I hate my job. I know… who doesn’t? But here’s the rub, I like what I do. I like my job description, I like the projects I’ve been assigned. I even like many of my co-workers.

But my peers, the other Network Engineers, they are ruining it for me. Of course, I can’t go around blaming other people for my problems. (I mean, obviously, I could… but then I would be like all those other assholes.)

It’s my own fault. I found an opportunity to design a very large project for the department. No one cares about the details, but our core servers are all on an outmoded platform. There had been discussion of bringing in consultants to migrate us to a newer platform, but the cost was prohibitive.

I looked at the situation and decided that it was possible for us to do this migration in house. I started scoping and planning the migration. I presented my plan to my boss and got her approval. So I presented this plan to my peers.

I had this stupid idea. This belief that they would somehow step up and take ownership of this project. They always complain that management doesn’t trust them with large projects. They always complain about be saddled with of date servers. This was gonna be a chance for them to solve both of these problems. As a team we could totally kick this project’s ass.

What was I thinking? Needless to say, that’s not how it went at all. Instead of a team effort, what I got was an assload of petty bullshit, resentment from my so-called team mates, and a bunch of assholes who were more interested in throwing a roadblocks, than finding solutions.

I should have seen this coming. I should have known better. And maybe if I had seen it coming, it wouldn’t have weighed so heavily on me.

I’ve been working on this for a year. And as of today I now have 2 sites (of 42) running on the new system and the infrastructure in place allow for the rest of the migration. This should be a proud moment. This is a real major accomplishment.

Instead, I feel tired, useless and generally miserable. The whole thing did not go as smooth as I would have liked, of course that is no surprise. I would have liked to have had a a team of eight engineers working on this. Instead, I carried the load with only grudging support from my “team.”

Yes, one of those days.

You know the ones? The kind where nothing really goes right. Nothing goes very wrong, but nothing really goes right. I shouldn’t even complain, there are a lot of people in the world who have it so much worse than me. But I can’t help it… today everything just seemed to be conspiring against me.

Where to start…

Work? Oh yeah, work is great. Well, not great, but actually shitty. Why? It’s hard to put it in words really, its more of a feel than anything in particular. For example, today we had our one of twice weekly project meetings. We got through the agenda, my boss said that we were done. I packed up my shit and went to my desk, cause I had shit to take care of. After a while, it dawned on me that the other Network Engineers were still in the conference room. My boss had left, I had left but they were still in there. They remained in there for about 45 minutes.

I don’t know what they talked about. What I do know is that what ever it was, they didn’t feel the need to consult or ask me about it. Nor did they feel the need to update me on what ever it was.

Wow. Don’t I feel like an important and integral part of my ‘team?’ No I don’t. Not even a little bit.

My made up club, the shitty blogs club’s domain name seems to be parked at godaddy. The fact of the matter is The domain name and hosting were gifted to me. Same thing for shitty blog radio. I think the SBC domain name expired. The SBR one will be next. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I’m not 100% sure why it happened, but I’m fairly certain that there is more than a reasonable explanation for it. Hell, I can’t complain about that part at all.

The problem is, since it I didn’t register it, I can’t renew it. Whois shows it as expired, but none of the registration places will let me purchase it. Is this because of a bit of lag in the whole registration thing, or did some one else buy it? I don’t know. I am powerless to do much about it. I could register .net domains, but I’m not sure if it is worth it.

The bigger issue will be when shittyblogradio.com goes… I can register the domain, but I can’t afford to replace the level of hosting I’ve been enjoying. I’m not sure what I am going to do about that either.

At the gym, I was just stiff enough to stop me from running well.

My car was in for regular maintenance, so I couldn’t drive home for lunch. So I skipped it.

So on and so forth.

Just one of those days.

… but I think my chi is all fucked up. Or maybe it’s karma. Or maybe it’s just shit.

Things aren’t right, but I know that the root of all of it is me. There are some external factors fucking with me, but mostly it’s just me.

Nothing seems right. And I can’t fix it. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite. Whatever attempt I make to fix things, seems to make it worse.

Some times, when shit is off like this, I rage a bit and then feel better. But we’re well beyond raging. I don’t know what to do when this happens. (Yes, it has happened many times before.) So I get manic. And obsessive.

So far this week, I’ve updated my long lost forum. Well, a little bit. I’ve imported a number of Ratdog and Dead shows into my iTunes. Edited, organized and tagged several hundred photos. Researched alternatives for streaming my stupid radio show. Cleaned the kitchen. And all of that in my free time. I’ve spent most of my time at work.

Don’t think that it stops when I’m at work either. I’ve organized my files. Updated my address book and calendar. Updated all kinds of documentation.

Even my dreams are fucked up.

It’s this same manic behavior that leaves me with 4 or 5 blogs, a radio show, a forum, a (defunct) club and I don’t even know what else.

I don’t enjoy any of this stuff, I just need to DO something. Anything.

It doesn’t work.

I tend to interrupt myself to jump from one obsession to another.

I suppose this will pass, but I don’t know when. Consider yourself warned.

I do hate January. I hate the short, cold gray days. I hate that everything is dead. It’s a stupid time of year. One of these years, I’m gonna say, fuck it and move somewhere that is warm and bright. Florida, Arizona, Somewhere.

I get depressed. I don’t want to, but it seems to be out of my control. I’m sure this has to do with the general deadness of everything. And the lack of sunlight. Every year, I struggle through it.

On the bright side. I have a new toy.

After two and a half years and 100 plus episodes of Shitty Blog Radio, it seemed like it was time for some better equipment. It took me a few hours to get it all working, but after a good test drive tonight, I think I’ve got it.

Of course, new mic or not, Shitty Blog Radio will still suck. You can increase the sound fidelity but it won’t fix the content. You can (of course) tune in Thursdays at 10 PM EST to decide for yourself.

Work has been a drag. Budget cuts and bullshit politics have ground my project to halt. I am beginning to wonder if I am working in the right place.

So, to amuse myself, I follow the Ravens hunt for head coach and watch as the Patriots march on to history. And the good news is… by the time they get there, this god forsaken month will be over.

It hit me around 8:00 PM Thursday night. I’d been doing it wrong. And I’d been doing it wrong all week.

What it was that I was doing, doesn’t really matter. It’s a mindless but tedious task that I had been doing to help out. The mistake won’t make any difference, really.

But still I had been doing wrong all fucking week.

And it was 8 o’clock at night. I’d been at work for 13 hours. Again.

And I started to question things.

Why do I bother?
If I’ve been messing this up, is it even worth it?
Things are still not caught up, even for my all my effort. Again why Bother?

I packed up some shit and went home. And I was in a foul mood. The few who bothered to tune in to SBR can attest to that.

My mood was no better in the morning. I went to work early, to make sure I was there and ready when the help desk opened.

My mood got worse as the day went on.

The CIO was going to buy us pizza, to thank us for all of hard work. And while it was a nice thought, I found myself getting angry as the same people who have been coming in late and ducking out early are the ones who can’t wait for the pizza.

I stayed and covered the phones while they ate pizza. I had no desire to be near them. The thought made me sick. Hell, the hour I was there by myself was the best one all day.

I could feel the overwork and lack of sleep catching up with me, and I knew that was really most of the problem. But my anger is real.

As a rule, I try very hard not to worry about how other people do their job, I do mine and I do it as well I can and leave it at that. But I’m finding hard to ignore that one of our Network Engineers, a peer of mine, has come in late and left early every single day last week. Our busiest support week. He worked, on average, six hours a day. To contrast that, I worked an average of 12 hours a day. I worked twice as much as he did.

It’s a fucking crime that our paychecks don’t reflect that. He makes significantly more than me. The joys of working in the public sector. Seniority trumps skill. I could complain to my boss, but she knows. She frustrated and doesn’t want to hear it from me. It’s not like she can fire him. It’s the public sector. Seniority trumps everything.

I don’t remember ever needing a three day weekend like I do right now.

Sometimes, I like my job. I really do. I get to do interesting work. The more that I do, the more my bosses come to trust and depend on me. I like that.

But of the engineers I work with, only one other works with the kind of dedication that I do. He support our WAN and works on his, mostly. The rest of us are a ‘team.’ One is working towards retirement and just wants to maintain the status quo. Troubleshoot the symptoms, ignore the cause. Another is not far behind him. One researches but never acts. Paralysis by analysis. One, as a mentioned works part time (or so it seems) and spends more energy figuring why a plan won’t work than look for the solution that would make it work. And the last hates my boss. He invests his energy into criticizing and undermining her.

Some team.

My plan remains unchanged. We are currently running a Novell Netware network. We need to migrate to Microsoft Active Directories. There are some budget and political issues, but it will happen. I can make it happen. These other assholes would sit around and wring their hands and figure out why it wouldn’t work. But I will make it happen.

And once I do, it will be my network, cause I will have set it up. More than that, putting a migration of an enterprise class network on my resume won’t hurt either.

Once it is done, I’ll take a look and see how I feel about my job.

Last week was a long one. Not bad, but long. I can’t believe that it has been only seven days since I was at the concert.

Long hours and a hectic pace at work contributed to this. The fact that one of our ‘team members’ can’t seem to do his job, didn’t help.

I don’t know what’s up with this kid. He’s assigned to be the technician at some of the sites that I am assigned to as a Network Engineer. He won’t close calls. He seems to be paralyzed by the amount of calls out there right now. He works on calls that are more complex for days, with out elevating the call to an engineer or even asking any questions. When he does choose to ask, he sort of just tells me to do his job for him. Meanwhile, his calls keep piling up.

He doesn’t understand that there is more to his job than just knowing how to solve these issues. Unlike comparable positions at other companies, he isn’t assigned a list of calls. He pulls all the calls for his sites out of the Help Desk and addresses them as he sees fit. When things get this busy, being able to prioritize is paramount. He needs to let the complex calls sit (or elevate them) and take care of the simple calls. He should be able to close 15 to 20 calls a day. He is closing about 3 or 4 a day. Meanwhile 25 to 30 calls are coming in each day. This pace will slow down, but by the time it does, he will be in a very deep hole.

I’m not his boss, but I am ultimately responsible for these sites. If he doesn’t get caught up soon, I’ll have to go out there myself (and maybe pull resources from other sites) and bail him out. If that happens, I will have to explain to our boss why I’m out closing calls instead of working on my projects.

This just causes me stress I don’t want or need. I hate it when people don’t just do their jobs. I hate it more when it messes with my job.

One a more positive note, my niece is going to be a senior in high school this year. Her school requires that seniors arrange to have their senior portraits taken by a professional photographer on their own, instead of having one come to the school. I guess she didn’t take care of arranging this when she first found out that she was supposed to, and by the time she got around to it, the photographers were booked up.

My wife mentioned to my sister-in-law that I am capable of taking those photos. And they asked me if I could do it. Last weekend we went out to a few scenic spots and took some shots of her and a few with her boyfriend. I also shot a few traditional head and shoulder shots of her, but I don’t have access to a professional backdrop so I just shot her against a wall. I was able to use Photoshop to cut the wall away and put her in front of a background that looks very much like a pro backdrop.

I thought I did a pretty good job, but this isn’t the kind of photography I usually do, and I’m not really very good in Photoshop (I really need to take a class on it.) I began to become concerned that the photos would not be up to a professional level. I knew they looked good, but there is a reason people pay a pro.

I went to get some proofs printed so we could choose which pictures she wanted to use. When I came back to pick them up, the little girl at the store says, “I’m sorry Mr. Jeckles, we cannot print these pictures.”

I began to panic, I start to try to think of what I might have done that would have caused this problem. Did I do something wrong in Photoshop? Did I use the wrong format? I couldn’t imagine what I had done wrong.

“We can’t print pictures taken by a professional photographer without his permission.”

I smiled, thanked her and assured her that she had my permission.

I can’t think of a better compliment.

Today I had the pleasure of attending a mandatory presentation.

It was a motivational speaker. Even for motivational speakers, this guy was awful.

His dad didn’t love him when he young. That rejection stayed with him his whole life. He found that he pushed himself harder to try gain the approval of a distant and cold father. He became successful, rich and women loved him. But somehow it all seemed empty, useless like life had no meaning.

As I sat and listened, all I could think was my Dad was pretty good as far as dads go, but I’m not rich or powerful. Women tolerate me at best. And many days I feel like life has no meaning.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT?!?

Almost makes me wish my dad had been distant.

He recommends that I keep a list of affirmations and read them every morning and every night. So I created a list and we will give it shot, starting right now.

I am a great fake radio DJ.
I am a good blogger.
I rule at the help desk.
I can install an OS in no time flat.
I know more about comic book characters than many people know about their own families.

Somehow I don’t feel better.

It’s probably the weather. This cold rainy shit is making me wish I was dead. I really need to move somewhere that is always summer.

He also suggested having my own personal Mission Statement. I can’t believe we paid this asshat to come talk to us.

I don’t know if I’ll have time to play the Ratdog Set before SBR tomorrow or not. I’ll post something if I’m going to do it.

Yeah.

It’s me. That’s not a real surprise.

I’m plucked. About a number of things, But I guess this isn’t the appropriate time or place.

I think that Red Bull was good. But I may need another one.

I’d be happier if more people were coming around.

Or maybe I wouldn’t. Who fucking knows. It is very unfortunate that this sinus infection lined up with the blogathon. I am quite simply no where near my best.

For that I apologize.

We are chilling with The Dead. Let your inner hippie come out and play.

If the power goes out… I guess I’m screwed. There isn’t a window in the geek cave, so I can’t tell how bad it is. But I can hear the thunder over the music.

I’m back on the air. Not that you care. I’m playing a power block of Pop Punk. You know Blink 182, Green Day, that kind of shit.

I keep catching typos. They are pretty bad. I’m very concerned about the ones I’m missing.

It is now tomorrow. Or at least it’s after midnight. It feel much later. I’m not sure why. Probably because almost none of the freaks I talk to online are online.

Rage upcoming on the Mango Radio.

More lame posting in 30 minutes on this blog.

I’m sitting here, with my shades on. I’m in the MPYR radio chatroom. I fucking hate chatrooms. They fill me with rage. Even more than normal.

Shutter is our most recent Super Hero.
Without babbling on like a little girl, this one means a lot to me. Thanks, dude.

I’m getting tired. I’ll blame this sinus infection. Staying up usually isn’t a problem for me. I guess I have no choice but to make some coffee.

I love coffee. I guess I wouldn’t be so bored if people were visiting. But as I’ve said before, I’m not one of the cool kids. Just my destiny, I suppose.

That’s ok, I’ll just keep posting. The 2 or 3 of you that are reading, will keep reading. And later, in the wee hours of the morning, I’ll rage to no one on SBR about how the rest of you suck.

Have a nice day.

Yes. You missed a block of Disco and Rage on Shitty Blogathon Radio. I know you don’t care. I don’t care that you don’t care. So there.

Mango was there. He eggs me on, you know. He tries to get me to do bad things. Very bad.

I think I have been in front of the PC too long. I mean I’m used to being in front of a computer, but this is relentless. At least I work, I get interrupted with meetings and phone calls and Shutter. All I have here is Geek Blog, Misfitopia, IM and Shitty Radio. It may be making me a bit crazy.

Mango informs me that CBS is broadcasting an XBox360 GuitarHero Championship. This is fucking retarded. Do I really need to elaborate.

Mango is going back to whatever it is that he is doing in Buffalo. So I’ll be back to being kind of alone. Again. He says he’ll be back in the middle of the night. I’ll play Enya and GnR to celebrate.

And maybe some ‘All Along the Watchtower.’

What was it that Tyler Durden said about ‘the Happy Place?’ You know… when he was giving the narrator a chemical burn?

Nevermind.

Like most days…

It’s lunch time and I am filled with rage. Don’t ask. It just seems to work that way. Maybe it’s techno music I’m listening to. Wanna listen. Go to SBR and click on one of the links on the sidebar. To the best of knowledge, they work.

I’ve get left over hot dogs on the menu. Who wants to figure out the over/under on me spilling mustard on me. It’s pathetic. I know.

To expand on the point that i was failing to make earlier. All I’ve wanted to do was to be popular. In high school and college that would have never happened. It’s not likely to happen at work. But, You would think… at least I would, that on the Internet, I’d have a chance.

The playing field should leveled. Looks don’t matter. Background doesn’t matter. Yet, the blogosphere (and elsewhere on the ‘net) makes its own cliques. I hate it.

Wanna know what else sucks? I really though it would take long for me to be reduced to rambling, babbling.

I’ll babble some more after lunch.

I was so plucked that I didn’t even get the “Sponsor this Blog’ button up last time.

God, I suck.

And If I don’t figure out how to get some lunch soon, I’m screwed. I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point I started getting very regimented on when I eat. Which is good, I suppose… but when I get off schedule, it fucks wit me a lot. You know… like right now.

Did I mention I hate blogging.

I’m not sure why I don’t just write. For myself. On my computer and leave it there. It would eliminate a lot of my frustration. It’s my own… insecurity… need for affirmation… something that makes me blog. I could write and save it to the hard drive. But I would never know if you got it. I wouldn’t know if I had got my point across.

But by the same token, I have always felt like there is some huge blogging community out there. And I am some where outside of it.

I know. I know.

It’s my own fault. I don’t play the GAME. Hell, I don’t even understand the game, nor do I want to. Most of the time this shit doesn’t bother me at all. I just do my thing. I have my few, but extremely loyal groupies readers. But sometimes, like when those stupid awards come out or during this blogathon, it begins to get to me.

I read other blogs and it sounds like they are all blogging this thing together. I feel like I’m sitting here at my computer, alone, blogging. Do the rest of them have a better imagination than I do? Are they IMing back and forth between posts. Calling each other on the phone?

I don’t know. This is probably my tendency to be extremely literal giving me a hard time again.

Yes. It is hard to be me. No. I do not expect you to feel the slightest bit sorry from me. Yes. I do expect some of you to mock me derisively.

