I hate my job. I know… who doesn’t? But here’s the rub, I like what I do. I like my job description, I like the projects I’ve been assigned. I even like many of my co-workers.

But my peers, the other Network Engineers, they are ruining it for me. Of course, I can’t go around blaming other people for my problems. (I mean, obviously, I could… but then I would be like all those other assholes.)

It’s my own fault. I found an opportunity to design a very large project for the department. No one cares about the details, but our core servers are all on an outmoded platform. There had been discussion of bringing in consultants to migrate us to a newer platform, but the cost was prohibitive.

I looked at the situation and decided that it was possible for us to do this migration in house. I started scoping and planning the migration. I presented my plan to my boss and got her approval. So I presented this plan to my peers.

I had this stupid idea. This belief that they would somehow step up and take ownership of this project. They always complain that management doesn’t trust them with large projects. They always complain about be saddled with of date servers. This was gonna be a chance for them to solve both of these problems. As a team we could totally kick this project’s ass.

What was I thinking? Needless to say, that’s not how it went at all. Instead of a team effort, what I got was an assload of petty bullshit, resentment from my so-called team mates, and a bunch of assholes who were more interested in throwing a roadblocks, than finding solutions.

I should have seen this coming. I should have known better. And maybe if I had seen it coming, it wouldn’t have weighed so heavily on me.

I’ve been working on this for a year. And as of today I now have 2 sites (of 42) running on the new system and the infrastructure in place allow for the rest of the migration. This should be a proud moment. This is a real major accomplishment.

Instead, I feel tired, useless and generally miserable. The whole thing did not go as smooth as I would have liked, of course that is no surprise. I would have liked to have had a a team of eight engineers working on this. Instead, I carried the load with only grudging support from my “team.”

I first saw Ratdog in 1996.

It wasn’t because I was a fan, hell I had no idea who they were.

My buddy told me that we just had to go to Further Festival and who was I to argue. I was 24 years old and an all day hippie festival at the Virginia Beach Amphitheatre in June sounded ideal to me. To be real honest, I wasn’t that interested in the music. The only names in the line up I recognized were Bruce Hornsby and Los Lobos. I only new Los Lobos for their cover of La Bamba and Bruce Hornsby was a little bit ‘Adult Contemporary’ for my taste. I’d never heard of the Headliners, billed as the Ratdog Revue. I was going for the party. A bunch of hippies, outcasts and potheads converging to take the concert experience “Further” in the tradition of Ken Kesey. You know, the guy with Electric Kool Aid Acid Tests.

A few days before the concert, some one tipped me off that Ratdog was the name of the band fronted by Bob Wier and Rob Wasserman. Now Bob Wier I had heard of, the great rhythm guitar player of the Grateful Dead.

Six years earlier, I was in college. My roommate freshman year, Matt, was a true Deadhead. He had concert tapes for dozens of shows. I was familiar with the Dead, of course, Truckin’, Casey Jones, and Sugar Magnolias. But Matt’s tapes contained another dimension of the band that I had never heard before. Extended improv jams in songs like Fire on the Mountain and Eyes of the World. Matt would tell me all kinds of things about the band, perhaps he was trying to convert me. And I heard a lot of Grateful Dead music that year.

I had several opportunities to go see the Dead in the early 90’s, but I never did. I guess I kind of assumed that I would catch them on the next go around of the tour that seemed to never end. But when Jerry Garcia died in 1995, the Grateful Dead dissolved and I would never be able to see them live. I still regret that.

But in 1996,I was going to have the chance to see Bob Wier. I was excited, if I would never see the Dead, this would be the next best thing.

The festival was great. I had a wonderful time. And considering the amount of drugs and alcohol flowing, the people were incredibly laid back. No pushing and shoving, no rudeness, everyone seemed to be happy to be there and happy to be with each other. The music was pretty good too, especially Ratdog.

We had no idea what to expect from them, would it just be the Dead minus Jerry, or would they avoid grateful Dead songs altogether?

They opened with three good old Mississippi Delta Blues songs; Good Morning Little Schoolgirl, Howling and Wang Dang Doodle. Then they played the Dylan classic, Maggie’s Farm. As the music played my mind wandered back to my freshman dorm of all of those songs on Matt’s tapes the one I liked the best was Looks Like Rain. I loved the way Bobby and Donna sang and forth to each other at the end of the song. After Maggie’s Farm, Bruce Hornsby came back on stage and sat at the piano. I can’t express in writing the surge of joy I felt when I heard the opening chords to Looks Like Rain. I got up and danced. And for the rest of the night and continued to just feel the music and dance with it.

The band continued into a smoking version of rhythm and blues classic, Juke. Next a Bob Wier tune, The Winners and then into a nice Easy to Slip/ Supplication jam. A bass solo, featuring the Star Spangled Banner, set up Turn on Your Lovelight to round out the set. For an encore Bob and Rob came back out with Hornsby and Mickey Hart (and probably some others, but I’m not sure) and played Wilson Pickett’s In the Midnight Hour, Dylan’s immortal All Along the Watchtower and Buddy Holly’s Not Fade Away.

A few weeks later, I went to a Smashing Pumpkins concert. The crowd was rude and there was plenty pushing and shoving. Billy Corgan stopped playing in the middle of one of their most popular songs and threw a temp tantrum cause some one from the audience had manged to throw a glow stick up on the stage. The whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth. I swore off concerts, figuring that perhaps I had simply got too old for them.

I didn’t even consider seeing a concert for over ten years.

Yes, one of those days.

You know the ones? The kind where nothing really goes right. Nothing goes very wrong, but nothing really goes right. I shouldn’t even complain, there are a lot of people in the world who have it so much worse than me. But I can’t help it… today everything just seemed to be conspiring against me.

Where to start…

Work? Oh yeah, work is great. Well, not great, but actually shitty. Why? It’s hard to put it in words really, its more of a feel than anything in particular. For example, today we had our one of twice weekly project meetings. We got through the agenda, my boss said that we were done. I packed up my shit and went to my desk, cause I had shit to take care of. After a while, it dawned on me that the other Network Engineers were still in the conference room. My boss had left, I had left but they were still in there. They remained in there for about 45 minutes.

I don’t know what they talked about. What I do know is that what ever it was, they didn’t feel the need to consult or ask me about it. Nor did they feel the need to update me on what ever it was.

Wow. Don’t I feel like an important and integral part of my ‘team?’ No I don’t. Not even a little bit.

My made up club, the shitty blogs club’s domain name seems to be parked at godaddy. The fact of the matter is The domain name and hosting were gifted to me. Same thing for shitty blog radio. I think the SBC domain name expired. The SBR one will be next. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I’m not 100% sure why it happened, but I’m fairly certain that there is more than a reasonable explanation for it. Hell, I can’t complain about that part at all.

The problem is, since it I didn’t register it, I can’t renew it. Whois shows it as expired, but none of the registration places will let me purchase it. Is this because of a bit of lag in the whole registration thing, or did some one else buy it? I don’t know. I am powerless to do much about it. I could register .net domains, but I’m not sure if it is worth it.

The bigger issue will be when shittyblogradio.com goes… I can register the domain, but I can’t afford to replace the level of hosting I’ve been enjoying. I’m not sure what I am going to do about that either.

At the gym, I was just stiff enough to stop me from running well.

My car was in for regular maintenance, so I couldn’t drive home for lunch. So I skipped it.

So on and so forth.

Just one of those days.

I hear people complain about the injustice and the difficulties caused by the beginning of daylight savings time. I, on the other hand, couldn’t be happier about it.

I mean I hate having an hour cruelly plucked away from me in the middle of the night as much as anyone. And I get irked by the whole ’spring forward, fall back’ thing.

