve this issue. I can’t see setting up my own server for this fan base. Not yet any way. Of course, the idea of setting up my own web server has been in the back of my head for a while. At some point I’ll probably do it just for kix.

Not that anyone is actually looking at the site, but I’ve spruced it up a bit. Added some links. I have to give big thanks to Taylor McKnight. It is from his site that the buttons came from. Not he knows anything about that either, but I am appreciative. I mean if I’m going to keep a blog I have to keep it looking good, right. I actually spent much more time on this I should have. I wanted to avoid linking directly to The Buttons on McKnight’s Blog, but I can’t seem to store the button on Blogspot and of course I do not have my own server. I tried to trick the system, so to speak, by creating a GeoCities page, posting the buttons on there and then linking to them there. But it didn’t work for some reason. I could see the buttons fine if I put the code in FrontPage and displayed it. But when I put the code up on Blogger … No dice! So for the short term I will have them linked back to McKnight’s blog. Since no one is actually loading this page it won’t affect his server much. And I will keep working on a way to host the buttons myself. That what I get for trying to be clever, I guess. I also added a snippet of code to let the body of my posts be hidden. Not bad for a non-programmer.

I have to wonder if anyone will ever actually look at my postings out here on the internet. Probably not. Not only that but what are the chances of the stray reader would actually find this interesting? Well… I can not just sit around and hope that someone somewhere finds this and finds it interesting. It is my resolution to post a comment on someone’s blog everyday. Then maybe the favor gets returned.
As if that idea isn’t dorky enough … The oddest image popped into my head. All of bloggers are kinda sitting here tossing out our “Message in a Bottle” just like the song by the Police. Yet somehow, I don’t think that this is what Sting had in mind when he wrote that song.

Ok. So I’ve decided to do this blog thing. At the moment I feel a lot like I’m talking to a brick wall, but that’s ok. I’ll tell a little about me although I don’t think I have it in me to give a long winded bio. I’ll just hit the highlights and hope that the rest becomes clearer over time. I’m a network admin (read computer geek) living in the greater Baltimore area. I am married with 2 great boys ( 3 & 11.) Besides the normal geeky things I’m also a backpacker, an amateur photographer, and a rabid sports fan. I love to read (fantasy and sci - fi are my favorites … Surprise!) I am also a history buff and extremely concerned with currents events. Be warned … my politics lean to the left but I don’t seem to fit the typical mold for the Democrats. I’m sure my political feelings we become clearer in time also.
My point in blogging as equals parts a diary that is just geeky enough for me to keep up with, an attempt to organize my thoughts by publishing them, and an exercise in vanity to see if any one out here actually gives a damn what I think ( I still can’t see that happening)

Well there you have it: the first post. I will attempt to update this several times a week as my schedule allows and we’ll see how it shapes up.