Did you ever feel like you were trying to make point, but had no idea what the hell it was? No? Must just be me and my aneurysm .

Thank you. You’re too kind. I’ll be here all fucking day, don’t forget to tip.

Am I bit plucked….

Yes I am.

Of course, I’ll just be told that I’m not a good sport. Not a team player. You would think that I would be used to that by now.

I apologize that this isn’t a very good post. I don’t have a lot of time to put this together.

Instead of writing during the last 30 minutes, I’ve been fucking with my template. My template that has been perfectly good for over a year now (including last year’s blogathon.) I’ve added a time stamp.

That, in and of itself, wouldn’t be so bad. But then I discovered that blogsome doesn’t change for daylight savings time automatically. So the first six posts were an hour early. I had to change my time to reflect DST and then I had to update the time stamps on each of those posts.

Fucking great.

I certainly hope it helps a lot. A whole lot.

And now my head ache has gone into overdrive. Excuse me while I go find some coffee… and Advil.

As I was saying…

There is plenty of food, more than enough.

I truly believe that there is enough food out there to prevent chronic hunger forever. It’s just not all in the right place.

We can fix this. (No smartass, I don’t want you to mail that left over piece of pizza to Africa.) A relatively small amount of money can help not only feed people who are starving, but help to education them on how to manage finance and improve infrastructure.

And if it is possible to fix this, and I believe it is, then we must do this. How can it be that there are people starving, when it can be fixed?

So I picked Freedom from Hunger for my charity. They believe, as I do, that hunger can be eliminated.

Hey, you can help too! Five dollars can make a difference. $25 is huge! And $100 would be AWESOME! You want to be awesome, don’t you?

And I’m putting my money where my mouth is. I’m matching 10% of the total pledges. I want to get up to $500 in pledges before this is done. I know it is unlikely, but I would love nothing more than to have to shell out $100 to match a $1000 in pledges.

I’ll be back in 30 minutes. Hell… I’ll be here all day.

Do you ever wonder how people come to choose a charity to get behind? I mean not just blogathon either. How do celebrities end up sponsoring this charity or that charity? I guess they have people for that. People who go find charities that match their interests (and will best serve their PR people.)

I, believe it or not, don’t have people. Yet I still had to pick a charity. For me, this wasn’t easy. I am passionate about many things and there are dozens of charities that address these things. How to narrow it down to one that I am willing to give up a day of my life for. How to pick one that I am willing to ask friends and strangers to support?

It wasn’t easy. But I think that one of the things that upsets me the most is this: I live in a country that thrives on excess. Super-sized fast food, big-fucking-sodas at the convenience store. And Junk Food. Everywhere I look, there is food and too much of it. More than we really need. And that’s fine I guess.

But here’s the rub, if we have so much extra, how is it that anyone, anywhere is starving?

I think this thought is bigger than the time I have… I’ll finish it in the next post!

I’m not just a blogger, I’m the leader of a group of elite bloggers. Elite might be too strong of a word. Shitty might be more accurate. It’s a joke really. A big self-deprecating inside joke for people who write blogs, but don’t take themselves too seriously.

Amazingly, there are over hundred semi-active members. It’s amazing that my brand of pissed off humor appreals to that many people.

Apparently, not everyone appreciates my sense of humor. There are these other shitty bloggers out there. I don’t know where they came from. I don’t care. We made a big stink about them having the same name as us. Well, not even the same name but close. We pretended to be all offended and a good time was had by all.

Wait. Not by all. Like I said, not everyone appreciates my humor or lack thereof. Someone complained to blogsome and they deleted the Shitty Blogs Club outright. Harsh. It’s okay. I moved to the back up plan. The blog is now located at shittyblogsclub.com. I was going to move it some day anyhow… it just seemed like a lot of work. I have all of the posts kind of backed up. Some of the images are lost and the template is gone.

I guess I should be flattered that my humor was so offensive that it had to be suppressed. I don’t get it. I really don’t.

Of course, I don’t have time for this shit.

I just bought a house. I am now a slum lord.

We spent like 3 hours and nearly a thousand dollars in Lowes tonight. I’ve got a busy weekend ahead of me.

On the list: Replacing a window, replacing some dry wall, boarding up the broken windows in the basement, cleaning (and I mean really cleaning) and painting.

I feel like I belong on one of those shows on HGTV. Of course, buying a bunch of shit is the easy part. Tomorrow I need to start making it fixed.

Hopefully, I’ll remember to take before and after pictures.

The replacing the window is going to be the most challenging task. The existing window is 28 inches by 60 inches. Replacement windows come in 28 by 54. I’ll need to make the hole smaller. I know what I need to do and I’m pretty sure of how I want to do it. But often times these things end up getting harder once you start.

If you’re not doing anything tomorrow, come on over. We’ll be happy to let you paint.

My head hurts. I’m tired. I’m grumpy.

And no one cares.

I think it the last part that bothers me the most.

How has it been nearly two decades since high school and I find myself facing the same problems. I don’t fit in.

I don’t make friends well. I’m no good at it.

I could make some dramatic statement about how hard it is for me trust people, because of the way my life has gone. But that doesn’t ring true. I couldn’t make friends in high school either. Or before them.

I’m just not wired correctly.

I guess most of teh time I’m at peace with it. I just sit around and do my thing. But some days I look around and se people hanging out outside of work. Doing shit together and I feel left out.

Maybe this head ache has impaired my ability to function like a rational human being.

I just want to yell at people. Be a real dick. Somehow that seems like it would make things better. It probably wouldn’t and I doubt it would make me feel better. But if I could make a few people as miserable as I am, that would be a small consolation.

I know.

Small.
Petty.

But it sounds good. It really does.

I won’t do it. I’ll just stalk around and grumble to myself.

Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?

My job is making me nuts. I’ve been there for two years. I had expected that I would move up in the pecking order during that time.

It’s not going to happen. Too much bureaucracy. To move up, a new job needs to be created or someone need to leave. I don’t see either of those things happening.

Which means the ball is in my court.

Excuse my while I walk around and grumble some more.

I don’t blog as much as I used to.

I don’t blog as much as I want to.

I sit down with every intention to write something, but I don’t. Mostly, this is due to the fact that all of my post would sound the same.

My job frustrates me.
People are dumb.
I hate dumb people.
I hate dumb people on the internet.
I hate dumb people at work toady.
I went to the gym, there were dumb people there.
I hate that.

Do you want to read that? I don’t want to write it. It get’s stale after a while. My life is a bit stale, to tell the truth.

I’m a in a rut. Work does frustrate me. I could tell you all about it, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I don’t need to. Maybe work is simply a frustrating thing. I fear that my work frustration is far from unique. And that is depressing in and of itself. I mean, if I have to suffer like this, you would hope that at least it would make for an interesting story. But it doesn’t. It just makes for another guy bitching about his job.

I try not to dwell on work. I go to the gym nearly every night and run for 40 minutes. You’d think that this is the kind of activity that would make my life better. Help me feel healthier and happier. Who knows, maybe it does. But I’m still in a rut.

I know I mentioned it before, but it is so true. I want to pack my shit and go some where warm. Get a new job. How bad could it be? Even if the job sucked, when you were done work, you’d be in Florida anyways.

If I were single, I’d probably do it. But it’s a lot harder to figure how to afford to transplant a family. And let’s be honest here, there is nothing so unique or special in my skill set to make some one want to relocate me.

I try to amuse myself, to keep myself from dwelling on this shit.

And to that end, I’m gonna run Shitty Blog Survivor again and Shitty Blog Radio seems to have resurfaced. Of course, that nature of diversion has limited appeal.

For now I just look forward to my next backpacking trip. Currently, the forecast is for rain and snow. This will not do.

I hate this time of year.

Is privacy important?

The nature of this question keeps changing. Should we sacrifice a little privacy to make the world safer? To make it more convenient?

It seems that this question is no longer academic for me.

At work we got a new piece of equipment. A network analyzer to go with our firewall. Our Network Analyst, who is responsible for the firewall has been testing it out.

It seems that there is very little information that is hidden from him.

Oh. I know the information has always been there, for anyone with the right tools and enough time. But this has raised the stakes. He can read in near real time what you are saying on IM or what web page your are reading. Who you are logged in as.

If he were inclined, he could know just about anything I did on line, with no more effort than you are expending to read this blog.

He let our Network Engineers know about the capabilities of this device by reading verbatim an IM conversation between to of them.

The reaction in the room was unanimous: Fuck this.

Like I said, we know that nothing is safe or secret in the electronic world. We know that better than most people. We also know the pure volume of stuff happening on the network at any given moment should mean that whatever we do is just part of the noise.

Not anymore.

Of course, the argument always goes— if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.

Like most old arguments, it’s dead wrong.

Typical Chat conversation:

jeckles:dude
shutter:what’s up!
jeckles:that meeting was lame!
shutter:oh yeah?
jeckles:fuck yeah. you should have heard the dumbass shit that so and so was saying.
shutter:hahahhaha. I know so and so is such a tool… why do they invite him to those meetings
jeckles:to make me nuts, I think

Harmless. Just a little venting between co-workers. I’m sure it happens all the time. But what if ’so and so’ got access to the logs of the analyzer? Yeah. That would be bad.

And even if I refrained from criticizing or insulting anyone on IM, would it still be OK?

No.

Imagine if your boss offered you overtime to work on a project. You declined because you had plans for the weekend. You don’t tell your boss that your plans are to watch all 12 hours of LotR, its none of her business. But when you tell your buddy about your plans and she sees the logs…

What if some one was planning to quit? That’s not illegal or immoral, yet you wouldn’t want anyone at work to no about it before you told them.

The scenarios are endless. The fact remains that recording personal conversations is wrong. It’s probably legal, but what’s legal and what’s right often don’t line up.

There is a need to monitor what happens on a network and to control the kinds of traffic that is on the network. But there has to be a way to do it without spying on your own employees. I’d rather have IM blocked than monitored.

So what happened at work?

We downloaded and install a tool to encrypt our IM. Our Network Analysts blocked our IM. Our CIO said, “You guys can encrypt it? Send me the link.” Our Analyst backed off.

But this isn’t going to go away.

What should you take out of this? Two things.

Protect your privacy. If you think you have nothing to hide, you underestimate the ill will people can possess.

And if you IM me while I’m at work, assume what ever you type is being read. Cause it probably is.

I have been seriously questioning why I still doing this.

I think that most of the people who used to read this have moved on.
And writing it feels like a chore.

I go through cycles on this shit. Hot and cold.

Right now, I feeling cold.

I sit down to post something, but don’t. I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like reading the well meaning comment from people who don’t understand what I’m trying to say.

Like this post. I’m not look for someone to talk me into keep blogging. Shit. That’s the last thing I want.

When I started doing this, I wanted a place to put my thoughts out there and that was it. But it’s changed. Once people started reading, that changed everything. Then I started thinking about what the readers thought.

The problem, I suppose, is that I really don’t like people.

I really don’t. As I am sitting here trying to type this, this buffoon I work with is trying to give me his malformed opinion of a presentation/meeting we had at work. It’s taking all of the strength I have not to say, “I don’t give a shit what you think. Shut up and leave alone, can’t you see me typing here.”

I guess that makes me not a nice person. I kind of wish I were a nice person, but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me. I am who I am. I am a product of the events that have shaped me and there isn’t much to be done about it.

Back to the point, Blogging seems to be an interactive/community kind of thing. My general dislike for people doesn’t work well with that.

So I ask myself, should I keep doing this and just say fuck ‘em, when the other bloggers rub me the wrong way? Or should I pack it up and try something else?

I don’t know. Not right now anyway.

I’m not here to make friends. I’m not here to get your approval. I’m not here to fit in to some sort of community. And I’m not here to be judged.

I’m here to say what I think. And recently, that seems more trouble than it’s worth.

Once upon a time, I started a blog. I did it because I had read a few blogs and it seemed interesting. But mostly I did it, because I had heard a rumor that Blogger was giving Gmail accounts to its members. I didn’t get a Gmail account from Blogger. I did eventually get one from some other blogger, because of my whining about it on my blog.

I liked blogging. I put my thoughts up on the internet, but no one read them. I signed up with a bunch of things to draw traffic to my blog. If only people could see his blog then they would read it. But for the most part they did not. For the most part, they still don’t.

Once upon a time, I joined a blogging club. It was kind of a joke. Before long I found myself in charge of it. People like silliness on the internet, I’ll have contests and polls and shit. People will come and hang out and it will be fun. People did come, but mostly just to get another link. Everyone wants a link. Fun? Not so much. People told me that I had to do this and I had to do that. I held make believe contests and people got mad.

Once upon time, I believed I could be a writer. I wrote stories. Carefully choosing every word. People came and told me how great my writing was. I read their sites and told them how great they were. I decided to get serious. Maybe write a novel. Maybe not. Maybe I should just stick to let people compliment me on the internet.

Once upon a time, I had a radio show. It was dumb. It was a joke. I didn’t try to make anything serious, just a diversion for fun. Well, yeah, that didn’t work out either.

People ask me why I hate the Internet so much. No reason.

I think that what is wrong with me… and don’t doubt for a minute that something is wrong with me. What is wrong with me may be that I don’t know what I want.

Or perhaps as my wife says, “You think to much about stuff.”

It’s true. But that doesn’t matter. I can’t help it.

Warning. This post is long, boring and probably filled with self pity. If that is a problem for you go read something else.

Work is making me nuts. Not the job itself, but my co-workers. To explain…

It’s complicated. Of course it is, probably because I’ve thought about too much.

I don’t think I’ve blogged too much about this, mostly because I have no desire to whine about things here. But to understand, you have to understand the back story.

At my job, and you probably have some one like this at your job too, there is this guy. He’s an idiot. Truly. Let’s call him Buddy. To add insult to injury, unlike many of us he a College Diploma, though I can’t imagine how. He knows less about computers than most of our users. He doesn’t understand the network. He can’t multi-task. He’s a hold over from a different time. Before there was IT. He was the ‘tech.’ A hardware monkey that could set up dot matrix printers and Apple IIe’s and whatever else. No real technical skill need.

But bureaucracy works in funny ways. You promote people for working somewhere a long time, you bounce him from department to department. Until somehow, he’s a “Network Engineer.” Of course no one thinks that he could do anything remotely like what a Network Engineer needs to do. So they put him in charge of ordering parts and processing repairs. They stick him in a warehouse and forget about him.

I don’t care about any of that. Not really. It burns me a little bit that this monkey gets paid more than me. A lot more than me. But his paycheck is his business and I know that.

Our department is growing rapidly and our office is over crowded as a result. Another tech and myself get relocated out to the warehouse. Since we are onsite technicians it shouldn’t matter to much.

And it doesn’t.

So when I am at my ‘desk,’ I get to see Buddy in action. It’s a site to behold. He talks to himself, get frustrated the first time doesn’t go the way he thinks it should, and he cannot trouble shoot anything. First roadblock and he’s on the phone with a real engineer. He cusses and yells and throws temper tantrums. But we accept this, for no reason other than this is just how he is.

Life goes on. I even take a vacation. On my first day back, I come in to catch up on email and what not. Buddy is all worked up. It’s early and he’s already cussing and yelling and freaking out about something or another.

“How do you assign admin rights to a new account? This doesn’t make any sense.”

Admin rights? I ask him needs admin rights. Chris does. I find out that his son, Chris has been hired to be the Help Desk guy. There are 3 other techs in the warehouse this morning. I look to my buddy and he gives me the same puzzled look.

“Helpdesk doesn’t get admin rights.” We both say.

Buddy loses it. His face gets all red, the chords in his neck jump out.

“YOU”RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE, JECKLES! A FUCKING ASSHOLE!”

Nice. Wow. As it turns out he was trying t figure out he get Chris Rights to the Help Desk, not Admin rights. But he flipped on me. What did I do?

I walked away. I got a cup of coffee. And when I came back, I simply asked him to please interact with me in professional manner. He proceeded to explain to me what a jerk I am, and I just tuned it out.

And life goes on. Interrupted occasionally by outburst from Buddy.

Until last month.

I was sick, and had been for a while. I was running a fever. I had my laptop set up on the work bench, since some other tech had hijacked ‘my desk.’ But since I don’t really have a desk, I can’t complain. I have my headphones in and I’m trying tto work while tuning out the idiocy around me. In other words, a pretty typical day.

Buddy keeps reaching right over my head for something. I ignore once, twice, but three time is too much. Three times of having his meaty arm in front of my face. Three time of having his disgusting gut right up next to me. It’s too much.

“Do you want me to move?” I ask, making no attempt to hide my displeasure.
“I’m just trying to do my fucking job!” He screams at me.

Too much. Too much Buddy. Too much working while sick. Too much not having a desk to work at.

“What do you think I trying to do. I don’t have anywhere else to fucking sit? Do you think I Sat to fucking inconvenience you? Jesus Fucking Christ. Don’t fucking worry about it. I’ll move out of your fucking way!”

I picked up my laptop and stomped off.

Not my most shining moment, I know. But given the environment and the history I didn’t think much of it… until my boss called me in her office.

I got warned. I was told that we don’t act like that. I was told the F-Bomb was inappropriate. Somehow, I managed to not point out that she had no problem dropping the ole F-Bomb.

She asked if this was an isolated incident, I told no it wasn’t and I gave her the history.

I didn’t get in trouble beyond that. And they managed to find me a desk back in the office.

Problem solved.

Except that it is not. This is where the problem begins. Word gets around. People joke about me losing my cool. Suddenly I have a reputation as a hot head. As some one who will lose his temper at the drop of a hat.

My boss doesn’t chat with me anymore. People are careful around me.

I can’t stand it. And I think my career path here will be affected by this. My boss doesn’t think of me as reliable tech with loads of knowledge about Active Directories and everything else. She sees me as a potential liability.

And every time I hear some one say something like, “Hey Jeckles, I know that user is a total idiot, try not to yell at him.” It knocks the wind out of me. And there are comments. Some obvious. Some subtle. It makes each and every work day hell.