“How am I supposed to change the time?”
“It’s spring so we SPRING forward!”
“That’s wonderful but it doesn’t help me. Sunday Morning at 2:00 AM what time will it become?”
“What do you mean?”
“Will it be One or Three?”
“Three.”
“Why couldn’t you just say so.”

I guess I’m just to literal, but it’s much easier for me to remember what exactly it is I’m supposed to do, instead of have to decipher some cutesy little phrase.

Still, it’s worth the minor inconveniences.

The Beginning of Daylight Savings Time marks the end of my annual battle with the cold dark days of winter. Sure there will still be some cold, maybe even some snow, but it won’t last. Today I walked out of the gym at seven o’clock and it was still light. It gives me hope that summer will be here soon.

And I’m not a big fan of the Congress, but moving it 3 weeks earlier was brilliant. Way to go guys! Now if you can just address this stupid war and the failing economy, you’d be on the right track.

From me longer days signal the coming of spring. And spring means being outdoors. Camping, hiking, boating and backpacking. A few of my favorite things.

And suddenly, I don’t feel so bad.

I had plans for this weekend. I really did. They revolved around watching Sci-Fi shows I’d DVR’ed and reading comic books.

There were a few productive things I meant to squeeze in there, but I was ready to do a whole lot of not very much.

Of course, I should have known that couldn’t happen. I’m not very good at doing nothing. Saturday morning I reached the final straw with my PC. One too many little quirky things had happened. I had no doubt what the was wrong.

The computer is almost four years old. The hardware is still very usable, I over-spec’ed it when I bought it for just that reason. But in the course of four years who know what the hell I’ve installed and uninstalled on this thing. I’m a geek, a tinkerer and a bit of a hacker. If there is something new and nifty I’ve probably checked it out. Installed it, tried a few things got bored and forgot about it. The cumulative effect from that alone would cause issues sooner or later.

But let’s be honest. Not everything I do on this computer is exactly on the up and up. Nothing terrible, but I sometimes have occasion to go to undesirable sites and sometimes even brave a download or two. And sometimes I get more than I bargain for.

Whatever the root cause was, I was done with it. I took an inventory of what was installed that I actually use. (Which was a pretty short list compared to what was installed.) I moved the data that was on the C: drive to the external drive. And then I formatted the damn thing.

I seriously considered loading Ubuntu. There are some real advantages to that, but in the end laziness won out. I know what I need in XP and how to set it up pretty quickly. I didn’t want to spend the time or energy configuring Linux to see my mixer and get shoutcast working; or make it see the RAW files from my camera so that I can manage my photo.

I installed XP, the drivers, SP2 and pulled down a shitload of patches. I joined the PC to my home domain and then started installing software.

That’s when things got ugly. I was trying to install a piece of software that I had… ahem… lost the key to. I proceeded to visit some shady sites that might be able to give a key I could use… since mine was… err… lost. I wasn’t having any luck, so I downloaded a key cracker. I know that this is risky business. It wasn’t a cracker but a trojan horse. Fuckers.

To make matters worse my Antivirus engine (but not the definitions) is a couple of years old. It was one that I had a license from my last job. It wasn’t picking this thing up. I went to antivirus.com and used Trend Micro’s House Call to do an online scan. It was seeing the buggers.

I wasted no time downloading Trend Micro’s Antivirus software and installing it. It was able to get a bunch of the bastards, but some of them couldn’t be deleted. I booted into recovery console and got rid of them, but when I rebooted there were new ones. It went back and forth like this until I was able to find where it had changed the registry and hack it out.

At least I think I have.

And I haven’t so much as read a comic book this weekend.

I really am pathetic. For the last 9 weeks or so, I’ve been walking around, more often than not, angry, depressed and just plain miserable.

Today the sun comes out, the temperature climbs close to 70 degrees and I feel great. Everything is looking up.

Am I that much not in control of myself? The weather dictates my mood and I have no say in the matter?

It doesn’t seem reasonable. I think it’s been this way all of my life, although I’ve only recognized recently.

And for the last several years, I’ve asked myself the same question. If the gloom, cold and sort days of winter make me so fucking miserable, why don’t I just move some place that stays warm and sunny all year? Like Florida or Arizona.

There is no good answer. Except that uprooting my whole family and quitting a perfectly good job to move hundreds of miles away on the hope that better weather will cheer me up, just doesn’t seem reasonable. Yet… I still think about it.

There is no doubt that I will end up some place where the sun shines more often than not. It just may take till I retire and that won’t be any time soon.

At least, for now, I know that winter is nearing the end. Around here winter doesn’t seem to just stop and then spring magically starts. It seems more complex than that.

It starts with a day like today. A day that seems like spring has finally arrived. But I know better. Winter will re-assert itself. Spring will continue to pop up. Here and there. And each time, it will last a little longer, and winter will be weaker each time it tries to make itself known. Till finally winter just never comes back.

I can’t wait.

… but I think my chi is all fucked up. Or maybe it’s karma. Or maybe it’s just shit.

Things aren’t right, but I know that the root of all of it is me. There are some external factors fucking with me, but mostly it’s just me.

Nothing seems right. And I can’t fix it. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite. Whatever attempt I make to fix things, seems to make it worse.

Some times, when shit is off like this, I rage a bit and then feel better. But we’re well beyond raging. I don’t know what to do when this happens. (Yes, it has happened many times before.) So I get manic. And obsessive.

So far this week, I’ve updated my long lost forum. Well, a little bit. I’ve imported a number of Ratdog and Dead shows into my iTunes. Edited, organized and tagged several hundred photos. Researched alternatives for streaming my stupid radio show. Cleaned the kitchen. And all of that in my free time. I’ve spent most of my time at work.

Don’t think that it stops when I’m at work either. I’ve organized my files. Updated my address book and calendar. Updated all kinds of documentation.

Even my dreams are fucked up.

It’s this same manic behavior that leaves me with 4 or 5 blogs, a radio show, a forum, a (defunct) club and I don’t even know what else.

I don’t enjoy any of this stuff, I just need to DO something. Anything.

It doesn’t work.

I tend to interrupt myself to jump from one obsession to another.

I suppose this will pass, but I don’t know when. Consider yourself warned.

All the TV Weather Persons agreed, freezing rain would continue all day; effectively turning the world into a dangerous sheet of ice. All the schools were canceled. Then the government offices were shut down. Hell, my office even closed for the day.

And then… nothing. Nothing happened at all. It didn’t even rain. Much less freeze.

Nothing like a 3 day work week to throw a wrench into everything. I have no doubt that I will pay for this dearly next week. I’m also very glad that I did not put off all this paperwork till today like I was thinking about.

So I had a productive day of ‘organizing’ my iTunes, watching Doctor Who (Doctors 2 and 10) and generally doing nothing.

We did go hiking last week, and it was a great trip. I may try to find the motivation to write about it.

There should be a rule that limits the amount hype that local news channels are allowed to have about weather. The more they warned me away from go out in this freezing mess, the more I knew it would be nothing.

It happens every year.

I take my last backpacking trip in late October or early November. I say to myself, last trip till Spring…

And I mean it, when I say it.

I go on with my life. The busy holidays in December. The short, but cold and dreary days of January. And then it gets to be February. The days begin to get longer. There will be a mild weekend. And I get the itch. And it won’t go away.

Next thing you know, I’m packing my pack; wearing layer over layer of clothing; getting ready to go out backpacking in sub-freezing weather. This invariably leads to huddling in a sleeping bag, shivering, hoping to make it through the night with out having my extremities fall off.