I am so tired. Tired of the shit. Tired of shooting myself in the foot again and again. Tired of not being able to succeed.

And I don’t see any rest in sight.

My day didn’t start bad.

I got up, showered, enjoyed a cup of coffee. Went off to one of my sites and took care of a detail that was left over from the day before. I stopped and filled up the tank before heading back to the main office.

Parking is tight at the office. Our lot only holds a fraction of the cars that bring us there. So I parked in teh lot accroos the street as I usually do. And that was fine with me. The sunny was shining, it was practically warm. I grabbed my laptop and headed towards the office building.

I should pause here to explain something. I have two bad knees. I’ve had arthritis of some sort in one knee or the other (or Fun! Fun! sometimes both of them) since I was four years old. I guess backpacking is a funny hobby for a guy with bad knees, but that is not by accident. I sort of refuse to accept that my knees are shit. I hike, jog, do whatever I want. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn’t. I don’t know, but I spent to much of my childhood being gimped up, I refuse to do that now. Sooner or later, I’ll probably be forced to slow down, but until then… I’ll keep trucking.

Why am I telling you about my knees, in the middle of a narration about my morning? Well you need to understand that my knees (and sometimes by extension my hips) sometimes rebel against me. And that is what happened this morning.

I stepped on to the curb, to look for traffic, before crossing, but I stepped a little forward throwing my balance ever so slightly off. I should have re-adjusted and not even noticed, but this was just enough to throw off my often useless knees. They gave way underneath of me, throwing me to the street. I put my hands out to break my fall and slammed into the asphalt.

My first reaction was embarrassment. I looked around and luckily there was only one witness and he was a stranger to me. I picked myself and headed towards the building. I inspected my hands as I walked, they were both scraped pretty good and beginning to bleed. My left knee felt as though it had been scraped. And even before I made to the door my left hand was beginning to throb.

I went to my desk and docked my laptop. I went to the bathroom and washed of my hands. Scraped, but not cut deep anywhere. Back to my desk and back to work.

But my left hand was killing me. A bruise was building deep in there somewhere and I was having trouble gripping things. Lifting anything with my left hand was painful enough to make me catch my breath.

I took a half dozen Advil and after a half hour or so the pain faded to a point I could work around it.

I smashed the shit out of the bone in heel of my hand, down near the thumb. I suppose there could be a hairline fracture. More likely, I just bruised the bone.

The only good news is that I have tomorrow off. And with any luck it will be feeling much better by Saturday. Cause I’m going backpacking.

Want to guess at the forecast?

I seem to be engaged in a turf war at work.

I hate that my life is as stupid as this.

My ‘office’ is located in a warehouse. The IT dept has a corner of the warehouse. It’s where we keep all the spare hard drives and computers that need work. The parts aren’t my problem. I’m here cause our main office is overcrowded. Most of the time this works out for me. It keeps me away from office politics and besides, mostly I’m a field tech. I just need to come back here to do paperwork and do repair work.

Of course, most of the building is occuppied by the Facilities People. That’s fine too. But, for some reason yesterday the Facilities Supervisor decided to pick a fight with me.

They keep at least one pot of coffee brewed up in their break room. Instead of brewing coffee back here, we just go up and drink theirs. And of course, every month or so, I give the lady who buys the coffee ten bucks to pitch in towards coffee.

Yesterday, Shutter and I brewed a pot of coffee, up in the break room. I must have made it a wee bit too full, because it spilled a little while I pouring my cup. Shutter grabbed a sponged, I grabbed a paper towel and we cleaned it up.

I went back to my desk and back to work. Five minutes later the Supervisor of Facilities strolls back. He laikes to come and visit us and pretend that he is in charge of us, since we are in ‘his building.’ Whatever. Usually it is benign.

He comes and starts shouting, no biggy, he always yells. I don’t know why.

“Hey Fellas! What’s this Music? Sounds Like someone being killed!”
Well, it was Rage against the Machine. But, what od you say to that, so we just kept doing what we doing. He looks right at me and says, “Hey Coffee Guy!”
I looked up at him.
“There’s plenty of Coffee Up There!.”
“I know. I just brewed it.”
“I Can Tell! I See Where You Spilled Coffee All Over the Floor!”
I look at Shutter and he looks at me. Before I can I ask if I missed something, he goes on.”
“Marcie Just Cleaned that Floor! Jay-Sus! This Music is Terrible! It Makes Me Want To Kill Myself.”
He walks over starts looking at my computer screen. I minimize the email I’m writing. He walks over and looks at Shutter’s monitor.
He says to Shutter, “Is This Music Coming From Your Computer? What’s Wrong with You? What Don’t you Play Some Sinatra? This Fucking Shit is Terrible.”

I could tell Shutter was getting pissed. Any one could tell. His back was getting stiff and his face was gettign a little red. Even this assclown could tell.
“You Know I’m Just Kidding With You! Right? I would Kid You If I Didn’t Like You! You Know I Like You. If I Didn’t I wouldn’t let you drink MY COFFEE!”

I almost lost it. His coffee? His Coffee! I gave ole what’s her face ten bucks not 3 day ago, but it’s his coffee? To hell with that. I paid for it. It’s my coffee. I couldn’t stand anymore.

I finished my coffee and started to pack my shit up. Shutter asked where I was headed and I told him. He offered to lend me a hand. I stood up and started to out my coffee cup away. Mr. Facilities Supervisor sees me walking with the empty cup.

“GOING FOR MORE COFFEE?”
“no. i’ve had enough. thanks.”
“OK. SON. Did You Hear That? He’s Actually Had ENOUGH Coffee!”

Shutter and I walked out of the Office.

I will not drink anymore of His Coffee. I don’t know what that was about. And I don’t care. I’ll either brew it in my office or I’ll bring it in with me. But I will not drink His Coffee anymore.

I hate this shit.

Maybe I need one of those jobs where I don’t have to deal with people.

Like a developer.
Just let me sit in a cube and write code all day.
I could live with that.
Except that I don’t know much in the way coding.

I could be a writer.
I could sit at a desk and write for hours at a time each day.
Write until a novel happened.
Think I can get an advance on that plan?

Maybe I should be a hermit.
Go live in some shack in Montana.
Line the walls with foil and hide from the world.

The funny thing is, despite what you guys think, I’m very good at dealing with people.

I smile. I say the right things to the right people.
Usually I can get things accomplished.
That’s the trick. I’m in no position to demand anything of anyone.
So I talk. And talk. And talk.
I talk to all kinds of people. And I listen to what they say, I hear their concerns and explain to them why and how it should be.
And they listen. Usually.

But it is frustrating. Very.
Especially when I get to those who will not listen.

Don’t you know who I am?

So what do I do about it.
I blow off steam.
I shout and yell and cuss.
(Speaking of venting, listen to SBR tonight at 9 PM EST to hear what I’m talking about.)
Later when they cannot hear me.

So that later, when I have to deal with them again, I can smile and talk. And Talk.

I woke her up.
Nicely.

I think I hear noises in the kitchen.
I’m hopeful that this will result in an egg sandwich.
And coffee.

I need coffee, but not before I get something solid in my stomach.

I’m not going to get in to things that I don’t know the details of…
but I can safely say, once again, people suck.

Given a chance to be small, narrow minded and short sighted, they will.
Stupid people.

Wow. This is much easier when I’m not trying to do a Radio Show.

Those of you who listened…
You rock!

The rest of you…
well do I need to spell it out?

I’ll keep you posted about breakfast. I know that you are on the edge of your seat about this.

The kids are in bed.
The wife is too.

2 distractions taken care of.

I’m more than halfway there.

So far so good…

But (yes another but)

But this blogathon thing has brought over a hundred different people to this site.
Most of them will never come back after today. I’m cool with that.
But you would think that more than one of them would be able to make a pledge!

grrrr

It’s a blogathon!
It’s for charity!

You are supposed to make pledges!

Sponsor me. Dammit.

Step up to the plate.
It’s good for you.

My Blogathon monitor think I need a break…

What she doesn’t realize is that I’m always like this.

Like I said…
I suck.

But look, I’ve been talking to Mango Radio People.
I’ve been emailing.
And I haven’t been writing.

Once again, I suck.

So shitty useless post.

Deal with it.

Want to be amused…

Go listen to Utopia, she is angrier than me. (well almost.)

She is currently representing Mango Radio.

I feel like I should be saying nice things right now…
but I don’t have it in me right now.

Deal with that also.

Yeah… I’m a bundle of inspiration.

It’s true.

I’ve been blogging for over 2 years. I’ve posted hundreds of bits of me on the Internet here and elsewhere.

But I always end up disappointed.
Stupid blog clubs irritate me.
Even my own stupid blog club.

It seems that every time I find a blog I love, the writer quits writing.

I hate that for the most part that only bloggers read blogs.
I hate that it tends to be reciprocal.
I’ll read yours if you read mine.

I hate a lot of things actually. (It’s part of my charm.)

So why do you blog if it bugs you so much?

Good Question.

I’ve been asking myself that for quite some time now.
I’ll probably ask again before this ‘thon thing is over.

That’s OK. You’ll be sick of me before this over. Trust me.
Happens to everyone.

Well almost everyone.

I’m blogging at work again. I am a bad employee. Of course, we are playing the name that tune game on my iPod right now, so why not blog.

Shutter really sucks at name that tune.

Tonight, I need to pack for my three day backpacking trip, then do the stupid radio show. Any packing that does not get done before the show, will happen afterwards. I probably won’t get much sleep.

Sleep is overrated.

OK. I’m home now. I goofed off long enough that my work day week is finally over.

This week started like shit, and really it didn’t end any better. Maybe the heat is getting to people. I know that I’m not happy about having to work with this douche that screamed at me. He keeps trying to nice up to me. Fuck that. I am a patient person (really… I am) and I’m a pretty nice person. This moron is getting top pay because he’s been there forever and they don’t know what else to do with him, so they promote up and out of the way. What do I care, that’s not my problem.

It wasn’t. Then he screamed at me. Now every time he starts with the, Jeckles, I’m not sure what this error means. Jeckles, why isn’t this working. Jeckles, how can they expect us to do this without step by step documentation written at a level a simple child could read.

I want to scream at him:

Dude. You have a College Degree. You are a fucking Level III Engineer (compared to my measly Level II Technician.) Dude you make 30% more than I do. Figure it out. That’s we do. We figure it out.

I’m done with that guy. You don’t scream at me like that and then expect me to just forget that it happened,

I’m sick of other people too. Little people. Not Midgets. Small minded assholes, who think that they know oh-so-much about the world. They know what is right and what is wrong. And have no problem telling me all about it. And when I make it clear I don’t want to hear it. Then I’m the asshole.

I need to go pack. I’ll be on the stupid Radio show at nine. Tune in if you want.

Two days till vacation. Twos days till vacation. Two days till vacation.

It’s not helping.

Why does everything have to be so frustrating. I guess its me. It must be.

I went to re-image a bunch of old computers. The image failed. The fucking hard drives were too small. So…
First thing tomorrow I’ll be re-imaging the same computers. Which is great, cause it was so much fun the first time.

< Broken record>

I hate people. And unfortunately that extends to Internet people too. Cause they are just real people. Except for teh ones in the chat rooms that want to show you theit webcams. They are not real. Sometiems it harder for me gage to tehinternet people. But in the long run the break donw is always the same: msot people suck, a few are pretty good.

Lousy odds if you aske me.

</beating a dead horse>

I’m busy as hell, with all my little projects. But it seems like I make remarkably little progress. I hate this.

And so You know. I’m not joking when I say I’m paranoid. I really am. It is so crippling some days.
You can go ahead and make fun of me now. (and no, I’m not trying to be ironic.)

I’ve been reading my old blog entries. And I’ve come to a number of conclusions.

I am a boring dude.
I whine alot.
I don’t really do anything.
I am boring dude.

My blog (This blog) will turn 2 years old soon. I’m thinking of putting decorations and baking a cake. Then no one will show up and I’ll eat my cake. It will be a very fitting way to celebrate this blog.

Two More Days. Just Two More.

I have a head ache.

Lack of sleep will do that to you.

I’m grumpy I want to lash out at people. Which sucks. I’m not upset at people, I’m upset at person. But lashing out at person will get me no where.

So I’m stuck.

Stay back.
I may lash.

At what point do I give up.
Do I resign myself to the fact that I’m I’m just another nobody.

I wanted to be great. To do something great. To be different. To be true to myself.

Of course everyone wants that. That’s why teenagers are so endearing, they really believe that they will be different. That the rules won’t apply to them.

But the rules do apply. And life happens. And one day you wake up and you are over 30 with kids and a mortgage and a minivan. And you aren’t cool. You aren’t changing the world. You aren’t special.

And you scream inside your skull,”This is NOT what I wanted.” While you pass the time at your nice, but meaningless job.
I haven’t given up yet. Not quite.

But you begin to wonder if you are not just whining.

Maybe it’s time to join the sheep.
To line up with the lemmings and head for the cliff.
Shut the fuck up and keep walking.

that I hate people?

I took the day off work.

I feel a little… cough, cough … ill.

And besides, my employer gives me 12 sick days a year. And I ‘m a fairly healthy guy. So why not take mental health day, here or there?

I decided that what I needed to cure what ails me was a nice relaxing morning at my favorite coffee house.

So here I am sipping on some sort of fair trade Guatemalan coffee, writing Part 4 to the backpacking story, listening to my iPod and generally enjoying myself. And poof the wireless connection disappears. I look over to where the access point is… and I see this hammerhead unplugging it. I look around there are 4 or 5 other people on laptops.

I watch this egghead fucking around with the wireless access point, and I realize that he must be a consultant that the coffee house had hired to do something with their network. By consultant, I mean some asshole who thinks he knows everything about computers and went in to business for himself, in order to take money from those who nothing about business. He sees me watching him and comes over.

“Your connection might go down. Actually, you probably not connected right now.”

No shit Sherlock, you disconnected the access point from the network.
“I see that.” Somehow he missed the sarcasm.

“Well, yea it will be down for a few minutes.”

Great. I hope I didn’t lose everything i just typed you assclown. Did you ever think to mention this shit before you rudely disconnect me and all the other customers from our work?
“Great!”

He did whatever it is he was doing, and now I’m back up.

If you’ll excuse me… I have to talk the owner about his wireless network, and educate him about “consultants.”

I hate people.

I don’t want to. I want to be a people person. I can imagine me talking and having fun with all of these people, but they aren’t real people. They are interesting people who want to talk about things not just pratter on about TV or the weather. People who have opinions and are willing to defed them, but who also are looking to expand their horizons and therefore are willing to listen to different points of view. Me and my imaginary people would have such a great time.

Too bad they are not real.

Take tonight for example. My wife is having some sort of stupid candle party. Whatever. I know it wasn’t designed for me, I just planned to lay low and stay out of the way.

Of course I didn’t get out of work until after 6. Then my wife asked me to stop by the grocery store to pick a few last minute items for the party. I didn’t get home till just before 7, which is when the part started. All I wanted to do was change, grab something to eat and retreat to the geek cave.

Well that’s not going to happen. The party ladies are already showing up. To hell with it, I think, who needs to change. I’ll just grab some food and take the kids and retreat. Too late.

Lady I barely know: This is Jeckles.
Lady I’ve never fucking seen before: You’re Jeckles! I though you were Mrs Jeckles’ brother you two look alike!
Lady I barely know: Well Married people start to like a like!
Lady I’ve never fucking seen before: he he he
Lady I barely know:Jeckles look at hard I’ve slaving to prepare for your wife’s party.

I guess anyone who reads this will think it is no big deal…

Who fucking cares right? I do. What gives you the right to walk into my house and start babbling at me. If you have nothing to say, Shut Up! Why do you feel the need to flap your jaws and joke with me like we’ve been friends for ages.

At some point I had the Audacity to try to leave the Geek Cave. I just wanted some coffee. The door to the Geek Cave was barricaded with Candles. Once they got those clear, some person I don’t know yells out, Jeckles, you can’t just barge in to a room of women with out knocking.

Oh yea, you stupid cow, it’s my house. I own it. An why the fuck are you talking to me.

I really wish I could have some coffee.

So maybe it’s been a while since I updated this space.

It’s a little uncomfortable.  Like seeing an ex-girlfriend.  You don’t really know what to say.  This is so ironic, because you knew each other so well and now it seems like there is nothing to talk about.  Or perhaps it is nothing like that.

I could give you all of the usual excuses: work, sick with the never ending cold, busy with the Radio Show.  But it doesn’t really matter.

I yelled at an intern at work this week.  I guess I should feel bad about that, but actually I feel good about it.  Great even.  The little brat deserved it and I guess I had some pent up angry in me.  The whole thing was very refreshing for me.  The intern won’t look my in the eye yet.  But he’ll be ok.  I guess every one needs to learn at some point that there is a pecking order.  And when people at the bottom of the pecking order try to tell people who are a wrung on two up what to do, it doesn’t work well.  Do it too many times and you might get yelled at.  Or maybe I’m just a jerk.

The good news is that I get to go backpacking this weekend.  If the weather holds it should be incredible.  And I really need a good camping fix.  

Wow.  That wasn’t so hard.  I should do this blogging thing more often.

I’ve been busy.  Mostly with work.  I looked at my over time for September.  I worked something like 80 hours of OT last month.  Or to look at it another way, I worked an extra two weeks.  That would explain why I feel like I haven’t had any free time.

Why so much OT?  I’ve been swamped with calls and projects.  Take Friday for example.  I had to set up 25 computers with several CAD and CAM packages installed.  IT had taken some time to work out all the kinks and to get the licensing square.  But by Friday afternoon, I had everything working one workstation.  All I had to do was to image the other 24 Workstations.

Now, having said that, it is still a big chore — not hard but time consuming.  I had to pull the image of off the workstation that was correctly configured.  I then had to boot the other 24 workstation to a Ghost session.  On each workstation, I had to point it to my laptop to get the new image.  I hit send and wait…

The ‘GhostCast’ session was going to take about 15 minutes.  I stood there talking the tech I had roped in to helping me finish up the imaging process.  At 68% percent of the way through the ‘GhostCast’ session, we noticed a flicker.

I looked behind me 12 of the 24 computers were shut down.  The circuit that they were plugged in to had blown.  We found a maintenance guy to unlock the box housing the circuit breakers for us.  Sure enough one of them was blown.  All parties agreed that it was a fluke.    We went back to booted all the computers to the Ghost session.  And then we started the GhostCast session… again.

Guess what happened next.  That’s right, 68% of the way through the circuit blew.  What in the world happens at 68 percent that causes that to happen in a great mystery.  I set it up to ghost the computers that were not on the questionable circuit and once they were done, we ran the rest of them.  For what ever reason, that worked.  We ran through ‘Mini-Setup’ on each one.

The job got done.  But instead of finishing up around five like I planned, we were there until eight.  It seems like that has just been the way it has been working for me.

The good news is… this job pays for overtime.

I’m not having a very good week.  

It has been busy.  Stupid Busy.

My wife was out of town Saturday till Wednesday.  This made me a Single dad for a few days.  It was fun in some ways. But mostly it just wore me out.  And Tuesday after a shitty day at work, I really missed not having my best friend around to tell all about it.

Work.  Work has been … stressful.  I am in the business of Tech Support.  And there are times when it is a very thankless job.  Times like this month.  I do onsite support.  If your computer stops working, and you call the help desk, and the help desk can’t resolve your issue over the phone; I’m the guy who will show up and fix it.  

Most of the time it’s great.  I show up, do my thing and everyone’s happy.  People are so happy to get this stuff fixed.  It makes me feel good.  When I’m not closing calls, I’m working on projects: setting up servers, trying new technology, and brainstorming with the other engineers.  For me it is the perfect job.  I get to plenty of interesting and smart work, but I also have an excuse to get out of the office and avoiding the politics.

But sometimes, like now, the call volume gets high.  People wait times go up.  Then it’s harder.  I try to make the best of it.  I challenge myself to get the calls closed.  I work longer hours.  But the users… the users can make the job hell.

The users, who can’t be bothered to use the helpdesk, yet want you to take a look at their problem.  They have no appreciation for how badly that sets me back and for how much it screws things up for people who actually follow procedure and use the Help Desk.  I have calls that are almost a month old, but you want me to drop everything at look at your new problem ‘while I’m here.’  

The users, who have an axe to grind with their boss, because the boss hasn’t given them the computer or software they want.  Or because they Hate the IT department.  They are angry because when they started their career they didn’t use computers but computers have been thrust on them.  And they are sure that every time the computer doesn’t do what they expect it to it’s because we did something to mess with it.

The users, who did something stupid to their computer and expect you to fix it, ‘I     know we’re no supposed to download games from the Internet but… can you get all the spyware off of my PC with out removing my games?’

The thing that brings me down is the rudeness.  I’ve been yelled out, accused of preventing people from doing their jobs, and treated just generally like shit.  Just for showing up to fix the problem.

I could tell you tales of the crap I have had to endure, but I don’t really feel like it.  I will tell you this: If your computer gives you a hard time and someone comes to fix it, say ‘thank you’ to him (or her!)  Even if the last tech that came, screwed things up worse.  Even if you think you should get a better computer or that the computer has just made your job harder.  Even if you had to wait too long for them to show up.  Even if the help desk was terrible and the people you spoke to on the phone were idiots.  When the onsite tech shows up and fixes it; smile, be glad they came at all, be glad it’s now fixed, and say thank you.  It makes a difference.  Trust me, on this one.    

Do you want to know a secret? My oldest son isn’t actually my son. He isn’t related to me in any way. He’s my step son. He lives in my house. I provide him a home, food, help with homework, the occasional game of catch. I teach him how to make a campfire, I talk to him about things he can’t talk about with his mother, like comic books and girls.

I instill in him my morals. I teach him right from wrong. I show him the world as I see it. I love him with all of my heart. I love him as though he were my ‘real’ son. I know that this is true. My younger son is my son. And I love him. My heart feels no asterisk when I love the older one. My heart doesn’t understand that I’m not his real Dad.

His ‘real’ dad is unemployed. His real dad is too disabled to work, yet no one has seen him use his cane outside of a courtroom. His real dad thinks computers are OK for some people, but he ‘just doesn’t understand those computers.’ His real dad’s world extends less than 20 miles in any direction. His real dad can’t read. His real dad lives in a dingy trailer in a dingy trailer park. When my son goes to his real dad’s ‘house,’ he plays video games by himself and plays with the girl next door. A girl who’s older sister is now a mother at age 16. His real dad says he would like to support his son, but he can’t work. His real dad says he would like to do things with him, but he’s too weak.

My son comes home angry. He hates it there. He knows that he is supposed to like this guy, (the real dad’s girlfriend and the real dad’s mother tell him so all the time,) but his real dad doesn’t even talk to him about anything. His real dad asks every time, ‘How’s school?’ ‘Are you staying out of trouble?’ but he never seems to remember what my son has told him. My son doesn’t want to be there. If that place was the home of one of his friends, I would not allow him to spend the night there. (I would have the friend come to my house.) Sometimes, especially when there are family gatherings, weekend trips, and the like, my son asks if he can not go to his real dad’s house. Sometimes my wife says that he doesn’t have to.

His real dad gets angry. He says we are keeping his son from him. His real dad once went over 10 months with out contacting my son. My son’s real dad can’t hold a job and has been excused from paying child support. My son’s real dad, however, can afford a lawyer. My son’s real dad’s lawyer says that my wife is in contempt of court for disobeying the court ordered visitation agreement. The lawyer did not mention the fact that sometimes my son’s real dad is unavailable to get him for the weekend. He did mention that the real dad did not get the two non-consecutive weeks of visitation that is his court ordered right. The lawyer did not mention that the real dad did not provide my wife with the dates of the two non-consecutive weeks by May 31 (as stipulated in the agreement.)

The courts think fathers must care for their sons. The courts are horrified because of the number of fatherless children in this country. The courts will go to great lengths to make sure that fathers and children have access to each other. Even if the father is a criminal. Even is the crime is child abuse. Even is the abuse is sexual. The courts are very clear, fathers will see their children. Children need fathers. My son’s real dad isn’t that bad. But then again, he isn’t very good either.

I am a geek. I know how to use google. I googled my son’s real dad’s lawyer. He specializes in personal injury, bankruptcy, and disability claims. The real dad says he thinks his injuries are getting worse, he may end up in a wheel chair.

The courts insist that my son needs a dad.

And I wonder…

what do they think I am?

I know that I am supposed to like the 4th of July. It’s one of those holiday, like Thanksgiving, that everyone likes. And I do enjoy myself, but as I look around I find that I am disturbed by what I see.

The first thing I see is the excessive jingoism. I know, I know. It’s independence day, there is supposed to be jingoism. It’s just that the Republican Party has adopted flag waving as it’s platform. As a result, being surrounded by people waving flags and chanting ‘USA,USA!’ makes me feel like I’m at the Republican National Convention. But if that was the only thing, I’d be Ok.

It’s the rest of it. Americans celebrate the Birth of their Nation by eating too much, drinking too much, and then setting off pyrotechnics, that are in most cases, highly illegal in their respective states. Let’s look at this a little closer.

We eat, we drink, we eat some more. OK. I’ll admit it. I over-eat on holidays too. So we’ll get to the part that really bugs me. The drinking. I confess, I don’t drink. I think it is a very bad idea. And trust me, I speak from experience here. This is a day set aside to mark the courage of our founding fathers. They saw inequity in British rule. And they did something about it. The put their lives at risk. They put their way of life at risk. They didn’t sit around and whine. They didn’t sue. They acted. Not just protesting what the British were doing, but saying, “Hey! Here’s a better way.” That I can be proud of. When I see some one slurring their way through Proud to be an American, I find myself feeling not so proud.

And don’t even get me started on those people who need drink, while in the company of children. I’m sure that most people who read this will simply dismiss my discomfort with that. “Hey Geek, go to a Meeting if it bothers you.” But it burns me up. If you and your friends want to drink yourselves silly, I suppose it okay with me. Promise you won’t be driving and I’ll deal with it. But if you are going to have a Family event, why bring the booze? Do you really want your kids to see you slurring and stumbling? I know I don’t want my kids to see you doing it.

And the fireworks. I’ve got nothing against fireworks per se, but the last few days, I’ve story after story about people shooting off their own illegal fireworks. And how they managed to keep the cops from catching them. I find it odd, that this seems to be universally okay with everyone. If I announced that I was going to knock over a bank for the 4th, it would raise some eyebrows. You’re right, that’s not a good comparison. The fireworks represent a victimless crime. They also represents the ‘me’ attitude that has made Americans so popular abroad. Well, it’s against the law, but I really want to shoot them off. ‘Proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free!’

And now that I’ve thought this out some more, I suppose that this is an appropriate way to celebrate America. I just wish it wasn’t.

Well, I thought it was clever post about the flag burning and all. Shows what I know.

No comments. No comments on my other projects either. Maybe I’ll make myself feel better by assuming that something is wrong with haloscan. Yea, that’s the ticket.

Am I having a bad day? Yes I am, thanks for asking.

I met my wife for coffee at my favorite coffee house during my lunch break. That was nice. When I went to leave, I saw that a large SUV had forced itself into this small parking lot. Effective trapping me. I’m not that easily deterred. If I back this way, and wiggle that way. No wait I’m getting to close. Back up. Cut the wheel this way. Cut it that way. My car will not get away from the SUV! There is not enough room to maneuver. If I can just push forward a little. Then I’ll have some room to back up. Oh No! The bumper is pushing into my car. Backing up is making worse. Going forward is making it worse.

I finally got out. With some nice dents in my car and less paint than I started with. ‘If I could only get my hands on the owner of that SUV,’ you might imagine me saying. Well, it belongs to a friend of my wife. Nice. Perfect. I was just thinking the other day, I have too much money. I should sink some money into this car that I don’t even like.

I’m not sure if it possible to articulate how frustrated I am about that. And between you and me, the worst part is; that is mostly my fault. I mean that SUV had no business squeezing in there. But it was me who did the driving, me who got myself wedged in. At times like this, I’d really like to have some one else to blame. Anyone else.

At least I’ve got a three day weekend coming up. A little fun in the sun will do me good.

I’m on vacation. Wow! Just a short one. A weekend affair. I’ll tell you more later, but right now I have to vent.

Pathetic, here I am on vacation, and I am still wound so tight that little things piss me off.

Mario pissed me off to be precisely. We arrived at the hotel around 11 this morning. Check in isn’t till four, but the reservation people said we should check to see if our rooms were available, if we arrived early. I went in to check, I had to wait behind two other guys. I finally got to the counter and Mario greeted me. I told him, I had reservations and gave him my name, he mumbled something and pointed to the concierge desk. Odd, I thought, but since there was a block of reservations that mine was part of, I figured maybe the concierge took care of those. The concierge was elsewhere. When he finally came back, I told him that I had reservations and he gave a strange look. He sent me back to Mario.

Apparently, Mario had just wanted me to wait over in the general vicinity of the concierge desk, while he checked someone else out.

That’s right he just sent me away so he could take care of a different customer. OK.

So I give him my info, again. He looks it up. “Your room isn’t ready,” he mumbled at me in his indistinct accent, “Check back in an hour.”

I waited 20 minutes to find out my room wasn’t ready. How efficient. I was pissed. His condescending attitude didn’t help.

We cooled our heels for an hour and a half. We went back. I was too pissed to even think about talking to Mario. I made my wife ask him. He looked. Not ready. Check back in a half hour. She asked if she could give him her cell number so we wouldn’t have to keep checking back, he could just call us. He got all bothered, but he wrote down her number. Not her name. Not her reservation. Nothing.

He had no intention of calling us. He couldn’t be bother to find out for us. He just wanted us to check back. I was hot. I had spent to much time driving for this shit. I planted myself in the lobby and stared at him. He did not check his computer once when he wasn’t with a customer. He didn’t pick up his walkie talkie and call the cleaning crew (I saw he coworkers do this on several occasions.)

Finally, he went in the back room and a young lady came out. Over thirty minutes had passed. We went up and asked her. She walkie talkied the cleaning crew. She said it would a few minutes. She took our name and Number. She called us less than 10 minutes later.

I don’t have a lot of money for vacation. When I spend it on a nice hotel at a resort location, I expect to get treated right. Not to be treated like a retail customer.

Thanks Mario.

It’s like a slap in the face. I over-slept. I jumped out of bed and got myself together and ran out the door. I started the car and turned on the radio.

And Mike Greenberg told me not about baseball, basketball or football. He told me that there had been attack on London. The London Underground. ESPN Radio wasn’t going to cut it this morning. As I changed the station to NPR, my mind raced and my emotions vacillated. How bad is it? Are we in danger? How can this still be happening.

NPR had made way for the BBC. Tony Blair was speaking. He announced that he would leave the G8 conference to deal with situation. But he would return tonight. He spoke eloquently. He seemed in control of the situation.

My mind is still racing. My emotions are still all over the place. I feel compassion those whose lives have been turned upside down for this. I feel a sense of responsibility. The Brits have been the most supportive of the U.S. even when we’ve been off the mark. They are paying for that support now.

I am angry. Al Queda should be destroyed by now. The full force of the United States should be enough to capture its leaders, to freeze its assets, to find their bases and destroy them. But these things have not happened. They have not happened because we can not bring down the full force of the United States on Al Queda. We are all wrapped up in Iraq. A place we were supposed to make better, bring democracy to. A place that just signed a Pact with Iran. A country that we have declared an Axis of Evil. A country that may have nuclear weapons.

There are real problems out there. There are real threats. Threats that are bigger than WMDs that don’t exist. Bigger than flag burning and gay marriage. Bigger than abortion. Bigger than screwing up Social Security worse than it already is. This country needs to start dealing with those problems. I heard dozens of analysts say that we would look back and say that 9/11 was the day that everything changed. I’m looking back now and everything seems the same.

How many times must disaster strike before things really do change? 9/11. 3/11. 7/7. We need a solid plan to deal with terrorists. We need to leave the “wedge” issues and simply deal with the real issues.

Tonight my thoughts and my heart is with those in England.

I was driving down the road this weekend, minding my own business. Of course, you never hear of some one who was driving along nosing in to everyone else’s business. Regardless, I saw a bumper sticker. It proudly announced “BOYCOTT FRANCE.” I began to think about that. Why would I boycott France. I’m not crazy about the French. They seem kind of snooty and pretentious. Their history leaves some thing to be desired. But what have they done to me? Nothing.

Oh, I think I know why that guy wanted me to Boycott France. It must be because the French didn’t want us to invade Iraq. Neither did the Germans. Why not boycott them too. Nope, just the French. Let’s see, what exactly did the French do to us. They didn’t want to help us invade another sovereign country. And they said that we shouldn’t do that. Wow. Now there is a reason to be mad. Did they threaten to send fighter planes to stop us. Did they threaten us in anyway way? I would understand this hostility towards the French if they had said (in an accent from Monty Python’s Holy Grail,) “Hey you stoopid Americans, don’t attack Iraq. Go and boil your
bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Double-You, you and all your silly American kaniggets. I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!”

But they didn’t do anything to us, that I can see. They just told us we were wrong. And for that I should boycott them? What about India and Pakistan. They developed Nuclear Weapons. WMD if you will. Why not boycott them? Or China? They have violated all kinds of human rights. Shouldn’t we boycott the Chinese? How about Saudi Arabia. They have cultivated all kinds of terrorists. Maybe we should boycott them?

But no. It’s France we want to worry about. Typical, small minded reaction. Some one told us we were wrong and we can’t have that. Not only do we want to be able to do whatever we want to. We need everyone to agree with us. And besides, if our reasons for attacking were flimsy, it was for the best if we were paying more attention to whether or not the French approved, rather than take a hard look at what we were doing.

A couple of years ago, when this nonsense began, I found the Boycott France thing to be pointless. But I see it in a different light now. And that is because the French were right. We shouldn’t have invaded Iraq. There wasn’t enough evidence of WMD to support it. Perhaps, instead of ridiculing them, we should have listened.

I wish there was a way to make you say how my thought process works. It is akin to free association bred with stream of consciousness. I never actually stop thinking about one thing and start thinking about another. The most visible example of this is on the occasions that me and both of my brothers are in the same room. We will hold conversations in that fashion. Conversing seamlessly about sports, politics, movies, books and who know what else. Each of us able to follow the others segues without any trouble. I’ve been told that is very frustrated for any one else who happens to be in the room, because they can’t understand how one minute we were talking about football, and then Star Wars and now Social Security.

I describe this to you so you can when I tell you that this made think of that, you will not think that I am trying to show any link, moral or allegory. OK. Good.

This morning, I was thinking about a certain issue that has been hogging the headlines and webspace of many blogs including the one you are reading now. I was wondering what if she was conscious in there? What would she think of us. Would she be grateful for the outpouring of support? Would she be appalled at the behavior of her loved ones. Would she be thinking “let me die!” Of course, we’ll never know what is going on in there.

That train thought reminded me of a book, I once read, Johnny Got His Gun. It’s the story of a soldier who has return from World War I so damaged that he is unable to communicate at all. Eventually he finds enough strength to communicate with the outside world by moving head and using Morse Code. The message he sent ….”Kill Me.” This book was published in 1938, but gained a lot its popularity during the Vietnam Conflict. A movie was made in 1971. Johnny Got His Gun, received it’s most exposure in 1988 when Metallica used clips from the movie in the music video for the song One.

The point of the book is not a question of euthanasia. It is an anti-war book. Written before there was such a thing as a anti-war movement. It is simple, stark, in it’s description of the horror of war. What could be more horrible than a young man who’s life is over even though his heart still beats. I think we need a reminder that war is horrible. We seem to have forgot… again. If you get a chance, it’s a good read.

Schiavo, Johnny Got His Gun, Metallica, Iraq. You see what I mean.