Well, maybe it’s not quite that bad. But it gets cold. In this day and age, most of us just ignore cold. Cold is something we endure between the house and the car. And again from the car to inside of an office building, or grocery store, or whatever. But when you are out in it, with no where to go in to, it is a different thing. A persistent force to be reckoned with.

As I type this, my pack is packed and I have several layers of clothes laid out. I’m going backpacking. Tomorrow will get up to about freezing. On Sunday it will be warmer, in the high 30s, of course it will probably rain. Guessing the weather is aways hard. The mountains, even small mountains (like the ones we’ll be hiking this weekend,) keep their own weather. But I don’t think it’s gonna be pretty.

I don’t care. I can’t wait till late March. I’ve the itch. I need to get out there and be away from everything else. Even the huddling and shivering is therapeutic. It’s not much fun while it happens, but when you get back to work and deal with the everyday annoyances, they don’t seem so bad.

At least that is what I’m telling myself tonight. Monday, when I get back, I may have a different story to tell.

I do hate January. I hate the short, cold gray days. I hate that everything is dead. It’s a stupid time of year. One of these years, I’m gonna say, fuck it and move somewhere that is warm and bright. Florida, Arizona, Somewhere.

I get depressed. I don’t want to, but it seems to be out of my control. I’m sure this has to do with the general deadness of everything. And the lack of sunlight. Every year, I struggle through it.

On the bright side. I have a new toy.

After two and a half years and 100 plus episodes of Shitty Blog Radio, it seemed like it was time for some better equipment. It took me a few hours to get it all working, but after a good test drive tonight, I think I’ve got it.

Of course, new mic or not, Shitty Blog Radio will still suck. You can increase the sound fidelity but it won’t fix the content. You can (of course) tune in Thursdays at 10 PM EST to decide for yourself.

Work has been a drag. Budget cuts and bullshit politics have ground my project to halt. I am beginning to wonder if I am working in the right place.

So, to amuse myself, I follow the Ravens hunt for head coach and watch as the Patriots march on to history. And the good news is… by the time they get there, this god forsaken month will be over.

That last post was relatively upbeat. Mostly this is how I feel, but there is another side to all this.

I’m reminded of this as I sit here at a party, by myself, blogging on my phone.

In spite of my various successes, I still seem to end up alone in the crowd. I’m sure you think that I separate myself, but its not true. I really make an effort to fit in and be a part of things. It just doesn’t work.

So I find myself ending 2007 the same way every year ends. Sitting alone in the crowd. I’m doing my best not to let it get me too down.

It is, however, a reminder that there is still more work to be done in ‘08.

2007 is on the way out. In reality, this doesn’t mean much, but we seem to need to break up time into these imaginary segments. Why should I be any different.

2007 was pretty good to me. I got promoted and put in charge of the project that I felt I was suited for. I got to do plenty of hiking, even a few of those trips didn’t go as planned. And I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been.

Of course, it wasn’t perfect. But the good more than outweighs the bad.

As for the New Year, things look good. Who knows, maybe I’ll even find time to tell you about it.

I’m a dork. I know it. I can’t help it.

I am sitting here in my big comfy chair, tapping this into my new phone.

I took a break to eat breakfast and I think that may be the point.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that blogging irritates me. It seems to me, that blogging should be a way to share your life with the world at large. Instead, it becomes a ritual of sharing your blog with other bloggers.

You end up, at least I did, spending your time connected to your computer doing blog things. You can’t share your life, because you don’t have one.

It may be dorky to update your blog from your phone, but at least you can do it while you are out living your life.

I was going to post something.

I guess technically that I am posting something.

I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but it devolved into yet another rant about how I don’t really like blogging. And that didn’t really seem worth posting at all.

So Fuck It.

I’m just not feeling it.

A tale of two hikers.

7:36 AM

We pull in to a gravel parking lot and begin to get our packs ready for a 3 day hike that would take us from Blue Mountain (just southeast of Palmerton, Pennsylvania) to the Delaware Water Gap; where the Delaware River cuts through Kittinany Mountain at the PA-NJ Line. After some last minute adjustments and finishing our coffees; we start walking north on the Appalachian Trail.

Northbound would actually be more accurate. The Appalachian Trail stretches from Springer Mountain in Georgia to Mount Katahdin in Maine. Maine is obviously north of Georgia, but it is also considerably east of Georgia. The stretch of trail we plan to walk on actually runs West to East.

7:57 AM

I sit down on a rock to catch my breath and wait for dad. We’d only walked a half mile or so, but we had climbed nearly 400 feet. Like much of the trail in Pennsylvania, the climb was extremely rocky, not so much a trail but stepping from boulder to boulder. The mountain was covered in a thick fog this morning and visibility was limited. After a few minutes, Dad caught up. He didn’t sit down.

“Are you good or do you need minute?”
“I’m ready.”

We start walking. To our left, the trees opened up and an exposed outcropping of rock jutted out over the side of the ridge. Beyond the rocks there was nothing to see but swirling white mist. “Beautiful view,” I note to Dad before moving on.

The next time I would see my dad, he will be standing on crutches.

8:07 AM

After a stretch of trail that was more rock than trail, the trail improves. I pick up my pace to take advantage of the improved terrain. The trail dips and then climbs and eventually levels out at 1500 feet or so. The weather is gloomy, but the walking is good.

8:09 AM

Dad walks across a rocky section of trail, ahead he can see a better stretch of trail. He comes to a large boulder, it had a flat surface but was angled relatively steeply. He considers going around briefly, but instead steps on the boulder.

The difference between tragedy and trivia is so small that sometimes its hard to find at all. It’s difficult to accept that what will occur hundreds of times without incident, will occur another time with serious repercussion.

As he steps on the boulder one foot slips, he slips two, maybe three feet. His other foot, however, remains firmly in place. His left foot ended up laying next to his hip. Although he had felt a stab of pain when he fell, he isn’t in any pain as he lays there. He tries to lift his left leg, but it simply doesn’t respond. He calls out for help, but no one answered.

He picks his left leg up with his hands and moves it to a more natural position. He tries to stand up, but the left leg still isn’t responding.

8:12 AM

The trail is level and in good condition. I can’t believe it. Pennsylvania has a reputation for being rocky and treacherous. I had walked, at one point another, every step of the AT in Pennsylvania except for this stretch and had experienced the what seemed like every kind of rocky trail possible. I had expected this section to be as bad or worse than any of the others, yet the walking is easy and I am making excellent time. It looks like luck is on our side.

8:14 AM

Dad sees that his knee is beginning to swell rapidly. He rearranges himself so that he can lean on his pack and elevate the knee.

8:19 AM

I stop for a drink of water. I estimate that I’ve walked about mile since I’d stopped at the top of the climb.

8:27 AM

The swelling has gone down, but it is becoming increasing clear that this isn’t a problem that is going to get better by itself. Dad pulls his cell phone out of his pack and dials my number. It goes to my voicemail.

“Jeckles, if you get this message you may want to turn around. I’m in need of some assistance.”

He hangs up the phone. He knows that my phone would be turned off to conserve battery and that I’d have no reason to check it. It is unlikely that anyone was going to find him and even if they did, they wouldn’t be able to move him anyway. He needs help. He dials 911 and explains his situation. The 911 dispatcher took the information and says that the search and rescue operation will start immediately.

8:36 AM

I stop to take a drink. The trail is good, the walking is easy and I feel great.

8:42 AM

Ed, a 12 month employee of nearby Blue Mountain Ski Lodge, finds my dad. He radioes the others searching for him and soon they are putting a make shift immobilizer, made of cardboard on his knee. They bring a gurney and proceed to put him in it. They then begin to discuss the best way to get him off the mountain.