You’re right. I’m sure it will be more like 17 cents. Grubby nickels and pennies that were pulled out of the sofa and the cup holder in my car. I’m sorry about that, but it’s what I’ve got to offer.

With apologies to a-[e], mango, punditz and everyone who has already blogged about this subject, I want to say a few things about Terri Schiavo. I do not know if this woman should live or die. One could make an argument that she is incapable of keeping herself alive, so the natural thing is to let her die. One could just as easily make the case that we have the ability to keep her alive, and since life is precious, we should take advantage of that.

I can empathize with her husband. I have read many attacks on this man. When some one you love is a vegetable, then you may attack him. No one knows what this woman’s state of awareness is, but he is very aware. The woman he married, the person he was presumably in love with is gone, forever. But there is this shell of a person, who looks like his wife, who legally is his wife remains. Part of the grieving process is to let go. How can he let go when she lingers? He wants to remember his wife as a real person, not a husk.

On the hand, I can’t exactly criticize the parents. I do not want to see my sons die. I fully have every expectation that they will outlive me. But I can only imagine that if something happened to one of them, that I would not give them up easily. That I would hold on to any shred of hope, even if it defied all rational thought.

You see, I don’t have an opinion on this, because it’s none of my business. I am sad that the husband and the parents find themselves pitted against each other, but still who am I to take sides. I don’t know any of them or anything about this, not really. So why am writing about?

The same reason you are talking about it, everyone is. It has became an “issue.” Beware of issues. Really why is it an issue? Do you know? It’s not because some one’s life is in the balance. People die all the time, and it’s not even newsworthy. Almost 20,000 civilians have died in Iraq, but that’s only Page 5 news. Below the fold. So why is this an issue?

I’ll tell you. Abortion. I know, what does a woman who is living off of a tube have to do with unborn babies? The religious right realized a couple of years ago that they would not be able to get Roe v Wade overturned in court. Not even with conservative judges. So they have been on a mission. A mission to legislate life over death in any case that pops up. Congress is not involved with Terri Schiavo because they have compassion for her. Jeb Bush is not concerned about Terri Schiavo. They are using her. Posting pictures of her blank face all over the place. To set a precedent. That if she can live then, legally she must. If that precedent is set. It can be applied to Roe v Wade at some future point.

I’m not saying that abortion is good. I’m not saying this woman should die. What I am saying is this: it is sick to use this woman and her parents and her husband in this way. It is sad that they had to go to court to have her fate decided. It is an abomination that politicians from both sides of the aisle are using these people to further their own agendas. Terri Schiavo is not a victim, she is hopefully beyond suffering. Her husband, her parents on the other hand, are victimized every time a politician or journalist capitalizes on this “issue.”

The few people who actually read this blog and know me in the real world are usually surprised that I don’t write about politics more. Truthfully, I’m a little surprised. The reason for this is because of the way politics is handled in the blogosphere. Think of a political blog you like. Now ask yourself, does it offer any thoughts or insights in to the complex world of politics, or does it simply bash what the other guys think?

It seems like most political blogs aren’t really political, they are knit pickers. Want to know what is wrong with the Democrats, go to a “Right Wing” blog. Want hear the latest on why Bush is a scumbag, go to a “Progressive Blog.” Want to hear answers? Want to see an open debate willing to hear opposing views? Want a dialogue? Good Luck. (Actually, if you want these things go read Anti-Everything; an exception to the rule for sure.)The point is this, the blogosphere (and the real world for that matter) don’t seem to be interested in addressing the issues that face us. What we do is pick a side. Are you for or against the Death Penalty? Gun Control? Abortion? Pick a side and stick to it. Never mind the fact that the world is more complex than that. You can be opposed to war and still find yourself willing to fight for something. You can be atheist and support peoples right to worship what they believe in. You can be devoutly religious and respect the fact that the government is not the appropriate place for you message.

My beliefs do not mirror the platform of the DNC, they do however line up much closer to the Democrats than the Republicans. It is very frustrating that when I assert an opinion of a political nature to told how I think because I’m a liberal, or worse yet that I can’t think a thing because I’m a liberal.

I will probably continue to air my politics here upon occasion. I do try to be real careful and make sure that I am voicing my opinion and not one I’ve heard. Sometimes it easier to just have the opinions you’ve heard elsewhere. Anyway I think that may be the problem with so called Political Blogs. They don’t often express a new thought, they parrot each other and the cable news channels. It’s bad enough that the Cable news networks repeat themselves all day, don’t make me read it while I’m surfing blogs.

What is it with this blogging thing? This is a question I ask myself all the time. I’m not even sure why I do it. I read other blogs. Most of them seem to have some sense of purpose. I have none. I’d like to say I’m just doing it for me. But if that was true, wouldn’t I just jot my thoughts down in Word and save them to the hard drive. Or, Hell, I could by a journal and write (with a pen!) my thoughts in there. OK, maybe not that. But I don’t do that. I put it out here. For you to read. That seems to be an important part of it. I don’t whore, as some you some ineloquently put it, my blog out. I have given up on tricks to gain more readership. They don’t give me more readership, they give me more hits. Yet, I have gained a tiny little following.

That blows my mind. The fact that there are a handful of you out there who are interested in what I have to say is awesome. I used to be sad that I didn’t get more comments, but I realize now that people are much more likely to comment if I post silly shit, than on the kinds of stuff I post here. Recently, I have been experiencing, for lack of a better word, some writers block. This strikes me as very funny. Unlike a lot of my fellow bloggers I do not consider myself a writer. Just sitting here getting these words out of my head and into the computer is very hard for me. Before I started blogging, I hadn’t written much of anything that wasn’t mandatory for some class. My freshmen English class had us type our work in to some computer. The computer evaluated our writing level. It told me I had a fifth grade writing level. My professor told not to sweat it because the computer would give Hemingway a third grade level. That made me feel better until I read The Old Man and Sea.

The problem is I’m still not sure why I am doing this. I think it irks my wife some. I probably spend a bit too much of my free time working on this and reading other blogs. Yet, I’m at a loss to explain it. Some of it come from the fact that you are reading this. It doesn’t matter who you are. It just matters that you are reading. Why? Because, it keeps me honest. It keeps me on my toes. If I went off on some bullshit tangent or made some absurd assertion you might leave a comment and call me on it. It doesn’t even matter whether or not you would really leave that comment, the fact that you could keeps me from kidding myself. I don’t write to attract traffic, nor do I allow whether you will like what I’m going to post about influence whether I post about it. That’s a good thing, because every time I write about backpacking the tumbleweeds roll on by.

The other part of it is the community. And that weird because I hate that kind of stuff. But it works here, in the blogoshpere. I read your blog because I like it. If I don’t like I won’t read it. If it stops being interesting, I’ll stop reading. Occasionally, things get a little clique-ish, but it passes. There is no central forum, no home. It is distributed and democratic. This is good.

Yet, I do not have any idea why I do this. I can tell you in detail why I like to backpack, why I like football, why I am a Democrat, why I think Lord of the Rings is awesome. But I cannot even begin to articulate why I blog.

Here is it Saturday and I haven’t posted a thing since Monday. I suck. This week was brutal. I didn’t feel all the way normal again till Wednesday and then on Thursday my oldest son decided to make life interesting.

At the risk of sounding like a mommy blogger, I have to say that if I had known how my misbehavior as a child affected my parents, I would have been a saint. My oldest is 11, and he’s a pretty good kid, but every few months he seems to need to something really bad. And each time it gets a little worse. I won’t get into what he did, maybe someday he’ll have a blog of his and he can write remorse filled posts about his behavior (or more likely posts about how much his dad sucked when he was a kid.)

What I will get into how this shit makes me feel. I feel powerless, I feel responsible, I feel angry. I can’t make him be good. It simply isn’t possible. I can explain right and wrong. I can set limits and enforce them. But at the end of the day, its up to him to choose. And I am powerless to do anything about it. I’m terrified too. I read stories about Middle School kids doing drugs and having sex and other disturbing things. What if he does? What will I do? I feel guilty as hell every time something like this happens. I want to go to the Principal and say, “I swear I explained that this was bad, he just doesn’t seem to care. We are not bad people. I promise!”

All this made me remember something from when I was 7 or 8. My family had driven from home outside of Philadelphia to Allentown to visit some friends of my parents. They must have been close friends, because we called the aunt and uncle so and so. I can’t remember their names, but I remember the name of their oldest son. His name was Eddie. There was another kid there who was younger. My brothers and I played with Eddie and his brother. I really liked Eddie. We were best friends in an instant, in the way that only young children can be. His brother on the other hand was a pain, like little brothers can be. His little brother kept bragging about all this change, pennies, which were stacked up in their bedroom. For some reason, at the end of the night, I loaded my pockets with these pennies. I think maybe it was my way at lashing out at the younger brother.

When we got home my mom noticed the pennies and questioned me about them. Maybe they had called and asked, I can’t remember. I do remember that I had to write a letter saying I was sorry and taping each penny to that letter. My mom was so mad. She told me that I had embarrassed her and that maybe they would never invite us back, because I was such a bad kid. I also think that I found out that the pennies belonged to Eddie, his little brother was just bragging on them cause little brothers are like that. I was overwhelmed with guilt. We never did visit them again. That is probably because we moved to Virginia not too long after that. Probably. But I still bore a lot of guilt over it.

To this day I am a very honest person. I think that this incident; along with a few others along the way; have something to do with that. I have a whole new sense of guilt as I think of it now. I have a clue how my parents must have felt. And I feel terrible for doing that to them. That was far from the only time I disappointed them, but its one of the first big ones that I remember. Is there a moral to this story? No. I’m not good at those kinds of stories I guess. The point, I suppose, is either that I built up a whole lot of bad behavior karma as a kid and I better hold on tight s a parent. Or that life goes on, and that these things pop up from time to time but life goes on anyway.

Work sucked today. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the job but that doesn’t mean every day will be great. It is a job and some days just suck. Like today. Not that anyone cares about my bad day at work, but too bad. That is the topic of today’s post.

On Tuesday, one of the Novell Servers crashed. Some moron was working on the HVAC in the server room and left the A/C off for too long. The server had a meltdown. This had no direct effect on me, but did cause some excitement around the place. They were able to bring the server back up but the RAID array would not except one of the drives. With the server running in degraded mode, the decision was made to migrate everything to a new server. (Apparently, they were planning on doing this at some point in the future anyhow, but not all the engineers thought that migrating in the middle of a crisis was a good idea.)

They worked overnight, Tuesday and Wednesday to get most everything migrated. Considering the that this was the server that everyone in the main office logs into and has their home directory on, it was pretty transparent to the users. The hang up was the printers. The way the printers were set up, they were going to need to be redirected to the new server and then reinstalled on every workstation. I’m not sure how may workstations that is, but it is not a small number. So today, your fearless geek, spent the day reinstalling printers. All day long. Actually, there were about 5 of us and 2 interns (although, I’m not convinced that the interns actually moved the process forward) We got the first floor done today. Tomorrow floors 2 and 3.

Not only was it tedious work, but the tech who was spearheading this effort was doing nothing to keep it organized. I (and a few others) tried to make suggestions about how this might be done in an orderly fashion but he wasn’t hearing it. So there were techs and interns milling around saying things like, “Did you get this one?” “No, but Bob might have check with him” “Where are the interns?” I am sure that the users were not impressed with this display. I couldn’t handle it. I found some smaller offices where no one else was and just knocked them out. Hopefully, I’ll be able to do the same tomorrow.

So for now you can just call me Super Monkey Printer Boy. Hopefully on Monday, I can be a Support Tech again.

Ahh the last day of work at this job. I spent the morning reading blogs and walking around saying goodbye to people. They had a cake for me in the afternoon, which very nice of them. Lots of handshakes and hugs. It was mostly very nice. Most of the people I worked with are genuinely happy for me and will miss me. And then there is my boss. He tried to be polite and say encouraging things to me, but even those things only demonstrated how little attention he paid to me. He kept referring to my 5 years there, hmmm by my count it was over 6 years.

I told him he was an ass, he was arrogant and was wrong about more than just the way to run that IS Shop. I told him he really needed to take a hard look at the world and realize that it is more than Profit and Loss, that there are people and you don’t just shit on them when they don’t fit your world view. You work with them. I told him that until he learned that, he would never be more than what he is now: a bitter small minded jackass, who can’t figure out why people work around him, why his marriage is on the rocks and why he has no true friends. I told him all that and more, in my head.

But in the real world, I smiled, shook his hand and wished him the best. I grabbed my jacket and walked out the door without my keys and without my laptop. I walked out of there for the last time as an employee.

And I feel good!

47 minutes. That is how long I have been hold with Sprint. Have I spoke with a customer service representative? No I haven’t. Does the recording that tells me that one will be with me soon play every minute? Yes it does. I have heard it 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 times. Am I getting mad? You bet I am. Fine. I give up. I’ll try again at lunch.

Update 12:31 PM: I’m on hold again. 22 “The next available representative will be with you as soon as possible” and counting. I am beginning to think that the whole thing is a scam … you just sit on hold forever and they never have to replace the phone. I should be at the gym now, torturing my self on the treadmill, but no I’m sitting here listening to a rotation of three classical music pieces with the “The next available representative will be with you as soon as possible” interruption every 60 seconds. I pay five bucks a month for this protection plan and I’ve told myself that it is well worth it in case this kind of event, but every second that passes with no friendly Customer Service Representative telling me not to worry, my new Treo is on the way, is making me very anxious and irritable. Its not just my phone that is not working it is my PDA and that is unacceptable. I’ve got about 10 more minutes before I have to hang up and go back to work. Then I’ll have to start all over again. If I don’t get a hold of someone today I may have go ballistic on someone.

Update 2:47 PM:Called again. Got an answer immediately. Really makes me think that no one was even there earlier. Did they tell me don’t worry your new phone is on the way? No they didn’t. They said you have to go to the nearest sprint store. Huh? Then why have I devoted over 2 hours of my day to calling this number? Why don’t you just say on your website go to the Sprint Store? Tonight, I go on a field trip to the Sprint Store. If they tell me I have to call the 1 800 number, it could get ugly.

Update 8:03 PM: Drove 26 miles to the Sprint Store. Sat in some sort of traffic thing for 30 minutes. Waited another 30 minutes or so while the “tech” in the backroom of the Sprint Store looked at my phone. Apparently he thought it was dead too. Duh. So they ordered me a new one. I assume that means a new refurb, but that’s fine. It will be here in 2-5 business days. I should say it will be there. They can’t ship it to me. It will be shipped to the store. Which means another trip down there for me. I am pissed. They could have done this over the phone and they could have shipped it straight to me. This is a crock, I am paying for this level of service. Once the “new” phone is in my hand and working, I’ll be OK.

There I was chatting away on the phone, when it occurred to me something wasn’t right. I looked down at my Treo and it was off. I tried to turn it back on. No Dice. I tried the reset button. Nope. It’s dead Jim. It’s kicked the bucket. It’s in a better place now. But it’s useless to me right now. Am I panicking? Am I ready to flip out? No. Tomorrow I will call Sprint and get my money’s worth out of the protection plan I’ve paying for on this thing since I got it. Good thing, I’ve got nothing better to do at work tomorrow.

These Random Thoughts posts are so not popular, I was tempted to abandon them. But, I won’t my blog, my thoughts, though shit. Without further ado:

The US has pulled its ambassador from Syria and is demanding that Syria withdraw from Lebanon. Not a good sign. Memo to the Bush Administration— NO starting new wars till you finish the ones you have now! And to think we thought Iran would be next. Well don’t rule that out either. Or better yet let’s take them both on. In the regrettable words of our President, “Bring ‘em On!” I think anyone who has read this far knows that I am opposed to war in general. But what I’m talking about here is common sense. We can only engage so many “evil-doers” at one time. Don’t think that Iran and Syria are unaware of this. North Korea knows it too. That’s why these countries are getting bolder. Are strategy of bold talk and unilateral action doesn’t seem to be worrying these folk. We need a new plan. Dr. Rice we are waiting.

And Please can we just shut up about Jose Canseco. Yes, he did steroids. Yes, he knows about others that did. But he hasn’t named any names that are truly shocking. This is not news. This is an attempt by a messed-up individual to cash in. Spring training is starting, can’t we hear about the normal drivel … Can A-Rod step for the Yankees, Can Boston do it again, Will the O’s ever get any pitching?

The NHL, meanwhile, is enjoying more coverage about the pending cancellation of their season than they had all of last season.

I’ve been using the Microsoft Anti-Spyware Tool Beta 1 for a few days now, and Monday it got its first real test. I was looking to download some cracked free password recovery software (stop looking at me like that, a user forgot the password she put on an Excel document. Really. It’s true, I swear) and well let’s just say I got infected pretty good with some spyware. It tried to stop the stuff from installing, but it was unsuccessful, it did however tip me off that something was up. I ran the cleaner and it deleted a bunch of junk. I ran AdAware afterwards and it only found traces of the infestation to clean up. Not too shabby. And big Bill just announced that the product will be free once it is released. Good job Microsoft.

Microsoft has been pressured by the Upstart browser Firefox. The Software Giant says it will not be able to release a new version of Internet Explorer until the next Windows product is released. The reason is that IE is too integrated into Windows for them to upgrade it independently. Good job Microsoft. It just goes to show there was no reason for the Justice department to worry itself over whether Microsoft was be anti-competitive when they integrated IE into Windows. Now, that same move has made it impossible for them to compete. Firefox will release several new versions before the Next Windows Product (Code Named Longhorn, Nicknamed Longwait) is released.

Yes, it is Super Bowl Sunday. One of the grandest of American Traditions. A day when folks who don’t know the difference between a Tight End Slant and a Safety Blitz sit down to watch the Big Game.

I have this sneaking suspicion that most of my few readers aren’t football fans, but I am. So today is huge for us. We are making Chili and Wings, have friends and family coming over and will watch the game in all of its big screen glory.

Ok the last part is not quite true. And I’m more than a little upset about. We bought a 65″ Widescreen High Definition TV this summer. And we bought it for one reason only, FOOTBALL. Sure, Jimmy Neutron is most impressive on the big screen, but who cares. Yes, that’s what my TV plays most of the time: Nickelodeon and Disney. But when I’m watching it, it plays football. Well in those other months when there is no football, its been known to play basketball, baseball, hockey (but not this year), and arena football. Oh wait that is football too. The point is I shelled out more money than I really should have spent to watch Football In HD. And my stupid cable company doesn’t offer FOX in HD. As a matter fact, FOX doesn’t come in that well at all. So the Game will be BIG, but it won’t look that good. I considered switching to the Dish, but I’m not sure that I don’t just end up spending more money and then end up with the same problem if it rains during a game I want to see.

I’ve called my stupid cable company several times, just to rant about this. But it doesn’t seem to make any difference. And those customer service people are so polite about the whole thing, it ends up making me feel guilty.

Anyway, if you somehow don’t know, The New England Patriots play the Philadelphia Eagles tonight. My Dad grew up in Philly, we lived there last time the Eagles actually made it to the Super Bowl, so he will be rooting for the Iggles. I, of course, root for the Ravens. They won’t be there, but one loud mouthed wide receiver will be. (OK Freddy Mitchell will be there too, but no one takes him seriously.) I was upset when Terrell Owens whined his way out of being traded to the Ravens, and he only offended more by bad mouthing our star player (Ok everyone has something to say about Ray) and our General Manager, who is by all reports a great guy and one of the best GM’s in the league. So I don’t want to see TO get a ring tonight. Besides Pittsburg was the best team in the NFL this season and New England dismantled them. I get a little tired about all this talk about Belichick being a genieus, but he’s doing something right.

My Prediction:
Pats 34 Iggles 16

Quotes:

He already has other weapons of mass destruction. But a nuclear weapon, two or three our four years from now — I don’t care where it is, when it is — to have that happen in a volatile region like the Middle East is most certainly a future that we cannot tolerate. — Dr. Condoleeza Rice, 13 Nov 2002

I have to say that I have never, ever, lost respect for the truth in the service of anything —Dr. Condoleeza Rice, 18 Jan 2005

Dr. Rice, there were no WMD, and there was no nuclear capability. And now look at the fine mess where in. Now that you are the Secretary of State, you’ve got you’re work cut out for you. Good Luck.

Headlines:

37 Troops Die on Deadliest Day in Iraq

Bush Asks Patience From U.S. on Iraq War

U.S. military too eager to help Iraqis vote

Bush urges Iraqis to defy rebels

Election Tensions in Kirkuk Could Spread

Top U.S. Commander: Iraq Forces Not Ready

U.S. Hostage Pleads as Iraq’s Wounds Deepen

Added war costs push deficit forecast over $400 billion

PS: For information about Alberto Gonzales and his position on torture go here

Oh … and by the way, there weren’t any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. None. Nada. Zilch. We attacked a sovereign nation for no reason. We have brought more instability to the middle east. We have entangled ourselves in country with no way out. For what reason? People are dying. Americans, Iraqis, all kinds of people. Because it was that important to remove Saddam Hussein? So important that we could not even plan out an occupation strategy? Did Rumsfeld really believe we would be greeted as liberators?

We are trapped. If we stay, we will spend who knows how much money on this effort, and that’s the small price. The larger price tag will paid with lives of American Soldiers and Iraqi Civilians. If we leave, there will be chaos. Possibly a civil war. Shiites vs Sunnis vs Kurds. It would probably spill over the borders into Iran, Syria and Turkey. So we will stay. We will stay and prop up the government that we created for them. This is not the first time we’ve done this. We propped up Saigon for over a decade. I don’t have to tell you how that story ended.

I don’t have any good answers for this problem. But I’m mad as hell. Because this problem exists for no reason. I cannot understand why the Bush administration pushed this war on us. It’s not like we didn’t already have one. We have this whole War on Terror to deal with. Did they really think that they could just go in, depose Saddam and leave? Did they think they could distract us from the failure to capture Osama with this?

I’m a pacifist by nature. I don’t think that going to war is a desirable tactic. But sometimes it must happen. I wasn’t opposed to the War on Afghanistan. We could not sit back and allow Al Queda to operate freely in that country. They had attacked our country. We needed to defend ourselves. But a preemptive war, that’s a whole different thing. Even if Saddam had been stockpiling nukes, it is dicey business saying that you must attack another country because they might attack you. If that were a valid doctrine, then shouldn’t we attack North Korea? Iran? Syria? China? Where does it end?

Some would accuse me of dwelling on problems without offering solutions. That argument pisses me off too. I wouldn’t have attacked Iraq. I would have never taken the United States into a pre-emptive war. I would have never been so arrogant to assume that people of Iraq would be happy to have foreigners, invaders with machine guns roaming their streets. Yet I’m supposed to offer a solution. Try this one: Don’t go starting wars. That’s my solution. War is messy business. People die. Lives are ruined. Limbs are lost. Families shattered. I would not enter into that so lightly.

It’s too late for that. We are in. I don’t think we get out easily. We face a paradox right now. If we install a truly democratic government in Iraq, it will almost certainly be anti-American. That is the will of the people there. They don’t like us. I don’t blame them. If we manipulate the system so that the Iraqi government is friendly to us, then it will fall. Unless of course we prop it up. Like I said, we are going to be there for a while. And I’m gonna be mad about it the whole time.

Last night as I was flipping through the movie channels hoping to find something good and interesting to watch, I stumbled across Das Experiment on Starz Cinema. It was a German film that seems to have been inspired by the Prison Experiment done at Stanford in the 1970’s. It was in German but if you don’t mind subtitles it is well worth watching. The basic idea is this: 20 men volunteer for an experiment for which they will be paid. 12 of them are to be prisoners and 8 to be guards. The guards are strictly told that there will be no violence used, but that it is their critical task to maintain order. Of course, the guards become more totalitarian and the prisoners become more subdued, but with some dramatic twists.

This film was released in 2001. Which made some of the imagery in this film even more shocking to me. I couldn’t help but draw some comparisons to Abu Ghraib. The movie illustrated that this is the kind of thing that will happen when guards are under-trained and not adequately supervised. Which seems to have been the case in Abu Ghraib. The Stanford study is over 30 years old now, but apparently we can’t learn from this information.

Even without looking at the political side of it, this film was well worth watching. It was very well done and very thought provoking (at least I thought so.)

I love my job. I must love it. How else can you explain what I was doing in there on Sunday. Well it could be because I didn’t have much choice.

Anyhow. I had to go into work yesterday. The server rack never had any cable management put in and the back of it was a bit of a rat’s nest. So I headed in to get it cleaned out early Sunday morning. (You can’t go around unplugging servers during Normal hours … the users get irate.) I brought my 11 year old with so he could give me a hand and keep me company. After getting everything disconnected, we were ready for a little break. We stepped out of the office and were going to find a soda. The door clicked closed behind us and for some reason I reached back to check it. Locked. Normally, once you unlock the door it stays unlocked, but if you turn the lock in the inside, you can have it so it stays locked all the time. Which is what the cleaning crew must have done on Saturday.

I reached in my pocket … you know what comes next, right? No keys. They were in my jacket pocket, in the office. A maintenance guy had come in to let some contractors in. I asked him to unlock my door. He didn’t have keys for any of the offices, only for the plant floor. I called the production manager. He didn’t answer. Anyone else I could have called lived over a half hour away. I got out a ladder and set it up in front of the door. I climbed up, popped a ceiling tile and took a look around. The wall around my office goes up about 10 feet and there is only about 2 feet of clearance between the ceiling and the roof. I grabbed a broom handle and tried to manipulate the lock on the inside. No luck. By now my son had decided I was insane. I was inclined to agree with him.

I could have called my boss. I probably should have. But I just couldn’t. I would have to hear inferences about how I can’t even take care of my keys for weeks. I decided I would rather break my neck than hear that. So I handed my cell phone to the kid and told him to call his mother if I fell to my death. Then I climbed up the ladder, got myself straddled on the wall, and proceed to lower myself into the office. All I an say about that is: it is a good thing I have lost some weight recently or this story might have had a different ending. I unlocked the door and we got back to work. No soda for us.

The moral of this story is: If you’re going to work on Sunday Morning you might as well break into your own office just to keep it interesting. I guess the good news is that it really kind of has to get better from here.

Have a mentioned that I’m not exactly thrilled with my job, lately.
Oh yea, I wrote a book about the other day.

Today, shortly before lunch, my File and Print / Domain Controller Server froze up. The display was still there, but the drives were non-responsive. This has happened before, not a huge problem but an inconvenience. I powered it down and then started it back up. It posted as usual, found the SCSI drives and controllers and then just hung. An hour and a half phone call with the Dell led to the conclusion that we experiencing a major hardware failure. Dell dispatched a technician and a boatload of new hardware. The parts arrived shortly before 4 and the tech arrived about an hour later. He replaced nearly everything excluding the drives of course.) Around 6:30 we powered it up and slowly but surely it booted. Yea.

The server had to then go through some steps to synch all the data back up on the drives. While this was going on my boss was chatting with the tech. He manged to bring up at least three times about how anyone who is unable to restore data on a server will be looking for work afterwards. Now, that may be true, but what’s the point of bringing that up while I’m sitting there waiting to see if the data is intact. I don’t know if that was supposed to be some sort of threat or if he thought it would make me try harder or if he was reflecting his own insecurities about what going on. I do know that I don’t like it. I don’t want hear about how I might get fired if everything somehow went wrong. For the record, I have every confidence that if the data on the server had been scrambled, that I would have been able to restore it from tape. If you need to fire me … then just do it and get it over with. But until that time let’s lay off the little off-hand comments cause they are messing with my Christmas Spirit.

Its good to be back. It’s been over a week since my last post and I’m sure the small portion of the blogosphere that realizes I exist, has written me off for an abandoned blog by now. It’s been an ugly week, to say the least. I want to tell you the story of my bad week, and since it is tied in with my job, I’m going to pepper it with a bunch of technical geekspeak, but don’t let that get you down, you’ll get the gist of it.

It started off last Friday with this Voice over IP (VoIP) Project. My biggest contribution to this project was to set up a new VLAN on our networking infrastructure. Basically, instead of running a completely new infrastructure for the phones, we would use our existing data network, but we would create a Virtual network for the phones to operate on. Nifty idea, but we didn’t have any VLANs and I had no idea how to set them up. We set up a conference call with another division that had already implemented a similar set up. That was extremely helpful and by about 4:30 I had a plan together for what I needed to do. Unfortunately, it involved reconfiguring 15 switches. I spent the next 10 hours tracking down the relevant data about each switch reconfiguring it and documenting how I had set it up. What made it worse was my boss kept stopping in for “progress reports” on how I was doing. He was obviously impatient with the progress I was making. I explained that the fact that no one had documented how the switches were set up initially meant I had to: physically walk to switch, climb up and look at the back of it to get its MAC address, so I could in turn determine its IP address. This only ticked him off more, probably because he was the guy who deployed them with out taking the time to set them up in a standardized fashion or to document that set up.

Around 2:30 AM, I finished as much as of the set up as I could. I couldn’t go any further, because we still had contractors running cable and some of the switches were not connected yet. I would not be able to finalize the set up until I knew exactly how they were going to connect back to the rest of the network and there was some doubt about that because they were running short on materials. I brought my boss up to speed on where I was and discussed the plan for Saturday. When I got in my car and drove home, almost 20 hours had passed since I had arrived at work Friday morning.

I took a two hour nap and then got back up and went back to work to meet the phone contractors. When I got there, I found a note from my boss saying that they hadn’t finished cabling we would have to wait until Sunday to rollout the phones. I worked with the contractors to get the switch set up and go over some infrastructure stuff. We plugged in a phone and after trouble shooting some SNAFUs got the phone to work with the switch over my new configuration. After 8 hours or so we had taken care of everything that we could without the cabling being completed. So I sent the phone guys home and called my boss brought him up to speed, he said that the cabling would be done by Sunday morning. So I went home again.

My wife and the kids weren’t there so I figured I’d watch some movie on HBO and catch a nap. When I turned the TV there was no cable. This wasn’t really a surprise, the cable company’s, Adelphia, online payment system had been FUBAR for 2 months, and their customer service number for that only operated 9 to 5 weekdays. I hadn’t bothered to call them from work or to write out a check and pay it the old-fashion way. I called customer service and told a very nice lady how ticked I was about the service, the lack of HD, the inconsistency of the cable modem service. Then I let her debit the money out of the checking account so I could watch some TV. Star Trek:Generations was on one of the movie channels so I watched that. I never did get that nap.

Sunday morning I walked into work to find my boss napping in a chair in the lobby. He had been there all night with the cabling guys. He stayed long enough to make sure he had communicated with the phone guys and then he was out of there. I spent the day trying to set up the remote switches that were now connected, and answering questions and solving problems for the phone guys. We got all of the phones deployed and the trunks cut over by 4:00 PM. I sent the phone guys home, called my boss to update him, and then starting inspecting workstation to workstation to ensure that all of them were connected to the new cabling that was run. There was a lot of stuff that just wasn’t quite right, it took me until 8:30 PM till I got it so I was confident enough with the set up to leave for the night. For the those keeping score, that’s 40 hours in three days, a 72 hour week. Monday morning I got in at 8 AM (as usual) and my boss was pissed, I didn’t know why but I figured it was cause there were some lingering Cabling SNAFUs to get worked out. Monday was an 11 hour day (with no break for lunch,) troubeshooting and working out those little things that always pop up.

I felt pretty good about the project, I had learned a whole new technology and implemented it. I had been able to take care of the phone guys during they day while my boss took care of the cable guys at night. I was a little plucked that no one had bothered to say “thanks” or “good job” to me, but that’s life. Then Wednesday, my boss hits me with “he is not satisfied with my performance.” He gave some “verbal warning” because I did not complete something he asked me to do on Tuesday. I didn’t complete it because he asked me to take care of it around 4 PM that day, I made the assumption (apparently a poor one) that it could get taken care of Wednesday morning. I explained that and he said I should stayed until it was done. I told him that I had to leave at 5 cause I was picking a kid up from day-care. He intimated that day-care issues were no excuse. Then he told me that he was mad at me because I didn’t show up early on Monday. He didn’t ask me to come in early, he said it should have just been “instinctive.” He said he was so mad about it that he was unable to talk to me about until that moment, it took him two days to calm down. I apologized for not coming in early, I had no idea that he expected that. He was obviously still angry. He then accused me of not checking all the workstations Sunday night. Apparently, he had found one that wasn’t switched over. I explained to that I did check them all even the area in question. Maybe with all the hours worked I missed something or made a mistake, but I certainly had gone to every workstation. He didn’t want hear it.

I’ve been in this job for almost 4 years, and mostly I like it, but I’m getting the feeling it is time to brush of the old resume and find something new.

I cannot see a good end to this situation in Iraq. Apparently, one of our soldiers shot an unarmed man. Riverbend’s reaction at Baghdad Burning really puts it in perspective. So much for the strategy of winning the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people.

I’m glad I have a big screen HDTV. I can see football and basketball games with incredible clarity and I don’t have to worry about me and my kids being in the middle of a fist fight. Everyone seems to understand that players must show some control, and I agree with that. But fans have a responsibility to behave as well. If you walked in to a restaurant or even a bar and started acting like that, you would be removed. Why is a sports arena any different? I hope this trend doesn’t continue, because I’d like to take my kids to see these games, but for now the fans are too out of control.

After a nice holiday weekend of eating too much, I’ve started a diet. I’m about 40 pounds overweight. It will not do. Although, I’ve been going to gym regularly, it hasn’t been enough. So I’m limiting my caloric intake to about 1500 calories a day for now, after a couple of weeks I’ll raise to somewhere between 2000-2500. It’s no fun. I’ll just treat it like I did when I quit smoking and when I quit drinking. No more eating for fun. No more have some more cause it’s yummy. I don’t miss smoking or drinking anymore, hopefully I won’t miss that either.

And this just in, Tom Ridge is calling it quits. Does that mean that color codes are gone too? I hope not, I’d miss them. Did anybody else notice that all of the moderates in the cabin, Ashcroft the exception, are resigning?

And the President is off to make nice with Canada? How about the time bomb shaping up in the Ukraine? How about the labor situation China? Iraq? Afghanistan? Nope. Canada. I guess I just don’t get it.

One last thing, I must be doing something right, I’ve received 2 African Bank Scam emails and 3 Golden Lottery Scam email in the last 2 weeks. If I respond to all five, I should be good for somewhere in the neighborhood of $32.1 Million. I’m not sure why they need to deposit directly into my account using my account numbers or why they need my Social Security Number. And fronting the $10,000 in good faith money seems like a lot but look at the return!

I should let it go. George W Bush was lawfully elected to the office of the President by the majority of the People in this country. I disagree with them. But that’s the thing about democracy. The will of the people rules the day.

Oh. I know it’s not that simple. I’m stuck on one thing here. It really upsets me. Values. If you think strategically we had to do something in Iraq, I disagree, but I understand. If you believe that massive tax cuts for everyone including the very rich will help spur the economy, I see where you are coming from. I beg to differ, but I understand your position. But I am confused about how people voted for values and somehow George W Bush won because of this.

I am not trying to be divisive or condescending to anyone’s view. I am truly confused. And, frankly, quite upset. I am a registered Democrat. Would you like to know why? Too bad, I’ll tell you anyway.

I come from a Republican Family. I learned Republican type things as a kid. In high school I joined an after-school club called the Progressive Politics Club. We debated the burning issues of the day. Gay Rights. Death Penalty. Abortion. Taxes. The Environment. I loved it. I got a chance to really show off how well I knew these issues. I parroted the views I had heard from Republicans and made it clear I was quite the Conservative. Then a terrible thing happened. All the liberals graduated. The next year, first couple of meetings sucked. All of us conservatives sat around and agreed with each other.