“You guys are gonna have fun carrying this 220 pound body off the mountain.” jokes Dad.
“What? How much did you say?”
“220 pounds.”
“That’s a shame, our limit is 219. Let’s go fellows, nothing we can do here.” retorts one of the rescuers.

9:02 AM

Five good old boys carry Dad on the gurney on the AT till they reach a clear cut that allows power lines to run to the ski lodge. They tie a rope to the gurney and slowly lower it down the steep slope that is the side of the ridge.

9:34 AM

After being lowered, Dad is put in the bed of a pick truck. They drive down a gravel road to the waiting ambulance.

10:15 AM

Dad is admitted to the ER at Palmerton Hospital. He is one of two patients.

10:37 AM

I take off my pack to take a break. I’ve walked just over five miles and there is supposed to a spring near here. I eat trail mix and jerky, while looking at the map. I estimate that we will arrive at the shelter around 2:00 PM.

11:02 AM

I’ve snacked and I feel rested, yet dad hasn’t shown up yet. He should have been here by now. I decide that if he doesn’t show soon, I will backtrack and see if he isn’t stopped some where behind me.

11:04 AM

The Carbon County 911 dispatcher tries to contact me on my cell. Volunteers coordinted by the Fire Chief attempt to locate me on the trail. They don’t know my exact location, but Dad has helped them to narrow it down to a ten mile stretch of trail, between where he fell and the shelter we planned to camp at.

11:21 AM

I grab my trekking poles, but leave my pack, and start back tracking. I reason that maybe Dad has stopped for to take a break somewhere behind me. I walk a mile without any sign of me. There is no longer any doubt in my mind, something is wrong. Dad is hurt or lost.

I fight down the panic and the urge to sprint down the trail that comes with it. My backpack, which has my cell phone and my car keys in it is a mile in the other direction. I decide that I will need, in all likelihood my keys and phone, so I turn around and walk back to my pack.

11:56

I return to my pack and immediately get my phone and turn it on. I check my voicemail first and hear Dad’s message. I hang up and try to call him but there is no answer. I leave message to tell him that I am on my way.

That panicky feeling begins to rise again, his call was from 8:27 he’s been hurt and alone for over three hours. Leaving my phone powered on,I strap on my pack and begin to walk as fast as I can. Before I’ve gone a half mile, I misstep and painfully roll my ankle. I fight down the panic, telling myself that I can’t help anyone if I hurt myself.

12:02 PM

The ER doctor gets the X-rays back. Dad has separated the tendon that connects his patella to his femur.

12:09 PM

I’ve walked a mile and still see no sign of Dad. I fairly certain he must be near where I had last seen him, but I have no idea what his condition is. I stop and try to call again. Still no answer. I call my voicemail again hoping to pick up some detail I had missed in his message. I discover that there is a second message.

“Mr Jeckles, this is Carbon County 9 1 1. When you get this message please call 9 1 1!”

I feel a sense of relief that 911 is aware to the situation, while at the same time it confirms my fears that Dad is injured, perhaps severely.

After a few attempts I am able to connect to 911. The operator seems to be aware of our situation and transfers me to Carbon County 911. The dispatcher informs me that dad has “wrenched” his knee and is at Palmerton Hospital. He believes that they will release him soon. He wants me to get off the mountain so that they get me to my father.

I tell him that my truck is about four miles from my location and that I can get there in about 2 hours. The 911 dispatcher would like me to be off the mountain, sooner than later. After a brief discussion, I help him pinpoint my location. I’m near a clear cut for a large set of powerlines crossing the mountain. He asks me to follow the powerlines down the north side of the ridge. He’ll have the Fire chief meet me at the road at the bottom of the ridge.

I follow a rough ATV track down the slope. Before I’ve gone far, the Fire Chief calls my phone. He confirms that he will meet me at the bottom. He says that it will take him 30 minutes to get there and that he will lose signal as he drives down the mountain. He will call me when he arrives.

12:15 PM

The trail I had been following ends. I start bushwack down the side of the ridge. This section is extremely steep and very overgrown. I consider calling 911 and telling them that I can’t go down this way, but in a funny way, I don’t want t let them down. So I push on. I can see below where another ATV trail picks up, I just need to get past the steep descent.

The further I go, the mover overgrown it gets. I slip and fall several times. I now know I should not have proceeded this way, but I’m too far down to go back. I have no choice, I’m committed. As I near the end of this steep section, the Fire Chief calls. They’ve spotted me and they are sending a local up with a “four wheeler” to meet me. All I can pitcure is myself strapped to the back of an ATV, but I don’t argue, I’m exhausted.

12:39 PM

I reach the bottom of the steep descent and begin to walk down the ATV trail. My legs are shaking from the exertion of the climb down to this point. I am bloody from countless little cuts from the brambles I made my way through. And I am luck that I didn’t hurt myself worse going down that slope.

I don’t walk far before I see an old Ford Ranger spring from the tree line. I throw my pack in the bed and hop in for a hair raising ride down the side of the mountain.

12:46 PM

We reach the road and I get out. The Fire Chief is waiting for us. He shakes my hand and looks me over. He apparently decides I’m okay.

“So… you guys drove all the way from Maryland to walk on a trail on this mountain?”

I have no doubt that he has no idea what the extent of Appalachian Trail really is, even though he lives within a few miles of it.

He drives me to my truck, and then I follow him to the hospital.

1:05 PM

After a little re-arranging, we get my dad situated in the back seat of the truck and begin the four hour drive home.

He will need surgery to put his knee cap back where it belongs, but he’ll be fine.

So I sit and try to relax, but my mind spins with work and other shit.

I can’t seem to clear it out. And it is times like this, that I get overwhelmed with a feeling of great futility.

Maybe there isn’t anything more to life than this. Just working on shit that no one cares about.

I spend hours and hours of my life doing things that few people care about. That few people understand.

Setting up an Exchange Server isn’t the kind of accomplishment that makes a deep and lasting impression on people. In the long run it is utterly meaningless. The impact I make on the world through my work is null. The impact I make otherwise isn’t much more.

I write these words that impact less people than my work does.

Somewhere in there, I suspect that there is a Zen simplicity to all of this that I am just missing.

Maybe making an impact is just an illusion. Maybe it’s just a matter of going through the process, not for others but for ourselves. Which process doesn’t matter, just going through a process.

If that is true, even the I know it, I can’t seem to separate the stress and anxiety of trying to succeed from the process.

Maybe I need to go backpacking.

It hit me around 8:00 PM Thursday night. I’d been doing it wrong. And I’d been doing it wrong all week.

What it was that I was doing, doesn’t really matter. It’s a mindless but tedious task that I had been doing to help out. The mistake won’t make any difference, really.

But still I had been doing wrong all fucking week.

And it was 8 o’clock at night. I’d been at work for 13 hours. Again.

And I started to question things.

Why do I bother?
If I’ve been messing this up, is it even worth it?
Things are still not caught up, even for my all my effort. Again why Bother?

I packed up some shit and went home. And I was in a foul mood. The few who bothered to tune in to SBR can attest to that.

My mood was no better in the morning. I went to work early, to make sure I was there and ready when the help desk opened.

My mood got worse as the day went on.

The CIO was going to buy us pizza, to thank us for all of hard work. And while it was a nice thought, I found myself getting angry as the same people who have been coming in late and ducking out early are the ones who can’t wait for the pizza.

I stayed and covered the phones while they ate pizza. I had no desire to be near them. The thought made me sick. Hell, the hour I was there by myself was the best one all day.

I could feel the overwork and lack of sleep catching up with me, and I knew that was really most of the problem. But my anger is real.