I couldn’t take it, so I volunteered to argue the liberal position, as the Devil’s Advocate, in order to flesh out the discussion. Over the course of the next few months, an amazing thing happened. As I gave the liberal stance on the death penalty, I realized that I did not think it was right for anyone, not even the government to take a human life. As I argued the pro choice opinion I realized that the issue was complicated, and while I felt that (and still do) abortions were wrong, the reality of it was that the government, especially the Federal government is ill- equipped to legislate that. There is a lot of grey area when it comes to abortion, and setting a federal law would potentially leave a rape victim force to bear the child of her attacker or force a woman ill-equipped for mother hood to carry her child to term only to abandon it or raise it in abhorrent conditions. As I looked at the other side of these issues, I realized that my values dictated that I register as a Democrat.

The values I hold dear are: Respect for Human Life. Compassion for the Poor. Protecting the Environment so that the wilderness that I have loved since I was a child will remain forever. The Equality of all Men and Women, no matter what they think, or do. No matter where they come from or what culture they embrace or what there religion is. Honesty. The belief that we are world citizens and should abide by the same rules as everyone else. To respect others, no matter what.

I looked at my values and I looked the Bush Administration’s record over the last 4 years. I felt that they had not lived up to my values. John Kerry Embraced many of my values so I voted for him. And he lost. OK. But now I keep hearing how Bush won because of “moral values” and I don’t get it. It’s said as though “moral values” is a tangible, well-defined doctrine. I searched WikiPedia for “moral values” but it had nothing for me. I don’t see how 59,459,765 people can have the same exact morals. It seems to be tied to religion, but that doesn’t make sense to me either. The Protestants can’t even decide whether the want to have their Trespasses forgiven or their Debts. There are differences. Values are personal. My values and your values are not the same. Not exactly. And that’s OK. Hell, it’s good. But what I am hearing is that somehow a vote for Bush was a vote for “Moral Values”. Values like discriminating against Gays, Muslims and Arabs perhaps?

Like I said, I’m not trying to be flip or rude or disrespectful. (Come back later and I’ll do my best to be all of those things.) Right now I am very upset. I am a moral person. Yet, there is this notion that the only moral vote was for Bush. It sounds like the Red State people really believe that.

Having explained how I feel, I’m asking for comments. From everyone. Red or Blue. Help me with this. I can’t believe that all Red State folks are bigots. Help me understand this. I want to believe that this isn’t as polarized as it feels right now. I don’t care if people agree with me. But I don’t like having my moral fiber challenged.

I can’t believe this. This worst president in modern history was re-elected with more votes cast for him than any other president in history. Let’s keep it in perspective, he also had more votes cast against him than any other President in history. The pundits say that the W in Chief’s strategy was simple. (Pro) Gun,(Anti) Abortion,(Anti) Gay (marriage), and (a whole lot of) God. The GAGG strategy. And it worked. I’m too tired to think straight right now so I won’t attempt to even get a good rant going. Several bloggers have summed this up nicely. I invite you to read what they had to say about it:

Wil Wheaton
Alan
Julius
OneGoodMove
NickerBlog
Shelley
TBogg

I will keep pointing out the error of W’s ways. I will not relent. Do not worry. This isn’t going to turn into a “Political Blog,” But I have always felt strongly about politics and if when this administration does something that raises my ire, I will post about it. I invite comments. Maybe between us we can figure out how to get this country back on track. Pretty ambitious, I know, but a worthy goal nonetheless.

On a related note. I found on Blog Explosion, that I could see the blogs of all the people who have rated my site. I’ve been feeling a little blue about my ratings. I haven’t lost sleep over it or anything, but I would like it if folks like my little blog. So I went to the blogs of the folks who have rated my site. 5 of the 16 were right wing type blogs. Another 5 were folks that I’m pretty sure like my little Blog. You know who you are. It really bothers me to think that people are rating my blog poorly because they disagree with me. None of them ever even bothered to leave me a comment. I know the ratings aren’t a big deal, but just because you don’t agree with me, doesn’t me my site is bad. You might think it’s bad cause I’m boring, or cause my layout is lame, or for any number of reasons, but my opinions? *Growl* If you disagree with something I have to say, And you feel strongly enough about it to give me a bad rating, then leave a comment saying what your beef is. Not that I’ll change anything, but at least we’ll know where each other stand.

Since perhaps I’m doomed to have a poorly rated site, I had no choice but to Join the Shitty Blogger Club.

So there.

That’s all for now. I’ll be back with more boring and irrelevant posts tomorrow or the next day.

What I beautiful day. The sun is shining, flowers are in bloom, spring is in the air. I feel the harmony between all men and women. It is the dawning of a new age of co-operation between nations and cultures. The coffee even tastes better somehow.

Don’t worry about me. It’s just the denial talking. I haven’t got much sleep and I have a long day ahead of me at work. Tonight when I get home, maybe I’ll brave enough to face reality. Until then I’ll just walk around with this manic smile plastered to my face.

Have a wonderful day

Not having a great week. It started out well enough with a Ravens win on Sunday, but went down hill from there. Monday, I had to set up the general manger with his new Blackberry. That wouldn’t be so bad but I have no idea how they work, we don’t use them. The division he is going to, however, does. I got on the phone with their IS manager and she walked me through it, which left me with the impression that she did not know how they work either. She had update the template his mail file in Lotus Notes (for no apparent reason) as part of the process. This in turn hosed up his mail, till I got it straight again. I do not like it when things like that happen to computer of the GM. Nope. Not liking it at all.

Monday night of course I blew up the blog.

Tuesday, I got a call from the principal of my son’s school. Not good. No need to get into gory details, but the principal doesn’t call to tell you how great your kid is doing.

Now, its Wednesday and it appear the BoSox are gonna sweep the Cards. OK that’s not really that bad, but it sure takes the wind right out of my Curse ranting. That’s just great. What am I supposed to believe in now? Some cockeyed goat curse in Chicago, no thanks.

Do not fear. Things are looking up. My boss goes on vacation starting Friday, so that’s practically a vacation for me. I’m planning another hiking trip. Hopefully we’ll get that in, in about two weeks. And Halloween is coming. I really dig Halloween. First of all my first date with wife was a Halloween party. Secondly I love how excited the kids get about Halloween. But the best part is that we live in a neighborhood with about a million kids (just a rough estimate, accurate to +- 999,700.) It is incredible to see all of the little monsters and whatnot out there running around. Last year we had 8 bags of candy and we ran out. This year we have 11 but I bet we run out again.

Look at that, I think I just cheered myself up. I knew this blogging thing was good for me.

It’s Official. The World Series will be the Boston Red Sox against the St. Louis Cardinals. And I’m rooting for the Cards. Ok, I’m not really, I don’t care about the Cards. Sure they have a great team and I’m sure they’ll be competitive, but that’s not what this is about for me this year.

It’s about the Curse. The Curse of the Bambino. I’ve heard a lot of people talking about how the Curse has been broken, because the BoSox beat the Evil Empire. I don’t think so. The Curse doesn’t say that the Yanks own the Sox. It says that the Sox will never win another World Series. And not only that, but they’ll get close, oh so close, and then have it snatched away from them. It’s been well documented. So I say the Curse is alive and well and waiting. The Boston fans know it too. I watched them last night. Damon hit a grand slam, they cheered but moments later that has that look. The look that says, I don’t know when and I don’t know what, but its coming.

You see I’m rooting for the Curse. I feel that the Curse is good for baseball. I mean really that’s what has everyone watching again this year, isn’t it? I think so. I think a fair amount of people, myself included, were sure the Astros would win, just because Roger Clemens against the Sox in the World Series makes too much sense. It didn’t work out that way, and that’s fine. The Curse will find another way. It must.

What if the Red Sox won? Then what? I’m pretty sure Boston would self-destruct before too long. The curse is a part of them, its older than most of them. They wouldn’t know what to do with out it. And baseball needs it. Its part of the lore. Its right up there with Satchel Paige and The Babe himself calling the Homerun he is about to hit. Baseball has enough problems. Steroids, escalating salaries, Pete Rose. Can it afford a world with out the Curse?

I say no. I need the Curse. We all do. So with all do respect to the peoples of Boston and St. Louis. I won’t be rooting for either of your teams. I’ll be rooting for the curse. Looking for that moment, (you Red Sox fans know the one I’m talking about) that quirk that will snatch a World Series Victory from The Red Sox. Again.

You may have heard about the “documentary” that Sinclair Broadcasting intends to force on its affiliates, I won’t get into the details of that right now. What I want to talk about is Jon Lieberman. Jon got fired by Sinclair this week, because he spoke out against this “documentary.” When I saw this on the local news last night after the game I was stunned. Not because Sinclair would do that, but because I know Jon, or at least I did. We worked fast food together when we were in high school. He was in the same class as my little brother. Later I was amused to see his face on TV giving a serious news report. And I was happy to see him succeed in his broadcasting career.

When I heard why he got fired, I could not have been prouder to say that I know him. Reporters are supposed to stand up for the Truth. And he did. I wish I had a phone number or an email address for him. I would let him know that I think he did the right thing and that I’m proud of him. But I don’t so I’ll simply state right here:

My hat is off to you Jon!

I was sitting here, enjoying a quiet Sunday morning. Listening to my new favorite channel on XM Radio — XM 75 Hear Music. As I’m trying to grow my Blogshares wealth, I realize that it is the soothing voice of Cat Stevens I hear. I look up at the radio, its If I Laugh. This gets me thinking about poor Cat Stevens, or as he’s known now Yusaf Islam. In 1977, Cat Stevens converted to Islam and changed his name. He gave up his career because he felt that his pop star lifestyle was sinful. He gives his the money from to royalties to various charities because he does not want to profit from his “sinful” past. Oh yeah … And he’s on the United States’ “No-Fly” list that is designed to protect us from Terrorists entering the country.

Last Month, a plane that carried Mr. Islam was diverted, and he was sent back to the U.K. The reason? He has possible ties to terrorist groups. Let me state for the record, if he has been giving money to Osama Bin Laden then I’m glad they turned him away. But, I’m guessing its not that clear cut. As I stated before, Yusaf give a lot of his money to charity. And being a good Muslim much of that money goes to Muslim charities. And I’d imagine its possible that some of that gets back to terrorist groups. The typical reaction from Americans, I think, is to say, “He shouldn’t give money to Muslim Charities, he should know better.” The truth isn’t that simple (it never is, is it?) Avoiding Muslim Charities will not necessarily avoid terrorism. If you were not careful you could find your charitable dollars funding the IRA, fascists, anti-gay propaganda or even Scientology. When you give your money to a charitable organization you don’t really know where is goes. If that organization does reputable work then can you be held accountable for any other agenda they may have. You can read a thoughtful column on Yusaf Islam and the “No-Fly” list here.

I take this whole thing kinda personally because I have loved Cat Stevens music for a long time. Father and Son and Morning has Broken are two of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard. Maybe I shouldn’t care about what happens to Yusaf Islam, he gave up being Cat Stevens and has disowned that music (for the most part.) But his message of peace has been consistent from Peace Train to the condemnation of the September 11 attacks (he said, “No right thinking follower of Islam could possibly condone such an action.”) I can’t help but think that his anti-war stance had more to do with this than his so called terrorists links. So here’s to Cat Stevens and here’s to you Islam Yusaf, we need more people in the world who value peace like you do.

People are dying in Iraq. Soldiers are dying. Iraqis are dying. And people that are over there to do a job or help out in Iraq are having their heads removed from their bodies. Its grisly. Its terrible. And apparently its no big deal. Bush and Kerry are busy with a put-down contest. Bush’s response the last beheading:

“These killers want to shake our will. They want to determine the fate of the Iraqi people. We will not allow these thugs and terrorists to decide your fate and to decide our fate”

What about John Kerry, he’s a serious and thoughtful guy. Surely, he has a plan or at least some insightful comment about these beheadings. No. I don’t see them either, but he was busy with David Letterman, so maybe it slipped his mind.

What is the matter with us. Why is this not our number one priority. People are getting their heads cut off and videos of it are posted on the internet. And all our country can do is talk about it on cable news. Right now this what the networks are talking about:

Foxnews: Dan Rather, CBS and Memogate
CNN: Dan Rather, CBS and Memogate
MSNBC: The Upcoming Debates

Maybe its just me, but I think that people getting brutally murdered by terrorist in the country that we are occupying is more significant than what Bush did in Alabama in 1972. Or whether or not 60 Minutes was irresponsible. But we’d rather not hear about that, it is uncomfortable, unpleasant.

Are we that self absorbed? Are we that irresponsible?

I hope not. Of course, i am guilty of some that also. I’ve dedicated more space to football than Iraq in this blog. But then again I’m just a geek who has nothing better to do than post my random thoughts on the internet for no one to read.

I want to personally say right here, how disgusted I am with Joey Porter.

If you are a Ravens fan or happened to see the Ravens-Steelers game yesterday, you may understand what I’m talking about. In case you didn’t, I’ll explain.

During the game, Todd Heap’s leg got pinned under another player and hurt his ankle pretty bad. The Ravens were running the two minute drill and Heap being the true tough guy that he is, did not want to cost his team a time out so he hobbled himself back to the line of scrimmage knowing that Boller was just going to spike the ball. He got himself there, but was obviously in pain, he couldn’t put any weight on his leg. He had both hands down on the turf to hold himself up. Joey Porter, linebacker for the Steelers, lined up across from Heap. When the ball was snapped, the ball was spiked, and Porter launched himself into the injured Tight End, knocking back and right off his feet.

I understand that the Steelers and Ravens are bitter rivals, and I understand that the players take these games very personally. But to hit an injured player, for no reason, is deplorable. I know that it was a legal hit, Heap was lined up. But its not as thought the Ravens were actually running a play. It was a mindless blow from a very small man. He says he did it because maybe Heap was faking it, in order to trick him. He says he’s seen that lots of times. I don’t even know what to say about that.

I believe in Karma and I believe that Joey Porter just put a huge hurting on his Karma wheel. But I don’t feel sorry for him. If were to run into him on the street, I’d have tell him, “Nice Job, Joey Porter, Way to hit a man when he was down.”

Ranting about the right wing that is. The Right Wing Nut Jobs once again have used the time tested strategy of repeating a lie again and again to make more true. This time the lie in question is the supposed invalidity of the documents CBS used to cite that Dubya wasn’t were he was supposed to be in the Guard in Alabama. These guys claim that the documents cannot be authentic because the fonts in them were not in use at the time. I do not know about the authenticity of those documents, but those who claim that these fonts and superscript feature were not available at the time seem to have it wrong. It seems that these fonts were available at the time. Don’t take my word for read here and here.

What do I know about fonts and typefaces and superscripts? Well … Nothing. But it seems that this issue is not as cut and dry and these Right Wing Nut Jobs want to make it out as. I do not know what Dubya was doing in the 1970’s and I really don’t care. I don’t think they could dig up enough dirt about his past to make a difference at this point. What I am getting very sick of is misinformation spreading again in to the main stream media simply by force of repetition.

And the worst part of all… where are the issues. We are debating whether Kerry got hurt enough for a Purple Heart or whether Bush took a physical. Who Cares? How about debating about a strategy for Iraq or an economic plan or a policy for dealing with terrorism. What the hell is wrong with us, we’re debating typesets on memos about events from over 30 years ago. And this is just what the Right wants, the longer we worry about these meaningless things, the less time we have to look at the real issues and they know the president is in real trouble if that ever happens.

It’s funny how things get twisted around. As I talk to people at work and elsewhere about family life as it comes up. I find myself feeling guilty. Why? Because it seems that most people are unhappy with their marriages. I am not. I couldn’t be happier with my marriage. I won’t get all yucky by going in to that, but I’m truly happy. As I find myself in conversations where folk go on about how their ex is doing them in or how that can’t stand to be around their spouse I fell as though I can’t participate. What I am supposed to say? Gee guys, my wife and I have lots of funny together. That would be like rubbing their noses in it. So I stay quiet and end up feeling a little guilty that I have something they do not. But I can live with that :)

There has been a lot of talk about this reliever for Texas pitching the chair in to the stands, and what is acceptable fan behavior. Its this simple, Frank Francisco has no excuse for his behavior. None. On the other hand, fans are rude. In every game, at every stadium, there are fans behaving like buffoons embarrassing themselves and everyone around them. I hate to take my children to sporting events for just that reason. How twisted is that? I’d like to blame this behavior on the beer flowing at these events, but that’s only part of the problem. What it comes down to is this, as a culture we have lowered our standards. Just walk into any retail store, its almost impossible to get a sales person to pay attention to you. It makes me cringe every time a waitress tells me sorry about the wait we are understaffed. That’s not customer service, don’t tell me about your problems, just smile and say here’s your dinner and I’d probably wouldn’t have even thought about the wait. But customer service is no longer part of the job, we’ve lowered our standards.

Mozilla has just released Firefox 1.0. If you aren’t happy with IE you might want to give it a try. I just downloaded it and so far so good. One noticeable improvement over previous versions — I can now listen online to ESPN radio.com with out having to use IE. There is also a feature that identifies when a page has RSS feeds available but the “live” bookmarks that go with that seem to be hit or miss.

I’m taking this Web Authoring class and we’re learning some neat ASP.NET stuff. So, of course, I want to try it out at home. But I cannot get my IIS 5.1 to run the ASP.NET scripts. When I load the pages on the browser I get a beautiful

“Server Application Error — The server has encountered an error while loading an application during the processing of your request. Please refer to the event log for more detail information. Please contact the server administrator for assistance.”

I’ve searched the internet, called my professor and everything says I have it set up correctly. I’ve read numerous postings on the web including this, and this, and even this, and this, but none of them seem to address my problem completely. If I was one of those grumpy Microsoft haters, I’d be blaming SP2 for all these problems. While I’m not ruling that out, I’m not sure what the problem is. I’m going to try to set up the other PC to work, but that’s not a great answer either. I mean I don’t want to work on the 533 MHz machine when I could use the 3.0 GHz machine.
So far I’ve put about 5 hours into this problem and I’m more than a little frustrated. The point of this class isn’t troubleshooting it’s programming. If anyone out there has some insight in this problem, I’d love to hear it.