As a rule, I try very hard not to worry about how other people do their job, I do mine and I do it as well I can and leave it at that. But I’m finding hard to ignore that one of our Network Engineers, a peer of mine, has come in late and left early every single day last week. Our busiest support week. He worked, on average, six hours a day. To contrast that, I worked an average of 12 hours a day. I worked twice as much as he did.

It’s a fucking crime that our paychecks don’t reflect that. He makes significantly more than me. The joys of working in the public sector. Seniority trumps skill. I could complain to my boss, but she knows. She frustrated and doesn’t want to hear it from me. It’s not like she can fire him. It’s the public sector. Seniority trumps everything.

I don’t remember ever needing a three day weekend like I do right now.

Sometimes, I like my job. I really do. I get to do interesting work. The more that I do, the more my bosses come to trust and depend on me. I like that.

But of the engineers I work with, only one other works with the kind of dedication that I do. He support our WAN and works on his, mostly. The rest of us are a ‘team.’ One is working towards retirement and just wants to maintain the status quo. Troubleshoot the symptoms, ignore the cause. Another is not far behind him. One researches but never acts. Paralysis by analysis. One, as a mentioned works part time (or so it seems) and spends more energy figuring why a plan won’t work than look for the solution that would make it work. And the last hates my boss. He invests his energy into criticizing and undermining her.

Some team.

My plan remains unchanged. We are currently running a Novell Netware network. We need to migrate to Microsoft Active Directories. There are some budget and political issues, but it will happen. I can make it happen. These other assholes would sit around and wring their hands and figure out why it wouldn’t work. But I will make it happen.

And once I do, it will be my network, cause I will have set it up. More than that, putting a migration of an enterprise class network on my resume won’t hurt either.

Once it is done, I’ll take a look and see how I feel about my job.

It’s only Tuesday, but I’m exhausted. These long days at work add up.

I wish I had something interesting to add. but I don’t.

People keep asking me why I’m putting in so many hours. I don’t have to. It’s not required. But things need to be taken care of. This is our busiest time of year for support. So I stay and do what needs to be done.

But there is more to it than that. This time last year, my co-workers and I got overtime if we stayed extra. It was a nice perk, but really our jobs had no right to collect overtime. You won’t find many IT departments that offer it, especially to their higher level employees. The powers that be came to that conclusion, and made us exempt salaried employees. This means no over time. To make up for this, we got nice fat raises.

My coworkers, for the most part, have responded by leaving promptly at the end of the day and/ or showing up late for work.

This is not how it is supposed to be. When there is stuff that needs to be addressed, we should be there, taking care of it.

And I am. Think of it as a statement.

I’m not sure if anyone notices, but it is a statement nonetheless.

Last week was a long one. Not bad, but long. I can’t believe that it has been only seven days since I was at the concert.

Long hours and a hectic pace at work contributed to this. The fact that one of our ‘team members’ can’t seem to do his job, didn’t help.

I don’t know what’s up with this kid. He’s assigned to be the technician at some of the sites that I am assigned to as a Network Engineer. He won’t close calls. He seems to be paralyzed by the amount of calls out there right now. He works on calls that are more complex for days, with out elevating the call to an engineer or even asking any questions. When he does choose to ask, he sort of just tells me to do his job for him. Meanwhile, his calls keep piling up.

He doesn’t understand that there is more to his job than just knowing how to solve these issues. Unlike comparable positions at other companies, he isn’t assigned a list of calls. He pulls all the calls for his sites out of the Help Desk and addresses them as he sees fit. When things get this busy, being able to prioritize is paramount. He needs to let the complex calls sit (or elevate them) and take care of the simple calls. He should be able to close 15 to 20 calls a day. He is closing about 3 or 4 a day. Meanwhile 25 to 30 calls are coming in each day. This pace will slow down, but by the time it does, he will be in a very deep hole.

I’m not his boss, but I am ultimately responsible for these sites. If he doesn’t get caught up soon, I’ll have to go out there myself (and maybe pull resources from other sites) and bail him out. If that happens, I will have to explain to our boss why I’m out closing calls instead of working on my projects.

This just causes me stress I don’t want or need. I hate it when people don’t just do their jobs. I hate it more when it messes with my job.

One a more positive note, my niece is going to be a senior in high school this year. Her school requires that seniors arrange to have their senior portraits taken by a professional photographer on their own, instead of having one come to the school. I guess she didn’t take care of arranging this when she first found out that she was supposed to, and by the time she got around to it, the photographers were booked up.

My wife mentioned to my sister-in-law that I am capable of taking those photos. And they asked me if I could do it. Last weekend we went out to a few scenic spots and took some shots of her and a few with her boyfriend. I also shot a few traditional head and shoulder shots of her, but I don’t have access to a professional backdrop so I just shot her against a wall. I was able to use Photoshop to cut the wall away and put her in front of a background that looks very much like a pro backdrop.

I thought I did a pretty good job, but this isn’t the kind of photography I usually do, and I’m not really very good in Photoshop (I really need to take a class on it.) I began to become concerned that the photos would not be up to a professional level. I knew they looked good, but there is a reason people pay a pro.

I went to get some proofs printed so we could choose which pictures she wanted to use. When I came back to pick them up, the little girl at the store says, “I’m sorry Mr. Jeckles, we cannot print these pictures.”

I began to panic, I start to try to think of what I might have done that would have caused this problem. Did I do something wrong in Photoshop? Did I use the wrong format? I couldn’t imagine what I had done wrong.

“We can’t print pictures taken by a professional photographer without his permission.”

I smiled, thanked her and assured her that she had my permission.

I can’t think of a better compliment.

Today I had the pleasure of attending a mandatory presentation.

It was a motivational speaker. Even for motivational speakers, this guy was awful.

His dad didn’t love him when he young. That rejection stayed with him his whole life. He found that he pushed himself harder to try gain the approval of a distant and cold father. He became successful, rich and women loved him. But somehow it all seemed empty, useless like life had no meaning.

As I sat and listened, all I could think was my Dad was pretty good as far as dads go, but I’m not rich or powerful. Women tolerate me at best. And many days I feel like life has no meaning.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT?!?

Almost makes me wish my dad had been distant.

He recommends that I keep a list of affirmations and read them every morning and every night. So I created a list and we will give it shot, starting right now.

I am a great fake radio DJ.
I am a good blogger.
I rule at the help desk.
I can install an OS in no time flat.
I know more about comic book characters than many people know about their own families.

Somehow I don’t feel better.

It’s probably the weather. This cold rainy shit is making me wish I was dead. I really need to move somewhere that is always summer.

He also suggested having my own personal Mission Statement. I can’t believe we paid this asshat to come talk to us.

I don’t know if I’ll have time to play the Ratdog Set before SBR tomorrow or not. I’ll post something if I’m going to do it.

I’d love to tell you all about the concert, but I don’t have it in me right now. Maybe later. It was awesome though.

This week and next are the two busiest weeks for tech support at work. And, of course, management is always trying to find ways to maximize our resources to handle the onslaught of calls we get.

This year, the grand plan is too let the engineers handle the phones, so that the support guys can all be in the field closing calls.

On paper, it’s a good plan. The reality is the support guys will, to various degrees, slack and not keep up with the pace and that some of these engineers aren’t cut out for phone support.

The number one job in phone support, at my job any how, is to address small simple problems and to create calls for larger problems and then route them to the appropriate group. I had to cover the desk for an hour (or so) on Monday and all day today. The engineers I was working with did not get it. They would try trouble shoot complex calls over the phone. I looked over at one point and saw the other engineer logged into a server checking something.

Not me. I can reset your password. I can tell you to make sure there isn’t a floppy in the a: drive when you try to boot up. I can check to see if your user has the correct rights. Anything else: “I’ll create a call for you and forward it to the right people who will help you shortly!”

These guys will help one or two users in an hour. But others will ring through to the voicemail. Users hate the voicemail.

I guess a lot of these guys think that doing this is beneath them and they don’t want to do it. Not me. I think it’s a blast. It’s easy work. I get laugh at the users. And I have fun with it. We have a bunch of seasonal help coming back right now. Many of them already have accounts, but they forget the password.

“Tech Services, this is Jeckles.”
“Uh… yeah. I think there is problem with my computer.”
“Go ahead.”
“Well. I try to login and I get an error.”
“Does the error say ‘make sure you used the correct password’ or does it say ‘I can’t find the server?’”
“It was saying check your password, but now it’s saying my account is locked.”
“Sounds like you haven’t used the correct password.”
“I think I may have forgot it.”
“Forgot it? Do you know that you are the first call for a forgotten password that I’ve had this week?”
“Really?”
“No. I’ve unlocked your account and changed your password to ‘password.’ It will prompt you to change it to something else when you login. Have a nice day!”

I’ll be on the desk all day tomorrow and three days next week. And I’ve been staying late so that I can catch up on the rest of my work. So I’m tired, but it’s okay.

If I have time on Thursday, I may broadcast the Ratdog set before SBR. Perhaps around 7:30 PM EST. If you are interested, that’s awesome. If not, who cares.

Thanks for calling the Help Desk!

It seems odd to even to talk about it, but I’m going on a Road Trip. But just about any measure, I’m too old for this, but it is exactly what I am doing any how.

Shutter and I will hop in the truck Saturday morning and and drive for about 4 hours till we reach the Mountain Laurel Pavilion, located in Bum Fucked Pennsyltucky. It is there that we will watch Ratdog and the Allman Brothers, who are sharing the bill. I’m very excited about Ratdog, I saw them in 1996 and loved it. By all accounts, the band has done nothing but get better since then. I’m not really an Allman Brothers fan, but they are reputed to be one of the best live bands out there.

I’m excited and a bit nervous. I haven’t been to a concert in over a decade and, like I said, I’m a bit old for this kind of road trip. We don’t have any arrangements made other than the tickets. I don’t really want to try the four hour drive home at 1 or 2 A.M. This pavilion is located squarely in the middle of nowhere, as far as I can tell. I don’t know if we’ll stop at cheap motel and crash for the night or if we will just try to catch a catnap in the parking lot with the Deadheads.

No matter what happens, it will be very different from the road trips of my youth. If for no other reason than the fact that I’ll be sober. And I’ve gotten wiser over the years. The trip probably won’t be as wild as some of the ones from my misspent youth, but that’s necessarily a bad thing at all.

It should be a good time.

And I’m tired.

The weather was as good as you could have hoped for this weekend. But it was still hot. Yesterday was a long day, and I’m very tired. It was a great hike. Well for the most part. I may write about it later.

This tiredness seems to have made me crankier than usual. I know. That’s saying something, isn’t it?

I’d take a nap, but naps just don’t work for me. I doze off for a few minutes, wake up disoriented and grumpier than when I fell asleep.

I guess I’ll just watch Star Trek.

Man I suck.

We had two massive thunderstorms today. One around lunch time and the other was just a few minutes ago.

I love thunderstorms. All that power and fury shows up out of nowhere. It’s awesome.

With any luck, it will cool things down for this weekend.

Have you noticed the effort to blog daily? It won’t last. My streak will be broken by my backpacking trip tomorrow. Still, I’ll try to post on a very regular basis. Why? I don’t know. I don’t know where these compulsions ideas come from, I just try to run with them.

I should be preparing for SBR right now. Oh fucking well, it’s not like it’s a real radio show.

Okay. The show is over now, I guess I can finish this post. Like I was saying, the show isn’t very good. Listen for yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Also, there may be an tiny bit of profanity.

I really shouldn’t get so caffeinated during the show… It will be another sleepless night for me.

I’ll see you losers on Sunday.

My sinuses are still bothering me. I feel much better than I did the weekend of the blogathon, but I’m nowhere near %100. I can’t breathe. Which makes everything difficult. Especially the gym.

On the flipside, I’ve found a podcast that doesn’t suck. It’s called Podrunner and it’s an hour long mix of techo-ish music all set at a constant beat rate. It’s awesome for running or whatever.

I’ve been told that if I want Shitty Blog Radio to be successful, I have to promote it. It sounds like good advice, but I really suck at self promotion. It seems like bragging or something. Regardless, you should check out Shitty Blog Radio tomorrow night at 10 PM EST. It is the ‘Worst Show on the Internet’ or at least that’s what I’ve dubbed it. What is is mostly is some rage filled nonsense. Or something. Actually, it’s kind of hard to explain. You’d have to hear it.

Thanks to the magic of DVR I’ve seen 3 episode of Star Trek in the last 36 hours. I hadn’t watched good old original Star Trek in years. In my minds eye I had reduced it to not much more than Kirk… speaking in.. intervals that. Make. No. Sense. And paper mache sets, Red Shirted Ensigns and special two handed future punches. It, of course, has all those things, but in spite of that it’s pretty good show. It’s been fun to discover these episode all over again.

Right now I should be packing to go backpacking on Friday. I’m just throwing that out there.

This concept of a two year build up to the Presidential elections needs to be rethought. There is no reason for it. Of course, whenever I say that some asshat speaks out and says, ‘but I love this stuff.’ That’s the whole problem. I can’t help but believe that the only reason this process has spread out like this is to give CNN and FOXNews programming. That’s not a real good reason. There is no upside. It makes campaign insanely expensive driving the candidates into the waiting arms of the special interest groups. Meanwhile they all just dig up dirt about each other. This is a stupid system.

You would think that I would do something fun while I have all this time to myself. At least, you would think that if you didn’t know me. For fun, I’m broadcasting make believe radio on the internet. I suck. But I do take requests.

Other than that, I’ve just worked and watched Star Trek on DVR. I know, you’re jealous. You wanna be just like me. I’m sorry, but not everyone can handle this level of dork cool.

Oh… for the record, Expert Level on Guitar Hero II is fucking stupid hard.

I’m not a gamer. I never have been. I hear my friends talk about spending hours playing this game or another. I just can’t imagine doing that. My kid has an Xbox 360, so I get a chance to try out a game every now and then. I enjoy it for a bit, and then I’m over it. The only game that had come close to holding my interest was Madden Football.

We got Guitar Hero II yesterday. I’ve been hearing and reading about people getting all kinds of worked up about this game and it’s predecessor for some time now. And today, I can honestly say I understand what the fuss is all about. I play guitar. Not as much as when I was young. But still, I can hold my own. I can’t say that this game is just like playing, but it does capture the feel of playing. I couldn’t help but rock and bob with he rhythm as I powered out “Possum Kingdom” or “Heart Shaped Box.” I think I need to just not play it. Otherwise, you may never hear from me.

In other news, my wife took the kids and left me. I love telling people that. They look at me, think about it, decide it seems reasonable, look at me again, think that maybe I’m too calm about all of this and then ask me, Really? I tell them that they will be back in a few days.

They are going for a little more vacation at the lake. I have to work, but that’s no reason to stop them from having some fun. Besides, the kids have been restless, they need to get out and do something. I will do my best not to spend the entire time they are gone, playing Guitar Hero II.

Instead I’ll put my effort into designing an online store. It’s not for me, I have nothing to sell. My brother asked me to give him a hand, and I can’t turn down a challenge this geeky. I’ll tell you more about it, once it is set up.

Oh, and I’m sure this will shock many of you, I’m going backpacking this weekend.

I have struggled with this blogging thing nearly as long as I have been doing it.