I finished my week, like I began it: working on our new wireless infrastructure. But Thursday and Friday, I finally had some breakthroughs. I figured why we couldn’t the laptops to authenticate using 802.1x — It was because we had upgraded them to Windows XP SP2 since we had tested them. So, we decided to move forward simply using WEP. No problem, except that I was only able to get the handhelds to connect sporadically. My line of work can challenging, even frustrating, but the problem I am not supposed to have is things that sometimes work and sometimes don’t. Computer equipment is very consistent. If you can figure out how something works, you should be able to make it work again. Well after several hours of banging my head against the wall trying to figure it out, I had begun to realize that it wasn’t WEP, it was only connecting sporadically, with or without encryption. Friday Morning, I finally figured it out. Of the Access Points, 6 have the latest firmware (2.0.37,) 1 has the previous firmware (2.0.34.) The handhelds only communicate with the Access Point with Firmware 2.0.34. With the mystery solved, I put all of the access points back to version 2.0.34 and now all I have to do is get all of the handhelds configured and this project is in the bag. If your still reading … I know what you are thinking: Wow, that is really fascinating! Allow me to respond. What part of geek didn’t you understand ;)

The instructor that emailed yesterday emailed me back today and informed me that there was a class available, Advanced Web Page Authoring, and it started tonight at 6:00 PM. That sounded interesting, so I get my stuff in gear and got myself registered. Should be a cool class. We will learn some ASP.Net and some Server Side VB.Net. I am excited and relieved. Its bad enough that I am accumulating credits at a snail’s pace, missing a semester would’ve been terrible.

It appears that Deion is indeed coming, although it is very funny that everyone (me included) is making this much of deal about a 37 year old nickleback.

I’ve add the Google site search to my page, but it doesn’t work. This is because Google hasn’t indexed my page yet. My traffic stats say the google has checked the site, so it should index it before too long. I hope. I’ll leave the code in place. The Web Search Feature still works fine. I also have the AdSense ad down the on the sidebar. In theory the ads it puts in place should some how relate to my content. I am forbidden to click on them, cause that against the rules. I am curious about how it gathers click thru percentages and such. So if you have nothing better to do click on one and let me know what on the other side.

I have managed to give to Gmail invites away and for my efforts Google in its infinite wisdom has granted me another invite. The offer still stands.

The O’s managed to win in the 12th inning against TB. They had better find 3rd place in the AL East and keep it if Lee Mazzilli wants to keeps his job. I like the guy, but Angelos spent a lot of money to make this team better, I don’t think he is going to be patient if the Orioles finish in 4th place for the 6th straight year.

I’m doing my best to ignore the Republic National Convention. I realize that I have a Civic Duty to pay attention and all that. But they make me so mad. Tributes about 9/11. As though 9/11 belongs to the Republican Party. That the Terrorist attacks on our nation prove that Bush is a good leader.

“You can count on him, especially in a crisis” - Laura Bush
“He is a leader who doesn’t flinch, doesn’t waver, does not back down” - Arnord Schwarzenegger
“He has been tested and has risen to the most
important challenge of our time, and I salute him,” - John McCain

Now that I’m Fired up let hit a couple more points. You may recall the Republicans try to paint Kerry as waffling and indecisive. For example. All I can say is Karma’s gonna get you baby. Bush has put himself squarely on both sides of the statement he made about not being able to win the war on terror.

And I’m real sick of all this talk about the liberal media. Please! The media does what it does for reason that have nothing to do with politics. The don’t support Bush (although it seems like sometimes.) They don’t support Kerry. They move only where the mighty dollar tells them to go. And right now the dollar pushes them to the right. Don’t mistake cold calculated marketing for a political preference.

Long week at work this week. Ironic. It was only a 4 day week. It was a good week, made some progress on several projects. Also found out that our General Manger is leaving us to go to a larger division. That makes me sad, he’s a good guy and I know he has faith in my abilities. It will be fine, though, the guy taking over for him is pretty good too.

I found a great article (via onegoodmove.) It is authored by Garrison Keillor of Home prairie Companion fame. The gist of is that the Republican Party has moved from a mainstream Party in the 1950’s to the Ultra-Right wing hate machine that it is today. Of course, he says it better than I could ever dream of. He’s hit the nail right on the head. Both of my parents were raised Republican. They are registered Republicans to this day, but the party has left them behind. When they weren’t looking they became moderate Democrats, although they still resist admitting it.

My wife’s birthday was this week, also. And bonehead that I am, I didn’t realize it until after I got to work. And to make it even worse, I was kind of giving her a hard time that morning about taking care of this or that. A couple of emails and phone calls apologizing and wishing a happy birthday helped some, taking her out to dinner helped some more, getting her the laptop she has wanted didn’t hurt either. I still feel like a complete heel. We get so busy, people just shouldn’t have birthdays during the week.

I’m still feeling a little beat up from the hiking trip last weekend. I’ve been walking around real gingerly, try to keep my sore toes from making contact with my shoe. Thank goodness its the weekend and I can be shoeless or in sandals.

I still have 4 Gmail invites here that I’ willing to give away. If you are interested, leave a comment with your email address. I’ll send an email just to make sure you’re still interested (and to make sure you’re for real … I’m just funny like that.) When you reply I’ll send the invite.

Yahoo! News - Marbury Leads Dream Team Past Spain 102-94

Is it really fair to the “Dream Teams” of Olympic past to keep referring to this team as the Dream Team. First, they are not even the best of the NBA. Too many of those found reasons not to go. Second, they aren’t playing that well. Let’s simply refer to them as the US Men’s Basketball Team. If you want a dream team, check out the US Women’s Basketball Team.

Actually, I’m sick of the conservative tactic of slinging mud in all directions and seeing what sticks. They did it for 8 years with the Clintons. And they are up to it again. Back in February, The Drudge Report claimed to have a story that John Kerry had cheated on wife with an intern and then had hid her away in Africa. It spread like wildfire over various right wing outlets. It was revealed shortly thereafter that the story was complete bunk. Now, it is the Swift Boat guys. And they are spread ridiculous lies. Of course they play on some small nuggets of truth, but their falsehoods continue to spread. Michelle Malkin tries to take these insane claims to the mainstream on MSNBC. Luckily Chris Matthews holds her to task and demands that she give a source for claiming that maybe Kerry shot himself. She does not. You’ve got to see it to believe it. (Malkin feels she was set up, decide for yourself.)

In all fairness, it does seem that Kerry’s Purple Hearts are not for the most extreme injuries. I, for one, will not question the Navy’s wisdom on how they hand out Purple Hearts. And I don’t care how small the injury is, I won’t claim to comprehend what it would be like to shot at and injured while in defense of my country.

So I’m already fired up about this and then yesterday I see this headline: “Vietnam Vet Says Has No Proof for Claim Kerry Lied” It seems to me that this whole swift boat thing is not proof that Kerry isn’t what he claims, but that it is nothing more than a bunch of guys (who either don’t like Kerry personally or don’t want him to be president) saying that they never saw a bullet hit him. I’ve never seen Barry Bonds hit a homerun either. Should we take away the records?

I don’t know if I can express in words how mad this makes me. Were there aspects of Kerry’s tour in Vietnam that were screwy? Probably, it was a screwy war. If Purple Hearts were given out more freely during that conflict, who are we to question it. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that young men were fighting a war that, increasingly, we could not win. Yet, they kept putting themselves in harm’s way. That is bravery and that is patriotism.

If it is all bunk, you might ask, where do they find all these veterans? I’d imagine it is not that hard. I’m sure many of them felt betrayed by Kerry leading Vietnam Veterans Against the War and testifying to the Congress. I have no doubt that these guys are all Republicans and fans of Dubya. Of course, the Swifties have no direct ties to Bush campaign; everyone is very clear about that. Of course, I don’t believe that for one second. And neither do you.

This brings me to my final point. Every Bush supporter I’ve spoken to goes to great length to tell me how he is a man of principle and integrity. I hope that is true. And I hope that Dubya has the integrity to call on these Swifties to stop sling mud about Kerry’s service. You don’t get to award yourself a Purple Heart (or a Silver Star or a Bronze Star.) The more the Swifties attempt to discredit Kerry the more they take away from all of the others who have served in that conflict and were awarded Purple Hearts (and Silver Stars and Bronze Stars.)

Prove me wrong Mr. President, and do the right thing.

This year we finished Migrating our data at work off of an old Netware server to our new shiny Dell Windows 2000 servers. This left us the question of what to do with our poor old antiquated server. I decided to adopt it. I brought it home, its really not too bad. 450 MHz Pentium II Xeon Processor, 512 MB RAM, 4 SCSI Hard Drives (although I am pretty sure that 1 of them is Dead,) Redundant power supply. I decided that I would put Red Hat 9 on it. I also decidied I would have my 11 year old son help. What better to gain exposure to computers than that. Certainly better than whatever they are doing in school. Having them play educational games or run word processor on a computer and claim that they exposing the children to computers. That’s alot of what is wrong with the way computers are used today. People who run software successfully on a computer are considered computer literate. But there’s more to it than that. This is reason malicous worms can propagate by simply say click me. The clickers do not truly understand how the tool they are using day in and day out works, so they make the same mistakes again and again. It the same problem with spyware, I can’t tell you how many people I run into that have been infected with spyware and don’t even realize it. There are new toolbar in Internet Explorer, therre are new shortcuts on the desktop and they didn’t even notice it till I point it out.

Jeez! I guess I kind of went on a little rant there. The point here is that I am gong to use this oppurtunity to educate my boy, so that he does not grow up to be one of these people. And we can get a little father/son time in while we’re at it.

I have been having trouble with cable modem. Pretty much since the time I signed up for it. Of course at first I did not realize the modem was the problem. I had two computers hooked up to a SoHo router/switch and it seemed to freeze up every so often. I removed it and found that the cable modem was “locking up” every once in a while. I call the cable company … they send out a tech to give me a new modem. After a while the same thing is happenning. When the modem is up and running, it runs like a champ. But it seems to have trouble renewing the IP address somet times. I got the Cable guy out here for third time. He ran anew line directly to the modem re-terminated the cables going to the modem, the house and the connection to the tap box. So far so good, but time will tell. On the upside the cable guy gave me his cell phone number so I don’t have to go back to help desk/customer support line.

Yahoo Sports NFL New charge filed against Jamal Lewis

I probably shouldn’t even comment on this piece of news, but it looks like this more a matter of changing the way they are prosecuting Jamal as opposed to some new evidence.

Only trial will bring out all the information, or at least most of it. What has been made public so far doesn’t sound that insemination. Yes, Jamal’s childhood friend is a coke head. Yes, he took a phone call from some other crackhead, who, as it turns out, was an informant at the time. And that’s it. She (the informant) did all the talking. If she would have been a cop, you’d being talk of entrapment. I can’t help but wonder if this new charge is not a move by the prosecution to get Jamal to testify agents his friend. It just doesn’t seem like there enough evidence here to found him guilty of anything.

Let’s put this in perspective. If Jamal did everything the State is accusing him of,then what he did is this: He thought about purchasing some drugs, talked to this informant about it (after she approached him,) and then he decided against it. That’s right. No drugs were even sold.

I find it hard to believe that our tax dollars are being spent on bringing charges on a prominent athlete for deciding to not buy drugs 4 years ago. Just makes my blood boil. It might be different if he was on your team, but he’s not. He’s on my team and we love him. 2066 yards last season, 2nd most ever, 295 yards in one game, most ever. Funny that the D.A didn’t notice him before those accomplishments.

Yahoo News–Iraqi Peace Mission Najaf Baghdad Blast Kills 7

I’m not paying as much attention to this as I should, I can’t help it — the whole thing just upsets me. It seems to me that the situation in Iraq is going no where. These headlines could be recycled from last month or the month before that. I can only attribute this to a lack of planning. How else can you explain the same problems happening over and over again. If this mess was being managed you’d think we would see some progress. Like I said I really don’t have enough information to say this authoritatively, but when I see headlines like that they make so mad. We are negotiating with Moqtada al-Sadr, we negotiated a truce with him this spring. Obviously, that didn’t turn out to well. So why are we negotiating with him now? Anyway, just had to get that out of my system.

Stupid Bagle Virus or Beagle (depending on whom you ask.) The latest version was discovered around 11:30 am yesterday. By 3:00 pm, one of my users could not resist clicking and had got himself infected. Symantec did not have definitions available until some time after 6:00 pm. Needless to say, this left us a little vulnerable. To make things worse, Trend Micro, who corporate would have had us switched over to already, had definitions available around 4:00 pm. So, there was a tad of political pressure to make sure this was contained. I was able to delete the files manually from the computers I knew where infected. What a pain. By noon today, I had everything scanned and confirmed as clean. Only three people had been foolish enough to click on the price.zip files that were attached to the incoming emails — all three of them are senior managers. Just goes to show.

First thing this morning when I got to work I have a virus on my File Server. No problem Symantec caught it. It was some variant of the randex worm. It was in the home directories of two user who use the same workstation. Somehow, these jokers had the antivrus disabled. What fun. Not a very sophisticated worm and was easily removed. Only goes to show again how the users are the weakest link in security.
Soon, we are going to have to migrate from Symantec to TrendMicro. Corporate mandate. I’m sure TrendMicro makes a quality product, but I am very frustrated that I have to implement a new solution and go through the associated learning curve, just cause someone at the home office gets good swag from TrendMicro. Especially when we have a solid set up now. No wonder Dilbert is so popular.

Before I go on about my frustrating day I will mention this one nice thing that happened: I got my Fantasy Football League invite. Can’t wait to get started on another season of fantasy football. This will be my third season with these guys. I’ve come second place both years. Somehow, I also managed to come in second in the two other leagues I was in last year. Yes. I was in three leagues last year. Yes. That is a little overkill. I’m gonna try to keep it two this year.

Otherwise, I’ve had a thoroughly useless day. I couldn’t get anything accomplished at work. Nothing went wrong really. But things didn’t really go well either. Little nagging things like errors in the back up log. I was able to resolve some of them, but I didn’t get them all so there will be more tomorrow. Its not that backups aren’t working, The data is getting backed up, but I hate errors in the backup log, and errors like that make my manager (rightfully) nervous. So they have to be dealt with.

But after that I can start working on one of the big and interesting projects. Like the new software package (maintenance management) that launches in 3 weeks. Nope can’t work on that because I need to get the vendor on the phone and have him work with me. Part of the solution resides on Palm based rugged handheld computers, and our vendor was supposed to load the software on all of the handhelds and get the individual handhelds registered with the database on his last visit. Well, of course, he did not (for many reasons not all of them his fault either.) So now instead of working with the maintenance department on testing the handhelds, I have a stack of Palm’s sitting on my desk that all need individual registration codes and all need to be integrated with the database. And all of that needs the vendor on the phone. Fun! Nothing like being a slave to someone else’s availability.

OK, how about a simple little Project then. I know, I’ll set up the Network management feature of the Smart UPS (back up battery.) The idea is set up the NIC that is in the UPS unit and have the UPS send a signal over the network to the Server(s) telling them to shut down when the UPS stops receiving current. Cool. Right? So I run the software that puts an IP address on the card ( so the card can communicate on network) and the it reports: ok completed successfully. Now all I have to do is launch a web based management tool pointed to the New IP address … but there nothing there. I ping the new IP address … nothing. I try to rerun the software … nope. This isn’t supposed to be rocket science. So tomorrow I’ll be digging for documentation.

The long and short of it is this. My To Do List for tomorrow looks way to much like my To Do List for today did and I hate that.

I also received one of the many email newsletters that I subscribe to. It invited to join the discussion on the new Microsoft certification: the MCDST (Microsoft Certified Desktop Support Technician.) Which is kinda of an entry level MS cert. I thought it was cool little cert for guys just getting started. So I go to the discussion board, and these guys are using it as an excuse to knock all Microsoft Certs. Well, that didn’t sit well so I actually shot back my own retort. I never post on those things but it struck just right so I did it.

Anyway, that’s just a couple of example of the little things that got to me today.

Bulk mailer faces criminal charges - News - ZDNet

All Spammers Should Be Locked up and the Keys Thrown Away!

It seems that everywhere I turn I have some one coming to me and asking about all the “pop ups” on their PC. Of course its spyware. Its everywhere and it is insidious. I have run across everything, The notorious Gator, Bonzia Buddy, 2020 search, WhenUSearch, and on and on it goes. One was devious that when you rebooted the PC it left a hidden registry entry that searched to make sure its files where there, if anything was missing it directed the PC to its install files on the internet and re-installed itself.

This is outrageous. This is very much virus and worm type behavior, but the Anti-Virus companies have been very hands off with these. Only now are they offering a solution, but it is not included with the AV Client. And the part that makes me the most angry: people most be buying junk from those pop up ads. Otherwise these companies would give up.
How do I deal with them? First of all, I don’t download crap from the internet except from reputable sources. (If have to download something from a site I do not trust, I don’t do it on my work PC or the main PC at my house.) Second, I am aware of the way my PC should behave. As soon as it does something unexpected, I drop everything and look into it. I am amazed at how many people keep using their PC’s and just shrug off changes. “I don’t know why my home page changed to that.” “I’m not sure when that toolbar first showed up in the browser.” Finally, I use AdAware and Spybot S+D to fix any thing that does slip in.

The real answer to this problem is that people must be educated as to what they are doing and the consequences of their actions. We have all this great technology at everyone’s fingertips. And its all very easy to use. So people just go out and don’t consider that maybe some of the stuff on the internet may be harmful or malicious. You read about cases of phishing nearly everyday. Uneducated computer users are just victims of waiting to happen. I hope that these trends slow down and users realize that it is in their interest to learn more about what’s going on. So till then I’ll keep educating who I can.