I like the idea of putting my ideas down in html and putting them out there to so if anyone gives a shit. On one level this has worked well for me. There have been a surprising amout of people who seem to want to hear what I have to say. On the other hand, it doesn’t work the way I thought it would.

Blogging has become (or maybe it always was) about communities. These are my blog friends. I have to read what they are writing. And we will be like a group. We will join the same traffic generating scams. We will play the same meme games.

I don’t like that. I came here to say something. I hope you’ll listen. But I dont want you to expect me to listen to you. If you have something interesting to say, I’ll listen or I’ll move on. It’s not personal. Or it shouldn’t be. Maybe it should be, I don’t know, but that’s not what I wanted out of this.

I’ve been more frustrated than usual with this recently. This is why I have posted so little.

I was going to shut it down.

Not quit. I still have the urge to express myself in this way. But I was extremely close to shutting it all down and starting somewhere else. And no, I wouldn’t have let you know. Not even you. It’s not personal. But if I let you know. Then I’d let him know. And before long, we’d be right back to here. Just ask Mango. He knows.

But I didn’t. I have some sort of pride in this meager collection of shit. And I don’t want to start over.

I have to refocus. Beside the community aspect, I didn’t fully think out the implications of publishing. It’s on a micro scale, but this must be what columnist deal with every day. The comments are a both wonderful and awful. I love the feedback. I love to know what you think about what I write. But I hate it. Sometimes I want to scream, who asked you? I can never decide if I should respond to the comments or not.

The reality is, this is publishing. On a small scale, but still it is. I’m putting it out there and for that I have to live with the consequences of that decision. I can’t pick and choose who reads this. I can’t do anything about it if you don’t understand what I mean, even though I’ve been as clear as I can be. I can’t censor any reaction, in the comments or else where, that results from what I’ve written. And I can’t worry about those things as I sit to write a new thing.

Like I said, I’m amazed that as many people have listened to me as have. Yet I look around and see that, all things considered I don’t get much traffic. Most blogs get 10 times what I do. I’m told that it’s quality over quantity. I’m told that it’s cause I don’t play the ‘game.’ This is probably true. But I can’t help wonder, why not me? Why shouldn’t people want to not only read this, but urge others to? But it doesn’t work that way. Not for me. And if I’m going to be true to me, then I need to accept that.

I’ll keep it up. At least I’ll try to. This blog and the stupid radio show. I think that for some reason, I’m more comfortable with the Radio thing than the blogging. I guess it’s a matter of expectation. The SBC, I’m not so sure of. I think it’s time has past. I look at the blogs who request membership. I don’t think they get it. Maybe I should let it fade away. And don’t worry, if I do I’ll run Shitty Blog Survivor from here. I do like that. It’s been fun this year.

Still, sometimes I hope that people will ‘get’ me. That I’ll have dozens of readers instead of 5. But I’m full of shit. I’m not cut out to be popular. I never was. And I never will be. There’s more to popularity than people liking you, you have to play the ‘game.’ And I quite simply can’t do that.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have 18 hours of Star Trek on my DVR.

6:04 AM Wake up to the sounds of the Grateful Dead coming from my iHome and the buzzing of my other alarm clock. Hit Snooze.
6:37 AM Sit in front of laptop with a breakfast consisting of a bowl of grits, a low fat key lime yogurt and coffee. Check my personal email, bloglines and Misftopia.
7:05 AM Get another cup of coffee and head to the bathroom for a long shower.
7:42 AM Shave and brush teeth.
7:55 AM Kiss the wife and go to work.
8:11 AM Arrive at work. Fashionably late.
8:23 AM Check Work email.
8:37 AM Get involved in an impromptu discussion about how we are distributing new PCs.
8:42 AM While still keeping an ear to that discussion, IM the UberBot and the WAN-Man about upcoming backpacking trip.
9:05 AM IM Shutter cause I’m bored. He’s too busy to talk to me.
9:17 AM Look at management console of New Update server that I upgraded yesterday.
9:22 AM While still checking out update server, fill out monthly mileage paperwork.
10:01 AM Check the status of the backups on the Netware servers at the 9 remote locations that I am responsible for.
10:12 AM Begin researching a plugin for Exchange to support smart phones.
11:19 AM After almost an hour, find an mobileadmin.msi thing and install it and still don’t know how to make it work.
11:24 AM Read Microsoft’s ” Step-by-Step Guide to Deploying Windows Mobile-based Devices with Microsoft Exchange Server 2003 SP2″ Still I don’t know how to make this work. Begin to think that this would be easier to figure out if I had a Smart Phone to test with.
11:25 AM Pack up my shit for lunch.
11:49 AM Eat a Quesidilla for lunch
12:22 PM Pace, check watch, look out the window and wonder why the Dish Network Tech hasn’t shown up.
12:32 PMDrive back to work.
12:48 PM Look at PDA to get some clue about mobile connectivity for Exchange.
1:03 PM Think I may have found something. Need to figure out how to install rootcert on PDA.
1:16 PM Install a copy of our Root Cert on my PDA.
1:37 PM Send an email from my PDA over wi-fi to my gmail account.
1:45 PM Send instructions to an engineer who has a smart phone to try it.
2:17 PM Create new Exchange account for one of the Developers.
3:02 PM Send email to CIO on how to set up his smart phone.
3:19 PM Start documenting the changes I’ve made to Exchange.
4:24 PM Pack up my laptop and go home.
4:42 PM Watch new shiny HD Channels.
4:44 PM Tell the DVR to record anything that looks like Star Trek.
5:12 PM Eat dinner.
6:04 PM Run to convenience store for Red Bull.
6:11 PM Drink Red Bull.
6:34 PM Go to side job.
7:26 PM Realize that PC is infected with a virus.
7:57 PM Realize that virus scanner can’t find it.
8:23 PM C:\Format
10:36 PM Collect less money than I should because I feel bad I that I had to restore the system.
11:18 PM Post blog entry that no one will find half as clever as I do.
11:48 PM Go to sleep listening to the Grateful Dead.

This sinus thing continues to kick my ass. I’m not happy about this at all. I go to work and deal with everything as though it were normal to have a headache 24 hours a day. I hate it. And I think I’m dangerously close to whining. I hate that too.

I had a heart to heart conversation with the Dish Network People. We decided that I didn’t really watch Showtime and HBO so we would cancel those. We also decided that I deserved a better HD package. Of course, I’d need a new receiver box, for $100.

No deal, says I.
You can get a get a $100 rebate if you commit to 18 months, they counter.
Sold, say I.
Or you could get the really nifty dual tuner box that will let you get true picture in a picture…
Mmmm…
And DVR….
DVR?
For $150…
I’m not so sure.
And you still get $100 back.
Sold.

Sometimes I love being upsold. Isn’t that odd?

To replace the HBO, we’re gonna get Netflix. The only bummer is that they do not have HD for my local channels. But I’m set up for it. If it becomes available… I’ll get it.

And let’s not think about how much money, I’m spending here. This is about the Football. Mostly.

Ravens Camp started this week. Which fills us with thoughts of FOOTBALL. The only good thing about the end of summer is the beginning of football season. I can’t wait.

Super Bowl predictions anyone? (Just off the cuff, I have the Patriots beating the Saints… but I think the Ravens have a good shot at going deep in to the playoffs)

First and foremost, thank you again to each and everyone of you that sponsored me. It really means a lot to me. In theory, the blogathon people will send you an email asking you to fulfill your pledge, but I’ll let you in on a secret. You can go to your profile at blogathon.org and click on edit next to this blog under “Your Pledges.” On that page you can simply push the button that says, “Fulfill this pledge directly with Freedom from Hunger now” and then fill out the Online Donation form at Freedom from Hunger.

I don’t really like to acknowledge it when I’m sick, I always want to think that I can just will it away, mind over matter style. But it doesn’t work that way. I have a sinus infection. And I don’t feel good at all. This made this blogathon much harder for me than it otherwise would have been. The headache that I had during the whole thing tested my patience and made me even grumpier than usual.

There are some aspects to the blogathon that really do irk me. I feel it could be better organized and designed to be much more inclusive to all participants. It also steams me that BE and Lewis get all kinds of plugs when they don’t even raise a cent for charity (at least not that I could see.) There were at least 2 stations involved with this blogathon were playing music and supporting charity.

In the waning moments of the blogathon, I had an epiphany. I am a lousy blogger. Occasionally, people try to swell my head by telling me that I am a good writer. Who knows, maybe I am, but that doesn’t making me a great blogger. I don’t need to be a great blogger, but I had never made that distinction before. The one thing I could do to be a better blogger is to post much more regularly. I’ll try. I’ve had some issues with this blog and I’ve been real tempted to scrap it. But I think I should keep it. I mean it’s over 3 year old, I’d hate to start over.

Who knows, after a good night sleep all this may seem very different to me.

Thank you:

WK
Anonymous (even though I know who you are)
Wickedgal
Debi
Utopia
Sparky
Shutter
imagined-community

I’d like to give special thanks to Mango for thinking of me, when he had every reason to forget.

And finally I’d like to thank Monty for tolerating my neurosis, keeping me company and being a great friend.

Overall this was a pretty good blogathon. I raised money for Freedom from Hunger. I have a bunch of great sponsors. And I had a few friends who kept company and kept me out of trouble.

I can’t say this was a great experience. There were things that could have been better. But I suppose this still isn’t the time or place to get into that.

The big question is will I do it again. I don’t know. Obviously the concept appeals to me. This is my second successful blogathon. But I have reservations.

Fortunately, I have plenty of time to think about it.

And let’s face it, I’m in no condition to make a rational decision right now.

And keeping up my end of the bargain, I just made a pledge for %10 of the total… $30 dollars.

We are just about done.

I’m listening to Tears for Fears.

Just thought I’d share.

Also, beware the Snaeking. I’d like to tell you more… but I can’t.

Don’t worry about it, I stopped making sense an hour ago.

I feel sorry for the people in the real world that will have to deal with me. They will have their hands full.

I think that perhaps I have had one Red Bull too many.

I am listening to Guns an Roses and I keep forgetting what it is I was going to do. This is so 1991 all over again, except I’m so much older.

This thing is winding down and it’s a good thing. I’m sure I could stay awake a few more hours, but my ability to form a coherent sentence, much less type it is getting extremely challenged.

I may have to drink one more Red Bull to get me through.

Thanks to all of those who sponsored my charity, Freedom from Hunger. Kirsten L. Forsyth, from Freedom from Hunger asked me to tell you guys about ‘Freedom from Hunger Day, which will be held on September 28, 2007. This is an online event. You can participate at www.freedomfromhunger.org

Mark it on your calendar.

Mango has donated $60 in honor of his Grandmother, Meta Conway. She passed away this past week.

I know that this has been a difficult week for Mango and I am touched that he has decided to honor her memory is this way.

Hell, I’m as close to speechless as I get.

Thanks, dude. Be well.

Yes I see daylight.

I have the temptation to say cheesy about the light at the end of the tunnel, but I think I should let it go.

I might go for a walk out side.

Hopefully, I’ll remember to put on pants. Ahh, who cares, it’s not like the neighbors like me.

Come on dudes, how about one more sponsor (or two smaller ones) to put me over 300?

It would make my morning.

Those last 2 post were pretty good… all things considered.

Unfortunately, I don’t know if I have anything left.

In retrospect, I should have paced myself. But I got excited and well… the whole thing is kind of embarrassing.

See you in 30.

Back when Mango Radio was the only station that I dealt with, Mango some how found this guy. He had a station of his own. And he wanted some advice from Mango.

Of course, Mango tells me that I have to check this guy out. This guy is rocking out to classic Pink Floyd and proud of it. He asks us if we have any requests. We make a few, but he doesn’t have the songs, until we request some Zepplin and some Floyd. When he played the song, we realized we could hear him breathing. His mic was still on.

He asked us if we wanted to see his dog dance.

Next thing you know, we’re watching some ankle biting dog hopping around on its hind legs on a webcam.

Just when we thought it couldn’t get funnier, his wife walks in to the room. He turns to her, unaware that his mic is on and says, “Honey look, I’ve got professional DJ’s listening to me. They are going to give us some advice. This great. They are professionals from a REAL radio station.”

I had to turn it off…

I remember when I was younger. In college. We’d stay up all night. Me and a girlfriend. We’d talk until the wee hours of the night.

Then we’d go to Denny’s. It was always an odd experience. We seemed to hit the transition from night to day every time.

When we showed up there would be a few drunks and other night owls. We’d get a big breakfast and then chill with some coffee. The tired and bitter night shift waitresses would leave and the young and pretty day shift waitresses would come in.

Before the sun even though of coming up, the business men would come in. One or two of them. Wearing suits and reading the paper.

Everything about them felt different. They had places to be. They were awake. Rested.

We were tired, out of it.

The contrast always seemed very staring to me. I always wondered what those guys in the suits thought of us. A couple of dumb kids with out the sense to go to sleep.

Of course, that is what is going to happen here shortly. The wife and kid will wake up. Fresh and rested. I’ll be here almost functional and spaced out.

I don’t even want to know what they’ll think of me… but I hope they bring breakfast.

Yep… That’s just what I need. A nice healthy snack.

Some people, like my wife, are freaked out by the fact the Yogurt is made up of an active bacteria culture. It doesn’t bother me at all. I eat it all the time. It’s good low calorie snack with protein. What could be better?

Monty played Gwar followed by ‘Rock around the Clock.’ Don’t you think that there should be laws about this kind of thing?

I guess I’ll end up in the chatroom. Not cause I want to, but ought of sheer boredom.

I remember being tired last year, but I don’t remember being bored. I have no idea what this means.

This is lame I’m blogging about my snack. And the worst part is this may be the best post I’ve had in hours.

I did not take a walk.

My eyes are still… tired.

And I thought of nothing to write.

I suck. I’m loser and no one likes me.

Of course, we already knew that. A walk and a snack. That’s what I need.

And a few more sponsors. I know it’s late, but I’d really like to hit $300 in pledges.

I know I’m a loser, but my cause is good.

I will probably stop broadcasting soon. And listen to Monty again. Unless she plays more country music. Then all bets are off.

Can some one remind me how staying up all night helps charity… I’m a little lost on that point right now. Of course, I’m a bit confused and distracted in general.

My posts might be longer if I didn’t have to spend so much time backspacing out typos.

We’ll try again in 30.

This is such a weird time of night.

I feel like I should explain that statement… but I have no explanation.

I guess my mind is just sort of free-associating here, but am I the only guy who feels uncomfortable when another guy uses emoticons when IMing? It’s just me, isn’t it?

I’m a freak, I guess.

I might be hungry. Maybe I should find a small snack.

My eyes are exhausted. I had to lose the shades. I’m back to my regular specs now. I may have to take a walk away from this PC and give my eyes a break.

And think of something to post. Cause I don’t know if I’ve ever been this boring before.

The good news is that my headache is getting better.

Unfortunately, I still can’t think straight. I get easily distracted.

So we can expect that the shit that I’m writing here will make less and less sense as this goes on.

I’ll drink another Red Bull and see what that gets me.

I really wish I had a thought in my